Monday, 29 June 2009

I must become a lion hearted girl.

I haven't written for over a week, sorry about that but its been a week of weird-ness and I've actually had to do stuff like ya know, pack up my desk and do dubs and all that crap. Anyway, I'm here now aren't I?

Hmmm, just trying to think back to what I've been doing.... Ah yes, right so last Tuesday I met up with an old friend Gina from my TV Travel Shop days. We met in Moorgate, Banker central and we weren't disappointed. Well, we were. This bloke came over to us and was talking UTTER shit but his friend, his mate, erm, fuck what was his name again? Bloody hell I've got to start writing this more. Anyway his mate asked me out and took my number. He also told me he had a Porsche which I thought rather vulgar but at least he could drive. Anyway Mr Porsche didn't call me or text to follow up on the date. Shocking. Apparently this is a THING men do. They just wanna tot up the "digits" and then get some kind of MENTAL ego boost when a lady hands over her number. Whatever. He was Fugly anyway.

Wednesday I went to my friend and photographer Martin Hobby's studio to do a photo shoot. It was horrendous trying to look good. I had the worst hangover and teenage acne. Martin being my friend was pretty upfront with me, saying at times "Did you know you have a squint?" Erm.... ok.

We tried to do some "fun and playful" shots consisting of a cane and bowler hat and Martin wanted me to stick my fingers out towards him in a wizardy way. (his words, not mine) and every now and then whilst snapping away, he'd bark "More Wizard! More Wizard!" where upon I'd wiggle my fingers in what I hoped was a wizardy way. He's got this really nice kitten who's tiny and we tried a couple of cat in the hat shots but the kitten wasn't up for it. In the end we got some decent ones and Martin worked his magic. Gotta love that airbrush.

Which brings us up to Friday which was of course my leaving party. Oh what fun that was. Jeeeez I positively excelled myself on the Stella/Sambuca drinking. I tried not to cry but when I got my present which was ACE and did my speech, Niagara falls. I also leaped on a colleague of mine for some serious pashing (as the Ozzys say). Just sent him an apology email. Happy days.

It's my FINAL day at MTV tomorrow and I'll really, really miss my friends here they're wicked. Like I said in my speech friday, I've met some of the most interesting people I have ever met in my life. When I started at MTV I was engaged to be married, I had that life, the one I often moan I don't have now. But it consisted of working to live, going to work, coming home, getting up, going to work and so on. But since then and during the last few years, I've been in my own documentary on BBC1 and BBC3 which in turn got me into stand-up comedy which I did because I wanted to do radio, which I now do on Sunday's. I also run my comedy night Catface Comedy since 2006, its just madness, I'd never have envisaged this.... It's weird and I do feel that the people I've met at MTV (past and present) have had something to do with it. Nurture not nature is the key here.

Thank you so much, my lovely lovely friends. I'm so lucky to have met you, many of which I feel I'll know for life and the memories I have from here will stay with me forever. I'd also like to thank God... I kind of would, actually.

Anyway, Saturday I woke up on my sofa fully clothed and literally feeling like SHIT. I was properly ill - it was bad news. I had a BBQ to go to in the day and Lee was picking me up 2pm. He came to get me and I actually couldn't stand. When we got to the BBQ I hoovered up the buffet table with my mouth and felt marginally better.

Sunday I didn't do my radio show and in the afternoon went out in Greenwich with Katy. We've decided to get ourselves a local there where everybody knows our name.

This week I have one more day left at work and then Wednesday I'm meeting with a sound engineer to get my new Show Audio Reel up and running. It's gonna be ACE. Thursday I'm going to watch a band in Camden, and then Saturday or as I like to call it, CATurday, I'm off to Ibeefa. I cannot fucking wait. I bloody need this break and I need some sun and I need some time with my dearest friends.

Until next time.

Friday, 19 June 2009

There was a boy who lived inside his head...he couldn't face the world, so he turned his back instead.

YAY. I've just downloaded some great music for my radio show on Sunday morning. Golden Silvers, Little Boots, The Klaxons and LOTS MORE. If you get a chance log onto the show from 10am Sunday morning. it's gonna be a cracker.

This week's been busy busy busy. I've managed to tidy my desk with the help of my lovely team. They convinced me to chuck out the dried up banana so that's a good thing. I still managed to snaffle away some useless stuff, like a big foam pointy glove usually for people in the audience of Gladiators. Its great. I love pointing in it. Tuesday I met up with my friend Dave in Greenwich. He used to be my supervisor when I "worked" at TV Travel Shop. Had a bit of an overload on old TVTS friends lately, what's going on? Anyway - I met Dave and he came up with a fantastic plan. He casually dropped into conversation that he's considering buying a pub. He wants it to be a "venue pub" for music and comedy and all that but doesn't have experience in events. Well Dave! I know a girl who does! That's right ME. So this would be a great venture for both of us, alcohol AND music AND comedy. My favourite things.

