Friday, 21 August 2009

And they covered up the sun until the birds had flown away....And the fishes in the sea had gone to sleep.

My friend and I were just chatting about people that say things to you, which are about as subtle as a sledge hammer blow to the head. So for example, I remember the time I fancied this guy and I wanted to find out if he was single. One of my "mates" said she would find out.

Her "Bad news, yeah he's got a girlfriend"
Me "Oh really? Boo that sucks. Oh well NEXT!".
Her "Yeah, he's got a"
Me "Yep, you said. It sucks but that's life."
Her "Yeah..... I think you should know, she's well pretty. Like REALLY pretty. So..."
Me "Oh right, well thanks for letting me know."
Her "Yeah I mean, like REALLY pretty Leanne..."

YES OK I GET THE PICTURE! PRETTIER THAN ME YOU MEAN. But it did make me laugh alot.

I had an incident like this today. I went for a job interview a few weeks back and hadn't heard anything so presumed I hadn't got it. Which, I hadn't. But the lady who took me for my interview called me today and she was really nice and all with telling me the reason why I hadn't got it. And I said "Ah nevermind...thanks anyway." So she goes "Yeah it really was down to that, it was a tough decision, but the other candidate was er.....she was er.... Better." HAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA

Reminded me again of the time I asked this guy out I liked (I've mentioned it here before.. but I shall repeat cause it makes me laugh)

Me "So you fancy a drink sometime?"
Him " erm....."
Me "Its ok, you can say no...."
Him "No, then."


I've had a really productive day. Starting out at an agency in Leicester Sq which went ok. Then onto meet my mate for a spot of lunch, then shopping for a wedding outfit for sunday. And for some reason it was relatively easy. Although the girl that served me for my shoes had a stammer and I didn't realise and finished her sentences for her three times before it came to light. Oh well, I was only being helpful.

Oh! I forgot to mention Catface Comedy! It was good, although I set the room up for a smaller audience and we got loads of walk ins so everyone was a bit higgledy piggledy. Thanks to all the acts that came down and to the audience (even the pervy one) and Barry Castagnola headliner stormed it. When he went to get off people were shouting COME BACK! Ah that makes me happy.

Tonight I'm going out in Canary Wharf with my girlfriends. We were supposed to be doing this dating night thing where each girl brings a guy they know who's single and then sets him loose to meet his future wife (Well thats my understanding of it anyway) We did something like this a few years ago for the documentary I did. That part of the film wound up on the cutting room floor. We called it "Date a mate, I'll bring the bait." which I happen to think is a great name.

Right come on TESCO DELIVERY! I'm waiting! Wow that was like a status update.

Have a lovely weekend.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

We go where the wild blood flows and on our bodies we share the same scars....

Ah a bit of sunshine today although I've not been outside, I just did looking through my big windows. No, instead I've spent most of the morning making friends with recruitment agencies and applying for jobs. My job search is at a very exciting stage..... not exciting, depressing.

Anyway, enough about that. Now, where did we get up to? Oh yes, Edinburgh. So the day I last blogged I was feeling rough. We were going out that night for Michael's birthday to Brookes Bar which for those of you not in the know, is a members only bar in the Pleasance Dome. It's not my favourite bar if I'm honest, it reminds me of Butlins... 'cept some of the people are more head fucky in Brooke's than actual Redcoats themselves.

Anyway before we went out, Johnny and I got caught up with Big Brother (even though I never watch it usually) and then accidentally carried on watching the classic Jean Claude Van Dam film "Kick Boxer". It was GREAT. And SHIT. Before we knew it half the film had flown by and Johnny and I were chanting "Montage! Montage! Show us the montage of Jean getting fit!" And then it was nearly half eleven (I know! That's past my bedtime ) and we headed out to Brookes. We passed lots of drunk youths on the way and I hadn't had anything to drink at all so felt a little intimidated. But Johnny who'd necked the best part of a bottle of red with his two steaks, marched straight through them (not actually through them, he's not magic) all hard like. It was ace. Then we got to the bar and I saw some of the people I'd made a dick of myself in front of the night before and did my best to seem normal. It may or may not have worked but hey ho, the world keeps turning and that's how I cope.

It was a really nice night, I caught up with lots of cool people who I only ever see in Edinburgh usually and it was nice. We left at a respectable 3:30am and shortly after Michael came back to the flat. He told me of his incident in Brookes that night with the fighty boys, he acted it out and everything. See his blog for further details, his link is to the right of this page. He's a nice man.

The next day despite the fact that I'd only drank 4 pints the night before, I felt really sick, I had watery mouth and everything. I'd agreed to help Caroline flyer for her show so headed to her venue with my suitcase in tow. It was a great show, I really, really enjoyed it. You should definitely go and see it, its on at the Grassmarket at the Beehive at 1:30pm. After the show I had a drink of lime and soda with Caroline and her lovely Ma and Pa and then headed off to the station for my journey home. Unfortunately the train was packed out and this annoying kid kept doing that thing where everything's "Why is the sky blue?" "because its sunny" "But WHY is the sky blue?" and so on. We passed my favourite coastal town, Berwick upon Tweed. I will go there one day.

