Leanne Diggins

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away....

2012-01-04T02:36:00.000-08:00

WELL! What a bloody wash out that Christmas was. So Christmas Eve there was I, merrily watching my usual "Scrooged" film feat: Bill Murray and troughing my usual quantities of food and wine. When all of a sudden as I was about to go to bed, I started to get a tummy ache. I shrugged it off as too much food and went to sleep. All of a sudden at about 1am, I was awoken by that horrid griping feeling, known as the dreaded sickness bug. MAH! Both ends as well. So that was Xmas day out for me. I was supposed to cook Nigella's turkey recipe for seven people as well. BAH. Rubbish. However, every cloud I suppose, it meant I didn't eat vats and vats of food, and vats and vats of wine. That can only be good news no?

I got some great presents though which was cool, won't bore you with the details or as SOME people KEEP putting on Facebook when listing great stuff that's happening to them, "Bliss".... OMG! SHUT UP!
EG: "Kids in bed, logs on the fire, chestnuts a roasting, jack frost nipping at my nose and just opened up a bottle of wine for me and my hubby....Bliss."
SHHUUUUT UUUPPP!!!

I had a really nice Christmas break though in spite of the obvious. Went to see my nephew and niece which was lovely, in Bournemouth. Ah! Alex is so sweet... He fell over and hurt himself and as he was finishing crying, he goes "Mummy, I feel really sad..." Ahhhh. Poor Palex. Bless them both.

I also managed to do more outstanding wedding stuff. It's turning into much of a chore now, almost like homework. This latest task was the dreaded table plan. We've had all of our replies in now, and ones we haven't received we are presuming aren't coming. The table plan was a PALAVA and a half but eventually completed it. Also sorted out the "tasting" at the venue. We are taking mama and papa to help us gobble up the food. Guests get a choice of three dishes, which I find quite hassly. But apparently not everyone likes Beef. Dunno why. Its yummy.

In other news, if I were to try my wedding dress on now, it would actually be too small. Ha! So the plan to lose weight hasn't worked yet! But I'm not ruling it out as have embarked on the latest diet craze, "17 day diet" which worked a whole 10lbs for my sister and 1 stone for my brother in law. I am on day 2 currently and so far so good. I know when I look back at all my blogs this is how they ALL start off at this time of year. But THIS TIME if I don't do it, I shall be a pudgy bride. I cannot bear it. I simply cannot.

I will keep you updated with my progress.

Till next time.

You turn around and life's passed you by. You look to ones you love and ask them why? You look to those you love to justify...

2011-11-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

G'day! Yay it's nearly CATurday. My favourite day of the week.

Have you seen the John Lewis advert where the little boy is counting down to Christmas Day as he can't (apparently) wait to give his Mum and Dad a present from John Lewis?
Well, I'll agree it's rather sweet and he has a rather nice smiling cherub face. But the facts are these. No way could he afford to shop in John Lewis, nor would he have been able to go there without his parents to accompany him. Maybe his Nan went with him. But that doesn't explain the cash flow issue.

I myself at his age was receiving a mere 50 pence a week pocket money. With that I would go to the shops down my road (before Thundercats started) to buy Happy Shopper lemonade or cola, some penny sweets (which really WERE a penny, as opposed to these days... honestly I went to the cinema the other week and bought some Pick n Mix and I was disgusted to find that a few fizzy strawbs and shoe laces came in at a whopping £3.41!)
Then my friend Julia would come and knock for me and we'd guzzle our hoard in front of Snarf , Liono and the gang.... Then the following Saturday (which was the only day I was allowed sweeties) we'd do the same again. John Lewis? My arse.

I remember I could make my pocket money up to more by doing chores. So if I did the washing up I'd get 40 pence mid week (per washing up) and 70 pence for Sunday washing up. And once, I managed to save £3.20 which I was going to buy my mum a birthday present with. I was so pleased I'd managed to save it all up. I went down the high street with my mate Cheryl and somehow, managed to lose my purse. I was distraught, we searched everywhere and eventually found my purse, empty of it's contents. I ran around bawling for a bit and finally went to Iceland (in those day's knows as BEJAMS) and found my sister who used to have a Saturday job there. And through snot and tears explained my predicament. She took pity and stole £3.20 out the till to give to me. (I think it was also to get rid of me, for I suspect I was making a scene:-))

Bless me and my poorness. When I was 14 I got a Saturday job in Curtess shoes which was in the corner of Peacocks (very depressing) and I used to do 10am - 2pm for £2.43 per hour. Then I could buy as many Happy Shopper cola's as I liked.
I do think it important that kids get Saturday jobs early on because it prepares them for later life in the work place. In all seriousness I can usually tell people that haven't worked until after Uni/A-levels even at a part time level. It's quite obvious in fact. Therefore it shall be compulsory that my child does a few hours a week part time when they're 16. (I think that's the earliest kids can work these days).

Right, so I've read this back and I sound like an OLD LADY. What the EFF. I've changed. The other day, me and Warren were at a dinner party at our friend's in Wandsworth and we were remarking on our heating and congratulating ourselves on the fact we've not had our's on this year so far. WTF?! Bloody Ell Barbara.

I saw my friend Evie on Wednesday and stayed at her house in Archway. We had a very good laugh but too much wine and too much Youtube. Drinking and Youtube is not a good idea for it never ends. As soon as you watch one, you remember another and another and another and so on... This one is my favourite at the mo...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ

(Happy Birthday to the GROUND!)

Anyway - lunch over - have a lovely weekend y'all.

Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison, take me, tttake me....

2011-11-15T02:18:00.000-08:00

SO! Long time no type! Lots has been happening and as the wedding looms I feel rushed off my feet.

The most recent event I can recall is attending the EMA's as a talent escort last weekend. I ended up looking after Selena Gomez, band, backing vocalists and dancers. It was hard work and my feet were killing me. I saw the following celebs, Lady Gaga, Chris Martin, Queen, Snooki and JWOW (a highlight for me, I love Jersey Shore), Jessie J, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars and quite a few more. Some of course I didn't recognise being an old lady. Like LMFAO (is that the right acronym?). They do that "shuffling" song where they do the running man in unison. It's all very clever. The whole experience was really cool - but way too much being on my poor old feets!
Thus ,me and my mate Trish quickly realised, that we were "too old for this shit."

In other less interesting news we have completed and await our wedding invites. Now, this part of the process was the biggest CHORE for me. In the end I got this amazing task (surprise surprise) and I have to say it was an ordeal. In the end, I copied and pasted all wording from pretty much all of the invites I've ever received up to date. Sorry but WTF. BORING ALERT.

Warren and I have had a few bickers over who does what for the wedding. In other words I'm thinking of the stuff to do and then doing it, and he is doing the stuff I think of for him to do. He's like, "I am helping just tell me what to do?!" And I'm like "why can't you think of it for yourself? For example how does the CAKE magic itself there Warren? How? How?!" Ahem. "And how do the fu*king bows get magically on the back of the chairs?! EH?!"

Bless him really. It's more of a woman's job I'm afraid to say and we're nearly there but not quite.

So I watched "I'm a celebrity" last night and BLEUGH. Freddie Star makes me feel sick. Generally. Also why did Iceland advertise food that replicates anus's after that task? Don't they get that the public will now associate a prawn ball with a turkey's ACTUAL bollock? Fuck that was an over sight and a half. They should have just had Stacey soloman shimmering about in disco mode during the break. Then we could just go back to associating camel's toes with her in general as opposed to their food which as I understand it, is there BREAD AND BUTTER.

This weekend just gone Warren and I decided to go for a weekend away to a quaint little village in Kent, that's haunted. Actual Yvette Fielding (of Sea view in the 80's) has been there and everything. We didn't see a thing but I was still too scared to get up in the night and go to the toilet. Instead waiting until Warren awoke and then I scuttled in straight after him.
Talking of Yvette Fielding and the 80's. My mum and dad have just recovered a load of annuals from the 80's namely GIRL and JACKIE. I had a good old read of these and they're well blunt. Their diet tips are harsh. Writing stuff like "to avoid being a fatty"... haha I recommend.

Right just a quick one today.

Till next time.

Did I dream you dreamed about me.

2011-08-23T05:27:00.000-07:00

What the EFF is going on with the weather. Stop raining you knob! It's annoying.

Well! What a crazy time it's been these last few weeks. Obviously I'll start with the riots. WHAT THE EFF!!? At the time when it was all kicking off I was genuinely concerned. Basically I live in the middle of Deptford and Lewisham and all around me, these two locations were being savaged by the savages. At one point when I could see black smoke billowing up from our bedroom window we considered making a a run for it. But then I thought what happens if they burnt the flat down whilst I was out and poor Colin the rabbit ended up deaded? So we decided to stay. This basically meant that I sat around watching Sky News until 1am. I couldn't sleep either cos every five minutes it felt like a police siren going past. Plus there were a few masked youths laughing and walking down Blackheath Road all happily and it made me scared. It felt like a war.

The next day the atmosphere in London was sombre. People were wondering what that next night would have in store for us. I decided to head to Orpington for refuge and my man would stay with Colin. I met my mum at Orpington station, most of the shops had closed and Tesco was just about to join them. We needed provisions though so it was necessary to rush in there. We needed Pork Pies, Quiche Lorraine, Sausage Rolls and White Wine. We managed to locate all of these essentials and zipped back to my Ma and Pa's.

And nothing happened. And there was I jogging round Tesco's like a mad man grabbing all the pastry'd items I could find when nowt actually came of it. It seemed the night before had been the clincher.
Someone posted on Youtube, some footage of the "Nugent" in Orpington being broken into. (the Nugent is a fairly new shopping development just outside of Orpington). As usual the Orpingtonian's made a right pigs ear of this. You can see many full facial shots of people laughing and running out of the "Game" store clutching computer consoles with gay abandon. They openly call each other by NAME as well. *sigh*....

Anyway as you will have seen, allot of these little shits have been arrested now. Plus that evil boy that mugged the lad who had a broken jaw (pretending to help him). I'm pleased to see that said boy has got loads of free stuff for his trouble. Doesn't make everything alright though, but it's a start.

SO! In other news, my bloody ankle is still giving me Jip. It turns out that I tore the ligament in my ankle by 60%! The lady says (physio lady) that it would have been better if I'd broken it. :-( BUMS. I am allowed to do swimming and Pilate's. Both forms of exercise I find super boring. Specially Pilate's. But apparently it's sposed to be extra good for you. In the run up to this exercise plan I have had to feed the pain with excessive food and excessive wine intake. I'm pleased to say that this objective is being met daily.

We went to Dorset for the weekend last week and I ate TWO large pork pies from Bridport farmers market and a massive steak each and much pate on warm crusty bread. Very nice. Dreading looking at the scales again (obviiously with me on them). My FINAL eating plan starts again on the 1st September. I've joined Virgin Active to give me an incentive. I didn't like Fitness first, there was always clumps of pubes on the shower floors. BLEE.

I get measured FINALLY for my wedding dress in Feb so I figure that gives me 4 months to get those last few pounds (stone) off. To be honest, the dress looks fine on now, its got an EXTRA sucky in basque in it. The wonders of BONE-ING. (snigger)

I just burped and where I've got head phones on I'm wondering if anyone heard me. I daren't look around just in case. Oh no. Embarrassing. (I'm at work)

Anyways, so yes, the latest in TV is of course BB and X factor. Big Brother I'm going off of quite quickly. Boring KERRY KATONA, BORING TARA REID, BORING BORING BORING.
HOWEVER I though X Factor was Xcellent this week. And isn't Gary Barlow gorgeous. I love him a bit. Also, If you watched it you'll know what I mean when I mention that cringey girl kitty, the one who sat on the stage. I literally got a watery mouth where I nearly puked at her behaviour. But as for the judges I think they did a MUCH better job certainly without Dani and Cheryl. I like their SPUNK.

And that's that. I hope you're all well.

Don't crack up.... Bend your brain, see both sides, throw off your mental chains....

2011-07-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

I GOT IT!

(Not my PERIOD in case you're an "Are you there God it's me Margaret" fan.)

No, I GOT IT! I got the DRESS. The wedding dress I mean. The one I will become a Mrs. WIFE in.

Well, this has been a long time coming cos I've been putting it off until I've shifted some more flabbage. But in the end someone convinced me to call up the Bridey shop and when I told them the date of my wedding she told me off for not coming in sooner! She told me that I was CUTTING IT FINE and that anything could happen in the 7 months until my wedding. She said "what happens if there's another ash cloud?" And I wasn't equipped to answer her on that one, so I made an appointment for Saturday just gone.

I explained to the lady that I was planning on losing more weight and I didn't see the point in coming in before now. She said there was "nothing of me". Er yeh. Right. So when I finally went in with my SPRAINED ankle and crutch (more on that later) I felt incredible apprehensive. She asked me to pick out three dresses I liked. But they all looked the SAME to me. By now I was feeling extra blue. Luckily my mate and Ma was there to help. Sam picked a few and I said they were OK so we went to try them on. Even though my face was GLUM.

At first I looked a bit like a sausage squashed into an incredibly tight space. These dresses were the WRONG size. The sucking in of the fat was good but then it had to go somewhere, and thus billowed over the dress in copious BACK FAT.

But THEN I tried on this dress that was very similar to all other generic wedding dresses and it looked GOOD. So I thought, well I don't want THIS dress cos all ladies have this one, but the shape is GOOOOOOD but more BLING please and more DETAIL etc. And then the lady brought out this dress and it was much more money than I wanted to spend and do you know? It fit. It bloody fit. So I ordered it. Phew.
I plan to lose 1.5 stone by the time I get it. EASY PEASY, now I've seen it. I've done 1.5 stone in total up to now so we're on our way baby!
(Oh God it's really happening. Bloody 'ell Barbara.)

Anyway, now onto other stuff. So, as I mentioned above I have cleverly sprained my ankle AGAIN. Honestly my ankles are PATHETIC. All spindly and sparrow like. One false move and WHOOPS there she goes, arse over tit. This particular injury was done at a BBQ last Saturday. I'd only been there half an hour or so, I tried to ignore the pain by drinking more Vodka (I'm on Atkins) but to no avail. It just got worse and worse and my ankle became fat and bloated. Warren had to carry me out to the car. Haha. Luckily the vodka did help to numb some of the pain but the next day, it bloody killed. And now my left foot is all green like Shrek. I look HOT. Also this limping lark is VERY boring indeed.

