Something in his heart told him to come clean. He was not who he claimed to be.

Bootcamp Saturday morning was a killer. Friday evening I wisely decided to drink several glasses of white wine in preparation for this gruelling training. By the time 8:30pm came around I was on the merry side so I thought I should go home and not drink anymore. So I headed for the train station but cleverly called Warren to arrange to meet up for another large wine at our local bar. Then I was eating curry and then it was the next day. Stupid wine.

Hell I forced myself to go to bootcamp training anyway. When I arrived, there was only one other girl there but pretty soon another three ladies joined us. The trainers were super fit but also very nice so that was a good thing. They set up three circuit things and we had to do them continuously until they blew their whistles signalling us to change to the next circuit thing. We had to do a million squats too - felt like my thighs and arse were on fire. After the first task I looked around at the group to see if I was wheezing the loudest and thank god I wasn't. One of the girl's there had gone all white and was lying on the floor in the recovery position. She was nearly sick and everything.

I was all pleased with myself up until the stomach exercises where upon I too became thoroughly nauseous. I swallowed it though and carried on. By the time the whole thing was over even the whites of my eyes were red. Not a good look. Warren picked me up and had the cheek to say I looked healthy. I got back to the flat and arranged myself into the recovery position on the sofa for one hour and sipped lemonade.

Then I was all better and it was off to B&Q for some items - I stayed in the car park and got a quarter pounder from the burger van. That night we ate a massive chinese takeaway. Sigh.

So it's with regret that I inform you that I have gained 3lbs in one week. I am SO annoyed with myself. I just dunno what's wrong with me, I just can't stop shoving food in my gob. I mean for example, when I watch Super size V Super skinny I actually salivate over the super sizer's food. It looks lush. Not the quantity necessarily but the FOOD.

Anyway - so I've given myself a good talking to and have gone back to Weight Watchers. I need discipline and can't be trusted to eat large quantities of food as I don't seem to register when I'm full up.
I have also signed up for four more sessions of Boot Camp, I deserve the pain. And believe me I'm in pain. Even the back fat hurts.

Anyway - just a short one today will write proper in the next couple of days.

I got that poison, that poison on my mind.....

ON examining yet more photo's tagged of me on Facebook, I've come to the conclusion that my face is actually rather big. It's quite round. Like the moon. I think the only way I'll have cheek bones is by losing a couple of stone. But now I've started Amanda Hamilton's 28 day detox so I hope this will happen soon and a face shape will emerge from my round bonce.

Today on the eating plan, I've actually eaten seeds like a little birdy. I quite liked them. And raisins I've eaten. Like a little er...birdy also. And! And, shock horror. I've just been to the gym on my lunch break. I did the stepper which makes me sweat like a full on pig. I walked up the equivalent of 53 floors. (Canary Wharf is 50 floors so I was proper wheezing.) It's all worth it though.

Tonight I'm gonna get my boy to take a "before" picture of me to compare and contrast at the end of the 28 day period where upon I will go back onto Weight watchers. I plan to show the before and after pictures to Amanda Hamilton herself so that she might become my new best friend and thus send me to her health spa in Thailand. You have to be in it to win it.

Oh boo I had major insomnia last night. I went to bed at 10pm (making sure to record TOWIE on Sky Plus)and then proceeded to toss and turn for four hours eventually dropping off at 2am. Had to be up at 6am for an early meeting and I'm so not feeling too alive today. But at least I AM alive.....

BECAUSE............. I HAVE STOPPED SMOKING! I AM A NON-SMOKER!! That's right. Allen Carr's easy way method of which I attended a 6 hour seminar about on Saturday, has finally put me straight. I would recommend this whole heartily to any smokers wishing to cease (smoking). Saturday evening me and the boy and another couple we know when to some bars in Brick Lane and all three of them are smokers. They wanted to sit outside so they could smoke and I didn't even care and I was all drunk. Not sure what happened but I am cured and no longer will that poison enter my body. I honestly have no idea why I didn't attend this seminar before. Seriously I recommend it.

