And through a fractal on a breaking wall, I see you my friend.... and touch your face again.

SO! I can't believe how quickly this year's gone, or that it's Christmas already. I'm sure I'm not the first person to say that but at least I didn't say Crimbo. (As I've previously mentioned in other blogs around this time of year I HATE people who say Crimbo. UGH. I just got a watery mouth.)

Talking of watery mouths I was sick all day on Saturday. It was rotten and my boyfriend came over from work just in time to witness me retching down the loo. NOICE. He still seems to love me but any air of mystique I once possessed has now disappeared.

We've been having fun lately, doing couple things but I have to say that when I was single and used to see couples together I would think, SMUG bastards. I thought that once I joined in with these couples myself, I'd find out that they weren't smug, but merely happy and in love. BUT, It turns out that some couples are smug! They aren't really happy, its all a sham to make singles feel like shit. Don't believe the hype. One couple I take great delight in hanging with and who aren't smug are Jack and Louise. They're a fun couple. The other day me and my boy went round there for some dinner and afterwards instead of sitting around putting the world to rights we moved the table out of the way and had a disco. Happy days. HI JACK! He loves this blog, he's my biggest fan aren't you Jack. Yeah so anyway as far as me and the boy go though all is very well. The only problems we've experienced since embarking on this ride of love is nasty females who have been GOSSIPING about us because their lives are too boring for them to partake in. After much discussion we have decided that this is amusing.

Now then, onto other news. I'm still having issues with benefits, honestly I despair. I hate watching Jeremy Kyle now because instead of making me feel better it makes me feel worse. Those SMUG guests all on benefit, all getting their ya know....money. I still haven't had a penny. The other day when I went to sign on they made me wait outside because I was early and to my right were these two severe chavvy girls listening to their mobile music and to my left was a scruffy alcoholic, drinking (actual) Super Tennants. I looked up to the sky and said to myself "Is this all there is...." (apparently so.)

OMG we went to see Paranormal Activity the other day. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a film. A scary scary film. You have got to go and see it if you haven't already, it's not gory it's just proper shit you up stuff. I will not be sleeping with my foot out of the bed from now on. Go see.

So unlike previous December's I'm not going out getting mashed for Christmas cheer, owing to having no money. Gone are the days where I would roll around on the floor with a kebab in hand, gone are the days when I get chucked out of Charing Cross, gone are the days when the police were called because I was pissing in Price Water Cooper's (or whatever they were called) grounds. HAPPY, HAPPY DAYS.

I'm hardly drinking much at all these days, although I was pretty mashed at ten pin bowling on friday. I actually did that (comical) accidental throwing of the ball behind me when I went up to bowl. I also set off the alarm in the alley by trying to leave via the fire exit. Great days. I was in bed by 9:15pm. Also last night I went out for my mate Karen's 30th and we ended up in McDonalds troughing the entire contents of the place. My mate actually had, 1 beefburger, 2 cheeseburgers, nuggats, cheese nuggats and chips. Although she informed me that she shared the chicken with fellow commuters on the train home. Good old fast food. I remember waking up a couple of years ago with a complaints form in my handbag from when I'd been drunkenly outraged the night before because Burger King didn't have any burgers left, only whoppas. God how embarrassing, I actually kicked off in Burger King, Euston. Over a burger. What a jabba.

Right I'm starving, I'm off to fill my face.

Until next time.

One journey for you but it's worth it, one life here with me and it's magic....

And again, I'm sorry. I see people are still regularly visiting me' blog so felt I should write. I really have no idea why I've been so slack as it's not like I'm rushed off my feet or anything.

