Tuesday, 29 March 2011

For what it's worth, I like you.

So I watched The Social Network on Sunday evening and I have to say I was highly disappointed. The actor playing Mark Zuckerberg spoke too fast and monotone like in Dawsons Creek. It was too much. Maybe that's how Mark Z really speaks. All fast and annoying. (Like Dawson's Creek). Anyway s'up to you if you wanna watch it but it's a bit boring.

I'd be well up for watching some Dawson's Creek box set action though. I wonder if I can lay my hands on it. I don't spose it will be as interesting as in the good old days. "I don't wanna wait... for our liiiives to be ooover...."

Speaking of Boxsets, I'm attempting to watch The Wire again. Basically the mistake I made was to watch The Wire STRAIGHT after The Soprano's. And of course one has to adapt you see. I was living "Tony's Law". And then moving on to the Wire where the lead in it has a really bad American accent (after later googling him it turns out he is English, as suspected) it wasn't going to work for me. But after a nice long break I'm finally getting into it and accepting new characters and new stupid accents.

I went to The Vitality Day on Saturday at Earls Court (2). It was ace. At first I just bought stuff like a new ring and some fake bake and I didn't feel very motivated. BUT THEN I was sauntering along and I heard a lady speaking on a loud microphone so I went over to investigate. And it turned out this was to be the most important lecture I would hear of the day (and possibly my LIFE!)

Amanda Hamilton was the loud talker and apparently she's off the telly. Anyway she was talking about caring for your innards and why you might have issues with headaches and stuff. And why you might be "good" all day and then at night time its WINE O CLOCK. "All me" I exclaimed inwardly. And then I signed up for the 28 day detox which begins for me on SUNDAY.

The reason it doesn't start until Sunday is because Saturday I have enrolled on an Allen Carr Stop Smoking seminar. If this doesn't work, then nothing will. I'm so bored of smoking now though and feel like a mug so I think my mind is in the right place at least.

After The Vitality Day on Saturday my friends and I decided to take refuge from the attacking of banks and Topshop by going to the pub. I had four pints in total (I deserved them) but then I was all drunk and on the tube back into central London I left my fakebake by my seat on the train only discovering this error as the tube doors were shutting. Luckily there were some nice sisters on board who posted it back through the moving train window. Love it when I get a taste of sisterhood. High five girlfriends.

When I got home me and the boy drank some more wine and then it was the next day. Ahhhh happy days. Anyway, better get on. Hope you're well.

Friday, 25 March 2011

We will meet you where the lights are....

Got a poxy cold haven't I. Have I? Have I! Yes, I have.
Why is there no cure for a cold? It's a common cold FFS, surely someone should have worked out a remedy by now. ANNOYING.

Anyway this week has been fairly productive. I judged the Funniest Student Comedy Central Competition on Monday at the Comedy Store on Leicester Square. I was to be a judge on a panel of three. Myself, Jack Whitehall of Channel 4 fame and this man called Rick from Off The Kerb management. It was to work like X factor so after each act had done their 5 mins we would all comment. It was a bit weird though because Pat Monaghan was late (he was MCing) so Jack Whitehall had to MC at the top. All I've ever seen Jack do are panel shows and to be honest he comes across as rather irritating and slightly up-startish. BUT, in real life and on stage he's really very funny. Maybe that means that Jimmy Carr's nice in real life. I doubt it.

It was a good competition with very high standards but there could only be one winner. Er obviously. And that was that. I don't really like the Comedy Store as a general rule, it reminds me of the days of the dreaded GONG show where audiences are invited to heckle, jeer and boo off stage, scared little rabbit new comics trying to beat the 5 minute gong. The atmosphere at those things makes me shudder to this day.

Then last night I went to watch the Comedy Rush at the Shaftsbury Theatre where there were 60 comedians in 60 minutes, obviously each doing a minute. AND the Chuckle Brothers were there! And lovely Isy Suttie (Dobby) from Peep Show and many more. . Acts that stood out for me were Ricky Grover, Isy Suttie, The Chuckle Brothers, Charlie Baker, Adam Bloom, Rob Deering, Miss Behave, James Redmond (FIN FROM HOLLYOAKS), Frank Sanazai and Rob Rouse to name a few. I would so recommend this if you get a chance to go and see it.

I've started buying the Big Issue. I am now in a trap where I feel obliged to buy it from every seller I see. It's like doing the same lottery numbers each week, I feel awful if I forget to do it one week. And that's how I feel when I walk past a Big Issue seller. The other day I thought I'll just give that old man (he looked like Santa) a tenner and then I can sleep easy. But then I went past another old smiley man also with the Big Issue and I had no money left. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh well. Why don't you all buy The Big Issue! It's actually quite a good read. There's a spread in it which contain letters and poems from the homeless but that bits depressing so I just skip it and I recommend you do too.

People I want to punch in their stupid faces at the moment are as follows: Ronnie from Eastenders (obviously just the character, I'm NOT mental). She's a fucking knob and this nicking of the child storyline is pathetic. Give the baby back you HOE. And stop being all weird and all that.
And that's my list so far. The other day I wanted to punch this girl who is one of the most shameless specimens of the female gender I have ever come across. But I've sobered up now so alls well that ends well.

And finally, I'm going to the Vitality day tomorrow in Olympia which I know after two hours I will be like "I wanna go home now" but am also gonna try and sneak into the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court to get a vegetable peeler. Oh me. How exciting.

I hope you're all well, even those few who dislike me. No I don't. I only hope all those that like me are well. All the others who don't can go and eat their own shit.

Much love!