Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Please, don't let this turn into something it's not.

Wow these bank holiday weekends get better and better don't they. Do they? Yes, they do. Anyway. Last Friday before the bank holiday weekend, lovely Harry Hill came into my work to discuss Fair trade stuff. He loves it, specially nuts. Anyway MTV stock loads of fair trade products in our vending machines (although, dunno why cause the vending machines here steal money ALL the time). Anyway, so an email went out on Wednesday saying "Harry Hill coming to MTV" and then in the contents of the mail it mentioned Harry again but wrote "Harry Hall" so a collective groan went out around MTV cause we thought they'd typo'd the "Hill" bit in the title. But Lo, what is this? Sure enough, the actual Harry Hill was coming into MTV. A buzz ran out through the building (between me and my friend Mandy). Harry Hill was coming into OUR work, sod popstars, bring on the Harry.

We devised a plan which would mean us getting to the front of the atrium to watch the speech, this cunning plan entailed us getting down to the atrium a full 7 minutes before everyone else. I know. Clever eh. Soon there was Harry's bald head gleaming away. I had to turn away for I was all red and sweaty. Then this lady said (i think Harry's PR person) please feel free to talk to Harry, he's open to any of your questions etc. You don't need to tell me twice woman. I went over with a gaggle of others and we all spoke at him at length about our love for TV Burp. I decided to mention his stand-up to move away from this topic and to make me seem more interesting and potential girlfriendy. It worked, for we discussed (like old friends HA!) an AWFUL club in London that has the crappest MC (if you could call him that) who's a weirdo that does phoning you up at night and inviting you round to drink wine at his house. YICK. And THEN I had my picture taken with lovely Harry and I'm grinning like a loony but I don't care.

Then after his speech which included ("there's only one way to find out - FIGHT")I spoke with him again. I told him I ran a night in East London called "Catface Com" "CATFACE COMEDY?" Harry Hill interrupted? That's right readers, he said CATFACE COMEDY and he said he knew of it. And I said "Are you just saying that you know if it?" And he was like "No seriously I've heard of that a couple of times.." I was so happy. So happy infact that my hard work of seeming cool all went down hill from there. So I wrapped up the conversation and as I walked away, said quietly "I love you." Of which he heard. Ah, always end a conversation like a GIGANTIC KNOB. That's my motto. Imagine if I'd met Dawn French, that would have been miles worse. He's lucky he just got a hushed "I love you."

He is great.

Saturday I met up with the boy which was pretty cool but we did lots of bickering which I felt strange seeing as we're supposed to be at the "getting to know each other" stage according to my manual.

Sunday was the best day of the whole weekend. Katy and I went out in Greenwich Park for some picnic action. The picnic consisted of Gin and tonic, vodka and cranberry, scones and chipsticks. NIIICE. When we got to the park we were supposed to be meeting two sets of my pals but decided to first sit down and have a chat just the two of us. Suddenly, out of nowhere a squirrel came over. Usually I like them, their tails are most agreeable. But no, this one was GIVING IT. I'm not joking. This isn't supposed to be amusing, the squirrel was properly squaring up to me and Katie. I actually ran off and was like "look, what do you want?" it was well weird. Even passers by were commenting on how scary he was. In the end we had to move.

Later on I met with my mate Martin and his friends. We went to the pub after and had a great time. Then Katie and I headed back as it was getting dark and we went to the bar on the complex where we live and there was live music consisting of Pink Floyd covers. We stayed to watch and it was a lovely end to a lovely day.

This week sees me watching the Apprentice TONIGHT. YAY! And then seeing Hevver Bevver tomorrow night for some catching up action.

Until next time.

Thursday, 21 May 2009

Goodness knows I saw it coming, or at least I'll claim I did....

Just got a new work blackberry and its ACE. Not sure why it's ace, but its all new and got the plastic on it and everything (which I've just RIPPED off.)

I so need to detox. This last week has been horrendous drink wise. Luckily I've run out of money so have to stay in from now on. I don't suppose I will, but gonna try.