So the next day I had to go to that agency. It was based in Ealing Common in a residential area, in a house. Anyway, I found the "red door" and knocked. It didn't actually have any agency sign outside or anything. I was meeting a lady called Simone. A man answered the door and ushered me in. He told me to wait in the living room and handed me a diversity form to fill in. I suddenly had a really bad thought that I might get murdered and that this so called ethnic diversity form was a ruse, as was the "Simone" pseudonym. I tried to work out how I'd get out so I hurriedly used my blackberry and emailed a couple of people my location and told them that if I wasn't out in an hour to call the police. I looked around for an exit and grabbed my keys ready to do some serious stabbing.

Suddenly Simone came and got me and led me to an office which had a pooter and phone and office supplies so all my murdering thoughts left me. It was a good meeting and she really helped me out. I'm crap at this kind of interview though, if there's silence I always have to fill it. That goes for relationships too. And when I fill the silence I always say something knobbish. Like with Simone. When we were discussing the places I would work (TV channels) she said "I get the impression that you wouldn't want to work at the BBC because its quite corporate etc." And I said "Yeah, I do really hate red tape and also, ya know, anal" (DOH) and she just looked at me so I had to fill the gap "Well, I don't actually hate ha ha ha ha....well, I do... it all depends....on er...." and then trailed off. It was like a bad dream.

So, still no leads jobwise. However, I went to see a tarot reader the other day and he told me some GREAT stuff. He said I would be with child within six months to a year and it would be a boy. And the child wouldn't have a father. (I bloody knew it....I am MARY MOTHER OF GOD) He also said that I have to start putting into practice the whole giving out what I want to get back. This is the Laws of Attraction thing and although I know the theory of this, it is a case of FEELING it as opposed to thinking it. He said I need to read the book "Excuse me, your life is waiting for you." I think I will. So it was ok really. The child bit isn't going to happen. End of.

Tonight I'm going to my team's leaving drinks in Camden :-( BOO and the day draws closer. Apparently there might be a lad there that I might like! I plan to act like a massive knob and say really stupid things. Fingers crossed eh? I'll update you monday to let you know if all goes to plan. *sigh*

And then, Lauren's coming over tomorrow and we're going to go through the new dance for Catface Comedy (15th JULY! The Betsey Trotwood, starring Barry Castagnola, Paul Foot, Josie Long and Michael Legge). Then on Sunday after the radio show I'm off to Covent Garden and we're rehearsing the dance in Pineapple Studios. I'm very intimidated. I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail and wear a cap like all those other dancey types. Also hope to see Evie and Matt for a quick coffee Sunday and a catch up. YAY! 15 days until Ibiza! YEAH! Blue Lagoons and Mr Cairo's karaoke club here I come.

Have a great weekend - till next time.

(don't forget to listen to me' show on Sunday 10-12pm)

Monday, 15 June 2009

Come on in. I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in. I've got to tell you in my loudest tones, that I started looking for a warning sign.

So I find myself at a crossroad. Which path to choose? The one where I hope everything works out? Or the one where I have to actually do stuff. I'd like it to be a little from column A and a little from column B please. I woke up this morning at 2:33am and sat around for about an hour and a half trying desperately not to worry about how much sleep I wasn't going to get or about the upcoming redundancy. There just are NO jobs. I'll take anything really. Bar work or ya know, bar work. Or doing what I do now, or bar work. The thing is, its hard to do a job search when one's not available for work until mid August owing to expeditions around Spain and lying in bed all day and.... Yeah. I should really pull my finger out of my arse. Why can't it all just go away and sort itself out? Like I have friends where it just kinda, works out. Can you go on the dole if you have a mortgage?

Check out my desk. I have to clear this mother in two weeks. (You might be able to see this blog on the computer screen - on closer inspection you cannot) Even I know that its a fucking state.

I need to get rid of all my crapola but I love it so. For example I have a banana on my desk that's shrunk and feels plastic and is lovely, but I have no use for it do I. Moan moan moan. I'm sorry - s'hard to be positive at the moment.

I'll tell you about my latest week instead - there might be something in there that won't depress you.
Hmmmm. Ah right. Yes, on thursday I went out with my mates James, Adrian and Paul to the pub with the best bar snacks IN THE WORLD. They have Scampi Fries, Cheesy Moments AND Pork Scratchings. I had an absolute feast. My mate Paul took a photo of me and I looked just like Lorraine out of The Apprentice. Really depressing. DOH.

