Monday, 27 October 2008

Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose...and just like before, I know I'll call on you.

A very decent few days. Here's what happened.

Catface Comedy at The Betsey Trotwood was exceptional fun, I got so excited that I licked a boy's neck in the audience. After the show I stuck around with some of the acts drinking and Luke McQueen taught me a great dance where your hands become crab's pincers. The next Catface Comedy will be on the 11th December so get involved.

I watched some cool things over the weekend, firstly, Nightmare on Elm Street on friday night and I really really don't remember it being as shit as that! It used to proper freak me out in the olden days. And the mum in it is really strange. I know she does drinking but she just seems completely mad.
Also watched this terrific game show called "Hole in the Wall". It's GREAT! This saturday's show consisted of the lovely Alex Wotherspoon as well, all lycra'd up. I would absolutely recommend this programme. Here's a clip:

Speaking of lycra/spandex and all that.... I went to see La Clique yesterday in Leicester Square cause my mate Evie had a spare ticket. Oh what fun that was, and what hunky men. The good thing is, where Evie is a street perfomer, she knew quite a few of the acts so was able to know if they would be handsome or not. We were properly over excited like those women you see at Chippendales.

I'd so recommend this show. Afterwards we hung around in the hippodrone for a bit and then realised we were the only ones at the bar and as we jigged about to "Super Freak" by Rick James, we started to feel a little ashamed. Evie knew a lovely secret bar just down from there, where we supped on some more white wine. We were playing TV Tunes through Evie's head phones like "Cagney and Lacey" and "Home and Away" and then this man said to us... "Look I've come for a quiet drink and that noise is excruciatingly loud" so Caroline said helpfully "Yeah? Well you're excruciatingly fat."

When I got home Saw ii was on. I love that film, but unfortunately fell asleep five mins in.

Just got a phone call from my mum saying she's found a list in my old bedroom with boys names on it. Very very embarrassing indeed as some are quite recent. "Shall I save it for you for when you next come round?" she says. "Um no Mum, just chuck it."

Right bye.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Anytime, anyway, you're my playground love.

What about Kerry Katona eh? I watched the "this Morning" interview LIVE from my desk at work for I'm lucky enough to get to do typing and watching of stuff simultaniously. I can do a really good impression of Kerry on there but you can't hear it right now. I love Phil and Fern and feel that they had to point out the slurring cause it was getting awkward. I don't think they should be blamed for sabotage but I have to be careful what I say for I'm in the MTV Camp apparently and they think P & F are WELL outta order. Well, not most but the few that work on Kerry's show (they would). All Kerry has to do is dump that disgusting pig and then all will be solved. He makes me feel vomitus.

So tonight its Catface Comedy and I'm looking forward to it lots. Although the new venue (for this month only - Betsey Trotwood) is the size of a postage stamp I feel it will lend a nice intimate feel which is something we all crave don't we? No. I don't anyway. We have half the seats pre-booked so at least there will be audience which is always essential with stand-up comedy I find.

Hmmm what else? God I'm properly clutching at straws with what to write about. Dunno how people write blogs every single day.(MICHAEL LEGGE)

Hmmm oh yeah, at the weekend I went to a party and got drunk! What gossip eh? The next morning I had to be up at 8am to go to Victoria to do SW1 radio. I was still a bit tipsy I fear cause the hangover hadn't yet set in. Made the show more fun I reckon but I knew I wasn't completely right when I listened back to the recording of the show and I'd introduced a track like this. "And now its time for my all time favourite recluse, Kate Bush." That's not very nice is it, we have a very strict contract at the show so I felt instantly regretful. Louisa was there doing the celeb gossip section and did very well indeed. She will be covering me when I go to Australia. Which is in 2 weeks on friday! YAYAYAAYAY! I shall be uncontactable completely when I am there and its going to be GREAT.