Tuesday evening I went out with the boy and had a good time. I know I shouldn't talk about him on here but he doesn't read this so I think its ok. Its not like I'm saying anything serious, just a' blogging is all! Yeah so anyway, we had fun and then came back to my house for some of my home cooking. I used to think I was a really good cook and as those avid blog readers will verify, I even won our own version of Come Dine With Me. Now though, now that I'm trying to impress a lad, I've only cooked a Roast Dinner and Spaghetti Bolognaise. Hardly innovative or difficult to cook.... I think I'm going to have to revisit Delia and get some top tips 'cause this is bordering on embarrassing.

Last night I met up with some comedy pals, Catie Wilkins, Christina Martin and Jane Bostock and we haven't hooked up for a while. I was feeling extra tired and hungover, also my liver was actually hurting so I didn't think I'd be out for more than one drink. However we had so much fun that I ended up staying out for the duration. Its so nice to know some cool stand-up comedy ladies 'specially ones as down to earth and normal as them.

I missed The Apprentice obviously, but one of my friends on Facebook had helpfully REVEALED who had been fired on their status update. BAH! I had to say something about that cause as soon as you know who's fired, you also know which team has lost and so on. Annoying! Anyway - still had a watch of it today on BBC i player. It was ok and Alan chose the right candidate to fire. As usual....

Ah another bank holiday looms and I'm happy about that. Friday night I think I'll have a couple of drinks in town and then Saturday meet up with the boy. I might have a break from the radio show this Sunday, but will be back the following week if that's the case. And then for the rest of the weekend I plan to just lol about, I might even kick start my detox. But I might not. I really want to give up smoking again because I'm fully off the wagon and I'm ashamed. I read on someone elses blog that the other day they went for a 2 mile run. A run you say... hmmmm could I do that? Where would I run to if so? Last time I tried to run from my house I was wheezing and doubled over after just 50 yards. But you know, as my friend Rachel helpfully pointed out, I only have a few years where I'll be able to regenerate looks-wise. Once I hit 35 I can no longer do this. So, the question is, should I regenerate? I think probably, yes.

I go to Ibiza in 6 weeks and my diet has totally, totally failed. It seems I can't concentrate on lots of things at once. Like for example, this week I've been mostly focusing on drinking and being a big knob head. There's simply no room during this exercise to care about my looks and diet etc. But maybe, just maybe, I should focus on a regeneration objective. And as I type this, its becoming more and more of a good plan. YES. Yes that's it. I'm going to stay back.

In other news, this week there was a rumour going around that Patrick Swayze had died. I was actually properly gutted. Then it all turned out to be bollocks so felt better. (but then felt a bit crap again cause he's gonna die anyway isn't he)

Reminded me of the time there was a rumour flying around that Zak from Saved by the Bell (what a LOAD OF SHIT THAT PROGRAMME WAS) had died in a car crash and it all turned out to be crap. And isnt there a rumour that Kenan or Kel (loves orange soda) is dead? Or did I dream that? I know when I've been over-doing it cause I find it really difficult to differentiate between what I've dreamt and what's reality. Perhaps I should google that one incase I'm starting a rumour without realising it. See how easy it is though!

Have a fantastic bank holiday weekend.


Monday, 18 May 2009

You see their arms clear and cruel in your jealous mind.

Oh my god I need a holiday, I'm so tired. That's not a very upbeat way to start a blog but s'how I'm feeling.

Nevertheless I've had a pretty interesting week. Catface Comedy was as usual a bloody great night and I don't care if that makes me seem conceited. It is a bloody great night and that's that. The next one in July (missing out June as that's redundant month) features Paul Foot, Josie Long and Barry Castagnola. Yeah man.

But back to last week's one. I had the worst tummy ache in the world and my door person was sick so I knew it was gonna be a bit stressful. Luckily though my friend Louise stepped up to the mark and did the door with her boyf Jack which was great. And the erotic dancers stepped up by seating people which again was so cool. I was stressing a bit because that guy I've been dating came along and that always adds pressure. What happens if he thinks I'm a dick? Also I have a bit of a "persona" on stage which is a bit man eatery, and although I warned him of this, I know it must have seemed a little bit strange. Oh well. He seemed to enjoy which was cool.

Very lovely to see Jason Kavan and Jess Fostekew performing cause I'd never seen them before - I was highly impressed! We stayed until the pub closed as usual with a load of audience. These two guys that had seen the show advertised on Chortle stayed with us too and were really nice.. They were very complimentary saying that they'd have paid twice the entrance fee for the night, which is what I love to hear. I think its well important that audience get their money's worth. (Unlike other stand-up nights in London which do not offer value for money and I quite frankly think is a massive liberty)

Anyway enough blowing smoke up my ass.