I've got back into my Itunes downloads again. I'm extra loving this song below. Bad quality clip but on Itunes it sounds MINT. Very good for when you feel blue, or if you're LIMPING:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY41o-iZStI

Have a listen.

In other news I'm going on this high powered speed boat ride on Sunday on the Thames. It was a treat for my dad's 60th. I dunno why he wants to do something so dangerous but I reluctantly agreed to go along. Warren's coming too, Mummy's watching. Anyway, apparently they have James Bond music accompanying you whilst you zoom along. Scary stuff. Will let you know if I survive.

Anyway I'm off for coffee with Princess Kitty. Off I go.

*whistling* (Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, no body's gonna slow me down oh no, I've got to keep on moving...)

Don't trust your mind, it's not always listening...

2011-07-06T03:19:00.000-07:00

I've just got back from my hols. It was ace and the weather was majorly hot. I'm pleased to report I got a tan and my bikini's weren't nearly as tight as I had envisaged. I ate loads of steak and drank gallons of wine.

Nothing very interesting happened though except a few scufuffles by the pool. Firstly I had hoped, that by going to the apartment in June meant there wouldn't be any kids being all annoying and loud like last year, disturbing my bathing experience. Twas not to be, for there were STILL kids there, these ones were from Germany. Now, as all who know me know, I love the German's being German myself. However these ones were annoying. This child kept insisting on going under water in the pool and then coming up and sputtering and spitting for air. Like proper spitting. Actually hacking up and spitting in the pool. Several times a minute. So myself, Louise, Jack and Warren spent much of our time trying to work out how we could approach the parent with this unhappy news so that they might berate the child and prevent it from flobbing in our mutual bath.

"Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but your child is spitting (make spitty noises in case they can't understand English) an awful lot (more spitty noises) and its gross (make puking noises)" Luckily we never had to talk to Mr and Mrs Spitty as they went home. Disgusting.

Anyway now back to business. I'm supposed to be playing Softball over Primrose Hill tonight after work on the side of MTV. We're playing Getty Images who do all photos of famous people. Last week MTV played Facebook and they thrashed us. HAHA. Apparently Getty Images are REALLY great and we don't stand a chance. Specially as we always take a crate of beer with us and are all drunk whilst batting and fielding. Plus we don't have any official uniforms. My friend actually played in her maxi dress last year. I've brought my MTV Talent Escort T-shirt in with me from when I was at the EMA's years ago escorting top magician Dynamo. (LIKE!)

But yeah so the reason I say SUPPOSED to be playing softball, is cos its pissing it down outside and we're STILL playing. No team wants to back down cos otherwise whoever says "we don't wanna play" loses the points. So instead we're going to hot foot it over to Chalk Farm/Primrose Hill, scrabble around in the mud, lose, and then have to come home. I can't even drink cos I'm on Atkins. I might bring a bottle of Gin with me.

In other news on Sky Anytime I have discovered the joy of JERSEY SHORE. It's SOOOO much better than skanky old Geordie Shore. The girls on that look like witches, I know, I've seen them close up. AND there hair is as knotty as it seems on telly.

If you've never seen Jersey Shore, it's about a bunch of American Italians staying in a place called Seaside which I think is near Jersey somewhere. Hang on how comes there's a beach? I thought Jersey was a City? Anyway it's really good with loads of fighting. I know I'm watching this quite late as it's already on series 2, but honestly get involved if you haven't already.

Hmmm not much more to report today, so till next time.

Wild horses couldn't drag me away...

2011-06-14T01:08:00.000-07:00

Ah another beautiful day in Zamunda. (I would imagine). Here in the UK, not so good but at least it's not pissing it down like it has been the last few days! I always find a successful way to open a blog is by describing the weather.

Anyway, on with the info. Allot has been happening over the past few weeks. I fell off the diet wagon with a bump and landed in a big old portion of chips. It was brill. But now it's shortly my hols and I am YET AGAIN destined to be fatting about on the beach and by the pool. Oh well, it's personality that counts.

In other news I was the victim of CRIME in Oxford Street last week. I know, shocking dear reader, but wait until you read what happened. Set your face to stunned.
SO! I was walking along, minding my own business when suddenly I felt a hand on my RIGHT bosom. And the hand belonged to a WOMAN. And I was like, WHAT THE FUCK. I actually exclaimed that and she just went "sorry". Like it was no big deal.

So I was like "SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK!" and she looked at me all a bit bonkers like. Then whilst I was shouting quite loudly, cause I was so shocked, an equally scabby-ish looking man appeared to my left, a bit too close for comfort. SO I was like "What the fuck are YOU looking at?" Thanks to my naturally street-wise persona I knew he must be an accomplice of sorts. As I kept saying loudly to the woman, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!? She just kept looking at me all madly.

It was WELL WEIRD. I think they were trying to distract me by groping my bosom. I expect they wanted me to react like this: "Oooh that was nice, I'll just open my bag so you can swipe my purse!" I don't think so somehow.

In all seriousness it did shake me up a bit, but I ruffled my feathers (for I am a BIRD) and strode off to Wasabi where I got DOUBLE sushi as a reward to myself for being a brave soldier.

The other information I have, is that I have just bought a deep fat fryer from Amazon and I'm so excited. It's all James Martin from Saturday Kitchen's fault. He keeps making battered fish and SCRAPS. Tonight we're having steak and chips. DONE IN THE FRYER no less. So excited! Am I boring now? Yes.

I went round to my mate's house for her birthday the other day, it was just a "pop in" affair. So myself and Warren "popped in" only to discover we were in a creche situation. There were babies EVERYWHERE. No offence ladies but it's not my thing. I do like kids (my niece and nephew) but not when there are about 7 or 8 of them in one small room. It's too over whelming, I couldn't concentrate on my large glass of Sauvignon Blanc. I've decided that when I have a sprog I'm going to bear that in mind for my non-babied up friends. :-)

Anyway - might try to write again this week.

HOpe you're well!

If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?

2011-05-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

YEAH! The honeymoon is booked and confirmed. We're going to AUSTRALIA! My favourite place in the whole wide world. We're both so excited, in fact where as before I felt a bit non-plussed about the wedding I'm now PROPERLY into it. Time has flown so quickly I know it's gonna be here before I know it.

The other day my good pal Princess Kitty was organising my Hen do, and there was an email flying around saying "Leanne's Hen Do". LEANNE's HEN DO? What, me? Scary, I'm having an actual Hen do. I honestly didn't think I would get to this stage and it all feels a bit like a dream. Not a dream come true, just a dream. Etta James's "At Last" goes through my mind often though 'cause I got me a good man and I'm not taking any of this for granted. Believe me.

Anyway now onto life in general. I got my teeth whitened on Wednesday at the dentist. They used this big old laser and a funny teeth exposure shield thing. I looked most unattractive. It was well uncomfortable and in the process it seems to have burnt off a bit of my gums - Haha! Oh well, they look a ton better which is the main thing.

I watched that AWFUL Chelsea programme the other day. The reality soap thing. I know I'm not on my own here when I say, what a pile of steaming shit that was! They've all got really awful names. One of the women on it is called Cagoule or something. Another one is called something like "Blinky". Fucking hell. What's that all about. It's not even car crash TV, don't bother to watch it if you haven't already.

TOWIE it is not. I love that programme. My boyfriend is always saying "Oh God, not The Only Way is Essex, turn it over" but he doesn't "get" it. He doesn't understand it's just a bit of light entertainment. He thinks everything on TV should MEAN something. Like Deadliest Catch. He's always watching that and I think it's EFFING boring. Once you've seen one, you've seen em all. Who cares that they are catching massive crabs? Who cares that the sea is really cold? Who cares that they have to be awake for like 34 hours? SNORE.
And finally if you haven't seen it already, you have to watch Geordie Shore on MTV. It's so bad, it's good.

I'm going out for a meal tonight with my mates to discuss Hen plans and other stuff. I plan to eat a mixed grill - I love meat! Then Sunday we have people over for dinner. I can't drink any red wine though which is annoying, 'case it seeps into all the microscopic holes in my teethy pegs.

And it's back to the gym for me on MOnday. I caught sight of the back end of me in a Dorothy Perkin's changing room today and it was not a pretty sight. I desperately need a tan, I look all corn beefy. Meh.

And that's that! Have a loverly weekend all.

And we don't speak, so we're left in constant silence...and it's haunting me

2011-05-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

Good morning! Here are some things that are making me glad at the moment. Firstly, The Apprentice is back. For my avid readers you will know that this equals HAPPINESS for me. So far I have been overjoyed with this quote "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon." HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant!
I'm preferring the objective they are striving for in this series as well. Alan Sugar gives them 250 grand towards a business. At least then he's not stuck with a wanker employee. Good plan Lord Alan Sugar.

Another factor making me glad currently is the weather, aren't we lucky! It's been great of late and always makes me feel jolly. Does mean however I will have to start to expose my pale lily legs and also shave but its a small sacrifice to make to ensure that passers by aren't scarred by the sight of my legs.

The leg shaving thing came to my attention at Boot Camp a couple of weeks back. I had a strain and my instructor was stretching my leg and he gripped round my leg and it was all stubbly and furry. He must have been able to feel it. I have been shaving since that incident and onwards. I don't see the point when they're not exposed. Well not regularly anyway!

I have actually left Boot Camp now. The reason for this was down to the fact that I couldn't attend a session owing to a severe leg infection and they STILL wanted to charge me ten pounds. Which I thought was outrageous.

I was very ill! Two weeks previous a mozzy or something had bitten my ankle. As usual a bump appeared, and as usual I gave it a good scratching. However, this bite seemed to continue to itch way longer than usual. And then one night I woke up to such extreme itching I felt I wanted to cut my foot off. The next day my ankle had blown up to twice its size with a large RED rash thing that seemed to be spreading up my leg and was boiling hot and throbbing.

I went to the emergency doctor and they said it was infected and if it got any bigger I would have to go to A&E to get put on an intravenous drip! Luckily I caught it in time and antibiotics were sufficient taken orally. And the smelly old Boot Camp wanted to charge me for my absence. How greedy. So I have sacked them off. That'll teach you BOOT CAMP. Now I will go back to being all slovenly and flabby. How do you like that?!! What? Oh.

So yes I realise that I therefore have to keep up some kind of personal fitness plan as I am far too proud to return to Boot Camp now (Damn you PRIDE!) after sending them a very strong worded email stating how unfair I thought the whole thing was.

Luckily I have continued the diet part of my quest for gorgeousness. I have now lost (since the beginning of the year) one stone. YAY. Only two to go. God, it's gonna take ages. And my mates are saying I should have had a dress fitting by now as it takes 10 months to get a dress sorted for a wedding. That is BULLSHIT if you ask me. Why does it take that many months to get a dress? RIDICK!!! And no, I am not going to a Bridal shop to try on WHITE dresses at this size. No way jose'.

In other parts of my quest to get gorgeous, I'm having my teeth whitened tomorrow. I'm told I shall be in excruciating pain but I think it's worth it if I can smile with confidence and people don't think they're having a conversation with Baldrick when talking to me.

Anyway - will write proper soon. Hope you're all well.

I guess there's just no way of knowing....

2011-04-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter one and all. I hope you all got lots of eggs blah blah blah. I don't like chocolate much so not really gonna write much about it. Except, don't you think flake chocolate tastes a bit like its gone off?

So do you remember every film you've watched at the cinema? I don't mean do you remember all of the titles of the films. I mean that if you were watching it on TV you'd remember you'd seen it at the cinema. You don't need to remember the full plot, but that you had seen it at some point before.
Well, I was flicking through an old diary the other day from 1996 and I read this:
"10th June 1996
Last night we went to the cinema and on the way we ran over a cat and it was horrible. ---- found it funny though which really pissed me off. He goes, I spose if it had been a dog I would have been a bit upset, and I go, well I'm a cat lover and I think you should have some consideration for me! He then shut up. when we got to the cinema we watched "Now and Then" which was quite a good film although ---- was the only boy in the whole cinema, ha ha."

So I was like, what is this "Now and Then" film? I have NO recollection of ever having seen it. Then yesterday I was flicking through the Sky movie channels and it was on TCM. So I watched it from the start and I couldn't remember ANY of it. Not one bit rang a bell. And it was appalling. It starred, Christina Ricci, Demi Moore (pre surgery), Rosie O Donnell and Melanie Grffiths (post surgery, obviously). And I can't get over how NONE of it rang any bells. None at all.

Oh well. Did you like my excerpt from my diary? The cat bit was awful. I remember that well, I cried my eyes out. There had been a family cycling along on the path by the road and a cat was trotting along near them. Then the young son knocked the cat on his bike and it spooked the cat so it shot into the road and under our car. It ran off over the fence but I didn't hold out much hope for it. Very sad and still makes me feel bloody awful. Thankfully that's the only time that has ever happened.

"8th June 96
It's ----'s birthday tomorrow, I got him a CD, underwear and a top. If he doesn't like it then tough shit because it took me ages to decide exactly what to buy and in River Island I kept going into a cold sweat when buying the underwear and then this bloke came over and started to ask me if I had a phone number his mate could have. I told him I was going out with someone and he goes, that's what they all say."
Ah thems were the days when I used to get asked out randomly in the street!

Anyway onto other stuff. I still attend Boot Camp every Saturday morning and this week's was particularly difficult owing to the heat. It has emerged that I have no upper body strength so I need to start doing press ups in my free time. Like some kind of MAN. When we got onto the stomach exercises I found this extra painful and ended up just flapping about like a beached whale. Suddenly I glanced up and there was WARREN come to pick me up watching me with a smirk on his face. I was so embarrassed. But luckily my face was already bright red so blushes were spared.

I've got the whole week off this week YAY! I can't wait. I'm going to sort out our bedroom. It's a right mess and I'm sick of telling visitors that we're in the middle of decorating, when really it's just a massive shit hole. I'm also going to spend the week surveying the my building's post boxes. Of late it's been noted that there is THIEF who regularly comes to my block's boxes and has a rifle through and steals our MAIL! I couldn't believe it. Then one of my neighbours hear the letter boxes a'clattering and had a look out of his window at 1am in the morning only to see a BURGLAR going through all our boxes. He seemed to have a key to each one. So my neighbour took photos of this and in one snap, the burglar is IN MY POST BOX! What a fucking cheek! I feel violated. So I'm on a stake out this week. We are campaigning to get the post boxes moved into the building. What an EFFING chore that's turning out to be as well. BORING ALERT!!

