All veils and misty streets of blue....

OH EM GEE!

Two words. The Apprentice.............. Two more words. Alex Wotherspoon. Damn, he's fine. And only 24. I love them when they're young. More grateful. Makes a change from the usual UGS they have on the show - like RUTH BADGER. Although when I texted that to my mate Steve, he wrote back "Badger not without her charm." Jesus Christ.

So Good news everyone, I'm going to be back ON AIR! SW1 Radio, as of April. And, they have an FM licence now so it won't just be available online. Exciting stuff. I love doing radio and I love my listener. Only joking, I had 9 once. I'll keep you updated as and when this show will be. EXCITING! I love doing SW1 radio, playing music and talking are my favourite two things in the world. WOOH. Hey I really hate it when people put Wooh, like this "WOOP." Its stupid.

Oh and I got my mocha sony erriccson phone upgrade. Its like the size of nano so I'm bound to lose it.

There's an article in the Sun today about a pregnant man. Blee. But really its not a pregnant man. Its a man who was once a woman and who has a womb thing. Anyway, I don't believe its true. I can puff my stomach out to a 7 month stance and all thats in me is beer and chips. So, who wants to go out with me? Come on, form an orderly queue.

BYE.

Don't let them put you down. I won't let them put you down. You're as good as the rest and you're much better dressed....

I've had another fake tan disaster. Although to the naked eye I simply appear more orange than usual, my face has actually been carefully painted over again to hide the leopard print effect which has occured owing to my skin being so dry and old lady like. You'd think it would be better now I've given up smoking! I blame my bedroom being all dry. Bedroom, its your fault. I'm going to get one of those humidifiers. When I wake up, I feel like my face might crack if I were to smile. But then why would I be smiling when I have to get up to go to work? Just as well I've nothing to smile about then eh.... :-)

Back in December I got asked to be in this documentary on Channel 4 about people who are going to try and lose weight in the old fashioned way. In the end I turned down this "fabulous" offer and I'm bloody glad now. Watched it last night. CRINGE. I also learnt the other day that the fabulous documentary I was in called "How to get lucky with Leanne" broadcast on BBC3 in 2005 is being shown on HOMECHOICE and I'm on the promo for it! What the? At least its relevant now being that I'm single. But still.... Embarrassment. See these documentaries, they haunt you.

I'm REALLY enjoying my job at the moment, having loads to get my teeth stuck into and really nice people all around. Its ace. Also its good telly on tonight. You got "Relocation Relocation" on at 8pm, followed by my favourite "The Apprentice" and then the new series of "Desperate Housewives" at 10pm. Although I'm not overly keen on the latter it does give me something to go to sleep to. No my absolute fave is "The Apprentice". I love Mr Sugar. I remember reading a story about him once where he signed the birthday card to his long term wife, as "Happy Birthday, Love Sir Alan Sugar". Haahaa.

BYE.

When he woke she was gone with his car and all of his money.

You know when you say a word to be silly like "DUDE." Cause you're taking the piss? Then suddenly you find yourself using it more out of habit and then almost seriously? Well I've started doing it with the acronym O.M.G. As in Oh My God. So I used to say Oh Em Gee as a laugh but now I say it seriously and I never meant for that to happen.

Like on Saturday night I was in O'Neils with my pal Lauren cause it was my mate's birthday and we were up the bar getting some drinks. All of a sudden I exclaimed to Lauren "OH EM GEE! There's someone tummying me in my back!" There was this big fat rugby player just sticking his tummy on me, proper tummying. I was like "Stop tummying me you NOB! Lauren he's proper tummying me!" etc etc. He didn't stop though despite my roaring "you NOB" in his face. What a perv. Felt quite nice though.