The weekend was cool, I was doing an improv course which I have to say I was dreading. Didn't help that I was hungover and feeling a bit sorry for myself for drinking and dialling that guy. KNOB. I was sat in a cafe in Old Street at 10:15 waiting for Matthew and Caroline and considering doing a runner when Matthew came in. Luckily he too was planning an escape but we decided against it, met Caroline and went to the course.

It was pretty cool actually - I remembered most of the exercises and games we were playing and I could see a slight improvement in my impro skills but again, its not really my cup of tea and not something I would wish to pursue. We had such a good laugh though, I'm looking forward to some decent cartoons from Caroline and Matthew because written words (ie: my blog) will not do it justice.

In other news my friends and I have an ongoing conversation about people using the wrong words for stuff. This stems from Pammie in Gavin and Stacey. So for example, she'll say something like "No way, Blase'" and on Jeremy Kyle the other day I heard a classic.

Toothless, scabby woman to man shouts: "Well you're a fucking c*nt!"
Equally scabby man shouts back "Yeah? Well the feelings neutral!"


RE: The man front, it all seems to be going ok although had a bit of a wobble the other day cause this guy asked me out and I said "NO". But then I thought, hang on a minute. I'm saying no cause of this guy I'm seeing, but what happens if this guy I'm seeing would have said yes to that? I started to have mini jealous thoughts. I mean, I don't want to have "The Conversation" with him. ie: are you my boyfriend? cause its way too early for that. But are we dating other people? I didn't know whether it was just me that was being exclusive. God this dating thing is so RULEY! Anyway, in the end I could stands it no more and told it to him straight. Its all sorted now and we are still doing dating but in an exclusive way. WOW. Aren't I growed up. Yes so much so, that I'm airing my dirty laundry on a blog. Haha.

This week is SOOO busy. Today I'm doing a little audition to do some Voiceover work for Nickelodeon. Luckily I smoked a million fags this weekend so my voice sounds all gravelly. I'm sure thats what they're looking for.... er.....

Aaaaaannnyyyway...I better go now. Oh yeah, I'll be on SW1 radio tonight 7pm-9pm so tune in by logging onto from 7pm!


Wednesday, 13 May 2009

So I drank one, it became four....and when I fell on the floor I drank more.

Bah my tummy hurts and I've got Catface tonight. Must...suck it up...

Ah that's better. No, it's not.

Anyway - yes, whats the latest? Well, I've had a very nice week. I went out on that date on thursday and we had a cool time. Although as we walked to the bar we went quite fast and when we got there, my face kept spewing out moisture known to some as sweat. Was embarrassing. I was like "Erm shall we go in the garden?" He totally noticed too cos it was the beady kind. Oh well, it soon dried up. I decided to drink Stella even though I was advised against it by many. My thoughts on this was, well, this is me. Well, I'm not ACTUAL Stella but I do like it. And anyway who cares? Yeah so we had fun and he asked me out again for the following Sunday. Madness.

Saturday I stayed in for most of the day and in the evening Louisa came over for some catching up action. We decided to go out in Greenwich and then I thought, I know, why don't I text the man who I'm seeing tomorrow anyway?? Yeah good idea. Luckily he was receptive to my drinking and dialling and we went to meet him and his friends at a private party. Where upon I decided "I know, why don't I be the biggest knob that ever lived?" Phew. I'm so glad I follow through on my decisions.

Yes, I did robotics, yes I lay on the floor and wouldn't get up and lots lots more! The next day when I dragged myself in to the radio station I was convinced I'd never see him again. So before I set up cooking the sumptuous roast I had planned when I got home, I called him to get this confirmed.

But lo, what is this? He STILL wants to come over? Really? Yes, yes people its true. He did. I know. Something very strange is going on but I ain't gonna question it. So another nice arvo ensued. Watched AN AWFUL DVD though called "The Strangers" Absolute rubbish totally do not bother. Terrible terrible. God this Lovefilm thing is a big fat LIE. Of this batch from Lovefilm I also watched Amelie (again) even though as my brother in law quite rightly points out, the DVD cover is exceptionally irritating.