Well, all's good with me. Except still jobless and have now signed on. WELL! That was a task and a half. The forms are LOOOOONG. It makes me wonder how Jeremy Kyle guests manage it. The hoops I've jumped through have been many. I wonder if the Jeremy Kyle contestants just get someone else to do their forms for them? Either way, I've done it. The term 'sign on' is something I've often wondered the meaning of. Do you SIGN ON something? No. You don't, you have to just go and get questioned. I didn't even know what I was entitled to and I called up their head office in Northern Ireland and stated my situation. The irish lady I spoke to asked why I hadn't applied? And I said I didn't know. And she said "Well, you can't very well live on fresh air can ye?" And I thought, well actually you can because fresh air has oxygen in it and that's how us human-beings stay alive but I didn't want to split hairs.

In other news I've been hanging out with my boy and watching copius amounts of reality TV. X Factor (or as I hilariously call it SEX factor...oh har har har), Strictly Come Dancing and of course I'm A Celebrity (erm...) get me out of here. I was as shocked as the rest of the bored people in this kingdom that Katie Price has re-enterered the jungle. However having studied her behaviour it is clear to me that she is being very submissive and planning to win back her fans after the Team Andre/Price debacle. I suppose it doesn't take alot to work that one out. In her DEAD voice she explained that "The fairytale is over and I want closure". But really Jordan, REALLY, you're just sick of being hated aren't you. Which is fair enough, no one wants to be hated. But could you do it in a LESS obvious way? Have some dignity maybe. I love that word, dignity. I've noticed that on Katie's face there's this weird RIDGE that juts out above her top lip. Looks like a beak.

Other than that I've joined the gym again because I have lost all endorphine activity to my brain. THe gym's in Lewisham and there are many beef cakes there who intimidate me with their veiny muscly arms. I've taken to bringing my head phones and becoming engrossed in This Morning to distract me. The gym's good as it gets me off Facebook. I've become rather addicted so have now not updated my status for a whole week. Shocking.

Everything's cool with me and the boy and we have muchly plans for the future. They mainly centre around me getting a job but details, details. He's a good man and puts up with my cat noises which would be a deal breaker if he didn't.

Hmmmm how long till its time for the Apprentice to come back? :-(

Until next time...

And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away... oh my.... And it was New York, New York, she's poisoned his sweet mind.

Oh God I have to keep starting these blogs with a sorry. SORRY! I haven't written for ages which is strange because I have ridiculous time on my hands just not the inclination to write. Until now.

Now. Let me see.... What have I been doing? Well first up, I got an iphone. I know! I'm down with the kids totally. I'd originally decided against getting one because its a touch screen thing and I was worried my sausagey fingers may have trouble mashing the right buttons. But its easy peasy lemon squeezy! Get one they rule. The other day I was driving along to an unknown destination and my iphone was being all TOM TOM like. It was ace. A little blue light flashed as to where I was and I found my way. And now I'm listening to some new songs just downloaded from Itunes. They are The Temper Trap, Muse, Mr Hudson - White Lies and Paloma Faith. YAY. Get involved.

I went to the TMF Awards in Belgium the other weekend and it was ace. As mentioned before I did the voice over for this and so had been invited along to join in the partying. Me and boy had an excellent time and the voice overs sounded cool. Here is a clip - (Lasgo and INtro) I did the intro you might need to use head phones to get the full effect and its on for the first 20 seconds I believe. http://www.youtube.com/user/MsKetyParry#p/u/19/ZGXy_6mYo_I

The next day I felt very very rough indeed. All the way home I had a really dodgy tummy so my pretense to my boyf that I never poo, went straight out the window. I think I did quite well up to then. I kept it up for like two months and he never suspected a thing! I'm never going to be one of those girls who pretend they don't fart or burp, its just not gonna happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls who cock their leg at random and chant "Listen to this, its too good to miss, da da da da da DA!" RASP! But ya know, I'm human.