Later, on the bus home I saw some youngsters looking up to no good and one of the girls had a pram and she was jostling the pram about in an uncool fashion. So I was like "Oh Em Gee, I'm going to have to say something Lauren." She was like "No you don't..." And I was like "I do. That baby could be getting hurt in there" So I went over to the gang and said to the girl "Can I look at your baby please?" And she goes "Yeah. It ain't even real, social services gave me a doll to look after to prove I can be trusted." ERM! OH EM GEE. I said "How old are you?" "Fourteen" She replied. I was like "I'm DOUBLE your age! What are you doing out this late?" And this seemed to ruffle the gang's feathers but when I looked at them they looked at the floor. I must have seemed like a loony. Haa Haa thats the key to scare off a gang, act like you are bonkers. I was really outraged that she was only 14 and out at 1am on a saturday night and with a faux baby. This world is weird.

Yesterday Kerry came over for a roast (not that kind) and it was lush. I am the best roast potato maker in the world. I love cooking. I also just got the new Delia cheat book and its ace. Saying that, I've gone a bit off Delia cause her latest programme keeps focussing on her football love. I think its Norwich. And she seems WELL annoying when she's trying to have banter with the players - they seem like they might secretly hate her. I just thought of another annoying word/phrase. Its "I DIGRESS" Lauren Laverne absolutely raped this phrase on her old breakfast show on XFM. Anyway thats what I am doing, so back to cooking. I love it.

I'm a right little homemaker (Lads...so....) anyway. The roast was yummy and then we went to my local pub. I love that pub I really do. Its a proper pub. They had some live music last night which consisted of two guitar players, a vocalist and a mouth organ player. It was ace. We requested "I am sailing" and the man sounded identical to Rod Stewart. I said he should go on Stars in Their Eyes. I did loud clapping. I realise that this can sound sarcastic but I fully meant each clap.

I've got so much to do today. Like go to Wicks. I hate Wicks, it stinks of men. Not that men smell yucky. Just Wicks is so laddish. And I'm always the only girl in there. Bah.

Bye.

You'll speak when you're spoken to.

Agggh insomnia hit last night and I ended up watching this awful film called Champion. I didn't really get what the deal was, I mean this man was a boxer and then it was almost as if they weren't sure how to get to the end of the story (not that there was one) so he suddenly just died of brain damage after a fight. It was abrupt.

I do like a bit of boxing. I like boxing and I like darts. I'm pretty good at darts if I say so myself. I love watching the finals on TV at Lakeside. What a bunch of pikeys ,with sovereigns so big I'm surprised they can lift their arms joyously to flap their bingo wings. NB: Pikey=chav where I come from, NOT gipsy. Us Orpingtoners know the score.

Talking of bingo wings, I was disturbed to watch Eastenders last night only to discover that MINTY AND HEATHER seem to be taking the comp too far and have been looking like their gonna get it on. Gutted Minty. Haaa. His face when he would've got that script. Haa haa. Gary's mum is much better. Wow I sound like an avid Eastenders fan, not at all. Its just so easy to follow! Like Hollyoaks. But I actually like Hollyoaks. Specially Max.

Right looks like Thames Clipper fun is cancelled. James didn't realise they don't run on bank holidays (wank holidays more like). We're still meeting though but its not the same as bobbing along on the ocean wave.....

Just had a phone call from a pal about another wanker comedy promotor. Not sure if you promotors realise this, but you do need some social skills. Ok thats it for now.

Bye.

So maybe you loved me and now maybe you don't, and maybe you'll call me, and maybe you won't.

Praise the lord, cats and BT man Paul, for I now have internet at home. Life is good.

I just got the voiceover I did back from MTV all spruced up with music and animations and they've made my voice even deeper (if thats possible). I sound transgender (no offence). And I don't like it.

So today I've been doing chores. I Cilit-Banged my bathroom and it was tough. Thanks alot BARRY (Scott).

I got an email from an old pal of mine and they had used a word I hate. TAD. Here is a list of my most hated words. Please don't ever email me using them.

Titties
Panties
Tad
Touchy/feely
LOL!
Not!
CHILL!

If there are any words you hate please feel free to comment.

