And why should the world take notice, of one more love that's failed. A love that can never be....

Well this weather's a little bit dominating isn't it. Up to Saturday it hadn't really gotten the better of me but Well! WTF! Suddenly me and my beau were TRAPPED, YES TRAPPED in the car, surrounded by large flakes of snow and crazy drivers desperate to get home. I'm ashamed to say that a tear drop slipped from my eye when I realised the 10 minute drive would take around 2 hours. I nearly had to don my boy's work boots and get walking. Anyway we got home in the end going via Iceland to pick up an express Xmas dinner in case we find ourselves stranded on his holy-est of days.

This has probably been one of the only December's in a long long time where I haven't been that naughty. Well, I did fall asleep on the train after our work Xmas party but I say that was from being over-tired not because I'd been drinking white wine. Haven't done that for ages (sleeping on the train I mean, not white wine consumption). It was all confusing and then there was this man with a big red face (the DRIVER apparently) explaining I wasn't at Lewisham (my stop of choice) but HAYES no less and the end of the line.

DOH. My boy was none too pleased but agreed to come and pick me up. Haha it was only 11:30pm. What a party animal I am.

In other news I am concerned at how quickly time is going. I became an engaged lady 6 months ago and now 6 months have passed and I still weigh the same (minus 7lbs). But 7lbs isn't that good really in 6 months is it... I dread the thought of putting on a wedding dress and I especially don't want the usual sleeveless boob tube thing with flowing skirt. I want sleeves but that will make me look all frumpy. SIGH. Can't I just buy a nice dress from Monsoon and be done with it? But it won't be in keeping with the wedding (a very glamorous affair) and I must fit into my own wedding. I have a real problem with White as well. I own NOTHING in white 'cept a T-shirt nightie which is more on the yellowy side now. Ah well. This is probably boring for you to read, same as people talking about their kids. BORINGO!! I shall stop now.

Well the last month has been ok, although I had some very sad news discovering my Uncle Nick died. He was a lovely man, really and truly he was, and I wish he hadn't gone.

Onto other topics. Right now at work they're playing Scrooged and I am trying hard not to watch it as we all know I only watch this on xmas eve, after the Snowman. Last year when we went out to a bar they had it on the screens in there, see? I'm slightly annoyed that they're showing me this WELL before the designated viewing period.

Other than that, not much to report. Oh yeah, I'm giving up smoking on the 2nd January. Blah blah blah.... Etc. And doing not eating all that food and drinking all that drink...and yeah. To be fair, I'm pretty happy. I dread writing something like that incase something goes wrong but....it's how I feel right now and I am pleased to say that I am very lucky indeed. Got myself a good job, a good man and a nice rabbit. (and I don't mean any of that in a Facebook smug way, just feels good s'all).
Wishing you ALL a very Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year no matter what! I hope you are all brilliant.
Until next time.

I closed my eyes and closed myself and closed my world and never opened up to anything that could get me at all...

So once more Christmas is right around the corner with just 5 weeks left to go. SIGH. No, I'm looking forward to it very much. Even though I can't put my Xmas Tree up owing to my rabbit eating it. He eats everything. And he shits everywhere. And recently he's been spraying piss on me if he gets annoyed. In fact, I live in a litter tray. I'm hoping that when he gets his balls lopped off all will be right with the world, but somehow I think he's just a naughty ware-rabbit sent to cause me grief. I can't be angry with him for long though because he's such a Catface with his snuffly fuzzy nosey and his velveteen rabbit ears.

Oh yes the last time I wrote I was about to go to a Supper Club in Islington. It was really good fun although slightly cringey. We arrived there late so I felt unbonded with the others. I also couldn't be bothered to talk to randoms but quickly realised that this was the thing to do so I chatted to a nice girl called.....I can't remember....but anyway she was nice. Then we all went out to this shed in the garden and proceeded to trough through copious lovely food.