After the radio show my hangover started to set and in and became increasingly worse and I worried that it might turn into a "special" hangover (special = vomiting inc.) I had to go to Caroline Mabey's house to do recording of my voice and knew I wasn't up to it without a lie down first. Luckily I explained this to her en route and she helpfully prepared a darkened room for me ready for my arrival. After 1.5 hours sleep I was ready to roll. I'm so versatile.

And that's that. Don't forget to set your alarms for SW1 radio on Sunday 10-12pm and click listen now. I'll play a song for ya, you might not like it but I'll play it all the same.

Friday, 17 October 2008

You were the last high.

Bloody hell my 40D isn't working and I'm having massive troubles catching up with Hollyoaks. If there's a time I need to catch up with this, it's NOW. Niall's lost it! Whilst I'm waiting for the download of this episode I though I'd write what the latest is with me.

Well, firstly I had a massive nightmare last friday when the guy who runs the Slaughtered Lamb emailed me to say he'd made a "boo boo" with my booking for next thursday (Catface Comedy) and so he would have to pull my night. (Basically, this month there were to be TWO shows instead of one cause November I'll be in Australia so clearly won't be doing Catface and that's why he reckoned he'd made the fuck up....)


All my listings are in, all acts had been booked, this isn't just a Boo boo! I called him up about 5 times and left various messages, all very professional mind you but obviously ebbing on hysteria. Haven't been that angry in ages...

In the end he texted me and said he would try to sort it out with the other people he'd double booked my night with. (hang on my download is complete, back after Hollyoaks!) O.M.G!

Right, back to my tale. Yeah so anyway the long and short of it is, I had to find a new venue for the same night. After much discussion I went with the Betsey Trotwood which is loverly. So all the details remain the same, 23rd October, Catface Comedy on at the Betsey Trotwood in Farringdon road, starts at 8pm! Phew.

Last night I went to the Canal Cafe Theatre to see Caroline in News Revue - twas good. I was on my own so Caroline seated me with her family which included the famous SUGGS of Madness fame. He isn't her family though, just a friend of.... and what a lovely man he is too! I fancied him a bit actually, he really is very very nice.

My sister told me that the TMF AWARDS were put up on youtube and you can hear me in the background doing me' voice over. There's loads of screaming going on but you can still make out my "Best pop international" bits and naming of the artists. Have a listen if you can be arsed: there's quite a few videos under TMF Awards 2008 but this one was the clearest over all the screaming youth.

Tonight I'm staying in to watch Hollyoaks, and then tomorrow I'm off to another 30th Birthday party. Don't forget this sunday its my radio show on SW1 - listen online at from 10am to 12pm.

I hope you have a great weekend.

Monday, 13 October 2008

Don't these times fill your eyes? When the streets are cold and lonely and the cars they burn below me.

A weekend that was the height of cool if I do say so. Friday at work we had an MTV Pop Quiz which was excellent fun. Our team was made up of six girls all claiming to know nothing about music ('cept me and Jess), but just look what happened! We came 5th out of 14 teams. Very pleasing. Lots of high TENS going on all around much to everyone else's annoyance.

After the quiz we went to a pub in Camden called the Lockside Lounge. I really, really dislike this pub and I don't know why I ended up there. Myself, Louise and Claire soon left and went off to the Oxford Arms. I was a little dubious about attending this pub cause I remembered that two weeks previous (after having some fresh air) I'd been told I couldn't come in again cause I was too pissed (which is absolute NONSENSE).

I wasn't sure if this meant I was barred for good so I sneaked into the garden and someone else kindly went to the bar for me. After a while Claire produced a sweet potato which was exactly the same shape as a baton one might use for relay races on sports day. We took full advantage of passing the baton correctly, with your hand held out backwards and starting to run as the person is passing it to you. This was most satisfying. When it was my round I decided to pluck up the courage to go the bar to face the staff there. I stood very meekly for a bit and suddenly the managing bar girl who's dad owns the pub said to me "Did you have a good birthday?" in a knowing fashion. And I thought, "Uh oh, how would she know that information?" Maybe I was being a bit raucous on the said night of chucking out and slipped that it was my birthday.... Oh Me!