Hmmm not much else to report cept I put on 4lbs in fat last week. I'm not taking this wedding dress thing very seriously am I. Oh well.

Til next time.

Something in his heart told him to come clean. He was not who he claimed to be.

2011-04-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Bootcamp Saturday morning was a killer. Friday evening I wisely decided to drink several glasses of white wine in preparation for this gruelling training. By the time 8:30pm came around I was on the merry side so I thought I should go home and not drink anymore. So I headed for the train station but cleverly called Warren to arrange to meet up for another large wine at our local bar. Then I was eating curry and then it was the next day. Stupid wine.

Hell I forced myself to go to bootcamp training anyway. When I arrived, there was only one other girl there but pretty soon another three ladies joined us. The trainers were super fit but also very nice so that was a good thing. They set up three circuit things and we had to do them continuously until they blew their whistles signalling us to change to the next circuit thing. We had to do a million squats too - felt like my thighs and arse were on fire. After the first task I looked around at the group to see if I was wheezing the loudest and thank god I wasn't. One of the girl's there had gone all white and was lying on the floor in the recovery position. She was nearly sick and everything.

I was all pleased with myself up until the stomach exercises where upon I too became thoroughly nauseous. I swallowed it though and carried on. By the time the whole thing was over even the whites of my eyes were red. Not a good look. Warren picked me up and had the cheek to say I looked healthy. I got back to the flat and arranged myself into the recovery position on the sofa for one hour and sipped lemonade.

Then I was all better and it was off to B&Q for some items - I stayed in the car park and got a quarter pounder from the burger van. That night we ate a massive chinese takeaway. Sigh.

So it's with regret that I inform you that I have gained 3lbs in one week. I am SO annoyed with myself. I just dunno what's wrong with me, I just can't stop shoving food in my gob. I mean for example, when I watch Super size V Super skinny I actually salivate over the super sizer's food. It looks lush. Not the quantity necessarily but the FOOD.

Anyway - so I've given myself a good talking to and have gone back to Weight Watchers. I need discipline and can't be trusted to eat large quantities of food as I don't seem to register when I'm full up.
I have also signed up for four more sessions of Boot Camp, I deserve the pain. And believe me I'm in pain. Even the back fat hurts.

Anyway - just a short one today will write proper in the next couple of days.

I got that poison, that poison on my mind.....

2011-04-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

ON examining yet more photo's tagged of me on Facebook, I've come to the conclusion that my face is actually rather big. It's quite round. Like the moon. I think the only way I'll have cheek bones is by losing a couple of stone. But now I've started Amanda Hamilton's 28 day detox so I hope this will happen soon and a face shape will emerge from my round bonce.

Today on the eating plan, I've actually eaten seeds like a little birdy. I quite liked them. And raisins I've eaten. Like a little er...birdy also. And! And, shock horror. I've just been to the gym on my lunch break. I did the stepper which makes me sweat like a full on pig. I walked up the equivalent of 53 floors. (Canary Wharf is 50 floors so I was proper wheezing.) It's all worth it though.

Tonight I'm gonna get my boy to take a "before" picture of me to compare and contrast at the end of the 28 day period where upon I will go back onto Weight watchers. I plan to show the before and after pictures to Amanda Hamilton herself so that she might become my new best friend and thus send me to her health spa in Thailand. You have to be in it to win it.

Oh boo I had major insomnia last night. I went to bed at 10pm (making sure to record TOWIE on Sky Plus)and then proceeded to toss and turn for four hours eventually dropping off at 2am. Had to be up at 6am for an early meeting and I'm so not feeling too alive today. But at least I AM alive.....

BECAUSE............. I HAVE STOPPED SMOKING! I AM A NON-SMOKER!! That's right. Allen Carr's easy way method of which I attended a 6 hour seminar about on Saturday, has finally put me straight. I would recommend this whole heartily to any smokers wishing to cease (smoking). Saturday evening me and the boy and another couple we know when to some bars in Brick Lane and all three of them are smokers. They wanted to sit outside so they could smoke and I didn't even care and I was all drunk. Not sure what happened but I am cured and no longer will that poison enter my body. I honestly have no idea why I didn't attend this seminar before. Seriously I recommend it.

So, this week sees me being nice to my poor suffering body and a cookery course on Thursday evening. It's to learn how to make decent Paella. I can't wait. And then Saturday I have this Boot Camp army training thing over at Greenwich park. I'm dreading it, these army blokes are well hard and don't tolerate unfit wheezing women. S'gotta be done though. Only 11 weeks until our holiday and I am NOT bobbing about on a lilo in the sea only to become BEACHED like the whale I have been in past years.

We shall see. I hope you're all brilliant

For what it's worth, I like you.

2011-03-29T03:12:00.000-07:00

So I watched The Social Network on Sunday evening and I have to say I was highly disappointed. The actor playing Mark Zuckerberg spoke too fast and monotone like in Dawsons Creek. It was too much. Maybe that's how Mark Z really speaks. All fast and annoying. (Like Dawson's Creek). Anyway s'up to you if you wanna watch it but it's a bit boring.

I'd be well up for watching some Dawson's Creek box set action though. I wonder if I can lay my hands on it. I don't spose it will be as interesting as in the good old days. "I don't wanna wait... for our liiiives to be ooover...."

Speaking of Boxsets, I'm attempting to watch The Wire again. Basically the mistake I made was to watch The Wire STRAIGHT after The Soprano's. And of course one has to adapt you see. I was living "Tony's Law". And then moving on to the Wire where the lead in it has a really bad American accent (after later googling him it turns out he is English, as suspected) it wasn't going to work for me. But after a nice long break I'm finally getting into it and accepting new characters and new stupid accents.

I went to The Vitality Day on Saturday at Earls Court (2). It was ace. At first I just bought stuff like a new ring and some fake bake and I didn't feel very motivated. BUT THEN I was sauntering along and I heard a lady speaking on a loud microphone so I went over to investigate. And it turned out this was to be the most important lecture I would hear of the day (and possibly my LIFE!)

Amanda Hamilton was the loud talker and apparently she's off the telly. Anyway she was talking about caring for your innards and why you might have issues with headaches and stuff. And why you might be "good" all day and then at night time its WINE O CLOCK. "All me" I exclaimed inwardly. And then I signed up for the 28 day detox which begins for me on SUNDAY.

The reason it doesn't start until Sunday is because Saturday I have enrolled on an Allen Carr Stop Smoking seminar. If this doesn't work, then nothing will. I'm so bored of smoking now though and feel like a mug so I think my mind is in the right place at least.

After The Vitality Day on Saturday my friends and I decided to take refuge from the attacking of banks and Topshop by going to the pub. I had four pints in total (I deserved them) but then I was all drunk and on the tube back into central London I left my fakebake by my seat on the train only discovering this error as the tube doors were shutting. Luckily there were some nice sisters on board who posted it back through the moving train window. Love it when I get a taste of sisterhood. High five girlfriends.

When I got home me and the boy drank some more wine and then it was the next day. Ahhhh happy days. Anyway, better get on. Hope you're well.

We will meet you where the lights are....

2011-03-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Got a poxy cold haven't I. Have I? Have I! Yes, I have.
Why is there no cure for a cold? It's a common cold FFS, surely someone should have worked out a remedy by now. ANNOYING.

Anyway this week has been fairly productive. I judged the Funniest Student Comedy Central Competition on Monday at the Comedy Store on Leicester Square. I was to be a judge on a panel of three. Myself, Jack Whitehall of Channel 4 fame and this man called Rick from Off The Kerb management. It was to work like X factor so after each act had done their 5 mins we would all comment. It was a bit weird though because Pat Monaghan was late (he was MCing) so Jack Whitehall had to MC at the top. All I've ever seen Jack do are panel shows and to be honest he comes across as rather irritating and slightly up-startish. BUT, in real life and on stage he's really very funny. Maybe that means that Jimmy Carr's nice in real life. I doubt it.

It was a good competition with very high standards but there could only be one winner. Er obviously. And that was that. I don't really like the Comedy Store as a general rule, it reminds me of the days of the dreaded GONG show where audiences are invited to heckle, jeer and boo off stage, scared little rabbit new comics trying to beat the 5 minute gong. The atmosphere at those things makes me shudder to this day.

Then last night I went to watch the Comedy Rush at the Shaftsbury Theatre where there were 60 comedians in 60 minutes, obviously each doing a minute. AND the Chuckle Brothers were there! And lovely Isy Suttie (Dobby) from Peep Show and many more. . Acts that stood out for me were Ricky Grover, Isy Suttie, The Chuckle Brothers, Charlie Baker, Adam Bloom, Rob Deering, Miss Behave, James Redmond (FIN FROM HOLLYOAKS), Frank Sanazai and Rob Rouse to name a few. I would so recommend this if you get a chance to go and see it.

I've started buying the Big Issue. I am now in a trap where I feel obliged to buy it from every seller I see. It's like doing the same lottery numbers each week, I feel awful if I forget to do it one week. And that's how I feel when I walk past a Big Issue seller. The other day I thought I'll just give that old man (he looked like Santa) a tenner and then I can sleep easy. But then I went past another old smiley man also with the Big Issue and I had no money left. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh well. Why don't you all buy The Big Issue! It's actually quite a good read. There's a spread in it which contain letters and poems from the homeless but that bits depressing so I just skip it and I recommend you do too.

People I want to punch in their stupid faces at the moment are as follows: Ronnie from Eastenders (obviously just the character, I'm NOT mental). She's a fucking knob and this nicking of the child storyline is pathetic. Give the baby back you HOE. And stop being all weird and all that.
And that's my list so far. The other day I wanted to punch this girl who is one of the most shameless specimens of the female gender I have ever come across. But I've sobered up now so alls well that ends well.

And finally, I'm going to the Vitality day tomorrow in Olympia which I know after two hours I will be like "I wanna go home now" but am also gonna try and sneak into the Ideal Home Show at Earls Court to get a vegetable peeler. Oh me. How exciting.

I hope you're all well, even those few who dislike me. No I don't. I only hope all those that like me are well. All the others who don't can go and eat their own shit.

Much love!

And what am I sposed to say, when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

2011-02-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

Again a nice long break between blogs and my excuse for this is down to work! I am so busy at the moment, barely getting a chance to take a lunch break (prob not a bad thing) let alone tap out a world class blog post!
But now I have some time, so here goes...

WELL! Xmas was OK, as was New Year. I went on a health kick for about 18 days (like last year) but fell off the wagon with a bang when I went to my friend's 40th and drank Jagerbombs. They're so nice aren't they! All going down into my tummy so yummily and making me not feel drunk, but brilliant and interesting until I discover myself doing a wee wee in a car park and then I KNOW the Jagerbombs have done their work but in a kind and friendly way! Ah Jagerbombs, you're so LOVELY.

So yes off with a bang I fell but have kept the drinking to a weekend event (mostly) and have relished in the no hangover thing. You should try it, it's a strange feeling to feel well MOST days. The other thing I've stuck to is a the gym (bob). I actually LIKE it a bit now and although I get a beetroot face which strangely remains white around my mouth (that can't be right can it) I think I'm making progress. I've lost another half a stone now so since this time last year I have lost 1 stone 2lbs. I only have 2 stone to go and I will look all perfect and lollipop headed just like that lady off Eastenders. Max's girlfriend. Her head is massive.

Don't worry I'm not getting obsessed but I do feel a lot more on track and it's quite nice not to have flab billowing out of my size 16 jeans.

The Biggest Loser on ITV1 is helping quite a bit but not as much as The Biggest Loser USA on Living is! OMG they're massive and if THEY can do loads of exercise and not die of a heart attack then so can I. That's what goes through my head whenever I go to the gym and I'm getting puffed out. Look at that man that's 23stone he can do this and not die, so you can Leanne! So can you.

In other news I actually did projectile vomiting this week. I thought this only existed on Little Britain and the Witches of Eastwick (have another cherry). But no, I got it Wednesday night and it was a Catherine wheel of mucas. GROSS. I think it was a prawn... Either way it helped with the WW weigh in this week no doubt! So every cloud... Poor Warren didn't like it though, covered his tooth brush and flannel. HAHAHA. He really must love me eh.

So I went to a wedding show last week at the Excel Centre. It was very tacky. It was like the one in Gavin and Stacey. I had to wear a sticker saying BRIDE. I didn't like it so I took it off but people still kept coming up and giving me leaflets. The worst selling pitch was for this Spit Roast machine thing. I just couldn't bring myself to be rude to the salesman so listened and ummed and ahhhhed for about 7 minutes. Very annoying as I shan't get that back. Lots of Bridezillas roaming around whereas I'm more of a BrideZuki. I'm going to another one next friday, the National Wedding show at Olympia. I'm not sure why I booked to go to this now. Oh well.

I watched a programme the other night (the night of projectile vomitus) on Sky Anytime called "Bridal Plasty" or something. And the object of the show was 10 brides to be competing to win all the cosmetic surgery they could physically have and also to win a massive expensive wedding. It was pretty disgusting to be honest, at one point they had to do a jigsaw puzzle which once completed the prize for the game was a syringe which admitted them entry into a "needle Party" which enabled them to INJECT THEIR FACES with botox.. And they were so so happy.... I'm all for some basic assessment of one's body parts and if needed, a nip or tuck here or there should be allowed. But these guys were obsessed freaks. Not good.

Anyway - just a short one today with not much info but I plan to write weekly from now on.

I hope you are all well.

And why should the world take notice, of one more love that's failed. A love that can never be....

2010-12-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

Well this weather's a little bit dominating isn't it. Up to Saturday it hadn't really gotten the better of me but Well! WTF! Suddenly me and my beau were TRAPPED, YES TRAPPED in the car, surrounded by large flakes of snow and crazy drivers desperate to get home. I'm ashamed to say that a tear drop slipped from my eye when I realised the 10 minute drive would take around 2 hours. I nearly had to don my boy's work boots and get walking. Anyway we got home in the end going via Iceland to pick up an express Xmas dinner in case we find ourselves stranded on his holy-est of days.