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago which seemed to go quite well, so much so that I got a second interview and out of 90 applicants I was down to the last three. For this "interview" I was asked to formulate two Power Point Presentations and complete a work ethic report thing. Now, although I'm familiar with Power point and can do basic presentations I hadn't used it for years so this worried me greatly. I spent AGES on it and got some invaluable help from friends (Holly you get a massive thanks!) and I was pretty pleased with the end results. On the day I was crapping it. It was a panel interview and the main guy interviewing me, as soon as I sat down seemed to emulate a vibe that he thought I was just a silly girl. This threw me, so I started to act like an erm... silly girl. During the presentation I actually got the giggles because it was sooooo over.

I felt like I did when I first attempted to do my driving test. I failed 5 minutes in, but still had to drive around like an utter DICK for 25 more minutes. Also the report thing I did was a bit like a personality test. When I was half way through the HOUR long questions, I started to wonder if in fact this was some kind of scientology situation. I mean, this company are based in Goodge street JUST round the corner from The Scientologist's "shop". The company were run by the Government tooo... Very strange. Needless to say I didn't get the job. Shock horror. I wouldn't have employed someone who kept laughing throughout the interview either so furry muff.

Right what else? Oh yeah there were more deletions on Face Book. I was forced to delete someone I actually care a great deal about.... What a shame, I'm genuinely very disappointed. That's the thing about FB it really puts in your face who you are or aren't friends with. Also people don't have to give you any reasons, instead can just treat you like cyber shit from afar and you're none the wiser. Ah well, nevermind. I wanted to mention it though.

My iphone on the other hand, is BEST friends with Facebook and I can upload pictures from my phone with a touch of a button (screen) its GREAT.

In other news me and the man are getting on great! He met my Ma and Pa the other day and everyone seemed to get on which is very good indeed. Its always highly embarrassing on the first meet but I was pleased to say things were relatively relaxed. He's so manly! He's put up shelves and made me shoe racks and everything! Its probably quite a change for him to go out with me as I'm quite laddish at times. The other day we were eating fajitas and I hadn't had them before and he was showing me the best way to load them up. He goes "they're very filling, most girls can only eat two." And I'm like WTF? Two? Fuck off and hand me four. haha. haha he'll soon learn that I can pack it in baby.

Oh yes! I'm back on SW1 radio tomorrow so if you are up at 10am please log on to http://www.sw1radio.co.uk/ I could do with the company....

I watched the footage the other day of that woman in Melbourne who's baby fell on the train tracks. Oh God, how disturbing was that! Bloody 'ell Barbara what a nightmare and an absolute miracle that the babba was ok. I'm not going to post it up cause it disturbs one, but check it out at the BBC website.

And finally, it's Catface Comedy again this Wednesday and its going to be ACE. Tickets are two thirds sold so if you are planning on coming get in quick. http://www.thebetsey.com/ and go to events.

Until next time...

Her friends are so jealous.....you know how bad girls get.

I've not written in ages, I suppose like a diary there doesn't seem to be much point when one is feeling relatively jolly. Besides, it would be a pretty boring entry saying, "Dear diary, every things peachy keen". But, it's not really. The job thing is getting pretty silly now but I just got a call for an interview for next week for a job I really really want so we shall see eh?

In other news as you can probably guess every thing's going pretty cool with the boy. Of course we've had a couple of very minor issues which seem to involve exes and men and women (on both sides) but where we're both old we are a little more realistic in our discussions and thus have overcome these. I remember as a young puppy I used to fly into jealous rages over exes and other women not thinking for a minute that I may seem a complete and utter psycho. But as age has weathered me these rages remain at a bare minimum. A wise lady once told me "If you clip their wings, they will fly". And this is true. So smile sweetly and say don't worry and you will always win. Unless they're cheating and then FUCK THEM UP GOOD.

Right! I have been overdosing on Jeremy Kyle lately and it's not making me feel any better. Especially as I've watched so many now that I'm onto episodes where they don't have any actual guests and they're looking at past episodes and how they do the DNA tests. Imagine if you went to the Jeremy Kyle show to watch a good old argue and all you get when you arrive is a REVISIT show. GOD. How disappointing. However lets face it, the whole thing is really. Oh Jeremy Kyle you and your shouty mouth. And then it's time for Ricky Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael and Judge Judy. Life doesn't get much better than this.