So, this week sees me being nice to my poor suffering body and a cookery course on Thursday evening. It's to learn how to make decent Paella. I can't wait. And then Saturday I have this Boot Camp army training thing over at Greenwich park. I'm dreading it, these army blokes are well hard and don't tolerate unfit wheezing women. S'gotta be done though. Only 11 weeks until our holiday and I am NOT bobbing about on a lilo in the sea only to become BEACHED like the whale I have been in past years.

We shall see. I hope you're all brilliant

For what it's worth, I like you.

So I watched The Social Network on Sunday evening and I have to say I was highly disappointed. The actor playing Mark Zuckerberg spoke too fast and monotone like in Dawsons Creek. It was too much. Maybe that's how Mark Z really speaks. All fast and annoying. (Like Dawson's Creek). Anyway s'up to you if you wanna watch it but it's a bit boring.

I'd be well up for watching some Dawson's Creek box set action though. I wonder if I can lay my hands on it. I don't spose it will be as interesting as in the good old days. "I don't wanna wait... for our liiiives to be ooover...."

Speaking of Boxsets, I'm attempting to watch The Wire again. Basically the mistake I made was to watch The Wire STRAIGHT after The Soprano's. And of course one has to adapt you see. I was living "Tony's Law". And then moving on to the Wire where the lead in it has a really bad American accent (after later googling him it turns out he is English, as suspected) it wasn't going to work for me. But after a nice long break I'm finally getting into it and accepting new characters and new stupid accents.

I went to The Vitality Day on Saturday at Earls Court (2). It was ace. At first I just bought stuff like a new ring and some fake bake and I didn't feel very motivated. BUT THEN I was sauntering along and I heard a lady speaking on a loud microphone so I went over to investigate. And it turned out this was to be the most important lecture I would hear of the day (and possibly my LIFE!)

Amanda Hamilton was the loud talker and apparently she's off the telly. Anyway she was talking about caring for your innards and why you might have issues with headaches and stuff. And why you might be "good" all day and then at night time its WINE O CLOCK. "All me" I exclaimed inwardly. And then I signed up for the 28 day detox which begins for me on SUNDAY.

The reason it doesn't start until Sunday is because Saturday I have enrolled on an Allen Carr Stop Smoking seminar. If this doesn't work, then nothing will. I'm so bored of smoking now though and feel like a mug so I think my mind is in the right place at least.

After The Vitality Day on Saturday my friends and I decided to take refuge from the attacking of banks and Topshop by going to the pub. I had four pints in total (I deserved them) but then I was all drunk and on the tube back into central London I left my fakebake by my seat on the train only discovering this error as the tube doors were shutting. Luckily there were some nice sisters on board who posted it back through the moving train window. Love it when I get a taste of sisterhood. High five girlfriends.

When I got home me and the boy drank some more wine and then it was the next day. Ahhhh happy days. Anyway, better get on. Hope you're well.

We will meet you where the lights are....

Got a poxy cold haven't I. Have I? Have I! Yes, I have.
Why is there no cure for a cold? It's a common cold FFS, surely someone should have worked out a remedy by now. ANNOYING.

Anyway this week has been fairly productive. I judged the Funniest Student Comedy Central Competition on Monday at the Comedy Store on Leicester Square. I was to be a judge on a panel of three. Myself, Jack Whitehall of Channel 4 fame and this man called Rick from Off The Kerb management. It was to work like X factor so after each act had done their 5 mins we would all comment. It was a bit weird though because Pat Monaghan was late (he was MCing) so Jack Whitehall had to MC at the top. All I've ever seen Jack do are panel shows and to be honest he comes across as rather irritating and slightly up-startish. BUT, in real life and on stage he's really very funny. Maybe that means that Jimmy Carr's nice in real life. I doubt it.

