Wednesday, 28 May 2008

It don't mean a thing if you can't hold him down.

So my favourite man in the entire world (bar Bowie) is in town. That's right, Morton Harket of A-ha fame is here on the mean streets of London. What must he think of all the stabbings? I expect he's outraged.... as am I Morton, as am I. I saw him on Loose Women yesterday and he seemed subdued. I expect that's because theres an inexplicable gaping void in his life. (which is me)

Remember that day Morton? Remember that day when The Sun Always Shines on TV was playing on the radio and I was 6 yrs old and it came on the air waves and I started crying cause I wanted all my family out of the room so I could listen to it alone. And remember that day when I got that T-shirt of A-ha printed up at Butlins and then when my mum washed it, all your faces went wrinkly, even Pal's. Rememeber that day when I got the words to The Sun Always Shines On TV out of "Lookin" mag and I got my dad to photocopy them at his work and I handed them out to all my friends at school? And finally, do you remember that day when I discovered that the WHORE in the Take On Me Video (Bunty her name is) was actually your real life girlfriend. I think you can imagine what my reaction was. (they've split now FYI)

I'm going to Sweden (stockholm) on business in the next couple of weeks so I plan to make some norwegian contacts during my time there. Hopefully this will lead to the marriage of Morton and I. Fingers Crossed.

I'm off to the gym in a minute. I just can't face Ibiza with this much extra flabbage, its just not cricket. Oh if only I was one of those naturally skinny birds who can trough as many burgers as they desire. I desire many you see. I just want to want not to eat. Like one of those girls who say things like "Oops I forgot to eat". See I forget I have eaten and double my portion size consequently. When I split with my ex I was over come with grief so couldn't eat which was GREAT. I lost like a stone, but have since put it pretty much all back on, cause all's well in my world.

So I'm thinking colonic irrigation. Me and a mate were talking about this saturday and I'm thinking its the way forward. Then I saw Gina Yashere on Loose Women and she's a shadow of her former self thanks to this procedure. She looked really slim and she says that there's like 20lbs of waste-age in most people. That would explain it completely with me. I think I would be really embarrassed, not because of the bottom exposure but more cause of the smell. Contrary to popular belief (and I know you all believe this) but my poo poo doesn't smell like roses. Imagine the poor lady doing the sucking. She must have to wear like a gas mask. If anyone reading this blog has any info on this procedure, it would be greatly appreciated.

Right better go and fat about down the gym.

1 comment:

Heather said...

apparantly when you get coloniced it doesn't smell coz all the poop and undigested whole mushrooms and stuff go straight down the pipe and so you needn't worry. I would warn you however that the water can take some time to seep back out so if you have travelled far and you are like then on the way home on the bus and then the water decides to finish it's journey well then theres nuffin you can do about it no matter how tight your butt is! HA. Hev x