There was only one semi-dickhead there. He was quite posh and about 27 years old but felt he knew more than me. Mistake. No not really, he just had an opinion on everything and kept spouting a lot of bilge. All like this: "HAW HAW HAW! FNAR FNAR FNAR!" Luckily for him I had been very good with my wine consumption so he didn't receive a Leanne special. Like when he said he hadn't come across ANY crime in London nor had his posho friends - he then when onto to say that crime was only between gangs and drug users. Yes, that's right Knob for brains, that's the facts indeed. Another one from the home counties who gets cabs everywhere.

He reminded me of that dick off the Apprentice from last night's episode. What was his name? I can't remember but he had a face like a pig was about 20 and was team leader. I'm an entrepreneur, I make decisions in my head, that's why I'm good at business. Oh shut up dick wad, why don't you eat your own shit? That would have been my idea in the brain storming session. "Yes, I have an idea pig face, why don't you eat your own shit." Then I would draw a picture on the flip chart of his pig face eating his own shit.

As you can see I am still a huge fan of the HD blue eyed candidates on The Apprentice but my love will always remain with Lord Sugar.

In other news Prince William liked her so he went and put a ring on it. (Kate) And now she'll be a Princess and everything! They've only a few months to plan - not long at all. The guys at my work are doing a whip round for them, they deserve it. And Kate's got the Diana -engagement ring which I quite like, but lets hope she won't have to recycle that bloody awful dress. (Let alone the ruffs.)

So Facebook! How am I coping not being a part of that magical world I hear you ask...? Very well thank you. I must admit in the first couple of days I was itching to know what *Jo was having for her tea and also that "*Annette has had e (FUCKING) nuff!" and also my absolute favourite - the obligatory "whats up hun?" comment below the above update... But I have coped. And it's been lovely and refreshing and although I was only going to come off for a month, a month has passed and I just don't want back in. Maybe next year. We'll see.
I do miss some people though. But luckily I have their mobile numbers so don't be alarmed.
*Some names have been changed in order to not make people I know look like dicks.

And that's that. I think. Yes, anyway, all that I care to divulge on here.

I hope you are really well.
Until next time...

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? But that's alright because I like the way it hurts.

UGH! I got me a hangover.... Meh. Stupid beer.

SO! How are you all? Good I hope.

Tell me you've been watching "The Only Way is Essex"on ITV2! Fucking hell - it's so bad it's good. The girls on it all do that thing where they go up at the end of their sentences so everything sounds like a question. EG: "Oh my god? Mark'll love that vagazzle?"
For those of you who don't know what a vagazzle is, its where you put sparkly diamantes on your pubic bone. It looks great..... What. The. Fuck.
Why would you do that? Whats the point. Check out my sparkly MUFF. Jesus. Anyway I would recommend anyone watch it - it makes me CRINGE.

Thank God The Apprentice is back although in my opinion it's been scheduled at the wrong time of year. Normally it's on when it's going to be the Summer..... Oh well at least it's back and it's bloody great.

In other news - I'm going to come off Facebook next week (after Catface Comedy on Wednesday) I've decided. I expect it will feel like I did when I went to Australia and didn't take my mobile phone with me.
Free.

Why, I hear you ask? Well, I went for a drink with my mate Matt on Tuesday and he's recently done the same thing and he explained how invigorated it's made him feel and I want in. Plus when I look at it, although FB has lots of good points, its also got many bad points which most of us I'm sure are all well aware of. In the past it's actually got me paranoid....... like this one strange time, a girl on there decided she didn't like me (for NO reason) and kept sending me evil comments via her status updates. Now I look back on it, it truly does sound ridiculous.
And of course I couldn't prove this and I would have looked a bit mad if I'd asked her about it..... But the comments were aimed at me....she knew it and I knew it. In the end I had to delete her. How mad is it that you can just delete someone out of your life with just a click of a mouse? But when I put it like that, it's quite cool actually.

But anyway - back to the point, my boyfriend isn't on FB and he's been saying to me for ages how silly it is and all that jazz and I've just been like blah blah blah you don't understand but he's right. If there's an event - my friends can invite me via the TELEPHONE or on EMAIL or, OR, here's an idea....... face to face.