It was a good competition with very high standards but there could only be one winner. Er obviously. And that was that. I don't really like the Comedy Store as a general rule, it reminds me of the days of the dreaded GONG show where audiences are invited to heckle, jeer and boo off stage, scared little rabbit new comics trying to beat the 5 minute gong. The atmosphere at those things makes me shudder to this day.

Then last night I went to watch the Comedy Rush at the Shaftsbury Theatre where there were 60 comedians in 60 minutes, obviously each doing a minute. AND the Chuckle Brothers were there! And lovely Isy Suttie (Dobby) from Peep Show and many more. . Acts that stood out for me were Ricky Grover, Isy Suttie, The Chuckle Brothers, Charlie Baker, Adam Bloom, Rob Deering, Miss Behave, James Redmond (FIN FROM HOLLYOAKS), Frank Sanazai and Rob Rouse to name a few. I would so recommend this if you get a chance to go and see it.

I've started buying the Big Issue. I am now in a trap where I feel obliged to buy it from every seller I see. It's like doing the same lottery numbers each week, I feel awful if I forget to do it one week. And that's how I feel when I walk past a Big Issue seller. The other day I thought I'll just give that old man (he looked like Santa) a tenner and then I can sleep easy. But then I went past another old smiley man also with the Big Issue and I had no money left. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh well. Why don't you all buy The Big Issue! It's actually quite a good read. There's a spread in it which contain letters and poems from the homeless but that bits depressing so I just skip it and I recommend you do too.

People I want to punch in their stupid faces at the moment are as follows: Ronnie from Eastenders (obviously just the character, I'm NOT mental). She's a fucking knob and this nicking of the child storyline is pathetic. Give the baby back you HOE. And stop being all weird and all that.
And that's my list so far. The other day I wanted to punch this girl who is one of the most shameless specimens of the female gender I have ever come across. But I've sobered up now so alls well that ends well.

And finally, I'm going to the Vitality day tomorrow in Olympia which I know after two hours I will be like "I wanna go home now" but am also gonna try and sneak into the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court to get a vegetable peeler. Oh me. How exciting.

I hope you're all well, even those few who dislike me. No I don't. I only hope all those that like me are well. All the others who don't can go and eat their own shit.

Much love!

And what am I sposed to say, when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

Again a nice long break between blogs and my excuse for this is down to work! I am so busy at the moment, barely getting a chance to take a lunch break (prob not a bad thing) let alone tap out a world class blog post!
But now I have some time, so here goes...

WELL! Xmas was OK, as was New Year. I went on a health kick for about 18 days (like last year) but fell off the wagon with a bang when I went to my friend's 40th and drank Jagerbombs. They're so nice aren't they! All going down into my tummy so yummily and making me not feel drunk, but brilliant and interesting until I discover myself doing a wee wee in a car park and then I KNOW the Jagerbombs have done their work but in a kind and friendly way! Ah Jagerbombs, you're so LOVELY.

So yes off with a bang I fell but have kept the drinking to a weekend event (mostly) and have relished in the no hangover thing. You should try it, it's a strange feeling to feel well MOST days. The other thing I've stuck to is a the gym (bob). I actually LIKE it a bit now and although I get a beetroot face which strangely remains white around my mouth (that can't be right can it) I think I'm making progress. I've lost another half a stone now so since this time last year I have lost 1 stone 2lbs. I only have 2 stone to go and I will look all perfect and lollipop headed just like that lady off Eastenders. Max's girlfriend. Her head is massive.

Don't worry I'm not getting obsessed but I do feel a lot more on track and it's quite nice not to have flab billowing out of my size 16 jeans.

The Biggest Loser on ITV1 is helping quite a bit but not as much as The Biggest Loser USA on Living is! OMG they're massive and if THEY can do loads of exercise and not die of a heart attack then so can I. That's what goes through my head whenever I go to the gym and I'm getting puffed out. Look at that man that's 23stone he can do this and not die, so you can Leanne! So can you.

