Friday 27 May 2011

If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?

YEAH! The honeymoon is booked and confirmed. We're going to AUSTRALIA! My favourite place in the whole wide world. We're both so excited, in fact where as before I felt a bit non-plussed about the wedding I'm now PROPERLY into it. Time has flown so quickly I know it's gonna be here before I know it.

The other day my good pal Princess Kitty was organising my Hen do, and there was an email flying around saying "Leanne's Hen Do". LEANNE's HEN DO? What, me? Scary, I'm having an actual Hen do. I honestly didn't think I would get to this stage and it all feels a bit like a dream. Not a dream come true, just a dream. Etta James's "At Last" goes through my mind often though 'cause I got me a good man and I'm not taking any of this for granted. Believe me.

Anyway now onto life in general. I got my teeth whitened on Wednesday at the dentist. They used this big old laser and a funny teeth exposure shield thing. I looked most unattractive. It was well uncomfortable and in the process it seems to have burnt off a bit of my gums - Haha! Oh well, they look a ton better which is the main thing.

I watched that AWFUL Chelsea programme the other day. The reality soap thing. I know I'm not on my own here when I say, what a pile of steaming shit that was! They've all got really awful names. One of the women on it is called Cagoule or something. Another one is called something like "Blinky". Fucking hell. What's that all about. It's not even car crash TV, don't bother to watch it if you haven't already.

TOWIE it is not. I love that programme. My boyfriend is always saying "Oh God, not The Only Way is Essex, turn it over" but he doesn't "get" it. He doesn't understand it's just a bit of light entertainment. He thinks everything on TV should MEAN something. Like Deadliest Catch. He's always watching that and I think it's EFFING boring. Once you've seen one, you've seen em all. Who cares that they are catching massive crabs? Who cares that the sea is really cold? Who cares that they have to be awake for like 34 hours? SNORE.
And finally if you haven't seen it already, you have to watch Geordie Shore on MTV. It's so bad, it's good.

I'm going out for a meal tonight with my mates to discuss Hen plans and other stuff. I plan to eat a mixed grill - I love meat! Then Sunday we have people over for dinner. I can't drink any red wine though which is annoying, 'case it seeps into all the microscopic holes in my teethy pegs.

And it's back to the gym for me on MOnday. I caught sight of the back end of me in a Dorothy Perkin's changing room today and it was not a pretty sight. I desperately need a tan, I look all corn beefy. Meh.

And that's that! Have a loverly weekend all.

Tuesday 24 May 2011

And we don't speak, so we're left in constant silence...and it's haunting me

Good morning! Here are some things that are making me glad at the moment. Firstly, The Apprentice is back. For my avid readers you will know that this equals HAPPINESS for me. So far I have been overjoyed with this quote "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon." HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant!
I'm preferring the objective they are striving for in this series as well. Alan Sugar gives them 250 grand towards a business. At least then he's not stuck with a wanker employee. Good plan Lord Alan Sugar.

Another factor making me glad currently is the weather, aren't we lucky! It's been great of late and always makes me feel jolly. Does mean however I will have to start to expose my pale lily legs and also shave but its a small sacrifice to make to ensure that passers by aren't scarred by the sight of my legs.

The leg shaving thing came to my attention at Boot Camp a couple of weeks back. I had a strain and my instructor was stretching my leg and he gripped round my leg and it was all stubbly and furry. He must have been able to feel it. I have been shaving since that incident and onwards. I don't see the point when they're not exposed. Well not regularly anyway!

I have actually left Boot Camp now. The reason for this was down to the fact that I couldn't attend a session owing to a severe leg infection and they STILL wanted to charge me ten pounds. Which I thought was outrageous.

I was very ill! Two weeks previous a mozzy or something had bitten my ankle. As usual a bump appeared, and as usual I gave it a good scratching. However, this bite seemed to continue to itch way longer than usual. And then one night I woke up to such extreme itching I felt I wanted to cut my foot off. The next day my ankle had blown up to twice its size with a large RED rash thing that seemed to be spreading up my leg and was boiling hot and throbbing.

I went to the emergency doctor and they said it was infected and if it got any bigger I would have to go to A&E to get put on an intravenous drip! Luckily I caught it in time and antibiotics were sufficient taken orally. And the smelly old Boot Camp wanted to charge me for my absence. How greedy. So I have sacked them off. That'll teach you BOOT CAMP. Now I will go back to being all slovenly and flabby. How do you like that?!! What? Oh.

So yes I realise that I therefore have to keep up some kind of personal fitness plan as I am far too proud to return to Boot Camp now (Damn you PRIDE!) after sending them a very strong worded email stating how unfair I thought the whole thing was.

Luckily I have continued the diet part of my quest for gorgeousness. I have now lost (since the beginning of the year) one stone. YAY. Only two to go. God, it's gonna take ages. And my mates are saying I should have had a dress fitting by now as it takes 10 months to get a dress sorted for a wedding. That is BULLSHIT if you ask me. Why does it take that many months to get a dress? RIDICK!!! And no, I am not going to a Bridal shop to try on WHITE dresses at this size. No way jose'.

In other parts of my quest to get gorgeous, I'm having my teeth whitened tomorrow. I'm told I shall be in excruciating pain but I think it's worth it if I can smile with confidence and people don't think they're having a conversation with Baldrick when talking to me.

Anyway - will write proper soon. Hope you're all well.