SO! Tonight I'm going on an adventure, I'm going to a Supper Club in London. What happens is, you go round this random person's house (you have to book and everything) and other people will be there too and you all eat dinner with these strangers cooked by this random couple you've never met before. I'm actually quite nervous but me and Warren are going with Jack and Louise who have been before and said it's a right laugh. Alot of the kind of people that do this Supper Club thing are very middle class. I'm going to go in singing "Knees up Muvver Brown" and "Any Old Iron" to break the ice.

How strange going into someones house that you don't even know and eating their food. God I'm actually feeling a bit scared about this now. One of my mates said the concept reminds him of Swinging. Haha. How funny would that be, if we got there and all these naked randoms were sat there looking at us expectantly. Hmmmm... Maybe not funny actually and YES it's definitely a Supper Club.

In other news my boy bought me a rabbit for my birthday called Colin who is very very sweet indeed but does alot of nibbling. Little tinker. He is grey and dwarfy. AHHHHHH.

God this hangover keeps hitting me in waves, bloody blimey. I've joined Weight Watchers AGAIN and this time the incentive is of course my wedding dress. Now that the venue, the photographer, the registrar and insurance is booked I am going on a massive weight loss plan so that I can get into a size 10-12 wedding dress for the big day. It's the biggest incentive I've ever had and it's a very happy thought indeed.

And finally, don't forget it's Catface Comedy on wednesday this week (20th) at the Betsey Trotwood in farringdon. GET INVOLVED.

Anyway - I hope this blog finds you all really well. Until next time....

Why do you feel you have to hold on? What if you just let go?

GOOD DAY! It's my birthday today and I'm 32. Now I'm like properly getting on a bit and I feel that everything is as it should be. Huzzah.

SO! The other weekend I went to BUTLINS, Bognor Regis.... It was a "90's Reloaded" weekend and Chesney Hawkes and S Club 3 were there. I thought it was going to be mainly screaming ladies there but the ratio of men to women was about 60 40.... And there was SO many stag do's I couldn't go five minutes without seeing a willy, hairy arse or a big fat gut. It was AWFUL. (ha!)
A proper meat market - the men were savages! :-) And it didn't help that my team of ladies are all easy on the eye so we were targeted by the raging testosterone fuelled stags. To be fair we were the best of a bad bunch. The other women there (apart from some sexy Baywatch ladies) were bloody awful looking - faces like they belonged as guests on Jeremy Kyle.

There was one particular guy who came up to us on the first afternoon of the weekend. The girls and I had gone to a pub in Butlins and as we walked in it was pure carnage. There was a man standing around casually drinking a pint with his pants and trousers round his ankles. There were ginger bread men, Mario brothers, men dressed up as women (original!) and so much more.... When we moved outside the guy ambled over to us absolutely off his head. He couldn't stop the muscles in his face spasming. He was a complete delight as you can imagine - did make me laugh though. His tongue was actually green. Haha his parting comment to us was to tell Karen she reminded him of a Romanian Tramp (where did he get that from?) Me a porn star and Louisa a Boa Constrictor snake. HAHAHAHAHA From that moment on I knew the weekend would be great fun.

And it was, but it wasn't without it's nostalgic moments as well. In the olden days I frequented Butlins, even managing to get in the Brochure as a 13 year old. (Them's were the days.) I also had my first proper holiday romance there. Craig Holt his name was and I cried for days when we left. (It was unrequited love but still....) Makes me laugh how snobby people can be about Butlins... in its hay day it was really good fun.

Nowadays its not as good - mainly because I don't like the fact that I'm older than all the Red Coats. Also it looks so different now, they've erected this whopping great tent in the middle of everything which to me is pointless - it smells all tenty in there. And also this huge hotel which is just so very random. They've still got an indoor pool though with other aqua flumes. I went on lots of these :-). There was one flume where you have to sit in this 2 man rubber dingy thing. Unfortunately the cut off weight for two dingy passengers was 21 stone so this meant I was going SOLO. haaa! I looked great in my thread-bare Matalan swimming costume with no bust support.
It was definitely an adults only weekend, confirmed to me when in the wave machine pool, seeing a girl floating past on a gigantic inflatable knob. Great days.