This has probably been one of the only December's in a long long time where I haven't been that naughty. Well, I did fall asleep on the train after our work Xmas party but I say that was from being over-tired not because I'd been drinking white wine. Haven't done that for ages (sleeping on the train I mean, not white wine consumption). It was all confusing and then there was this man with a big red face (the DRIVER apparently) explaining I wasn't at Lewisham (my stop of choice) but HAYES no less and the end of the line.

DOH. My boy was none too pleased but agreed to come and pick me up. Haha it was only 11:30pm. What a party animal I am.

In other news I am concerned at how quickly time is going. I became an engaged lady 6 months ago and now 6 months have passed and I still weigh the same (minus 7lbs). But 7lbs isn't that good really in 6 months is it... I dread the thought of putting on a wedding dress and I especially don't want the usual sleeveless boob tube thing with flowing skirt. I want sleeves but that will make me look all frumpy. SIGH. Can't I just buy a nice dress from Monsoon and be done with it? But it won't be in keeping with the wedding (a very glamorous affair) and I must fit into my own wedding. I have a real problem with White as well. I own NOTHING in white 'cept a T-shirt nightie which is more on the yellowy side now. Ah well. This is probably boring for you to read, same as people talking about their kids. BORINGO!! I shall stop now.

Well the last month has been ok, although I had some very sad news discovering my Uncle Nick died. He was a lovely man, really and truly he was, and I wish he hadn't gone.

Onto other topics. Right now at work they're playing Scrooged and I am trying hard not to watch it as we all know I only watch this on xmas eve, after the Snowman. Last year when we went out to a bar they had it on the screens in there, see? I'm slightly annoyed that they're showing me this WELL before the designated viewing period.

Other than that, not much to report. Oh yeah, I'm giving up smoking on the 2nd January. Blah blah blah.... Etc. And doing not eating all that food and drinking all that drink...and yeah. To be fair, I'm pretty happy. I dread writing something like that incase something goes wrong but....it's how I feel right now and I am pleased to say that I am very lucky indeed. Got myself a good job, a good man and a nice rabbit. (and I don't mean any of that in a Facebook smug way, just feels good s'all).
Wishing you ALL a very Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year no matter what! I hope you are all brilliant.
Until next time.

I closed my eyes and closed myself and closed my world and never opened up to anything that could get me at all...

2010-11-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

So once more Christmas is right around the corner with just 5 weeks left to go. SIGH. No, I'm looking forward to it very much. Even though I can't put my Xmas Tree up owing to my rabbit eating it. He eats everything. And he shits everywhere. And recently he's been spraying piss on me if he gets annoyed. In fact, I live in a litter tray. I'm hoping that when he gets his balls lopped off all will be right with the world, but somehow I think he's just a naughty ware-rabbit sent to cause me grief. I can't be angry with him for long though because he's such a Catface with his snuffly fuzzy nosey and his velveteen rabbit ears.

Oh yes the last time I wrote I was about to go to a Supper Club in Islington. It was really good fun although slightly cringey. We arrived there late so I felt unbonded with the others. I also couldn't be bothered to talk to randoms but quickly realised that this was the thing to do so I chatted to a nice girl called.....I can't remember....but anyway she was nice. Then we all went out to this shed in the garden and proceeded to trough through copious lovely food.

There was only one semi-dickhead there. He was quite posh and about 27 years old but felt he knew more than me. Mistake. No not really, he just had an opinion on everything and kept spouting a lot of bilge. All like this: "HAW HAW HAW! FNAR FNAR FNAR!" Luckily for him I had been very good with my wine consumption so he didn't receive a Leanne special. Like when he said he hadn't come across ANY crime in London nor had his posho friends - he then when onto to say that crime was only between gangs and drug users. Yes, that's right Knob for brains, that's the facts indeed. Another one from the home counties who gets cabs everywhere.

He reminded me of that dick off the Apprentice from last night's episode. What was his name? I can't remember but he had a face like a pig was about 20 and was team leader. I'm an entrepreneur, I make decisions in my head, that's why I'm good at business. Oh shut up dick wad, why don't you eat your own shit? That would have been my idea in the brain storming session. "Yes, I have an idea pig face, why don't you eat your own shit." Then I would draw a picture on the flip chart of his pig face eating his own shit.

As you can see I am still a huge fan of the HD blue eyed candidates on The Apprentice but my love will always remain with Lord Sugar.

In other news Prince William liked her so he went and put a ring on it. (Kate) And now she'll be a Princess and everything! They've only a few months to plan - not long at all. The guys at my work are doing a whip round for them, they deserve it. And Kate's got the Diana -engagement ring which I quite like, but lets hope she won't have to recycle that bloody awful dress. (Let alone the ruffs.)

So Facebook! How am I coping not being a part of that magical world I hear you ask...? Very well thank you. I must admit in the first couple of days I was itching to know what *Jo was having for her tea and also that "*Annette has had e (FUCKING) nuff!" and also my absolute favourite - the obligatory "whats up hun?" comment below the above update... But I have coped. And it's been lovely and refreshing and although I was only going to come off for a month, a month has passed and I just don't want back in. Maybe next year. We'll see.
I do miss some people though. But luckily I have their mobile numbers so don't be alarmed.
*Some names have been changed in order to not make people I know look like dicks.

And that's that. I think. Yes, anyway, all that I care to divulge on here.

I hope you are really well.
Until next time...

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? But that's alright because I like the way it hurts.

2010-10-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

UGH! I got me a hangover.... Meh. Stupid beer.

SO! How are you all? Good I hope.

Tell me you've been watching "The Only Way is Essex"on ITV2! Fucking hell - it's so bad it's good. The girls on it all do that thing where they go up at the end of their sentences so everything sounds like a question. EG: "Oh my god? Mark'll love that vagazzle?"
For those of you who don't know what a vagazzle is, its where you put sparkly diamantes on your pubic bone. It looks great..... What. The. Fuck.
Why would you do that? Whats the point. Check out my sparkly MUFF. Jesus. Anyway I would recommend anyone watch it - it makes me CRINGE.

Thank God The Apprentice is back although in my opinion it's been scheduled at the wrong time of year. Normally it's on when it's going to be the Summer..... Oh well at least it's back and it's bloody great.

In other news - I'm going to come off Facebook next week (after Catface Comedy on Wednesday) I've decided. I expect it will feel like I did when I went to Australia and didn't take my mobile phone with me.
Free.

Why, I hear you ask? Well, I went for a drink with my mate Matt on Tuesday and he's recently done the same thing and he explained how invigorated it's made him feel and I want in. Plus when I look at it, although FB has lots of good points, its also got many bad points which most of us I'm sure are all well aware of. In the past it's actually got me paranoid....... like this one strange time, a girl on there decided she didn't like me (for NO reason) and kept sending me evil comments via her status updates. Now I look back on it, it truly does sound ridiculous.
And of course I couldn't prove this and I would have looked a bit mad if I'd asked her about it..... But the comments were aimed at me....she knew it and I knew it. In the end I had to delete her. How mad is it that you can just delete someone out of your life with just a click of a mouse? But when I put it like that, it's quite cool actually.

But anyway - back to the point, my boyfriend isn't on FB and he's been saying to me for ages how silly it is and all that jazz and I've just been like blah blah blah you don't understand but he's right. If there's an event - my friends can invite me via the TELEPHONE or on EMAIL or, OR, here's an idea....... face to face.

SO! Tonight I'm going on an adventure, I'm going to a Supper Club in London. What happens is, you go round this random person's house (you have to book and everything) and other people will be there too and you all eat dinner with these strangers cooked by this random couple you've never met before. I'm actually quite nervous but me and Warren are going with Jack and Louise who have been before and said it's a right laugh. Alot of the kind of people that do this Supper Club thing are very middle class. I'm going to go in singing "Knees up Muvver Brown" and "Any Old Iron" to break the ice.

How strange going into someones house that you don't even know and eating their food. God I'm actually feeling a bit scared about this now. One of my mates said the concept reminds him of Swinging. Haha. How funny would that be, if we got there and all these naked randoms were sat there looking at us expectantly. Hmmmm... Maybe not funny actually and YES it's definitely a Supper Club.

In other news my boy bought me a rabbit for my birthday called Colin who is very very sweet indeed but does alot of nibbling. Little tinker. He is grey and dwarfy. AHHHHHH.

God this hangover keeps hitting me in waves, bloody blimey. I've joined Weight Watchers AGAIN and this time the incentive is of course my wedding dress. Now that the venue, the photographer, the registrar and insurance is booked I am going on a massive weight loss plan so that I can get into a size 10-12 wedding dress for the big day. It's the biggest incentive I've ever had and it's a very happy thought indeed.

And finally, don't forget it's Catface Comedy on wednesday this week (20th) at the Betsey Trotwood in farringdon. GET INVOLVED.

Anyway - I hope this blog finds you all really well. Until next time....

Why do you feel you have to hold on? What if you just let go?

2010-09-23T04:17:00.000-07:00

GOOD DAY! It's my birthday today and I'm 32. Now I'm like properly getting on a bit and I feel that everything is as it should be. Huzzah.

SO! The other weekend I went to BUTLINS, Bognor Regis.... It was a "90's Reloaded" weekend and Chesney Hawkes and S Club 3 were there. I thought it was going to be mainly screaming ladies there but the ratio of men to women was about 60 40.... And there was SO many stag do's I couldn't go five minutes without seeing a willy, hairy arse or a big fat gut. It was AWFUL. (ha!)
A proper meat market - the men were savages! :-) And it didn't help that my team of ladies are all easy on the eye so we were targeted by the raging testosterone fuelled stags. To be fair we were the best of a bad bunch. The other women there (apart from some sexy Baywatch ladies) were bloody awful looking - faces like they belonged as guests on Jeremy Kyle.

There was one particular guy who came up to us on the first afternoon of the weekend. The girls and I had gone to a pub in Butlins and as we walked in it was pure carnage. There was a man standing around casually drinking a pint with his pants and trousers round his ankles. There were ginger bread men, Mario brothers, men dressed up as women (original!) and so much more.... When we moved outside the guy ambled over to us absolutely off his head. He couldn't stop the muscles in his face spasming. He was a complete delight as you can imagine - did make me laugh though. His tongue was actually green. Haha his parting comment to us was to tell Karen she reminded him of a Romanian Tramp (where did he get that from?) Me a porn star and Louisa a Boa Constrictor snake. HAHAHAHAHA From that moment on I knew the weekend would be great fun.

And it was, but it wasn't without it's nostalgic moments as well. In the olden days I frequented Butlins, even managing to get in the Brochure as a 13 year old. (Them's were the days.) I also had my first proper holiday romance there. Craig Holt his name was and I cried for days when we left. (It was unrequited love but still....) Makes me laugh how snobby people can be about Butlins... in its hay day it was really good fun.

Nowadays its not as good - mainly because I don't like the fact that I'm older than all the Red Coats. Also it looks so different now, they've erected this whopping great tent in the middle of everything which to me is pointless - it smells all tenty in there. And also this huge hotel which is just so very random. They've still got an indoor pool though with other aqua flumes. I went on lots of these :-). There was one flume where you have to sit in this 2 man rubber dingy thing. Unfortunately the cut off weight for two dingy passengers was 21 stone so this meant I was going SOLO. haaa! I looked great in my thread-bare Matalan swimming costume with no bust support.
It was definitely an adults only weekend, confirmed to me when in the wave machine pool, seeing a girl floating past on a gigantic inflatable knob. Great days.

S-Club 3 were basic. Bradley kept trying to be all down with the drunk people. Shouting things like "Yeah! YEAH! How many of you out there are PISSED?!" Er...everyone Bradley, or we wouldn't be here, would we. Oh and little Chesney took a tumble on stage - Bless him. Louisa was cracking me up she was quite drunk (we all were) and she was exclaiming seriously what SHE would say to Chesney and his manager "Look, I know the One and Only's your bread and butter Chesney, but you need to think up some new songs".... Haha and a drunken stag tried to rush the stage and got bundled to the ground by the bouncers. It was all happening in Butlins I tell ya!

I've started my new job at Comedy Central and it seems to be going quite well, everyone's really nice and down to earth. YAY! Very pleased indeed. Catface Comedy is back on the 20th October at the Betsey Trotwood so DO come along if you can. And that's that.

I'm off to get a KFC fully loaded. (this will include Fillet tower burger, chips, chicken and gravy) I'm a little bit hungover.

I hope you're all really really well. :-) Till next time.

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world....she took the midnight train going anywhere

2010-08-27T05:04:00.000-07:00

G'day. What the hell's going on with this rain. It's bloody evil and I want it GONE! GONE I tells ya. Well, that was the weather report, now down to business.

So....I joined Twitter. Mistake? I think so. NO ONE is following me. How can I make it so? At present I've only written one tweet thing. It's really boring. There's no point in doing continual status updates if no-one can even see them. If I get 50 followers in the next week then I'll start spouting out some gumpf but not before. My thing is www.twitter.com/LeanneCatface it's possible I'm opening myself up to some ONLINE bullying (I read the news) but I'll give it a go.

It's my last day today at MTV and then I move into Comedy Central! WOOOOH... How exciting. I have lots to do but thought I'd sneak in a bloggy as its been a couple of weeks. If you like this blog please forward onto any mates you think might like the ramblings of me - I'd love to get my numbers back up to what they were. Boo hoo... Poor me. Shut up Leanne - think yourself lucky, I mean.....you could be a cat in a bin.

Yeah what was that about? The woman who put the cat in the bin. That was so random and I'm inclined to think it was indeed a moment of madness. Like do you ever get it where you're in a meeting or on a deathly quiet train and you think, what would happen if I just randomly shouted the word cunt. What would everyone do? And then I think to myself "Oh God Leanne please don't say Cunt, please don't say Cunt" And normally I don't. But I reckon this could be the same thing. She was probably thinking "What would happen if I put this cat in the bin? What would happen? Please don't put the cat in the bin" In it goes "Ooops". That's all I can think. Otherwise she is stark raving bonkers - she'll probably have to move home to avoid the threateners.