Something else I've been watching is "What Katy did next". Like most, I am well over the Team Andre/Team Price debacle but this is good telly. The other day her veneer fell out on the way to a book signing and she got drunk at her friend's wedding and made a right knob of herself. Reality TV gold people. Sigh...

I watched Marley and Me last night with my boy and he had assured me I would like it and would cry. But the thing with me is, I hate films where they make you like the dog or robot (Johnny 5 is alive) and then the dog or robot dies. BUT, that Marley dog was REALLY irritating. I didn't like him one bit and was kinda glad when he died. Not really but I didn't cry and my boyfriend annoyingly kept looking at me when there was a sad bit. So I then felt really bad as my eyes were bone dry so I did a few sniffles for effect, again prompting him to whip his head round to look at me. So in the end I just went, "What? I'm not gonna cry." And then the film just ended and I thought "what was the point of that?" I mean, how did it do so well. Here's a good idea for a film, its about a dog and a perfect family. What a classic.

It was my birthday this week on wednesday and I turned 31. That day, I did lots of job search to keep myself occupied and was immediately reminded of my age change when I had to tick categories on some of the job applications because it seems, I'm now in the 31-35 category. This displeased me greatly.

Ha Jeremy Kyle just shouted at a guest "Well if you KNEW you could get someone pregnant why didn't you put something on the end of it!" And now I have Beyonce's "If you like her then why don't you put a ring on it" classic in my head, but using Jeremy's lyrics. I hope it goes soon.
Oh god now he's just said "Make sure you DO put something on the end of it!"
STOP IT JEREMY STOP IT!

Tonight I have my birthday drinks which I'm greatly looking forward to and then I have a good friend's wedding to go to tomorrow so it should be a jolly weekend. Sorry this blog is patchy, I'll get back on it next week.

Till next time.

You say you've got to go home. Well at least there's someone there that you can talk to.....And you never have to face up to the night on your own.

Oh God this is relentless. Where are all the jobs? Stop saying, WE'RE in a recession, you're not and I bloody am. Oh well. I got a day's temping yesterday in Halstead which has a population of like ONE. It was a good day however and I got right into the swing of things. My boy's housemate has his own business and he needed someone to come in and progress the orders. Which means ringing people up and saying, "erm where's our order?? You promised you'd send it and you LIED. Where is it? I feel so violated." Well, not like that, but a bit like that. And I had to do answering of the phones too. Reminded me of TV Travel shop. "Good afternoon, TV Travel shop how can I help you?" Or as we hilariously liked to drop in... "How can I hump you?" Oh happy days. etc. (Obviously I didn't say that yesterday.) Just as well they weren't flying Airlingus.... "Yes Mrs Jones you'll be flying (cunni)LINGUS." What? I said Airlingus.... what did you think I said?" Oh we were tinkers in our hay day. What does hay day mean? I mean,where does it come from? My hay day. When I was made entirely out of HAY. Yes those were the days.


Last week I went to to MTV Belgium to record the voiceover for the TMF Awards. The day started off very silly. I woke up at 4:30am on my sofa fully clothed and had to get straight in the shower and off to the station. EVERYTHING was delayed, trains, the computer governed DLR and the tube. I arrived 5 minutes before the train was due to depart and as the eurostar is like an aeroplane that travels on land and under the sea I was too late. I then had to sit around for an hour and a half waiting for the next one.

When I finally boarded it, none other than BO JO (Boris Johnson) was on board too. When we arrived in Brussels the PAPs were out in force to greet BO JO and co. I had to get on another train to a distant town and I missed that so more waiting around. Luckily when I did get on the train there was a very sweet tiny puppy on board to keep me company. When I got to Belgium my ex colleagues Hanna and Petra were waiting for me. Lovely girls. Anyway we pretty much got straight down to the Voiceover. One of the descriptions of the script was to say the text in a "Bombastic" way. I tried my best to be like Shaggy but to no avail. It went remarkably well and we completed it in record time. I managed to get back for around 10:30pm and my boyf came over. He'd bought me this big plant/flower thing. And I didn't realise but it was a massive Orchid which requires love and attention. I will do my very very best.

