Got a poxy cold haven't I. Have I? Have I! Yes, I have.
Why is there no cure for a cold? It's a common cold FFS, surely someone should have worked out a remedy by now. ANNOYING.
Anyway this week has been fairly productive. I judged the Funniest Student Comedy Central Competition on Monday at the Comedy Store on Leicester Square. I was to be a judge on a panel of three. Myself, Jack Whitehall of Channel 4 fame and this man called Rick from Off The Kerb management. It was to work like X factor so after each act had done their 5 mins we would all comment. It was a bit weird though because Pat Monaghan was late (he was MCing) so Jack Whitehall had to MC at the top. All I've ever seen Jack do are panel shows and to be honest he comes across as rather irritating and slightly up-startish. BUT, in real life and on stage he's really very funny. Maybe that means that Jimmy Carr's nice in real life. I doubt it.
It was a good competition with very high standards but there could only be one winner. Er obviously. And that was that. I don't really like the Comedy Store as a general rule, it reminds me of the days of the dreaded GONG show where audiences are invited to heckle, jeer and boo off stage, scared little rabbit new comics trying to beat the 5 minute gong. The atmosphere at those things makes me shudder to this day.
Then last night I went to watch the Comedy Rush at the Shaftsbury Theatre where there were 60 comedians in 60 minutes, obviously each doing a minute. AND the Chuckle Brothers were there! And lovely Isy Suttie (Dobby) from Peep Show and many more. . Acts that stood out for me were Ricky Grover, Isy Suttie, The Chuckle Brothers, Charlie Baker, Adam Bloom, Rob Deering, Miss Behave, James Redmond (FIN FROM HOLLYOAKS), Frank Sanazai and Rob Rouse to name a few. I would so recommend this if you get a chance to go and see it.
I've started buying the Big Issue. I am now in a trap where I feel obliged to buy it from every seller I see. It's like doing the same lottery numbers each week, I feel awful if I forget to do it one week. And that's how I feel when I walk past a Big Issue seller. The other day I thought I'll just give that old man (he looked like Santa) a tenner and then I can sleep easy. But then I went past another old smiley man also with the Big Issue and I had no money left. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh well. Why don't you all buy The Big Issue! It's actually quite a good read. There's a spread in it which contain letters and poems from the homeless but that bits depressing so I just skip it and I recommend you do too.
People I want to punch in their stupid faces at the moment are as follows: Ronnie from Eastenders (obviously just the character, I'm NOT mental). She's a fucking knob and this nicking of the child storyline is pathetic. Give the baby back you HOE. And stop being all weird and all that.
And that's my list so far. The other day I wanted to punch this girl who is one of the most shameless specimens of the female gender I have ever come across. But I've sobered up now so alls well that ends well.
And finally, I'm going to the Vitality day tomorrow in Olympia which I know after two hours I will be like "I wanna go home now" but am also gonna try and sneak into the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court to get a vegetable peeler. Oh me. How exciting.
I hope you're all well, even those few who dislike me. No I don't. I only hope all those that like me are well. All the others who don't can go and eat their own shit.