Sorry I did it again. Actually everyone looked a bit weird in the photos. Here's one of me and James and he looks like he has a clear plastic bag over his face, so no-one's perfect.

Jason Byrne was in the pub (I'd never met him before) but he knew a couple of people I was with as they were Paramount Comedy people. He came over to us whilst I was mid-sentence about kids. And he goes "You've got kids?!" and I was like "No.... of course not." And he carried on talking for a bit and then when he walked off (and I don't know why I did this) I went "I haven't got kiiiids" like it was a sentence in the wind. (Kind of like on that Mighty Boosh when Howard says "My only friend is the wind" and then the wind goes "I haaatte yoooou." best line ever)

Anyway - Jason Byrne heard my wind sentence and he goes "yeah? well I have." And I was like, "Gooooood" still in wind mode. What a knob I am. Anyway when he went to go I tried to act all normal but I was pissed so it didn't work.

The next day it was friday and I was losing the will to live at my desk all day. Met my mate Rachel for a couple of beers in Camden and then went home. I felt quite empowered so decided to update my status on facebook as "Leanne Diggins is a bloody catch!" and this promoted two men on my facebook friends to "Drink and e-mail" me. So that was nice.

Saturday I went to Orpster to see my Nephew Alex. He seemed to be quite scared of me for the first fifteen minutes or so but soon he handed me a red brick so I knew all was forgiven. My mate Lee came and picked me up and we went to a beer garden in Green St Green - was pretty cool but I saw a load of old school friends who were all heavily pregnant and it made me feel totally UNpregnant. Then Lee dropped me home and my mate Melanie called me from the Isle of Wight fest to play "White Lies" down the phone to me which cheered me up alot. Then in the evening my neighbour Katy came over for some wine, she brought champagne and we had a good laugh.

Sunday was radio day as ever and this show I managed without getting a migraine. Also passed a big pile of VOM on the way to the station so that was excellent.

This week is a busy one for me, I'm out pretty much every night. Going to see Caroline Mabey's preview tonight. Feels like forever ago that we did Sandy Hole in Edinburgh. Then tomorrow I'm meeting up with my mate Dave in Greenwich and Wednesday I have to go to an AGENCY. I don't think it can be up to much cause they sent me an email asking if I was "OK with dogs" (they have one that randomly scampers about.) "Well sure, I love dogs but....." sigh.

Anyway - till next time.

Monday, 8 June 2009

So give me the song and I'll sing it like I mean it.....Give me the words and I'll say them like I mean it.

I feel alright now. Oh Time, you are my bestest friend in the whole world.

Thursday as you were probably aware from my blog, I felt a bit crappy. I went out in the evening to my mate's birthday drinks in town. I was planning on not drinking but somehow I forgot this immediately and ordered a pint of Kronenberg. I got my drink and walked over to the gang, having not said all my 'hello's'. As I stepped across to them, my pointy shoes got caught on this chair and I tripped over. Two thirds of my full pint went right down my mate Andrea's back and my other shoe flew off. I laughed and laughed and laughed. My stomach actually hurt. When I'd recovered my composure I looked up to see all these randoms staring at me, this made me laugh more. I think I was slightly hysterical but boy did I need that. Poor Andrea. hahahaha. The night was a little bit weird cause where I was quite emotional I was going from laughing to miserable mode throughout it. Poor people who asked how I was..... my responses were well dark. "Me? How am I? You want to know how I AM???! Well I'm fucked. How are you?" I think I was being a bit scary. Oh well, for one night only I'm entitled. Only one thing for it. SAMBUCAS. And finally, when that didn't work it was time to take my leave. .

Happy days. The next day I was hungover like a bitch and feeling sad again. Newsflash, alcohol makes you feel worse the next day. Friday night I stayed in minus alcohol and it made me feel better, also managed to clean my flat. Although, I smashed a really nice pint glass accidentally and it went into millions of pieces which made me weep. I probably wasn't weeping over that though. My Dyson HATED it.

Saturday I went to Orpington to meet my mate Louisa for some fry up action. It was really nice wandering around the old place, not been back for a while and there were less freaks out than usual. However, after walking through the dilapidated precinct and then into Peacocks to check out my old Saturday job area from when I was 14, I saw this woman who used to work there when I did and I felt instantly depressed. She didn't recognise me cos in those days I had an unsightly corkscrew perm.