So I've finally got over my nobbish behaviour of the Wake on tuesday. Wake's are always dark drink-wise. Like I went to one when I was 21 cause my pal James Maynard had died. And I was so drunk my last memory was rolling around in the pub function room's garden with two greyhounds, feeling their noses to see if they were wet. When I discovered they were dry as a bone I launched myself on the unsuspecting revellers/mourners (cause lets face it, its mixed emotions at these things) in the function room demanding to know who the two dogs belonged to cause their noses were dry which meant they were ill. Leanne Diggins, crazy old psycho or animal do-gooder?

I'm currently listening to the show I presented on SW1 and I actually dedicate a song to dead Steve Irwin of Australia Zoo fame. I am so cool.

Tonight I was supposed to have a date but I've cancelled, I plan to do some more cillit banging instead. Tomorrow tiz Thames Clipper fun, Saturday partay, sunday drinks with a friend and Monday rolling around. OR maybe I'll go for a walk. Who knows.

Easter is well boring now ain't it. The only year I ever remember doing something was when I was a lovable rogue of around 14 and we went on an easter egg hunt. At this time I had a penchant for stealing mars bars from my local chemist. One day I stole a pair of sunglasses and felt really criminal-ly. I lost those glasses on the easter egg hunt. I knew that that was instant karma and never stole again. Except a protractor but I needed that for school so it don't count.

Much love to all of you. Even you.

I've been talking drunken gibberish......

I am so hungover. I did drinking for 9 hours yesterday at the Wake. This equated to around TEN pints and 3 Woo Woo cocktails. I only ate a little bit of buffet to appear lady like so as you can imagine things were pretty messy.

We ended up in the Langley Bar in Covent Garden and I was battered. I made a huge cock of myself again - I'm sensing a pattern here. I'm hoping I'll be given the chance to redeem myself after last night's performance but I suspect that the jig is up and the company I kept yesterday is running for the hills as I type this.

The funeral was a lovely one, but also very very sad. Collin leaves behind three small children and it was heartbreaking to see the oldest boy (Think he's about 5) skipping into the church fully not comprehending the enormity of the situation. I played with the kids for a bit at the wake but then I realised I was pretty pissed and I might drop one of 'em or something so skulked off.

I'm taking tomorrow off in order to have a nice 5 day break. Friday I'm going on the Thames Clipper with my pal James which I am very much looking forward to. Saturday I have a party and sunday I will see Ma and Pa.

I can barely see the screen today so please forgive any errors I've made on this blog and also for the fact that its quite boring.

Please enjoy your Easters.

I'll tell you how its gonna be, don't you never ever come near me.

SIGH! Another weekend of being a naughty cat. I got SO drunk on Friday night and was a big cock. Still, for the most part it was great fun. I distinctly remember when the subject of sambucas came up saying, "NO WAY" but all of a sudden there was one slipping down my throat. And then I think another two. Combined with Lager. HOWEVER, I didn't succumb to Pork Scratchings, so every cloud eh?

I did that thing where you go up to someone and say "I used to hate you but now your alright." And then went swaggering off as if I'd just said something nice. Then I went up and told someone I fancied them and was quite full on. Luckily at the time he was quite drunk and seemed to like me back. But JEEZ. Have you no shame Miss Leanne? Lads like it when you are all shy and vulnerable not oafishly shouting for their attention.

Suddenly I was in Coco in Camden and was thinking "What the hell am I doing here?" This is a club. So I said to who I was with, "Simon, what the hell are we doing here?" to which he replied "My name's not Simon its ---------" and I was like "Yeah whatever. I wanna go home." Sooo slick.

The next day I had work and one of my special hangovers. (in case you don't realise, these are diavomalemma ones) so it was extra hard work. But an early night soon sorted that out.

Sunday was more of the same, chores, work and then bed. I watched White Noise and that was a bad move cause for the first time since moving I worried about ghosts. Even though its a new build I thought "what happens if it was built on an ancient burial ground?" and other such silly things. Didn't get to sleep till like 1:30am and thats way past my bedtime.

Its the funeral tomorrow for Colin so I shan't be posting. However I shall be back to normal-ness on Wednesday.