At the weekend I was back on SW1 radio, so please make sure you listen this sunday 10am - 12pm. http://www.sw1radio.co.uk/ is the website to log onto and click LISTEN LIVE. And I will play you a songy! After this I met up with the boy and we went to a "Heavy Horse Show" in Shoreham, Kent. There were indeed very heavy horses there, possibly weighing about 100 stone each. Who knows? I was disappointed that their weights weren't disclosed. Also there was TOMBOLA and a birds of prey exhibition, and a smash the plates thing and everything. It was was not unlike a real life Vicar of Dibly. Strange but much fun.

This week's flown by and next week I really have to knuckle down as the teachers say. But oh I'm having so much fun being out of work. In two weeks its my birthday and I shall be 31 years of age. What about when people say "I'm 31 years YOUNG!" Oh hooo har har har! So very amusing. Yes anyway so I'll be 31. The year's flown by and I just called my mum up to check what day I'll be seeing her in my birthday week. I was going to let her know that on my actual birthday the boy's taking me out and on the friday I have a big knees up of birthday drinks. She goes, oh that's good as I'm out on your actual birthday but I presumed you wouldn't wanna see us that day anyway. I was like "Why did you presume that?" and she goes "Well you never see us on your birthday do you." Erm except LAST year mum. She was like" Yeah but last year was a bit of a funny one." "Do you mean because I was 30 mum?" And she goes "Well no, it was cause you were all on your own weren't you" ERM NO. I wasn't. I just didn't have a boyfriend.... like most year's. hahah. She makes me laugh. So yes, I'm very much looking forward to that. YAY 31. PRESSURE.
"What have you done with your life Leanne?"
"Alot thanks, inner monologue. "
"Oh, OK then, as you were."

Until next time.

And God knows......you got me sewn.

So a bit of a whirlwind this last few days. I still don't have a job which is a BUMMER severely, however other good stuff's been happening of which I shall enlighten you in due course.

Work wise I've been asked to do the voiceover for the TMF Awards again. I did it last year and it was wicked. Mental infact. So tomorrow I'm Eurostar bound for Belgium to get recording in the VO booth. I'm the voice that booms over the stadium "Best new act international.... And the nominees are.... Jonas Brothers!" etc. Really looking forward to it and its a complete honour to be asked back. YEAH.

In other news, it turns out that I've met this man. This man, is infact THE man. Or so it would seem. Sorry lads but I'm now officially listed as "In a relationship" on FB (hahaha). He's wonderful, tickage of boxage is the deal here so life is sweet. And the mental thing is, it appears the feeling is mutual.

On a serious note, for me this is great news. After a turbulent time with men (where they haven't been especially nice to me, bordering on down right horrid) where infact I can honestly say I had lost my way, this one seems the opposite. It's a wonderful feeling and something I've been waiting for, for a long time. Ahhhhh...

Anyway, so this weekend I went to Dublin for the weekend with my mate Katy. It was WICKED. We did not stop laughing from start to finish. I met up with my mate Rob who I met in Australia last year. We spent a night in Sydney getting thrown out of pubs and casino's for around 12 hours. Happy days. To this day neither of us can confirm why this happened but it could well have been because of the alcohol we consumed. Dublin was very very expensive like double London prices but most were friendly. Other than the women. HA! The evils we got were very amusing. We could take the barging us out of the way for most of the night but after a while our London patience was wearing thin. We saw a band called "The Joshua Tree" which was obviously a tribute band to U2. Bono pulled me up on stage and I swayed around with him for a while like a dick head groupie. The girls didn't like that one. HAHA. Stupid knobs.