S-Club 3 were basic. Bradley kept trying to be all down with the drunk people. Shouting things like "Yeah! YEAH! How many of you out there are PISSED?!" Er...everyone Bradley, or we wouldn't be here, would we. Oh and little Chesney took a tumble on stage - Bless him. Louisa was cracking me up she was quite drunk (we all were) and she was exclaiming seriously what SHE would say to Chesney and his manager "Look, I know the One and Only's your bread and butter Chesney, but you need to think up some new songs".... Haha and a drunken stag tried to rush the stage and got bundled to the ground by the bouncers. It was all happening in Butlins I tell ya!

I've started my new job at Comedy Central and it seems to be going quite well, everyone's really nice and down to earth. YAY! Very pleased indeed. Catface Comedy is back on the 20th October at the Betsey Trotwood so DO come along if you can. And that's that.

I'm off to get a KFC fully loaded. (this will include Fillet tower burger, chips, chicken and gravy) I'm a little bit hungover.

I hope you're all really really well. :-) Till next time.

So jump in the river and learn to swim...

Life's pretty cool at the moment.
The wedding venue has been confirmed. I KNOW. I must admit that when the lady was showing around myself, the boy and Ma and Pa, I started to feel a bit anxious. Especially when “Vikki” kept saying “the Bride will walk down the red carpet”and “bride enters this way.” And she kept gesturing to me. ME. I’m going to be a BRIDE. Bloody 'ell Barbara, I’m too young. No I’m not – I’m too old.

We got the contract through the other day and it said “Information about the Diggins and Snow wedding.” (thats his surname – Snow, or as I like to say Snow Puppy, he loves it). Any hoo its happening, its booked and now we have to save like mad.

I bought a bride magazine the other day and it was WELL BORING. It was just like Marie Claire - the WORST magazine in the world. It offered me hardly any guidance and in general made me cringe. Also really weird ideas for decorations for the tables. Spray a pear white. OK. Yeah cos that's gonna happen.

Now anyone who knows me, knows full well that I don’t care about all that decoration stuff (cos I can't do it). In fact an exert from one of my emails to my chief bridesmaid had on the list mainly “unsures” and on the fourth point down:

· ......Invitations –
· Reception Decorations – Not sure
· Table decorations – Not sure
· Little bits and bobs like bubbles and all that crap

So you see – it’s really not my area and I didn’t even realise I’d written that until she replied “Haha I like this… “Little bits and bobs like bubbles and all that crap” Anyway – I’m still excited, just not about decorations. And all that FAVOURS stuff. Why are they called favours? Here’s a favour. It’s sweets. Eh?

Right what else? The other day I saw a poster for the new Karate Kid film starring Will Smith’s son Jaden Smith. And I’m not being funny but he looks about 8 yrs old and has spindly baby arms. How can anyone take him seriously? At least that one from the 80’s had muscles, it’s just his balls hadn’t dropped. He was about 28 wasn’t he? The actor who plays the “kid” what was his name? Can't be arsed to even google it. I used to WELL fancy him. And of course it was Elizabeth Shue who was his love interest. Where’s Ms Shue now then eh? Ha that’ll teach you to take too many leading 80’s ladies roles. Greedy.

We got to the end of the Soprano's box set the other day. I'd seen a few of the episodes when it was on telly but we decided to marathon it from start to finish. It took about 3 months with an episode a night usually. Oh my god. The final episode! ITS A-MAZING. You must watch it. (And then google what the ending means - all the symbols and signs.) Very clever indeed.

Now we've started on the Wire box set. We've watched one so far but I miss Tony Soprano and Paulie. I'll get into it soon enough. What's better The Wire? or The Sopranos?

