Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Don't crack up.... Bend your brain, see both sides, throw off your mental chains....


(Not my PERIOD in case you're an "Are you there God it's me Margaret" fan.)

No, I GOT IT! I got the DRESS. The wedding dress I mean. The one I will become a Mrs. WIFE in.

Well, this has been a long time coming cos I've been putting it off until I've shifted some more flabbage. But in the end someone convinced me to call up the Bridey shop and when I told them the date of my wedding she told me off for not coming in sooner! She told me that I was CUTTING IT FINE and that anything could happen in the 7 months until my wedding. She said "what happens if there's another ash cloud?" And I wasn't equipped to answer her on that one, so I made an appointment for Saturday just gone.

I explained to the lady that I was planning on losing more weight and I didn't see the point in coming in before now. She said there was "nothing of me". Er yeh. Right. So when I finally went in with my SPRAINED ankle and crutch (more on that later) I felt incredible apprehensive. She asked me to pick out three dresses I liked. But they all looked the SAME to me. By now I was feeling extra blue. Luckily my mate and Ma was there to help. Sam picked a few and I said they were OK so we went to try them on. Even though my face was GLUM.

At first I looked a bit like a sausage squashed into an incredibly tight space. These dresses were the WRONG size. The sucking in of the fat was good but then it had to go somewhere, and thus billowed over the dress in copious BACK FAT.

But THEN I tried on this dress that was very similar to all other generic wedding dresses and it looked GOOD. So I thought, well I don't want THIS dress cos all ladies have this one, but the shape is GOOOOOOD but more BLING please and more DETAIL etc. And then the lady brought out this dress and it was much more money than I wanted to spend and do you know? It fit. It bloody fit. So I ordered it. Phew.
I plan to lose 1.5 stone by the time I get it. EASY PEASY, now I've seen it. I've done 1.5 stone in total up to now so we're on our way baby!
(Oh God it's really happening. Bloody 'ell Barbara.)

Anyway, now onto other stuff. So, as I mentioned above I have cleverly sprained my ankle AGAIN. Honestly my ankles are PATHETIC. All spindly and sparrow like. One false move and WHOOPS there she goes, arse over tit. This particular injury was done at a BBQ last Saturday. I'd only been there half an hour or so, I tried to ignore the pain by drinking more Vodka (I'm on Atkins) but to no avail. It just got worse and worse and my ankle became fat and bloated. Warren had to carry me out to the car. Haha. Luckily the vodka did help to numb some of the pain but the next day, it bloody killed. And now my left foot is all green like Shrek. I look HOT. Also this limping lark is VERY boring indeed.

I've got back into my Itunes downloads again. I'm extra loving this song below. Bad quality clip but on Itunes it sounds MINT. Very good for when you feel blue, or if you're LIMPING:


Have a listen.

In other news I'm going on this high powered speed boat ride on Sunday on the Thames. It was a treat for my dad's 60th. I dunno why he wants to do something so dangerous but I reluctantly agreed to go along. Warren's coming too, Mummy's watching. Anyway, apparently they have James Bond music accompanying you whilst you zoom along. Scary stuff. Will let you know if I survive.

Anyway I'm off for coffee with Princess Kitty. Off I go.

*whistling* (Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, no body's gonna slow me down oh no, I've got to keep on moving...)

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Don't trust your mind, it's not always listening...

I've just got back from my hols. It was ace and the weather was majorly hot. I'm pleased to report I got a tan and my bikini's weren't nearly as tight as I had envisaged. I ate loads of steak and drank gallons of wine.

Nothing very interesting happened though except a few scufuffles by the pool. Firstly I had hoped, that by going to the apartment in June meant there wouldn't be any kids being all annoying and loud like last year, disturbing my bathing experience. Twas not to be, for there were STILL kids there, these ones were from Germany. Now, as all who know me know, I love the German's being German myself. However these ones were annoying. This child kept insisting on going under water in the pool and then coming up and sputtering and spitting for air. Like proper spitting. Actually hacking up and spitting in the pool. Several times a minute. So myself, Louise, Jack and Warren spent much of our time trying to work out how we could approach the parent with this unhappy news so that they might berate the child and prevent it from flobbing in our mutual bath.

"Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but your child is spitting (make spitty noises in case they can't understand English) an awful lot (more spitty noises) and its gross (make puking noises)" Luckily we never had to talk to Mr and Mrs Spitty as they went home. Disgusting.

Anyway now back to business. I'm supposed to be playing Softball over Primrose Hill tonight after work on the side of MTV. We're playing Getty Images who do all photos of famous people. Last week MTV played Facebook and they thrashed us. HAHA. Apparently Getty Images are REALLY great and we don't stand a chance. Specially as we always take a crate of beer with us and are all drunk whilst batting and fielding. Plus we don't have any official uniforms. My friend actually played in her maxi dress last year. I've brought my MTV Talent Escort T-shirt in with me from when I was at the EMA's years ago escorting top magician Dynamo. (LIKE!)

But yeah so the reason I say SUPPOSED to be playing softball, is cos its pissing it down outside and we're STILL playing. No team wants to back down cos otherwise whoever says "we don't wanna play" loses the points. So instead we're going to hot foot it over to Chalk Farm/Primrose Hill, scrabble around in the mud, lose, and then have to come home. I can't even drink cos I'm on Atkins. I might bring a bottle of Gin with me.

In other news on Sky Anytime I have discovered the joy of JERSEY SHORE. It's SOOOO much better than skanky old Geordie Shore. The girls on that look like witches, I know, I've seen them close up. AND there hair is as knotty as it seems on telly.

If you've never seen Jersey Shore, it's about a bunch of American Italians staying in a place called Seaside which I think is near Jersey somewhere. Hang on how comes there's a beach? I thought Jersey was a City? Anyway it's really good with loads of fighting. I know I'm watching this quite late as it's already on series 2, but honestly get involved if you haven't already.

Hmmm not much more to report today, so till next time.