The next day I was heading off on a road trip "ROAD TRIP!" with my dad. Firstly to the town of Brackley, where I lived for a few years as a small girl. We moved there after I was born and I developed a country accent. On the assorted conversations tape my mum and dad recorded of me and my sister I actually sound like Pam Ayres. After which we went to visit my mum and dad's friends Kath and Don. They'd not seen me since I was seven. My, how I'd grown. (They're lovely and gave me cake.) Then it was down to Somerset to stay with my mum and dad's other friends. It was a nice couple of days, the couple in Dorset grow all their own crops just like in the goodlife except they're no Tom and Barbara and they gave me a hamper of delicious produce. Good! Because my skin has turned all teenage acne-ness because of the late nights and alcohol. I got home and went straight out to a party on my complex (because I never learn). I got pretty drunk and then headed to a Pirate Party hosted by my friend Matt and his housemate Ami. It was good from what I can remember. I saw Caroline Cliff and she looked beautiful. I don't know what she'd done but she looked really cool. I was drunk granted but I thought she looked great. ( I suspect I told her that as well.)

Sunday Sophie came over to rehearse for Catface Comedy and afterwards Louisa came over for some Duck L'orange action. It was yummy but we drank LOADS of red wine. Then yesterday my friend Trisha called me and I met her for some lunch in Blackheath. I started to feel guilty that I've been out constantly for the last two weeks so this week I intend to stay in and focus on job search stuff. Boring as it is, but a necessity if I wish to keep my home.

TOMORROW its Catface Comedy and there's a cracking line up. Steve Williams to open and acts including Jane Bostock, Christina Martin, Amphlett and Candy, Alyssa Kyria and Barry Castagnola headlining. You know you want to get involved and you can do this by coming along. Go to events on and all will be revealed. COME COME COME!

K bye.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here.....

SO. I'm back from Majorca and currently in Edinburgh.

Majorca was good, very hot and not as smelly as I remember. The last time I went there I was 18 and went to a foam party at BCM (which is a club FYI old folk). On the foam party pictures all the girls were wearing just bra's and mini skirts so me and my friends did the same. What knobs we were. Anyway, at the party there was a porno playing on the big screen and once the foam began to spew out I felt myself being groped muchly by random blokes. It was vile. Anyway (and I hate people that say this) I digress. GOD. Anyway, it was good this time round but I did chuckle when I saw a massive advert in the sky (it was attached to an aeroplane) advertising BCM's Foam Party. Yuck.

I spent much of this holiday on my own and although that was fine in the day, by night when I would eat in a restaurant I noticed lots of women with their families glaring at me. Don't worry love, your fat, ugly husband is quite safe.

I arrived in Edinburgh yesterday and met Caroline Mabey who I'm staying with. She lives with Michael Legge and Johnny Candon and its cool. Caroline and I started drinking quite early on yesterday and then headed out on the razz. We met Gina Lyons and all proceeded to get drunk. Good.
Then Gina went to watch a gig and Caroline headed off to do a gig so Johnny Candon picked up where they left off as my drinking partner. I decided to spill my red wine down myself which stained my denim skirt a treat. Phew. Then Michael Legge turned up and we went to the Loft bar (Johnny went home). Michael said today that I kept calling Johnny a 'Lord" so this may have contributed to his departure. By now I was very drunk indeed and being a big dick. Then, I saw a guy I used to know quite well and proceeded to try and chat him up. He loved it, no sorry, not loved it, hated it. Then Caroline came (sorry dear reader if this seems patchy but this is how I remember it, like a dream) and met me and I drank some more and tried to make Michael drink a shot as it was his birthday (by then it was). And then Michael went somewhere else and then Caroline said it was time to go and asked me if it was wise to drink anymore to which I replied (I'm told) "its ok, it's only vodka, lime and soda" Then paused for a minute and went "Oh yeah, vodka's alcohol isn't it..." and I was completely serious.

This morning I woke up feeling EVIL. My heartbeat was beating in my eyes and I couldn't stop cringing. Luckily Johnny woke up and talked me through my guilt. The thing with me is, when I'm very very drunk I talk absolute shit. Constantly. And I chat up people I would NEVER FANCY sober and I JUST KNOW they now think I secretly fancy them and I so, so don't. Whenever I come to Edinburgh I always act like a total dick splat, so I'm very pleased that this year I've remained consistent. Oh well. It's Michael's birthday today so I think they're having drinks in Brookes Bar and I am limiting my intake to TWO drinks of alcohol and NO shots. And now I've written this, this wont be the case. (but now I've written that, maybe it will)

I saw a good show today featuring Catie Wilkins, Lou Sanders and Hannah George. It were ace. Go see. It's on at Espionage at 3:30pm. I love Catie and Lou, they're wicked girls and I met Hannah for the first time and she seemed lovely too. And they're ALL funny so get involved.

I'm off home tomorrow and then going to Somerset. And then, I'm afraid it's job search massive. I can't be unemployed any longer it's too uncomfortable. I'm going to sign-on as well. I have no idea how to do this and the experience should be interesting. *sigh*

Will update with more Edinburgh tales tomorrow.