Monday, 24 March 2008

When he woke she was gone with his car and all of his money.

You know when you say a word to be silly like "DUDE." Cause you're taking the piss? Then suddenly you find yourself using it more out of habit and then almost seriously? Well I've started doing it with the acronym O.M.G. As in Oh My God. So I used to say Oh Em Gee as a laugh but now I say it seriously and I never meant for that to happen.

Like on Saturday night I was in O'Neils with my pal Lauren cause it was my mate's birthday and we were up the bar getting some drinks. All of a sudden I exclaimed to Lauren "OH EM GEE! There's someone tummying me in my back!" There was this big fat rugby player just sticking his tummy on me, proper tummying. I was like "Stop tummying me you NOB! Lauren he's proper tummying me!" etc etc. He didn't stop though despite my roaring "you NOB" in his face. What a perv. Felt quite nice though.

Later, on the bus home I saw some youngsters looking up to no good and one of the girls had a pram and she was jostling the pram about in an uncool fashion. So I was like "Oh Em Gee, I'm going to have to say something Lauren." She was like "No you don't..." And I was like "I do. That baby could be getting hurt in there" So I went over to the gang and said to the girl "Can I look at your baby please?" And she goes "Yeah. It ain't even real, social services gave me a doll to look after to prove I can be trusted." ERM! OH EM GEE. I said "How old are you?" "Fourteen" She replied. I was like "I'm DOUBLE your age! What are you doing out this late?" And this seemed to ruffle the gang's feathers but when I looked at them they looked at the floor. I must have seemed like a loony. Haa Haa thats the key to scare off a gang, act like you are bonkers. I was really outraged that she was only 14 and out at 1am on a saturday night and with a faux baby. This world is weird.

Yesterday Kerry came over for a roast (not that kind) and it was lush. I am the best roast potato maker in the world. I love cooking. I also just got the new Delia cheat book and its ace. Saying that, I've gone a bit off Delia cause her latest programme keeps focussing on her football love. I think its Norwich. And she seems WELL annoying when she's trying to have banter with the players - they seem like they might secretly hate her. I just thought of another annoying word/phrase. Its "I DIGRESS" Lauren Laverne absolutely raped this phrase on her old breakfast show on XFM. Anyway thats what I am doing, so back to cooking. I love it.

I'm a right little homemaker ( anyway. The roast was yummy and then we went to my local pub. I love that pub I really do. Its a proper pub. They had some live music last night which consisted of two guitar players, a vocalist and a mouth organ player. It was ace. We requested "I am sailing" and the man sounded identical to Rod Stewart. I said he should go on Stars in Their Eyes. I did loud clapping. I realise that this can sound sarcastic but I fully meant each clap.

I've got so much to do today. Like go to Wicks. I hate Wicks, it stinks of men. Not that men smell yucky. Just Wicks is so laddish. And I'm always the only girl in there. Bah.


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