I went to SPIN class the other day for the first time ever. It was absolutely revolting. I was nearly sick and everything. I've never sweated so much in my life (and I'm well sweaty) and when I looked in the mirror after the class even my eyes were red. Thought my head was gonna explode. During the class the lights are switched off and there are disco lights pulsating and ultra violet light. I was wearing black and had a white sweat towel and all of the fluff from the towel got on my face and I looked like Santa in the ultra violet light. I've got to go back though. Not for a week though cos my bum is raw and bruised from the razor blade saddle.

SO two TV highlights that need to be mentioned are of course Ultimate Big Brother and X Factor. I have been watching both as I have no life and secretly love them. Firstly Big Brother. Well, poor Josie. Why oh why has she gone back into that house with all those mentalists. Why could she not just wait for the next couple of years to roll by so she's gradually fucked up by her desperate yearning to remain in the public eye naturally. Why fast track it? With every single minute a house mate leaves Big Brother so their popularity and famous-ness ebbs away until they are left clinging to a sofa in China Whites screaming "Do you know who I am!?" No love, nobody does.

I could watch Nicki Graham all day. There's something about that face that I can't take my eyes off. I don't thinkshe's got a bottom set of teeth. Her face seems to gurn into itself and then her head goes into her body and her neck disappears. Like a concertina. And that voice. Love it. Very amusing indeed. Feel a bit sorry for Chantelle as she blatantly loves Preston. Dunno why as he's got the body of a toddler.

Anyway - so X factor. Not much to say about that except I can't believe Konnie Huq is presenting the Xtra show. God, bring back Holly is what I say (and that's saying something). Maybe Holly's too busy with This Morning giving out all her worldly advice to real life guests at the grand old age of around 28....

Anyway - it's bank hols this weekend, the last one of the year. Soon it will be Christmas. How depressing. And on that note, I'll leave it there. Have an excellent weekend! YEAH!!

xx

So jump in the river and learn to swim...

2010-08-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Life's pretty cool at the moment.
The wedding venue has been confirmed. I KNOW. I must admit that when the lady was showing around myself, the boy and Ma and Pa, I started to feel a bit anxious. Especially when “Vikki” kept saying “the Bride will walk down the red carpet”and “bride enters this way.” And she kept gesturing to me. ME. I’m going to be a BRIDE. Bloody 'ell Barbara, I’m too young. No I’m not – I’m too old.

We got the contract through the other day and it said “Information about the Diggins and Snow wedding.” (thats his surname – Snow, or as I like to say Snow Puppy, he loves it). Any hoo its happening, its booked and now we have to save like mad.

I bought a bride magazine the other day and it was WELL BORING. It was just like Marie Claire - the WORST magazine in the world. It offered me hardly any guidance and in general made me cringe. Also really weird ideas for decorations for the tables. Spray a pear white. OK. Yeah cos that's gonna happen.

Now anyone who knows me, knows full well that I don’t care about all that decoration stuff (cos I can't do it). In fact an exert from one of my emails to my chief bridesmaid had on the list mainly “unsures” and on the fourth point down:

· ......Invitations –
· Reception Decorations – Not sure
· Table decorations – Not sure
· Little bits and bobs like bubbles and all that crap

So you see – it’s really not my area and I didn’t even realise I’d written that until she replied “Haha I like this… “Little bits and bobs like bubbles and all that crap” Anyway – I’m still excited, just not about decorations. And all that FAVOURS stuff. Why are they called favours? Here’s a favour. It’s sweets. Eh?

Right what else? The other day I saw a poster for the new Karate Kid film starring Will Smith’s son Jaden Smith. And I’m not being funny but he looks about 8 yrs old and has spindly baby arms. How can anyone take him seriously? At least that one from the 80’s had muscles, it’s just his balls hadn’t dropped. He was about 28 wasn’t he? The actor who plays the “kid” what was his name? Can't be arsed to even google it. I used to WELL fancy him. And of course it was Elizabeth Shue who was his love interest. Where’s Ms Shue now then eh? Ha that’ll teach you to take too many leading 80’s ladies roles. Greedy.

We got to the end of the Soprano's box set the other day. I'd seen a few of the episodes when it was on telly but we decided to marathon it from start to finish. It took about 3 months with an episode a night usually. Oh my god. The final episode! ITS A-MAZING. You must watch it. (And then google what the ending means - all the symbols and signs.) Very clever indeed.

Now we've started on the Wire box set. We've watched one so far but I miss Tony Soprano and Paulie. I'll get into it soon enough. What's better The Wire? or The Sopranos?

I suppose I can say now.....I've had some good news. I've got a new permanent job working at Comedy Central as of the end of this month. WOOOOOOH!!! I'll miss the department I'm in at MTV of course - everyone's very cool but this is a great opportunity so I'm grabbing it with both hands. Happy days.

Anyway I hope you're all very well indeed.

Till next time.

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night - you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight....

2010-07-26T01:11:00.000-07:00

Good morning! It's a Monday morning and I don't feel blue. I think it's because I've embarked on a new regime which involves NO SMOKING and Slimming World. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I gave Slimming World a go a few years ago but where the leader was all fat and deluded I didn't end up sticking to it. (its ALL her fault)

Also this whole either eat PROTEIN (red day) or all CARBS (Green day) thing didn't really work for me. BUT since then (1998) they've changed it and you can eat loads more stuff. SO we shall see. Also I've REJOINED the gym. I know you think this is all I talk about - but honestly my life is just a constant battle which I spose is a bit sad really. But my happy thought is being slim (and winning the lottery) and also being able to run for the bus without wheezing. I'm going to Spin class on Wednesday morning. I'm so nervous - whenever I've walked past Spin the women are all whooping and being all American. It's intimidating and cringey. On a positive note I have shed a stone since Christmas. I think that deserves a round of applause.

In other news I found out some more Bindi Irwin info. Apparently she's in the new Free Willy movie. It was her birthday this weekend and all kids got into Australia Zoo for free. I've studied her online and it's hard to believe that she's only 11. I'm not sure what I think of her - when I came back from Oz I found the hype surrounding her completely cringey but now I feel a little bit sorry for her - she seems sweet on this clip - but not aged 11, I think more like 37.
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/20/bindi-irwin-crocodile-hunter-video/
What do you reck?

On Sunday I was very pleased to see that Louise Rednapp (the most wooden, uncharismatic and unfunny presenter in the entire world) is no longer presenting on Something for the Weekend (BBC2 10am every Sunday). Gone are the days when I would shout at the TV during every link she'd carry out "Here's an idea Louise, have a POINT when you say something?" and "Where are you going with this?" as she'd waffle on about absolutely nothing etc. So that was nice. However I did notice that the male presenter on Something for the Weekend has fingers on his left hand that bend in very strange directions. Reminded me of the time I discovered JB's hand (Jeremy Beadle) and couldn't stop looking at it from then onwards...

What else? Hmmm oh yeah - I actually LIKE a Katie Melua song. Its called the Flood. I would recommend you have a listen. Also, I finally found out the name of a song I've been chasing for months. I only knew the tune and as the lyrics are all in french I was at a loss at ever finding the name of the track. But after rasping it semi-tunefully to several work colleagues eventually one came through for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PDmZnG8KsM

And finally, Catface Comedy is BACK and on the 8th September at the Betsey Trotwood. You better come.

Till next time.....

I am a woman, on a mission....

2010-07-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

OMG! I am CRAP CRAP CRAP! I haven't written for DAYS! WEEKS EVEN!! Ok its months. I'm sorry. I wouldn't be saying sorry normally but people are still revisiting the page so I feel its only right to comment.

Here is an update:

I AM ENGAGED (sorry lads!)

I have got a job - back at MTV

I'm still a heffer (just not AS heffy as I was before)

I've been sticking to my five a day.

I'm 31 and in my PRIME (according to the Metro)

I went to Tel Aviv recently with work and to leave the country was an ULTIMATE nightmare. This is because I've been to Marrakesh before. I had my bags searched three times - I was taken to a secret room and questioned, had my shoes taken away - my hair unclipped and searched (I did have a rather large 'hive that day) and my phone text messages checked. I don't think a text saying "Everyone speaks hebrew!" is that much for them to worry about. Either way I was eventually escorted to the plane (I'm flying British Airways don't you know!) with an armed guard man - who had a hand like Jeremy Beadle.

Anyway - what else has been going on? Yes that's right, I'm engaged! My boyfriend went to my ma and pa's and asked for their permission and then presented me with a very beautiful ring on the first night of our hols. It wasn't as romatic as I think he would have liked owing to the Spain V's Germany match (we were in Spain). The German supporters kept blowing their Vuvu's and the Spanish were retaliating by honking their horns and letting off bangers. But we got there in the end and I said YES. So there we have it.

Yup I got a job back at MTV - mainly Project Managing and its much fun and lovely to be back.

And finally in light of the above - Catface Comedy can return as I have the cash to over see it now. SO! watch this space for dates.

I'll write proper soon. I do really hope you're ok. Thanks for staying with me.

x

You are someone else, but I am still right here.

2010-04-15T02:12:00.001-07:00

Helloo! I'm sorry I've not blogged for ages but I put it down to having no routine just like Contented Little Baby Book. 8pm - Baby writes Blog.

SO! Its been a while.... I've come to the conclusion that I'm to remain an average lady size for all of time. I've been trying to become addicted to the gym, its hard though as my gym smells of BO and has many men grunting loudly whist lifting weights that make these horrid veins appear in their neck's. I just think my love of food and my love of sitting around aren't great combo's for a slim bod. OH WELL!

I mentioned babies above and there's a reason for this. EVERYONE'S PREGGERS. EVERYONE. Even the people who were never maternal are sporting bumps and discussing nursing and latching on... Its making me very very not broody. Sure I quite like kids at times but only polite ones and ones that say funny things. Also not ones that govern conversations or ones who make loud baby noises in the back ground when I'm on the phone to my pals. Tell them MUMMY IS ON THE PHONE will you? I just don't think I'm cut out for it....yet. In a few years for sure. But I watched that One Born Every Minute and the sight of different women MOOING in agony week in week out was exceptionally off putting. I have to say though that I am VERY pleased to hear that my friend Cheryl is pregnant. This in my mind is a miracle baby and I'm genuinely over excited for her. Well done Cheryl bum you should name the baby, Catface. Or Leanne. Or both.

In other news everything is going swimmingly with my boyfriend. I know! Who'd have thought it? I'm very, very happy. He's a true Catface. Although it didn't take very long for him to start doing lots of parps in my company. I'm forever exclaiming loudly "PARDON?" Oh well no-one's perfect. He's been looking after me whilst in this interim period of unemployment and it's the strangest feeling to have someone who can do that. No disrespect to my church mouse exes, but my, its lovely to be taken out and not have to go DUTCH. On the job front I have a rather strong lead for a role that I'm incredibly excited about but trying not to be incase it all falls through. If I get this job though I swear I will never grumble or complain ever again. I would actually advise anyone in employment to never take their role for granted - sounds an obvious thing to say but you'd be surprised- I've learnt alot. Especially from the Benefits system. Well, its given me a broader idea of how this country is run and therefore come the election I shall surely have a strong X to mark down the local church hall I can tell you!

A few weeks ago I got that horrid stomach flu bug thing that was going around - it was evil. These days if I ever chuck, its down to self infliction so when for NO reason whatsoever I'm in central London in the day at a meeting at an agency and I feel an utter compulsion to use the lav this knocked me for six. I soldiered on thinking it was nothing, when all of a sudden I was overcome with my old friend Diavomalemma!. Which end would it come from? Front or back? And I was stuck in London and couldn't get on the train home. Evil. When I finally managed the journey from Charing Cross to New Cross 15 minutes I had to get off the train twice! Poor boyfriend - I was like the excorcist. Happy days! But I'm all better now! It actually helped with the weight loss thing so every cloud.....

I've not been to see any bands for ages and I'm getting a bit bored. Sure its nice to do the couples going out with couples thing but after a while it makes me feel a bit, I don't know....false. Can't put my finger on it but I miss going to gigs so I will book to go and see a band soon. The last concert I went to was A-ha and I went on my own! It was at the o2 as well! hahaha. Warren dropped me off there and I could see him thinking as he pulled away "what a weirdo" but I didn't care and skipped off to the entrance thinking there's BOUND to be others going on their own. I was so wrong. The seat that I was situated in, in my row had only ME in it and as the lights were up in the arena I was on full display to the other A-Ha revellers. Even the extortionately priced pint of beer didn't help me - but as the opening song came on (sun always shines on TV) a couple sat in the row behind me ad lo and behold I knew the bloke in the couple. My mate Aron! I was like HIYA!!! He was like "WOW hiya! who are you here with?" And I was like "erm....no-one?" HA! and we ended up having a great old time! So there! I might be a weirdo but at least I can go to a concert at the o2 BY MYSELF.

Right I better get on with my day - but I will write more frequently I promise.

Until next time....

Gotta ask yourself the question 'where are you now?'

2010-01-18T11:08:00.000-08:00

SO! I trust you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year. Why do I trust? I don't know because normally Christmas and new year are an almighty let down I find. But because mine was ok I trust yours was too. It's easier that way.

January so far has been very irritating indeed. The snow thing particularly has angered me greatly. Me and the rest of the UK apparently, are blumming well annoyed about the lack of salt thing. There doesn't seem to be enough to go around as I understand it. Luckily I just stay in all day and don't leave my flat unless I need food. Which I don't, because I'm on a diet. That's right people I'm STILL sticking to my New Year plan of no smoking (which is going fine) and no eating. Also I've cut out alcohol and have only faltered on this three times this month already which is a world record.

I joined WW (weight watchers to those in the know) online and I'm actually getting on ok with it. I've lost 3lbs so far. I went to a meeting the other day though and I have to say, WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS. The leader I found was particularly annoying and non motivating. I shall just go to weigh in in future, because I didn't believe her. AND the people in the class were right know it alls. When you join WW though you have to pretend that the points system they use is all NEW to you, so that you pre-empt when you gain weight. EG: "What, alcohol's got points in it?" Its always best to play dumb I find. But all the way through the meeting my inner monologue kept crying out 'you idiots, you think you've found the solution! I'm living proof that this is not the case, having joined weighwatchers 7 times in total" And then here I am back again. BUT something feels different about this time.