I suppose I can say now.....I've had some good news. I've got a new permanent job working at Comedy Central as of the end of this month. WOOOOOOH!!! I'll miss the department I'm in at MTV of course - everyone's very cool but this is a great opportunity so I'm grabbing it with both hands. Happy days.

Anyway I hope you're all very well indeed.

Till next time.

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night - you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight....

Good morning! It's a Monday morning and I don't feel blue. I think it's because I've embarked on a new regime which involves NO SMOKING and Slimming World. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I gave Slimming World a go a few years ago but where the leader was all fat and deluded I didn't end up sticking to it. (its ALL her fault)

Also this whole either eat PROTEIN (red day) or all CARBS (Green day) thing didn't really work for me. BUT since then (1998) they've changed it and you can eat loads more stuff. SO we shall see. Also I've REJOINED the gym. I know you think this is all I talk about - but honestly my life is just a constant battle which I spose is a bit sad really. But my happy thought is being slim (and winning the lottery) and also being able to run for the bus without wheezing. I'm going to Spin class on Wednesday morning. I'm so nervous - whenever I've walked past Spin the women are all whooping and being all American. It's intimidating and cringey. On a positive note I have shed a stone since Christmas. I think that deserves a round of applause.

In other news I found out some more Bindi Irwin info. Apparently she's in the new Free Willy movie. It was her birthday this weekend and all kids got into Australia Zoo for free. I've studied her online and it's hard to believe that she's only 11. I'm not sure what I think of her - when I came back from Oz I found the hype surrounding her completely cringey but now I feel a little bit sorry for her - she seems sweet on this clip - but not aged 11, I think more like 37.
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/20/bindi-irwin-crocodile-hunter-video/
What do you reck?

On Sunday I was very pleased to see that Louise Rednapp (the most wooden, uncharismatic and unfunny presenter in the entire world) is no longer presenting on Something for the Weekend (BBC2 10am every Sunday). Gone are the days when I would shout at the TV during every link she'd carry out "Here's an idea Louise, have a POINT when you say something?" and "Where are you going with this?" as she'd waffle on about absolutely nothing etc. So that was nice. However I did notice that the male presenter on Something for the Weekend has fingers on his left hand that bend in very strange directions. Reminded me of the time I discovered JB's hand (Jeremy Beadle) and couldn't stop looking at it from then onwards...

What else? Hmmm oh yeah - I actually LIKE a Katie Melua song. Its called the Flood. I would recommend you have a listen. Also, I finally found out the name of a song I've been chasing for months. I only knew the tune and as the lyrics are all in french I was at a loss at ever finding the name of the track. But after rasping it semi-tunefully to several work colleagues eventually one came through for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PDmZnG8KsM

And finally, Catface Comedy is BACK and on the 8th September at the Betsey Trotwood. You better come.

Till next time.....

I am a woman, on a mission....

OMG! I am CRAP CRAP CRAP! I haven't written for DAYS! WEEKS EVEN!! Ok its months. I'm sorry. I wouldn't be saying sorry normally but people are still revisiting the page so I feel its only right to comment.

Here is an update:

I AM ENGAGED (sorry lads!)

I have got a job - back at MTV

I'm still a heffer (just not AS heffy as I was before)

I've been sticking to my five a day.

I'm 31 and in my PRIME (according to the Metro)

I went to Tel Aviv recently with work and to leave the country was an ULTIMATE nightmare. This is because I've been to Marrakesh before. I had my bags searched three times - I was taken to a secret room and questioned, had my shoes taken away - my hair unclipped and searched (I did have a rather large 'hive that day) and my phone text messages checked. I don't think a text saying "Everyone speaks hebrew!" is that much for them to worry about. Either way I was eventually escorted to the plane (I'm flying British Airways don't you know!) with an armed guard man - who had a hand like Jeremy Beadle.

Anyway - what else has been going on? Yes that's right, I'm engaged! My boyfriend went to my ma and pa's and asked for their permission and then presented me with a very beautiful ring on the first night of our hols. It wasn't as romatic as I think he would have liked owing to the Spain V's Germany match (we were in Spain). The German supporters kept blowing their Vuvu's and the Spanish were retaliating by honking their horns and letting off bangers. But we got there in the end and I said YES. So there we have it.