Rob took us to this wine bar which was in a seedy downstairs basement. It was so 80's. But it wasn't supposed to be 80's I don't think. It wasn't like Reflex night club or anything like that, it was actually like something out of "The Young Doctors" or it could have belonged to Wilmot Brown of Eastenders fame. Anyway this bloke came up to me and started to chat me up and when I saw it going in that direction I proudly exclamed that "I have a boyfriend". To which he said "Ok, just give me a little kiss." And gestured to his cheek. So I thought "you cheeky fucker". And went to him totally deadpan "Soz, can't. I've got a rash". (I was trying to think of impetigo but instead settled for simply "A rash") SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH. Still, it worked. He looked startled for a moment and then set his face to cool and sloped off.

We watched X Factor saturday for a couple of hours before going out on Saturday (Rock and Roll) and I loved loved loved the girl band "The Stunners" HAAHAAAA. Sorry but one was cross eyed. SURELY someone kind could have given them a gentle nudge "Mate, your eyes stare off in different directions" but no. That Danyl from last week was SUPER COOL. Total natural charisma WIN DANYL WIN!!!

Anyway, I'll leave you with some Dublin photos of us in the Wilmot Brown bar. Until next time.

And they covered up the sun until the birds had flown away....And the fishes in the sea had gone to sleep.

My friend and I were just chatting about people that say things to you, which are about as subtle as a sledge hammer blow to the head. So for example, I remember the time I fancied this guy and I wanted to find out if he was single. One of my "mates" said she would find out.

Her "Bad news, yeah he's got a girlfriend"
Me "Oh really? Boo that sucks. Oh well NEXT!".
Her "Yeah, he's got a girlfriend...so....."
Me "Yep, you said. It sucks but that's life."
Her "Yeah..... I think you should know, she's well pretty. Like REALLY pretty. So..."
Me "Oh right, well thanks for letting me know."
Her "Yeah I mean, like REALLY pretty Leanne..."

YES OK I GET THE PICTURE! PRETTIER THAN ME YOU MEAN. But it did make me laugh alot.

I had an incident like this today. I went for a job interview a few weeks back and hadn't heard anything so presumed I hadn't got it. Which, I hadn't. But the lady who took me for my interview called me today and she was really nice and all with telling me the reason why I hadn't got it. And I said "Ah nevermind...thanks anyway." So she goes "Yeah it really was down to that, it was a tough decision, but the other candidate was er.....she was er.... Better." HAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA

Reminded me again of the time I asked this guy out I liked (I've mentioned it here before.. but I shall repeat cause it makes me laugh)

Me "So er....do you fancy a drink sometime?"
Him " erm....."
Me "Its ok, you can say no...."
Him "No, then."

ARF!

I've had a really productive day. Starting out at an agency in Leicester Sq which went ok. Then onto meet my mate for a spot of lunch, then shopping for a wedding outfit for sunday. And for some reason it was relatively easy. Although the girl that served me for my shoes had a stammer and I didn't realise and finished her sentences for her three times before it came to light. Oh well, I was only being helpful.

Oh! I forgot to mention Catface Comedy! It was good, although I set the room up for a smaller audience and we got loads of walk ins so everyone was a bit higgledy piggledy. Thanks to all the acts that came down and to the audience (even the pervy one) and Barry Castagnola headliner stormed it. When he went to get off people were shouting COME BACK! Ah that makes me happy.

Tonight I'm going out in Canary Wharf with my girlfriends. We were supposed to be doing this dating night thing where each girl brings a guy they know who's single and then sets him loose to meet his future wife (Well thats my understanding of it anyway) We did something like this a few years ago for the documentary I did. That part of the film wound up on the cutting room floor. We called it "Date a mate, I'll bring the bait." which I happen to think is a great name.

Right come on TESCO DELIVERY! I'm waiting! Wow that was like a status update.

Have a lovely weekend.