I suppose it helps that my boyfriend is all buff and muscular. He proper does weight lifting and looks all bulbous (but not veiny thank god) and me flabbing about like a melting mozzarella is simply not becoming. I went to his gym the other day and I felt all embarrassed huffing and puffing on the cross trainer at the same time as watching Come Dine With Me whilst he buffed around the gym. And when I went up to him and asked to go home because my lips felt all dry I realised that my dark purple face looking pleadingly at him couldn't possibly have been attractive. Oh well it's all about to change and that's that. I even went onto the WW message board online the other day to try and get in with the other people on there but they didn't seem very friendly. They were saying that Hannah Waterman looked too skinny now so I thought I'll add a comment so I wrote "Hannah Waterman -body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch" and no one replied.

Fat cows.

Anyway - what else? Oh yeah. Where I've not been blogging recently I've had a few spam comments from someone that goes "I love your blog, thanks for talking about that information, here is a link" and there's a link to like something completely irrelevant. Like football. I daren't click on it in case its a nasty virus. I NEARLY fell for one of those spam emails today as well. I've been doing the lottery again lately and I had an email from CAMELOT saying I'd won 1.2 million pounds and it was in my junk mail and I thought... I wonder if I have? So I checked my ticket and I hadn't - it was another scam. It wasn't as obvious as the usual ones though "Can you put this money in your account please? 200 grand and then I will give you most of it." YEAH RIGHT you NOB.

In other more significant news the earthquake in Haiti. I was involved in a great collection for this on saturday. The buskers in Covent Garden gave up an hour of their time to come together to do a special performance in aid of this and I went along to collect for them in the crowds. People were so generous, I was getting 10 and 20 pound notes at times. I think I got £200 ish in my bucket and in total we raised over two grand which is great (in association with Oxfam) so I'm hoping that these awful disturbing pictures I'm seeing on telly (right now actually on the Channel 4 news) will start to turn a bit less awful.

And finally, Catface Comedy is BACK on the 10th Feb for a special valentine's day special. Even cupid's going to be there completely BARE so you should totally come along. It's on at the Betsey Trotwood in Clerkenwell. YEAH!

Until next time...

And through a fractal on a breaking wall, I see you my friend.... and touch your face again.

2009-12-09T02:54:00.000-08:00

SO! I can't believe how quickly this year's gone, or that it's Christmas already. I'm sure I'm not the first person to say that but at least I didn't say Crimbo. (As I've previously mentioned in other blogs around this time of year I HATE people who say Crimbo. UGH. I just got a watery mouth.)

Talking of watery mouths I was sick all day on Saturday. It was rotten and my boyfriend came over from work just in time to witness me retching down the loo. NOICE. He still seems to love me but any air of mystique I once possessed has now disappeared.

We've been having fun lately, doing couple things but I have to say that when I was single and used to see couples together I would think, SMUG bastards. I thought that once I joined in with these couples myself, I'd find out that they weren't smug, but merely happy and in love. BUT, It turns out that some couples are smug! They aren't really happy, its all a sham to make singles feel like shit. Don't believe the hype. One couple I take great delight in hanging with and who aren't smug are Jack and Louise. They're a fun couple. The other day me and my boy went round there for some dinner and afterwards instead of sitting around putting the world to rights we moved the table out of the way and had a disco. Happy days. HI JACK! He loves this blog, he's my biggest fan aren't you Jack. Yeah so anyway as far as me and the boy go though all is very well. The only problems we've experienced since embarking on this ride of love is nasty females who have been GOSSIPING about us because their lives are too boring for them to partake in. After much discussion we have decided that this is amusing.

Now then, onto other news. I'm still having issues with benefits, honestly I despair. I hate watching Jeremy Kyle now because instead of making me feel better it makes me feel worse. Those SMUG guests all on benefit, all getting their ya know....money. I still haven't had a penny. The other day when I went to sign on they made me wait outside because I was early and to my right were these two severe chavvy girls listening to their mobile music and to my left was a scruffy alcoholic, drinking (actual) Super Tennants. I looked up to the sky and said to myself "Is this all there is...." (apparently so.)

OMG we went to see Paranormal Activity the other day. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a film. A scary scary film. You have got to go and see it if you haven't already, it's not gory it's just proper shit you up stuff. I will not be sleeping with my foot out of the bed from now on. Go see.

So unlike previous December's I'm not going out getting mashed for Christmas cheer, owing to having no money. Gone are the days where I would roll around on the floor with a kebab in hand, gone are the days when I get chucked out of Charing Cross, gone are the days when the police were called because I was pissing in Price Water Cooper's (or whatever they were called) grounds. HAPPY, HAPPY DAYS.

I'm hardly drinking much at all these days, although I was pretty mashed at ten pin bowling on friday. I actually did that (comical) accidental throwing of the ball behind me when I went up to bowl. I also set off the alarm in the alley by trying to leave via the fire exit. Great days. I was in bed by 9:15pm. Also last night I went out for my mate Karen's 30th and we ended up in McDonalds troughing the entire contents of the place. My mate actually had, 1 beefburger, 2 cheeseburgers, nuggats, cheese nuggats and chips. Although she informed me that she shared the chicken with fellow commuters on the train home. Good old fast food. I remember waking up a couple of years ago with a complaints form in my handbag from when I'd been drunkenly outraged the night before because Burger King didn't have any burgers left, only whoppas. God how embarrassing, I actually kicked off in Burger King, Euston. Over a burger. What a jabba.

Right I'm starving, I'm off to fill my face.

Until next time.

One journey for you but it's worth it, one life here with me and it's magic....

2009-11-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

And again, I'm sorry. I see people are still regularly visiting me' blog so felt I should write. I really have no idea why I've been so slack as it's not like I'm rushed off my feet or anything.

Well, all's good with me. Except still jobless and have now signed on. WELL! That was a task and a half. The forms are LOOOOONG. It makes me wonder how Jeremy Kyle guests manage it. The hoops I've jumped through have been many. I wonder if the Jeremy Kyle contestants just get someone else to do their forms for them? Either way, I've done it. The term 'sign on' is something I've often wondered the meaning of. Do you SIGN ON something? No. You don't, you have to just go and get questioned. I didn't even know what I was entitled to and I called up their head office in Northern Ireland and stated my situation. The irish lady I spoke to asked why I hadn't applied? And I said I didn't know. And she said "Well, you can't very well live on fresh air can ye?" And I thought, well actually you can because fresh air has oxygen in it and that's how us human-beings stay alive but I didn't want to split hairs.

In other news I've been hanging out with my boy and watching copius amounts of reality TV. X Factor (or as I hilariously call it SEX factor...oh har har har), Strictly Come Dancing and of course I'm A Celebrity (erm...) get me out of here. I was as shocked as the rest of the bored people in this kingdom that Katie Price has re-enterered the jungle. However having studied her behaviour it is clear to me that she is being very submissive and planning to win back her fans after the Team Andre/Price debacle. I suppose it doesn't take alot to work that one out. In her DEAD voice she explained that "The fairytale is over and I want closure". But really Jordan, REALLY, you're just sick of being hated aren't you. Which is fair enough, no one wants to be hated. But could you do it in a LESS obvious way? Have some dignity maybe. I love that word, dignity. I've noticed that on Katie's face there's this weird RIDGE that juts out above her top lip. Looks like a beak.

Other than that I've joined the gym again because I have lost all endorphine activity to my brain. THe gym's in Lewisham and there are many beef cakes there who intimidate me with their veiny muscly arms. I've taken to bringing my head phones and becoming engrossed in This Morning to distract me. The gym's good as it gets me off Facebook. I've become rather addicted so have now not updated my status for a whole week. Shocking.

Everything's cool with me and the boy and we have muchly plans for the future. They mainly centre around me getting a job but details, details. He's a good man and puts up with my cat noises which would be a deal breaker if he didn't.

Hmmmm how long till its time for the Apprentice to come back? :-(

Until next time...

And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away... oh my.... And it was New York, New York, she's poisoned his sweet mind.

2009-10-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

Oh God I have to keep starting these blogs with a sorry. SORRY! I haven't written for ages which is strange because I have ridiculous time on my hands just not the inclination to write. Until now.

Now. Let me see.... What have I been doing? Well first up, I got an iphone. I know! I'm down with the kids totally. I'd originally decided against getting one because its a touch screen thing and I was worried my sausagey fingers may have trouble mashing the right buttons. But its easy peasy lemon squeezy! Get one they rule. The other day I was driving along to an unknown destination and my iphone was being all TOM TOM like. It was ace. A little blue light flashed as to where I was and I found my way. And now I'm listening to some new songs just downloaded from Itunes. They are The Temper Trap, Muse, Mr Hudson - White Lies and Paloma Faith. YAY. Get involved.

I went to the TMF Awards in Belgium the other weekend and it was ace. As mentioned before I did the voice over for this and so had been invited along to join in the partying. Me and boy had an excellent time and the voice overs sounded cool. Here is a clip - (Lasgo and INtro) I did the intro you might need to use head phones to get the full effect and its on for the first 20 seconds I believe. http://www.youtube.com/user/MsKetyParry#p/u/19/ZGXy_6mYo_I

The next day I felt very very rough indeed. All the way home I had a really dodgy tummy so my pretense to my boyf that I never poo, went straight out the window. I think I did quite well up to then. I kept it up for like two months and he never suspected a thing! I'm never going to be one of those girls who pretend they don't fart or burp, its just not gonna happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls who cock their leg at random and chant "Listen to this, its too good to miss, da da da da da DA!" RASP! But ya know, I'm human.

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago which seemed to go quite well, so much so that I got a second interview and out of 90 applicants I was down to the last three. For this "interview" I was asked to formulate two Power Point Presentations and complete a work ethic report thing. Now, although I'm familiar with Power point and can do basic presentations I hadn't used it for years so this worried me greatly. I spent AGES on it and got some invaluable help from friends (Holly you get a massive thanks!) and I was pretty pleased with the end results. On the day I was crapping it. It was a panel interview and the main guy interviewing me, as soon as I sat down seemed to emulate a vibe that he thought I was just a silly girl. This threw me, so I started to act like an erm... silly girl. During the presentation I actually got the giggles because it was sooooo over.

I felt like I did when I first attempted to do my driving test. I failed 5 minutes in, but still had to drive around like an utter DICK for 25 more minutes. Also the report thing I did was a bit like a personality test. When I was half way through the HOUR long questions, I started to wonder if in fact this was some kind of scientology situation. I mean, this company are based in Goodge street JUST round the corner from The Scientologist's "shop". The company were run by the Government tooo... Very strange. Needless to say I didn't get the job. Shock horror. I wouldn't have employed someone who kept laughing throughout the interview either so furry muff.

Right what else? Oh yeah there were more deletions on Face Book. I was forced to delete someone I actually care a great deal about.... What a shame, I'm genuinely very disappointed. That's the thing about FB it really puts in your face who you are or aren't friends with. Also people don't have to give you any reasons, instead can just treat you like cyber shit from afar and you're none the wiser. Ah well, nevermind. I wanted to mention it though.

My iphone on the other hand, is BEST friends with Facebook and I can upload pictures from my phone with a touch of a button (screen) its GREAT.

In other news me and the man are getting on great! He met my Ma and Pa the other day and everyone seemed to get on which is very good indeed. Its always highly embarrassing on the first meet but I was pleased to say things were relatively relaxed. He's so manly! He's put up shelves and made me shoe racks and everything! Its probably quite a change for him to go out with me as I'm quite laddish at times. The other day we were eating fajitas and I hadn't had them before and he was showing me the best way to load them up. He goes "they're very filling, most girls can only eat two." And I'm like WTF? Two? Fuck off and hand me four. haha. haha he'll soon learn that I can pack it in baby.

Oh yes! I'm back on SW1 radio tomorrow so if you are up at 10am please log on to http://www.sw1radio.co.uk/ I could do with the company....

I watched the footage the other day of that woman in Melbourne who's baby fell on the train tracks. Oh God, how disturbing was that! Bloody 'ell Barbara what a nightmare and an absolute miracle that the babba was ok. I'm not going to post it up cause it disturbs one, but check it out at the BBC website.

And finally, it's Catface Comedy again this Wednesday and its going to be ACE. Tickets are two thirds sold so if you are planning on coming get in quick. http://www.thebetsey.com/ and go to events.

Until next time...

Her friends are so jealous.....you know how bad girls get.

2009-09-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

I've not written in ages, I suppose like a diary there doesn't seem to be much point when one is feeling relatively jolly. Besides, it would be a pretty boring entry saying, "Dear diary, every things peachy keen". But, it's not really. The job thing is getting pretty silly now but I just got a call for an interview for next week for a job I really really want so we shall see eh?

In other news as you can probably guess every thing's going pretty cool with the boy. Of course we've had a couple of very minor issues which seem to involve exes and men and women (on both sides) but where we're both old we are a little more realistic in our discussions and thus have overcome these. I remember as a young puppy I used to fly into jealous rages over exes and other women not thinking for a minute that I may seem a complete and utter psycho. But as age has weathered me these rages remain at a bare minimum. A wise lady once told me "If you clip their wings, they will fly". And this is true. So smile sweetly and say don't worry and you will always win. Unless they're cheating and then FUCK THEM UP GOOD.

Right! I have been overdosing on Jeremy Kyle lately and it's not making me feel any better. Especially as I've watched so many now that I'm onto episodes where they don't have any actual guests and they're looking at past episodes and how they do the DNA tests. Imagine if you went to the Jeremy Kyle show to watch a good old argue and all you get when you arrive is a REVISIT show. GOD. How disappointing. However lets face it, the whole thing is really. Oh Jeremy Kyle you and your shouty mouth. And then it's time for Ricky Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael and Judge Judy. Life doesn't get much better than this.

Something else I've been watching is "What Katy did next". Like most, I am well over the Team Andre/Team Price debacle but this is good telly. The other day her veneer fell out on the way to a book signing and she got drunk at her friend's wedding and made a right knob of herself. Reality TV gold people. Sigh...