Yup I got a job back at MTV - mainly Project Managing and its much fun and lovely to be back.

And finally in light of the above - Catface Comedy can return as I have the cash to over see it now. SO! watch this space for dates.

I'll write proper soon. I do really hope you're ok. Thanks for staying with me.

x

You are someone else, but I am still right here.

Helloo! I'm sorry I've not blogged for ages but I put it down to having no routine just like Contented Little Baby Book. 8pm - Baby writes Blog.

SO! Its been a while.... I've come to the conclusion that I'm to remain an average lady size for all of time. I've been trying to become addicted to the gym, its hard though as my gym smells of BO and has many men grunting loudly whist lifting weights that make these horrid veins appear in their neck's. I just think my love of food and my love of sitting around aren't great combo's for a slim bod. OH WELL!

I mentioned babies above and there's a reason for this. EVERYONE'S PREGGERS. EVERYONE. Even the people who were never maternal are sporting bumps and discussing nursing and latching on... Its making me very very not broody. Sure I quite like kids at times but only polite ones and ones that say funny things. Also not ones that govern conversations or ones who make loud baby noises in the back ground when I'm on the phone to my pals. Tell them MUMMY IS ON THE PHONE will you? I just don't think I'm cut out for it....yet. In a few years for sure. But I watched that One Born Every Minute and the sight of different women MOOING in agony week in week out was exceptionally off putting. I have to say though that I am VERY pleased to hear that my friend Cheryl is pregnant. This in my mind is a miracle baby and I'm genuinely over excited for her. Well done Cheryl bum you should name the baby, Catface. Or Leanne. Or both.

In other news everything is going swimmingly with my boyfriend. I know! Who'd have thought it? I'm very, very happy. He's a true Catface. Although it didn't take very long for him to start doing lots of parps in my company. I'm forever exclaiming loudly "PARDON?" Oh well no-one's perfect. He's been looking after me whilst in this interim period of unemployment and it's the strangest feeling to have someone who can do that. No disrespect to my church mouse exes, but my, its lovely to be taken out and not have to go DUTCH. On the job front I have a rather strong lead for a role that I'm incredibly excited about but trying not to be incase it all falls through. If I get this job though I swear I will never grumble or complain ever again. I would actually advise anyone in employment to never take their role for granted - sounds an obvious thing to say but you'd be surprised- I've learnt alot. Especially from the Benefits system. Well, its given me a broader idea of how this country is run and therefore come the election I shall surely have a strong X to mark down the local church hall I can tell you!

A few weeks ago I got that horrid stomach flu bug thing that was going around - it was evil. These days if I ever chuck, its down to self infliction so when for NO reason whatsoever I'm in central London in the day at a meeting at an agency and I feel an utter compulsion to use the lav this knocked me for six. I soldiered on thinking it was nothing, when all of a sudden I was overcome with my old friend Diavomalemma!. Which end would it come from? Front or back? And I was stuck in London and couldn't get on the train home. Evil. When I finally managed the journey from Charing Cross to New Cross 15 minutes I had to get off the train twice! Poor boyfriend - I was like the excorcist. Happy days! But I'm all better now! It actually helped with the weight loss thing so every cloud.....

I've not been to see any bands for ages and I'm getting a bit bored. Sure its nice to do the couples going out with couples thing but after a while it makes me feel a bit, I don't know....false. Can't put my finger on it but I miss going to gigs so I will book to go and see a band soon. The last concert I went to was A-ha and I went on my own! It was at the o2 as well! hahaha. Warren dropped me off there and I could see him thinking as he pulled away "what a weirdo" but I didn't care and skipped off to the entrance thinking there's BOUND to be others going on their own. I was so wrong. The seat that I was situated in, in my row had only ME in it and as the lights were up in the arena I was on full display to the other A-Ha revellers. Even the extortionately priced pint of beer didn't help me - but as the opening song came on (sun always shines on TV) a couple sat in the row behind me ad lo and behold I knew the bloke in the couple. My mate Aron! I was like HIYA!!! He was like "WOW hiya! who are you here with?" And I was like "erm....no-one?" HA! and we ended up having a great old time! So there! I might be a weirdo but at least I can go to a concert at the o2 BY MYSELF.

