GOOD DAY! It's my birthday today and I'm 32. Now I'm like properly getting on a bit and I feel that everything is as it should be. Huzzah.
SO! The other weekend I went to BUTLINS, Bognor Regis.... It was a "90's Reloaded" weekend and Chesney Hawkes and S Club 3 were there. I thought it was going to be mainly screaming ladies there but the ratio of men to women was about 60 40.... And there was SO many stag do's I couldn't go five minutes without seeing a willy, hairy arse or a big fat gut. It was AWFUL. (ha!)
A proper meat market - the men were savages! :-) And it didn't help that my team of ladies are all easy on the eye so we were targeted by the raging testosterone fuelled stags. To be fair we were the best of a bad bunch. The other women there (apart from some sexy Baywatch ladies) were bloody awful looking - faces like they belonged as guests on Jeremy Kyle.
There was one particular guy who came up to us on the first afternoon of the weekend. The girls and I had gone to a pub in Butlins and as we walked in it was pure carnage. There was a man standing around casually drinking a pint with his pants and trousers round his ankles. There were ginger bread men, Mario brothers, men dressed up as women (original!) and so much more.... When we moved outside the guy ambled over to us absolutely off his head. He couldn't stop the muscles in his face spasming. He was a complete delight as you can imagine - did make me laugh though. His tongue was actually green. Haha his parting comment to us was to tell Karen she reminded him of a Romanian Tramp (where did he get that from?) Me a porn star and Louisa a Boa Constrictor snake. HAHAHAHAHA From that moment on I knew the weekend would be great fun.
And it was, but it wasn't without it's nostalgic moments as well. In the olden days I frequented Butlins, even managing to get in the Brochure as a 13 year old. (Them's were the days.) I also had my first proper holiday romance there. Craig Holt his name was and I cried for days when we left. (It was unrequited love but still....) Makes me laugh how snobby people can be about Butlins... in its hay day it was really good fun.
Nowadays its not as good - mainly because I don't like the fact that I'm older than all the Red Coats. Also it looks so different now, they've erected this whopping great tent in the middle of everything which to me is pointless - it smells all tenty in there. And also this huge hotel which is just so very random. They've still got an indoor pool though with other aqua flumes. I went on lots of these :-). There was one flume where you have to sit in this 2 man rubber dingy thing. Unfortunately the cut off weight for two dingy passengers was 21 stone so this meant I was going SOLO. haaa! I looked great in my thread-bare Matalan swimming costume with no bust support.
It was definitely an adults only weekend, confirmed to me when in the wave machine pool, seeing a girl floating past on a gigantic inflatable knob. Great days.
S-Club 3 were basic. Bradley kept trying to be all down with the drunk people. Shouting things like "Yeah! YEAH! How many of you out there are PISSED?!" Er...everyone Bradley, or we wouldn't be here, would we. Oh and little Chesney took a tumble on stage - Bless him. Louisa was cracking me up she was quite drunk (we all were) and she was exclaiming seriously what SHE would say to Chesney and his manager "Look, I know the One and Only's your bread and butter Chesney, but you need to think up some new songs".... Haha and a drunken stag tried to rush the stage and got bundled to the ground by the bouncers. It was all happening in Butlins I tell ya!
I've started my new job at Comedy Central and it seems to be going quite well, everyone's really nice and down to earth. YAY! Very pleased indeed. Catface Comedy is back on the 20th October at the Betsey Trotwood so DO come along if you can. And that's that.
I'm off to get a KFC fully loaded. (this will include Fillet tower burger, chips, chicken and gravy) I'm a little bit hungover.
I hope you're all really really well. :-) Till next time.