After this is was time to call it a night for I had to be up early on Saturday to go to Belgium for the TMF Awards. Oh why do I always end up packing, pissed? Luckily I had enough time to unpack all the crap I'd thrown in friday night, Saturday morning. Won't be needing those salopettes...... In goes awards clothes and a good book namely Dawn French's "Dear Fatty", but more about that later.

Got to London City aiport and the aircraft only holds 40 people and it has propellors! Scary stuff as I'm not such a great flyer. When I got to Antwerp airport I found it to be the strangest place I've ever been to, with not a person insight and neither a taxi to take me to my hotel. Luckily I spotted the pilot of my flight and he kknew a buddy who was a taxi man so he called one for me. When I got to the hotel I was knackered and was just dropping off to sleep whilst watching TMF on TV when I heard "Live from Antwerp, the TMF Awards 2008!" And I was like "Wait a minute, THATS ME!" And I got all over excited and I couldn't sleep, so looking forward was I to hearing what I sounded like at the Sport Palais Stadium later on. Also very nervous indeed. What happens if I sounded shit?

When the time finally came and Thomas and I arrived, we rushed through the VIP bit to the actual stadium and I could hear myself saying right across the 25,000 strong audience " BEST NEW POP ACT INTERNATIONAL" JONAS BROTHERS! AVRIL LAVIGNE! MIKA! etc etc and each time I said their names the audience were screaming their heads off. Never have I had a rush like it. Mental days. We watched most of the show which was 3.5 hours long and every 15 minutes included my voice announcing the nominees. At one point I leant over and tapped this 15 year old girl and shouted "THATS ME! THATS ME!" she turned away disgusted. haha. Oh well, my 3.5 hours of fame did me proud that's all I will say.

After this is was time for the aftershow party which was pretty mental also and I ended up boogying away there until about 4am, upon which me and Sue-Eve decided to get a cab back to the hotel. When we got outside I was saying to Sue-Eve that its been weird being the only english person at the show and suddenly a man behind me called James said "No your not, I'm english too and we're all sat in the hotel bar come and join us!" So myself and the Freemasons (a dance band I later found out) all sat around drinking until about 6am, upon which it came to a light that a guy there had seen me MC in Portsmouth at the Black Cat the previous October. Small world afterall eh? Much fun, much fun.

The next day I felt ok after 7 hours sleep and headed off to the airport and as I was early I went for it with the Dawn French's book. God it was great. I love her even more now, and would thoroughly recommend it, beautiful writer, beautiful woman. It did make me cry in parts but in places where I was so in awe at how much she just gets it. She knows who she is, why she is, what she is, where she's come from, she managed to convey all of this without preaching or dictating. She's just so very dignified. She also writes a fantastic piece on forgiveness and also about allignment between her and her father. She mentions Josie Long in it as well, WOW if I was Josie Long I would be BURSTING with pride. I nearly texted her but then realised of course she would know this. READ IT!! READ IT!!! I adore Dawn!

Got back about 5pm and it was a loverly day in Greenwich and I felt very at peace. Then I read a few status updates on Facebook and was disgusted to see that even more people are using this most cringey word ever........."Chillaxing". FUCK OFF! It makes me want to VOM. ALL OVER YOU. Chillaxing. YUCK. God.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

You can tell the sun, in it's jealous sky...

Ah I'm full up, just ate loads of Sushi at Bento and it was YUMMY. I've been trying to watch the old food consumption this week as I'm off to Oz in 4 weeks and I won't be able to bag a husband if I need to be rolled around now will I. Specially with Lauren being all athletic near me, doing the crab and round-offs and all that palava.

My sister came to visit last weekend and it was so much fun. Yes we drank, yes we had a disco and danced a jig to the likes of "Ghostbusters" and other such classics, yes my sister did roly poly's over my sofa and yes we discussed the times we'd soiled ourselves. (Sometimes on purpose it came to light.) What fun! She a cathead.