In other news I actually did projectile vomiting this week. I thought this only existed on Little Britain and the Witches of Eastwick (have another cherry). But no, I got it Wednesday night and it was a Catherine wheel of mucas. GROSS. I think it was a prawn... Either way it helped with the WW weigh in this week no doubt! So every cloud... Poor Warren didn't like it though, covered his tooth brush and flannel. HAHAHA. He really must love me eh.

So I went to a wedding show last week at the Excel Centre. It was very tacky. It was like the one in Gavin and Stacey. I had to wear a sticker saying BRIDE. I didn't like it so I took it off but people still kept coming up and giving me leaflets. The worst selling pitch was for this Spit Roast machine thing. I just couldn't bring myself to be rude to the salesman so listened and ummed and ahhhhed for about 7 minutes. Very annoying as I shan't get that back. Lots of Bridezillas roaming around whereas I'm more of a BrideZuki. I'm going to another one next friday, the National Wedding show at Olympia. I'm not sure why I booked to go to this now. Oh well.

I watched a programme the other night (the night of projectile vomitus) on Sky Anytime called "Bridal Plasty" or something. And the object of the show was 10 brides to be competing to win all the cosmetic surgery they could physically have and also to win a massive expensive wedding. It was pretty disgusting to be honest, at one point they had to do a jigsaw puzzle which once completed the prize for the game was a syringe which admitted them entry into a "needle Party" which enabled them to INJECT THEIR FACES with botox.. And they were so so happy.... I'm all for some basic assessment of one's body parts and if needed, a nip or tuck here or there should be allowed. But these guys were obsessed freaks. Not good.

Anyway - just a short one today with not much info but I plan to write weekly from now on.

I hope you are all well.

And why should the world take notice, of one more love that's failed. A love that can never be....

Well this weather's a little bit dominating isn't it. Up to Saturday it hadn't really gotten the better of me but Well! WTF! Suddenly me and my beau were TRAPPED, YES TRAPPED in the car, surrounded by large flakes of snow and crazy drivers desperate to get home. I'm ashamed to say that a tear drop slipped from my eye when I realised the 10 minute drive would take around 2 hours. I nearly had to don my boy's work boots and get walking. Anyway we got home in the end going via Iceland to pick up an express Xmas dinner in case we find ourselves stranded on his holy-est of days.

This has probably been one of the only December's in a long long time where I haven't been that naughty. Well, I did fall asleep on the train after our work Xmas party but I say that was from being over-tired not because I'd been drinking white wine. Haven't done that for ages (sleeping on the train I mean, not white wine consumption). It was all confusing and then there was this man with a big red face (the DRIVER apparently) explaining I wasn't at Lewisham (my stop of choice) but HAYES no less and the end of the line.

DOH. My boy was none too pleased but agreed to come and pick me up. Haha it was only 11:30pm. What a party animal I am.

In other news I am concerned at how quickly time is going. I became an engaged lady 6 months ago and now 6 months have passed and I still weigh the same (minus 7lbs). But 7lbs isn't that good really in 6 months is it... I dread the thought of putting on a wedding dress and I especially don't want the usual sleeveless boob tube thing with flowing skirt. I want sleeves but that will make me look all frumpy. SIGH. Can't I just buy a nice dress from Monsoon and be done with it? But it won't be in keeping with the wedding (a very glamorous affair) and I must fit into my own wedding. I have a real problem with White as well. I own NOTHING in white 'cept a T-shirt nightie which is more on the yellowy side now. Ah well. This is probably boring for you to read, same as people talking about their kids. BORINGO!! I shall stop now.

Well the last month has been ok, although I had some very sad news discovering my Uncle Nick died. He was a lovely man, really and truly he was, and I wish he hadn't gone.