I watched Marley and Me last night with my boy and he had assured me I would like it and would cry. But the thing with me is, I hate films where they make you like the dog or robot (Johnny 5 is alive) and then the dog or robot dies. BUT, that Marley dog was REALLY irritating. I didn't like him one bit and was kinda glad when he died. Not really but I didn't cry and my boyfriend annoyingly kept looking at me when there was a sad bit. So I then felt really bad as my eyes were bone dry so I did a few sniffles for effect, again prompting him to whip his head round to look at me. So in the end I just went, "What? I'm not gonna cry." And then the film just ended and I thought "what was the point of that?" I mean, how did it do so well. Here's a good idea for a film, its about a dog and a perfect family. What a classic.

It was my birthday this week on wednesday and I turned 31. That day, I did lots of job search to keep myself occupied and was immediately reminded of my age change when I had to tick categories on some of the job applications because it seems, I'm now in the 31-35 category. This displeased me greatly.

Ha Jeremy Kyle just shouted at a guest "Well if you KNEW you could get someone pregnant why didn't you put something on the end of it!" And now I have Beyonce's "If you like her then why don't you put a ring on it" classic in my head, but using Jeremy's lyrics. I hope it goes soon.
Oh god now he's just said "Make sure you DO put something on the end of it!"
STOP IT JEREMY STOP IT!

Tonight I have my birthday drinks which I'm greatly looking forward to and then I have a good friend's wedding to go to tomorrow so it should be a jolly weekend. Sorry this blog is patchy, I'll get back on it next week.

Till next time.

You say you've got to go home. Well at least there's someone there that you can talk to.....And you never have to face up to the night on your own.

2009-09-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

Oh God this is relentless. Where are all the jobs? Stop saying, WE'RE in a recession, you're not and I bloody am. Oh well. I got a day's temping yesterday in Halstead which has a population of like ONE. It was a good day however and I got right into the swing of things. My boy's housemate has his own business and he needed someone to come in and progress the orders. Which means ringing people up and saying, "erm where's our order?? You promised you'd send it and you LIED. Where is it? I feel so violated." Well, not like that, but a bit like that. And I had to do answering of the phones too. Reminded me of TV Travel shop. "Good afternoon, TV Travel shop how can I help you?" Or as we hilariously liked to drop in... "How can I hump you?" Oh happy days. etc. (Obviously I didn't say that yesterday.) Just as well they weren't flying Airlingus.... "Yes Mrs Jones you'll be flying (cunni)LINGUS." What? I said Airlingus.... what did you think I said?" Oh we were tinkers in our hay day. What does hay day mean? I mean,where does it come from? My hay day. When I was made entirely out of HAY. Yes those were the days.

Last week I went to to MTV Belgium to record the voiceover for the TMF Awards. The day started off very silly. I woke up at 4:30am on my sofa fully clothed and had to get straight in the shower and off to the station. EVERYTHING was delayed, trains, the computer governed DLR and the tube. I arrived 5 minutes before the train was due to depart and as the eurostar is like an aeroplane that travels on land and under the sea I was too late. I then had to sit around for an hour and a half waiting for the next one.

When I finally boarded it, none other than BO JO (Boris Johnson) was on board too. When we arrived in Brussels the PAPs were out in force to greet BO JO and co. I had to get on another train to a distant town and I missed that so more waiting around. Luckily when I did get on the train there was a very sweet tiny puppy on board to keep me company. When I got to Belgium my ex colleagues Hanna and Petra were waiting for me. Lovely girls. Anyway we pretty much got straight down to the Voiceover. One of the descriptions of the script was to say the text in a "Bombastic" way. I tried my best to be like Shaggy but to no avail. It went remarkably well and we completed it in record time. I managed to get back for around 10:30pm and my boyf came over. He'd bought me this big plant/flower thing. And I didn't realise but it was a massive Orchid which requires love and attention. I will do my very very best.

At the weekend I was back on SW1 radio, so please make sure you listen this sunday 10am - 12pm. http://www.sw1radio.co.uk/ is the website to log onto and click LISTEN LIVE. And I will play you a songy! After this I met up with the boy and we went to a "Heavy Horse Show" in Shoreham, Kent. There were indeed very heavy horses there, possibly weighing about 100 stone each. Who knows? I was disappointed that their weights weren't disclosed. Also there was TOMBOLA and a birds of prey exhibition, and a smash the plates thing and everything. It was was not unlike a real life Vicar of Dibly. Strange but much fun.

This week's flown by and next week I really have to knuckle down as the teachers say. But oh I'm having so much fun being out of work. In two weeks its my birthday and I shall be 31 years of age. What about when people say "I'm 31 years YOUNG!" Oh hooo har har har! So very amusing. Yes anyway so I'll be 31. The year's flown by and I just called my mum up to check what day I'll be seeing her in my birthday week. I was going to let her know that on my actual birthday the boy's taking me out and on the friday I have a big knees up of birthday drinks. She goes, oh that's good as I'm out on your actual birthday but I presumed you wouldn't wanna see us that day anyway. I was like "Why did you presume that?" and she goes "Well you never see us on your birthday do you." Erm except LAST year mum. She was like" Yeah but last year was a bit of a funny one." "Do you mean because I was 30 mum?" And she goes "Well no, it was cause you were all on your own weren't you" ERM NO. I wasn't. I just didn't have a boyfriend.... like most year's. hahah. She makes me laugh. So yes, I'm very much looking forward to that. YAY 31. PRESSURE.
"What have you done with your life Leanne?"
"Alot thanks, inner monologue. "
"Oh, OK then, as you were."

Until next time.

And God knows......you got me sewn.

2009-09-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

So a bit of a whirlwind this last few days. I still don't have a job which is a BUMMER severely, however other good stuff's been happening of which I shall enlighten you in due course.

Work wise I've been asked to do the voiceover for the TMF Awards again. I did it last year and it was wicked. Mental infact. So tomorrow I'm Eurostar bound for Belgium to get recording in the VO booth. I'm the voice that booms over the stadium "Best new act international.... And the nominees are.... Jonas Brothers!" etc. Really looking forward to it and its a complete honour to be asked back. YEAH.

In other news, it turns out that I've met this man. This man, is infact THE man. Or so it would seem. Sorry lads but I'm now officially listed as "In a relationship" on FB (hahaha). He's wonderful, tickage of boxage is the deal here so life is sweet. And the mental thing is, it appears the feeling is mutual.

On a serious note, for me this is great news. After a turbulent time with men (where they haven't been especially nice to me, bordering on down right horrid) where infact I can honestly say I had lost my way, this one seems the opposite. It's a wonderful feeling and something I've been waiting for, for a long time. Ahhhhh...

Anyway, so this weekend I went to Dublin for the weekend with my mate Katy. It was WICKED. We did not stop laughing from start to finish. I met up with my mate Rob who I met in Australia last year. We spent a night in Sydney getting thrown out of pubs and casino's for around 12 hours. Happy days. To this day neither of us can confirm why this happened but it could well have been because of the alcohol we consumed. Dublin was very very expensive like double London prices but most were friendly. Other than the women. HA! The evils we got were very amusing. We could take the barging us out of the way for most of the night but after a while our London patience was wearing thin. We saw a band called "The Joshua Tree" which was obviously a tribute band to U2. Bono pulled me up on stage and I swayed around with him for a while like a dick head groupie. The girls didn't like that one. HAHA. Stupid knobs.

Rob took us to this wine bar which was in a seedy downstairs basement. It was so 80's. But it wasn't supposed to be 80's I don't think. It wasn't like Reflex night club or anything like that, it was actually like something out of "The Young Doctors" or it could have belonged to Wilmot Brown of Eastenders fame. Anyway this bloke came up to me and started to chat me up and when I saw it going in that direction I proudly exclamed that "I have a boyfriend". To which he said "Ok, just give me a little kiss." And gestured to his cheek. So I thought "you cheeky fucker". And went to him totally deadpan "Soz, can't. I've got a rash". (I was trying to think of impetigo but instead settled for simply "A rash") SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH. Still, it worked. He looked startled for a moment and then set his face to cool and sloped off.

We watched X Factor saturday for a couple of hours before going out on Saturday (Rock and Roll) and I loved loved loved the girl band "The Stunners" HAAHAAAA. Sorry but one was cross eyed. SURELY someone kind could have given them a gentle nudge "Mate, your eyes stare off in different directions" but no. That Danyl from last week was SUPER COOL. Total natural charisma WIN DANYL WIN!!!

Anyway, I'll leave you with some Dublin photos of us in the Wilmot Brown bar. Until next time.

And they covered up the sun until the birds had flown away....And the fishes in the sea had gone to sleep.

2009-08-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

My friend and I were just chatting about people that say things to you, which are about as subtle as a sledge hammer blow to the head. So for example, I remember the time I fancied this guy and I wanted to find out if he was single. One of my "mates" said she would find out.

Her "Bad news, yeah he's got a girlfriend"
Me "Oh really? Boo that sucks. Oh well NEXT!".
Her "Yeah, he's got a girlfriend...so....."
Me "Yep, you said. It sucks but that's life."
Her "Yeah..... I think you should know, she's well pretty. Like REALLY pretty. So..."
Me "Oh right, well thanks for letting me know."
Her "Yeah I mean, like REALLY pretty Leanne..."

YES OK I GET THE PICTURE! PRETTIER THAN ME YOU MEAN. But it did make me laugh alot.

I had an incident like this today. I went for a job interview a few weeks back and hadn't heard anything so presumed I hadn't got it. Which, I hadn't. But the lady who took me for my interview called me today and she was really nice and all with telling me the reason why I hadn't got it. And I said "Ah nevermind...thanks anyway." So she goes "Yeah it really was down to that, it was a tough decision, but the other candidate was er.....she was er.... Better." HAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA

Reminded me again of the time I asked this guy out I liked (I've mentioned it here before.. but I shall repeat cause it makes me laugh)

Me "So er....do you fancy a drink sometime?"
Him " erm....."
Me "Its ok, you can say no...."
Him "No, then."

ARF!

I've had a really productive day. Starting out at an agency in Leicester Sq which went ok. Then onto meet my mate for a spot of lunch, then shopping for a wedding outfit for sunday. And for some reason it was relatively easy. Although the girl that served me for my shoes had a stammer and I didn't realise and finished her sentences for her three times before it came to light. Oh well, I was only being helpful.

Oh! I forgot to mention Catface Comedy! It was good, although I set the room up for a smaller audience and we got loads of walk ins so everyone was a bit higgledy piggledy. Thanks to all the acts that came down and to the audience (even the pervy one) and Barry Castagnola headliner stormed it. When he went to get off people were shouting COME BACK! Ah that makes me happy.

Tonight I'm going out in Canary Wharf with my girlfriends. We were supposed to be doing this dating night thing where each girl brings a guy they know who's single and then sets him loose to meet his future wife (Well thats my understanding of it anyway) We did something like this a few years ago for the documentary I did. That part of the film wound up on the cutting room floor. We called it "Date a mate, I'll bring the bait." which I happen to think is a great name.

Right come on TESCO DELIVERY! I'm waiting! Wow that was like a status update.

Have a lovely weekend.

We go where the wild blood flows and on our bodies we share the same scars....

2009-08-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ah a bit of sunshine today although I've not been outside, I just did looking through my big windows. No, instead I've spent most of the morning making friends with recruitment agencies and applying for jobs. My job search is at a very exciting stage..... not exciting, depressing.

Anyway, enough about that. Now, where did we get up to? Oh yes, Edinburgh. So the day I last blogged I was feeling rough. We were going out that night for Michael's birthday to Brookes Bar which for those of you not in the know, is a members only bar in the Pleasance Dome. It's not my favourite bar if I'm honest, it reminds me of Butlins... 'cept some of the people are more head fucky in Brooke's than actual Redcoats themselves.

Anyway before we went out, Johnny and I got caught up with Big Brother (even though I never watch it usually) and then accidentally carried on watching the classic Jean Claude Van Dam film "Kick Boxer". It was GREAT. And SHIT. Before we knew it half the film had flown by and Johnny and I were chanting "Montage! Montage! Show us the montage of Jean getting fit!" And then it was nearly half eleven (I know! That's past my bedtime ) and we headed out to Brookes. We passed lots of drunk youths on the way and I hadn't had anything to drink at all so felt a little intimidated. But Johnny who'd necked the best part of a bottle of red with his two steaks, marched straight through them (not actually through them, he's not magic) all hard like. It was ace. Then we got to the bar and I saw some of the people I'd made a dick of myself in front of the night before and did my best to seem normal. It may or may not have worked but hey ho, the world keeps turning and that's how I cope.

It was a really nice night, I caught up with lots of cool people who I only ever see in Edinburgh usually and it was nice. We left at a respectable 3:30am and shortly after Michael came back to the flat. He told me of his incident in Brookes that night with the fighty boys, he acted it out and everything. See his blog for further details, his link is to the right of this page. He's a nice man.

The next day despite the fact that I'd only drank 4 pints the night before, I felt really sick, I had watery mouth and everything. I'd agreed to help Caroline flyer for her show so headed to her venue with my suitcase in tow. It was a great show, I really, really enjoyed it. You should definitely go and see it, its on at the Grassmarket at the Beehive at 1:30pm. After the show I had a drink of lime and soda with Caroline and her lovely Ma and Pa and then headed off to the station for my journey home. Unfortunately the train was packed out and this annoying kid kept doing that thing where everything's "Why is the sky blue?" "because its sunny" "But WHY is the sky blue?" and so on. We passed my favourite coastal town, Berwick upon Tweed. I will go there one day.

The next day I was heading off on a road trip "ROAD TRIP!" with my dad. Firstly to the town of Brackley, where I lived for a few years as a small girl. We moved there after I was born and I developed a country accent. On the assorted conversations tape my mum and dad recorded of me and my sister I actually sound like Pam Ayres. After which we went to visit my mum and dad's friends Kath and Don. They'd not seen me since I was seven. My, how I'd grown. (They're lovely and gave me cake.) Then it was down to Somerset to stay with my mum and dad's other friends. It was a nice couple of days, the couple in Dorset grow all their own crops just like in the goodlife except they're no Tom and Barbara and they gave me a hamper of delicious produce. Good! Because my skin has turned all teenage acne-ness because of the late nights and alcohol. I got home and went straight out to a party on my complex (because I never learn). I got pretty drunk and then headed to a Pirate Party hosted by my friend Matt and his housemate Ami. It was good from what I can remember. I saw Caroline Cliff and she looked beautiful. I don't know what she'd done but she looked really cool. I was drunk granted but I thought she looked great. ( I suspect I told her that as well.)