The next day I had my radio show and it was much fun yet again. Really enjoying it now, and the station goes to FM in December - the frequency will be 87.7FM. While I'm in Australia my good friend and trusted Catface Comedy coordinator will be covering the show so YAY! FUNKS LOUISA. We went to a meeting last night at the studio and one of the points made was "could DJ's not fart in the studio booth please." hahaha. Someone did a right stinker Sunday night and it still reeked the next day apparently (wasn't me).

Sunday arvo I went round to Karen's new flat and we drank more wine and watched Sex and the City (again) this time I saw more flaws in it. We didn't shut up throughout saying stuff like "There's no shopping in them there bags Charlotte's carrying." and "Miranda would be way more pissed off about that" and "Isn't Big, a big fat Grandad." etc. Kinda took the edge off it but still fun all the same. Don't think I'll be watching it again in a hurry.

This weekend I'm off to Belgium for the TMF Awards so I can hear my voice being THE voice of the concert. "And the nominees are..." "MIKA!" JONAS BROTHERS" etc etc. Them Jonas Brothers are all pansy virgins aren't they. I'm not surprised cause they're all pretty rough. Bit like those lads what sang "Mmmm Bop" 2 looked completely like girls and that girlie drummer one was always being precocious in interviews if I remember rightly and I suspect I do.

Do you realise that christmas is 10 weeks away? Isn't that ridiculous? I agree. Me and my homeys have already arranged our christmas meal. God I love my homeys. We're going for an Indian meal as is tradition.

Right, not got much more to report on but life's pretty cool at the moment.


Friday, 3 October 2008

You got me smilin' got me smilin' when I think of you.

Y'ello. Friday already and its winter outdoors. Today I wore a scarf and I'm going to buy some mittens so I have paws. I've had a pretty good week. I was worried about coming into work on monday after Friday's exploits but as usual I'd built it up in my head and the reality amounted to nothing. Paranoia can play havoc with one's mind though can't it.

Finally completed the voice over for the TMF Awards in Belgium. You try saying "And the nominees are!" in a sexy voice 5 times. Then be told to re-do it in an excited voice. 5 times. Hard! Ah well so glad its sorted and I got a nice sum of money for it which will go towards Australia which is 5 weeks TODAY. Bloody hell its gonna be fun but I've really limited cashage. I must see my Steve's (Irwin) zoo too or I'll be gutted. We haven't actually planned much about the trip yet but we're gonna do it next week. I got me my rucksack and EVERYTHING - its got loadsa compartments to hide stuff.

I watched a documentary on 4OD this week called the 9/11 faker. It was about a woman who said that she had survived the attacks on that day and had lost her finance'.... BUT SHE WAS LYING, cause she wasn't even in the buildings. Nevertheless, the programme brought back all the memories of that horrible day. I was off work that day but my boyfriend at the time was working at Canary Wharf and he and colleagues were evacuated and sent home and there were no planes allowed over London. I distinctly remember going out in the garden and thinking "this is the end of the world." cause it genuinely felt that way. Utter madness, truly horrid times. But nice and uplifting for a friday eh?

Ah I'm being set up with a MAN soon how good is that? Finally a friend has come through for me and is going to set me up with a single friend of hers. I haven't had a date in ages and am glad, because when I was doing internet dating a few months back I got a bit too used to them and it ended up being a chore..........having to sit there pretending to be interested in what someone's saying and the only way out is to become drunk so I'd do this and then think I loved them and then the next day have to send a text trying to get out of seeing 'em again. Sigh. Think I just talked myself out of this date.

I had one of those dreams the other night about a lad that you wouldn't normally fancy by day but after the dream you become totally in love with. I loved him for a whole day but now it's wearing off.

Sunday I've got my radio show so please tune in if you can be arsed - 10am - 12pm. Go to and click listen now.

Have a loverly weekend. BYE.