Onto other topics. Right now at work they're playing Scrooged and I am trying hard not to watch it as we all know I only watch this on xmas eve, after the Snowman. Last year when we went out to a bar they had it on the screens in there, see? I'm slightly annoyed that they're showing me this WELL before the designated viewing period.

Other than that, not much to report. Oh yeah, I'm giving up smoking on the 2nd January. Blah blah blah.... Etc. And doing not eating all that food and drinking all that drink...and yeah. To be fair, I'm pretty happy. I dread writing something like that incase something goes wrong but....it's how I feel right now and I am pleased to say that I am very lucky indeed. Got myself a good job, a good man and a nice rabbit. (and I don't mean any of that in a Facebook smug way, just feels good s'all).
Wishing you ALL a very Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year no matter what! I hope you are all brilliant.
Until next time.

I closed my eyes and closed myself and closed my world and never opened up to anything that could get me at all...

So once more Christmas is right around the corner with just 5 weeks left to go. SIGH. No, I'm looking forward to it very much. Even though I can't put my Xmas Tree up owing to my rabbit eating it. He eats everything. And he shits everywhere. And recently he's been spraying piss on me if he gets annoyed. In fact, I live in a litter tray. I'm hoping that when he gets his balls lopped off all will be right with the world, but somehow I think he's just a naughty ware-rabbit sent to cause me grief. I can't be angry with him for long though because he's such a Catface with his snuffly fuzzy nosey and his velveteen rabbit ears.

Oh yes the last time I wrote I was about to go to a Supper Club in Islington. It was really good fun although slightly cringey. We arrived there late so I felt unbonded with the others. I also couldn't be bothered to talk to randoms but quickly realised that this was the thing to do so I chatted to a nice girl called.....I can't remember....but anyway she was nice. Then we all went out to this shed in the garden and proceeded to trough through copious lovely food.

There was only one semi-dickhead there. He was quite posh and about 27 years old but felt he knew more than me. Mistake. No not really, he just had an opinion on everything and kept spouting a lot of bilge. All like this: "HAW HAW HAW! FNAR FNAR FNAR!" Luckily for him I had been very good with my wine consumption so he didn't receive a Leanne special. Like when he said he hadn't come across ANY crime in London nor had his posho friends - he then when onto to say that crime was only between gangs and drug users. Yes, that's right Knob for brains, that's the facts indeed. Another one from the home counties who gets cabs everywhere.

He reminded me of that dick off the Apprentice from last night's episode. What was his name? I can't remember but he had a face like a pig was about 20 and was team leader. I'm an entrepreneur, I make decisions in my head, that's why I'm good at business. Oh shut up dick wad, why don't you eat your own shit? That would have been my idea in the brain storming session. "Yes, I have an idea pig face, why don't you eat your own shit." Then I would draw a picture on the flip chart of his pig face eating his own shit.

As you can see I am still a huge fan of the HD blue eyed candidates on The Apprentice but my love will always remain with Lord Sugar.

In other news Prince William liked her so he went and put a ring on it. (Kate) And now she'll be a Princess and everything! They've only a few months to plan - not long at all. The guys at my work are doing a whip round for them, they deserve it. And Kate's got the Diana -engagement ring which I quite like, but lets hope she won't have to recycle that bloody awful dress. (Let alone the ruffs.)

So Facebook! How am I coping not being a part of that magical world I hear you ask...? Very well thank you. I must admit in the first couple of days I was itching to know what *Jo was having for her tea and also that "*Annette has had e (FUCKING) nuff!" and also my absolute favourite - the obligatory "whats up hun?" comment below the above update... But I have coped. And it's been lovely and refreshing and although I was only going to come off for a month, a month has passed and I just don't want back in. Maybe next year. We'll see.
I do miss some people though. But luckily I have their mobile numbers so don't be alarmed.
*Some names have been changed in order to not make people I know look like dicks.

And that's that. I think. Yes, anyway, all that I care to divulge on here.

I hope you are really well.
Until next time...