I'm asking you cos you know about these things.

I'm just not meant to have fish. So my dad brought me round two normal bog standard gold fish yesterday, who both looked VICIOUS. And as soon as they went into the water, they just sunk to the bottom and have remained there ever since occasionally flapping their tails. I expect when I get home they'll both be floating. I even changed the water in case it was toxic (crusaders). God what a hassle. I should have got a Babbit.

Friday night I went to a wedding reception in Brands Hatch. It was ace seeing all the old gang from school. We did LOADS of dancing and everyone was mashed except me. We did New York New York at the end where you all stand in a circle kicking your legs this way and that all drunk. Then everyone seemed to drag each other into the centre of the circle at different times so I kept getting my face smushed into family members of the bride and groom. It was very funny but strange also cos it felt like being in school. Not that we did that in school. Everyone was very happy and looking well and married. And I felt genuine happiness for everyone, specially when I got some buffet inside me.

Saturday we went to Ikea, and I got plants and that. When I got home I realised that I actually now own "Plants and Goldfish" so all my responsibilities now, are looking after the "plants and goldfish" like Vivien. So I could in effect get rid of my responsibilities, like Vivien. Maybe half of my responsibilities will have committed suicide by tonight anyway. I know I should be more positive about em but I just want them to swim. Like last night I was watching them and was just like "Get up and fucking swim you bastards!" and then I thought is this all there is? My sunday night consists of "wife swap" and shouting at my goldfish for not doing swimming.

It's not all my life consists of. No for yesterday was day one of SW1 radio. It was pretty good although I wasn't 100% comfortable and listening back I need to sort out the sound of my voice on the board. It sounds too treble and I spoke too fast I reck. I had many emails in from listeners so THANK YOU FOR THAT! It's tough doing a show with only yourself for company, specially when you have to press buttons and all that jazz.

Its my birthday party this saturday! YAY verrily I say unto you.