I'm having a spotify A-ha moment right now. So, so good. You should all totally love them. Listen to The Weight of the Wind from the Scoundrel Days album. So dramatic.

Right so from now until the weekend I have several good things on. Tonight is of course the most important, Catface Comedy at The Betsey Trotwood pub from 8pm. YAY.

This weekend I'm on an improvisation course. I dunno why, I SUCK at improv. Going with Caroline Clifford and Evie's beau Matthew, or as they call him Foxy. (Which I quite frankly refuse to do. Not even as an improvisation.)

I just cringe all the way through improv usually, whats all this "Freeze" bollocks. I hate it when I'm forced to intercept a scene and I've no idea what to do. I always end up saying "What are you doing?" A SIN! A SIN in improv!

Anyway the person who runs this course is very very good and it is a good class cos I've done it before so I reck it will be fun at the very least.

And that's it. I better go because my tummy is telling me so.

Until next time.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Before it all ends, before we run out of time.....stay close to me.

WOW what a difference in bank holiday weekends. Three weeks ago I had a bit of a shit one, I have since christened it my Wank Holiday weekend. But this one, this one, was really rather good.

Last Thursday I met up with my pal Leon and we went for beers in Camden. On the way into the pub my mobile started to ring and it was my mate James. As I was with Leon, I cut the call off. Turns out however, he was calling me from inside the pub and had seen me do it. Always awkward. I did the same once when a stand-up friend of mine, Roisin was phoning me and I was in a beer garden and she was outside looking through the gate and I cut the call off twice (Just because we were doing some photos) and she saw all! Luckily she thought it quite amusing. So back to Thursday, James, Leon and I all got very drunk although the boys were far worse than me. I got a kebab on the way home and the meat tasted like bark from a tree. The last text I sent to Leon said , "Shit man, the cab driver's playing Bergerac!" to which he responded "Tune!" Ah, a sign of a good night.

Friday I had a couple of beers in Camden and got home at a reasonable hour, I'm getting better no? The conversation came up again about girls drinking pints and the lads opinion's were mixed. Do you know what though? I really, really don't care anymore what a man might or might not think of a pint drinking girl. Its like, SO WHAT. Don't talk to me then, it matters not to me.

Saturday arvo I was waiting for Ma and Pa to come over whilst watching TV. The show was Britain's Got Talent but the ITV2 one, hosted by Steven "always on the outside lookin in" Mulhern. Anyway, I did a double take when watching cause there before me, trying out for the show was a stand-up comic called Joel Elnaugh. Now, this guy is a quirky fellow and not every one's cup of tea but I happen to like his stuff and his style. He's a bit of a mystery to be honest. Anyway, he went on the show and Simon Cowell & co. were HORRID to him and the audience were being mental animals and shrieking "Off off off!" whilst laughing and going mad. It. WAS. SICKENING. I thought they were absolute pigs to him. And what is it with their mob mentality? It reminded me of Elizabethan Theatre with the Paupers in the Pit being all drunk and unruly whilst simultaneously "bear baiting". Fucking awful and made me feel a little bit sick. Freaks.

Anyway - Saturday I stayed in as usual and Sunday morning headed off early to the studio to the radio show. It was a great one actually, that is, I enjoyed it. Sunday afternoon I was umming and erring about going to a BBQ with my mate Sam and her fiance. Glen. Anyway - I decided to go and got very very drunk indeed which meant I couldn't go on to the party afterwards in Clapham. I had such a lovely time and a guy I've known for a long time asked me out (guy from last saturday at her house for lunch), and so I have a date on thursday! So, we shall see how it goes...

Tomorrow I'm going to Margate with my Pa. It would have been my Grandad's birthday tomorrow (had he not have died) and so we're going to one of the places he liked best, to have shell fish and stare at the big wheel at Bem Bom Brothers (or is it Dreamland again) wistfully. I never got to go in there when I was a young pup, and the one time I did when I was older, I was bitterly disappointed. Stupid wheel, looking all inviting...

And finally, next week it is of course Catface Comedy (13th May) to be precise and tickets seriously are selling quickly so I would recommend you reserve in advance if you are coming.
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I hope your weekend's were as cool as mine, until next time.