Right I better get on with my day - but I will write more frequently I promise.

Until next time....

Gotta ask yourself the question 'where are you now?'

SO! I trust you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year. Why do I trust? I don't know because normally Christmas and new year are an almighty let down I find. But because mine was ok I trust yours was too. It's easier that way.

January so far has been very irritating indeed. The snow thing particularly has angered me greatly. Me and the rest of the UK apparently, are blumming well annoyed about the lack of salt thing. There doesn't seem to be enough to go around as I understand it. Luckily I just stay in all day and don't leave my flat unless I need food. Which I don't, because I'm on a diet. That's right people I'm STILL sticking to my New Year plan of no smoking (which is going fine) and no eating. Also I've cut out alcohol and have only faltered on this three times this month already which is a world record.

I joined WW (weight watchers to those in the know) online and I'm actually getting on ok with it. I've lost 3lbs so far. I went to a meeting the other day though and I have to say, WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS. The leader I found was particularly annoying and non motivating. I shall just go to weigh in in future, because I didn't believe her. AND the people in the class were right know it alls. When you join WW though you have to pretend that the points system they use is all NEW to you, so that you pre-empt when you gain weight. EG: "What, alcohol's got points in it?" Its always best to play dumb I find. But all the way through the meeting my inner monologue kept crying out 'you idiots, you think you've found the solution! I'm living proof that this is not the case, having joined weighwatchers 7 times in total" And then here I am back again. BUT something feels different about this time.

I suppose it helps that my boyfriend is all buff and muscular. He proper does weight lifting and looks all bulbous (but not veiny thank god) and me flabbing about like a melting mozzarella is simply not becoming. I went to his gym the other day and I felt all embarrassed huffing and puffing on the cross trainer at the same time as watching Come Dine With Me whilst he buffed around the gym. And when I went up to him and asked to go home because my lips felt all dry I realised that my dark purple face looking pleadingly at him couldn't possibly have been attractive. Oh well it's all about to change and that's that. I even went onto the WW message board online the other day to try and get in with the other people on there but they didn't seem very friendly. They were saying that Hannah Waterman looked too skinny now so I thought I'll add a comment so I wrote "Hannah Waterman -body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch" and no one replied.

Fat cows.

Anyway - what else? Oh yeah. Where I've not been blogging recently I've had a few spam comments from someone that goes "I love your blog, thanks for talking about that information, here is a link" and there's a link to like something completely irrelevant. Like football. I daren't click on it in case its a nasty virus. I NEARLY fell for one of those spam emails today as well. I've been doing the lottery again lately and I had an email from CAMELOT saying I'd won 1.2 million pounds and it was in my junk mail and I thought... I wonder if I have? So I checked my ticket and I hadn't - it was another scam. It wasn't as obvious as the usual ones though "Can you put this money in your account please? 200 grand and then I will give you most of it." YEAH RIGHT you NOB.

In other more significant news the earthquake in Haiti. I was involved in a great collection for this on saturday. The buskers in Covent Garden gave up an hour of their time to come together to do a special performance in aid of this and I went along to collect for them in the crowds. People were so generous, I was getting 10 and 20 pound notes at times. I think I got £200 ish in my bucket and in total we raised over two grand which is great (in association with Oxfam) so I'm hoping that these awful disturbing pictures I'm seeing on telly (right now actually on the Channel 4 news) will start to turn a bit less awful.

And finally, Catface Comedy is BACK on the 10th Feb for a special valentine's day special. Even cupid's going to be there completely BARE so you should totally come along. It's on at the Betsey Trotwood in Clerkenwell. YEAH!

Until next time...