After this, I couldn't bear to get on the bus home so my Dad came and got me - I'd had enough. We hung out for a while listening to Cat Stevens and chatting about my most recent week of hassle. I pointed out to my dad that I kinda feel that one of my downfalls is I'm always trying to act a certain way in front of lads and although I agree there is always room for compromise, to change for someone is just plain stupid. So from on, I'm going to be myself. (Starting at the checkout in Morrisons later that day and chatting up 18 year old "David". He made me actually go RED. And he was 18. Hey man, still got it!)

Saturday night I met Hevver Bevver and co and we went for a couple of beers in New Cross. We then went onto see a band which were really rather good. I was pretty pissed though and when they'd finished I decided to call it a night. The next day I went to do my radio show and I was about half hour in, when suddenly my right eye went blind. Which means for me, a migraine is on its way and soon my speech will fuck up. I had to abandon the show with haste and get a cab home before I started talking utter gibberish. It's really scary cause you think you're having a stroke. Makes me scared to speak in case I say the wrong words. I did find myself saying the word "Futter." alot. Stupid Migraine. It meant I had to miss a BBQ at my mate's house :-(. Once the zig saggy lines go and the numb arms and weird speech things go, then I'm left with the feeling of being punched in the head which I still have. Really annoying but thankfully I only get them once a year on average. Prob caused by the stresses of last week.

This week I have written lists and plans and am going to execute them. I've already done three things on my list including my new and revised CV. There's something satisfying about putting a line through stuff.

I will definitely be back on the radio show on sunday and I have some ACE music for this sunday so please try to listen in if you can at from 10 am.

Also if you haven't already, Catface Comedy on the 15th July starring Barry Castagnola, Paul Foot, Michael Legge and Josie Long is on SALE NOW. Go to this group on Facebook to find out how to pre book your ticks and save yourself some cash.

Until next time...

Monday, 1 June 2009

I don't want to dissect everything today, I don't mean to pick you apart you see..... but I can't help it.

The weeks are flying by and its stressing me out. I now only have 4 weeks in my job at MTV - redundancy SUCKS.

So, now I'm FORCED to do some actual work (look for a job). I went on a course last week which was for all redundant rejects who find themselves in "job search" world. It was quite useful and nice to know that my CV is utter crap. The woman who took the course was very annoying. You know those women who just eminate BITCH from every pore. Well she was one of those. I just kept thinking.."we so couldn't be friends". I'm sure she would be most upset to learn that.

But yeah, the course obviously made the whole being out of work thing a reality which of course isn't a very secure or jolly thought. But, if I'm honest I'm actually excited about being unemployed. I've not been unemployed since I was 14 years old and got my first saturday job at "Curtess Shoes" in the corner of Peacocks in Orpington. I've always been on a payroll. And now, to not have a regular income is going to feel weird. Oh well, its not like I'm the only person to lose their job eh and like I say, the idea of getting up when I want like so many of my fellow loser friends feels pretty good.

Friday night I went out in Soho as the Head of Post Production (another redundancy victim) was having his leaving drinks. It was well cool. I did NETWORKING. Proper real networking. Suddenly the worry of not getting a job evaporated. Thanks Stella! (artois). The boy met me and also came to the event. He seemed to get on well with my colleagues which is always important, especially when your leaving your job in 4 weeks anyway, so....

I had a pretty vicious hangover on saturday and was due to go to my friend Sam's house later on in the afternoon. I got there at around 4pm and my head was still banging. The only way through this I felt was more alcohol. She has two children that although are actually two of the nicest kids I know, their leaping on me, pushing a scooter into my knee and the 2 year old accidently punching me in the face, meant I really needed to be drunk. So I became this way and happily the afternoon was a success.

I got home at about 9 o clock and spent about an hour and half on the phone to my friend trying to work out how we could get her a boyfriend and what avenues we haven't already exhausted. Turned out we're really scraping the barrel now but are going down the "friend of a friend" route. The guy I'm kind of seeing doesn't really have any single friends (SELFISH) so we have to try something else. Any ideas? Comment if you know of any avenues to try (Not internet, we've done that).

Sunday I spent the afternoon reading through old diaries and looking at old photos. Its come to my attention that I peaked at the age of 28 and am now on a downward spiral. It would help some if I could shift this fat, but unfortunately I'm really greedy. God the poor people on the beach in Ibiza are going to literally VOM when they see me in my thread bare bikini. And I go topless. HAHAAH! Have that holiday makers! Me fatting about on the beach. ENJOY! I might even play volley ball just to make matters worse. (Yeah right, as if I plan to MOVE.)

So, this week I am staying in cause I have NO MONEY. How exciting my life is. Don't you just wish you were me? No? Well... thats fine.

Till next time.