Sunday Sophie came over to rehearse for Catface Comedy and afterwards Louisa came over for some Duck L'orange action. It was yummy but we drank LOADS of red wine. Then yesterday my friend Trisha called me and I met her for some lunch in Blackheath. I started to feel guilty that I've been out constantly for the last two weeks so this week I intend to stay in and focus on job search stuff. Boring as it is, but a necessity if I wish to keep my home.

TOMORROW its Catface Comedy and there's a cracking line up. Steve Williams to open and acts including Jane Bostock, Christina Martin, Amphlett and Candy, Alyssa Kyria and Barry Castagnola headlining. You know you want to get involved and you can do this by coming along. Go to events on http://www.thebetsey.com/ and all will be revealed. COME COME COME!

K bye.

I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here.....

2009-08-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

SO. I'm back from Majorca and currently in Edinburgh.

Majorca was good, very hot and not as smelly as I remember. The last time I went there I was 18 and went to a foam party at BCM (which is a club FYI old folk). On the foam party pictures all the girls were wearing just bra's and mini skirts so me and my friends did the same. What knobs we were. Anyway, at the party there was a porno playing on the big screen and once the foam began to spew out I felt myself being groped muchly by random blokes. It was vile. Anyway (and I hate people that say this) I digress. GOD. Anyway, it was good this time round but I did chuckle when I saw a massive advert in the sky (it was attached to an aeroplane) advertising BCM's Foam Party. Yuck.

I spent much of this holiday on my own and although that was fine in the day, by night when I would eat in a restaurant I noticed lots of women with their families glaring at me. Don't worry love, your fat, ugly husband is quite safe.

I arrived in Edinburgh yesterday and met Caroline Mabey who I'm staying with. She lives with Michael Legge and Johnny Candon and its cool. Caroline and I started drinking quite early on yesterday and then headed out on the razz. We met Gina Lyons and all proceeded to get drunk. Good.
Then Gina went to watch a gig and Caroline headed off to do a gig so Johnny Candon picked up where they left off as my drinking partner. I decided to spill my red wine down myself which stained my denim skirt a treat. Phew. Then Michael Legge turned up and we went to the Loft bar (Johnny went home). Michael said today that I kept calling Johnny a 'Lord" so this may have contributed to his departure. By now I was very drunk indeed and being a big dick. Then, I saw a guy I used to know quite well and proceeded to try and chat him up. He loved it, no sorry, not loved it, hated it. Then Caroline came (sorry dear reader if this seems patchy but this is how I remember it, like a dream) and met me and I drank some more and tried to make Michael drink a shot as it was his birthday (by then it was). And then Michael went somewhere else and then Caroline said it was time to go and asked me if it was wise to drink anymore to which I replied (I'm told) "its ok, it's only vodka, lime and soda" Then paused for a minute and went "Oh yeah, vodka's alcohol isn't it..." and I was completely serious.

This morning I woke up feeling EVIL. My heartbeat was beating in my eyes and I couldn't stop cringing. Luckily Johnny woke up and talked me through my guilt. The thing with me is, when I'm very very drunk I talk absolute shit. Constantly. And I chat up people I would NEVER FANCY sober and I JUST KNOW they now think I secretly fancy them and I so, so don't. Whenever I come to Edinburgh I always act like a total dick splat, so I'm very pleased that this year I've remained consistent. Oh well. It's Michael's birthday today so I think they're having drinks in Brookes Bar and I am limiting my intake to TWO drinks of alcohol and NO shots. And now I've written this, this wont be the case. (but now I've written that, maybe it will)

I saw a good show today featuring Catie Wilkins, Lou Sanders and Hannah George. It were ace. Go see. It's on at Espionage at 3:30pm. I love Catie and Lou, they're wicked girls and I met Hannah for the first time and she seemed lovely too. And they're ALL funny so get involved.

I'm off home tomorrow and then going to Somerset. And then, I'm afraid it's job search massive. I can't be unemployed any longer it's too uncomfortable. I'm going to sign-on as well. I have no idea how to do this and the experience should be interesting. *sigh*

Will update with more Edinburgh tales tomorrow.

And damn right, it's better than yours.....

2009-07-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

The sunsets of late have been RIDICK. I actually feel happy when looking at them, what's that all about. Just so you know, my view is overlooking south east London. The Gherkin, the er...gherkin ad other buildings. I can see Canary Wharf very well too. But, BUT! The main thing I love is the sun, the clouds and its crazy colours, makes me quite glad to be here make no mistake.

Now, onto other stuff. So I have continued my search on the dating site. I've had lots of emails believe it or not but one was from someone I knew. He wrote DIGGINS! And I was like SHIT!! And he was like, don't worry, I just wanted to say Hi. He told me he was just looking for sex. LIKE 40 % of men on there are doing. I spoke to my friend who is also on there and warned her of this and we've agreed to just have sex with men we don't like. That's what I normally do anyway.

One man said to me "I like face, it pretty."

What a stud. Let's get married.

I had a dream last night that I'd arranged a wedding with a guy and all my friends were there for this "marriage". And it was on the news as a marriage of convenience. He started out as being aright FUGLY and then I woke up, because my nephew was jabbering away in his cot....

THEN I went back to sleep and unusually went back into my dream and the man turned into a fit Irish man. Then it was on the news and we were walking up the aisle to me singing "Not Fair" by Lily Allen, badly. When the wedding was over I remember thinking "I don't even know my husband's phone number". I think its a taste of things to come.

I went to my sister's this weekend and we had a good time. I went there on the National Express and had a nice old lady sitting next to me who helped me STAB open my new earphones with her nail file.

My sis and I laughed alot as I told her of my recent nobbish-ness, ie: waking up and wondering where I was. We likened it to the time I had rudes with this guy who looked like "Pen" out of "Pen and Tellar"....At the time I swore you should never judge a book by its cover. BLOODY HELL. Ive got issues. He was U.G.L.Y

Any hoo till next time.

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first, sometimes the first thing you want never comes and I know that waiting is all you can do, sometimes.

2009-07-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

YAY I'm back online in the comfort of my own home. My good friend Lee was kind enough to take me to PC WORLD! (You have to say PC World like the advert "PC WORLD!" or it doesn't count). Anyway he took me there on friday and both him and I are technophobes but luckily a geek helped me with my purchase. I got one of those DONGLE things. Its a stick which goes in my computer and it magics the Internet alive. It's great. Anyway no more having to listen to that yucky man in the Internet cafe hacking up oil and other debris from his lungs. Speaking of lungs I've half given up smoking. I've decided I've got to go on an Alan Carr workshop thing, the book just doesn't cut it for me so I'm going to book the course post haste. I've got one of those plastic thingys you suck and it tastes of nicotine. YUM. (It's disgusting.)

In other news, I've decided to give Internet dating another whirl because one of my mates is as well and I'm a sucker for peer pressure ("Go on Leanne, jump off this cliff, we all have!") It's so far very depressing. The men are average and LOVE THEMSELVES. One said "If I contact you, count yourself as lucky because I'm very fussy." SIGH! Bloody hell Barbara what a turn on. Oooh oooh! Please contact me, and then I too shall be lucky. I know I need to be acting like I'm more up for it but quite frankly I'm just a bit bored.

Despite the above I'm feeling pretty positive. Just booked to go to Edinburgh for a couple of nights. Lovely Caroline Mabey says I can share her bed which is ace and so I have already began to create my "must see" list. Huzzah. I've been going to Edinburgh every year since 2005. Every year I've gigged and this year DEFINITELY I will not. I hope there's the usual debauchery to witness....I'm pretty sure there will be. Talking of comedy and debauchery, the next Catface is booked for the 19th AUGUST and the acts are AMAZING. Barry Castagnola, Steve Williams (swoon) Jane Bostock, Christina Martin and a SPECIAL from Amphlett and Candy so get involved. You can book by going to the Catface Comedy facebook group.

I've much to look forward to and despite being caught up in this crunchy credit problem I find myself more busy without having a full time job. My days are filled with trips to the cinema, facials, manicures and pedicures and general socialising. I would recommend. (You just have to try not to worry about being homeless. Shimples!)

One thing I am EXCEPTIONALLY excited about is, I'm going to see A-Ha at the o2 in November. I can't wait. I booked my ticket (yes TICKET, not TICKETS) the other day. I thought long and hard as to whether to rope a mate into coming with me and I thought, ya know what? This is my dream, I don't want a mate with me who only knows two songs coming along to my dream concert, digging their heels in, when I have much staring at Morton to be doing. So I'm going on my own. I did a feature about this on my radio show on Sunday. There's a stigma attached to doing this sorta thing alone and I want to break it. I often go to restaurants (for lunch) on my own, and the waiter always looks dumbfounded when I say "table for one please." Yes you heard, ONE. And? So what? I went to see "The Hangover" on my own at the cinema on Tuesday last week it was ace. This me time thing, it's good. You should try it, it feels nice. Don't get me wrong I love seeing my friends but I'm ALWAYS out with someone so its nice to be in a social situation alone and if I'm honest a bit of a challenge at times. Try it, you might like it. (Leanne Diggins, so misunderstand) I LOVE IT.

Anyway, I downloaded this song the other day called "Don't Trust Me" by 3oh!3 and I liked the chorus that's why I got it. THEN, when I listened to it properly, there's a line in it that goes "Shush Girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and use your hips". What?! Helen Keller reference? WTF? Next there'll be a song about Christy Brown... Let's get some Joey Deacon action in while we're at it.

What else? Oh yeah, on Friday me and my friend went out in Greenwich and I got DRUNK. It was fun. Then on Saturday, another mate and I went out in Blackheath and all the girls were well pretty. DOH. I have to up my game. I can't compete with these youngsters. There was this group of females on a hen night and they were dressed as the Pink Ladies and they actually looked AMAZING. They had wet look leggings on and I felt like a frump. So we remedied that by coming back to my house for a disco. Good old Ghostbusters. I ain't afraid of no goat, we sang. *sigh*

I'm off to Bournemouth to see my sister tomorrow and Neff. Can't wait. Next week its some Majorca action which should help my flailing tan regain its orangey glow. Happy days.

Anyway that's it for now, I hope you're all good. I've been checking the statistics on here and I'm pleased to see my readership is on the rise so thank you and please, pass this onto anyone else who might be bored.

Till next time.

I don't have alot of money but we'll be fine.

2009-07-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in an Internet cafe and the man that runs it is hacking up phlegm every five minutes. Disgusting. I haven't even got any music with me to drown out the noise, so will keep this blog brief.

Catface Comedy last week was bloody great. My mum and dad came and this made me exceptionally nervous but they seemed to enjoy it. (Especially when Johnny Candon decided to single them out and ask them lots of questions during his set). Thank you to Paul Foot, Josie Long, Johnny Candon, the Catface Comedy Erotic dancers and of course Louisa. Great show, great team. The next show is booked for the 19th August, Barry Castagnola is headlining. YAY! I'm still booking a couple of my other acts, but Christina Martin and Jane Bostock are on this line up as well.

On thursday night I went to this quiz night thing hosted by a company called GOLD. Tim Vine was the quiz master and Chortle were invited along to join in and I was on their team. The team consisted of Steve Bennett and 5 females, we had a great laugh - I actually did rather well, up until I became too drunk to speak - so that's good isn't it. I wowed the Chortle team with my knowledge of British seaside towns and also where Muriel (from Muriel's wedding) is from (Porpoise Spit). We came sixth but we beat The Times, and the Radio Times as well so we were happy. Or were we just drunk? I think probably just very, very drunk.

The next day I came to on my sofa with confusing thoughts (how did I get here? etc) but had to dash these from my mind, as I had a day booked in the studio to do a voice over showreel edit. I managed to battle through the hangover as we whittled 57 minutes of voice over and radio footage down to a neat 5 minutes. I got the masters for this today and intend to carpet bomb every voice-over agency and radio station in the entire world.

I was supposed to go to Madrid tomorrow but I've just come to book the flights and they're either non existent or ridiculously expensive. The thing is, I've got my euros and I want to go SOMEWHERE but where? The world's my oyster but its not really, is it. How about the Isle of Wight? I love it there.

Anyway - better do some more flight search-age.

Till next time - hope you're all good.

I'm only asking but ........I think you know. Come on, take me away.

2009-07-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

WOWEE ZOWEE! I haven't written long time eh?

Soooooo I went to Ibiza and it ruled as usual. I love love love that island. The apartment I'm buying when I make my fortune still stands on the hillside and I spent much of my time gazing up at it from the comfort of my lilo in the sea. My friend Louisa shared my lust for the waves and many a time we took our place side by side on the neon pink lilo, putting the world to rights until the waves lovingly took us into shore where we became beached like two beautiful whales.

The weather was ace - almost too hot infact and my sweaty face didn't like it much nor did my makeup which slid off at every opportunity on a night out. I met some lovely lads out there which is unusual because on other holidays to the same destination we are restricted to the "Animation team" as being the only laddage around. This is slim pickings for people in the know.

I think because there were five of us (granted three were in relationships) this created a more agreeable pull for the lads. Not that this was the only reason we went out there, oh no. The main reason was for relaxation but of course any male attention is a bonus.

Unfortunately I don't have ANY chatting up skills and upon meeting one particular lad in San Miguel, I demonstrated this tenfold. Poor man. When we walked into the Irish Bar where this man worked, I saw him playing the violin on stage and I said to myself "be still my foolish heart, for I think I am in love". And the man looked up and I met his eye and he waved. After his set he came up to me and introduced himself as Rory. This man, this.....MAN, was THE most handsome man I've seen all year. Of course this showed in my face as the evil beads of sweat began to emerge at a great speed. Anyway, this first conversation went ok and we chatted for a while. As time went on throughout the night, obviously the beer flowed and I became less and less cool. When we next spoke I rambled on to him lots, ending up somehow showing him how to do the "robot". Even though I can't really do it myself. Rory obliged (ah I love the Irish) but inside I felt ridiculous. GOD.

I stayed out at this bar until around 6am, it was a brilliant night. Highlights for me include one point when a big group of us, male and female were chatting at the bar and all of a sudden Michael Jackson's classic "Bad" came on and without a word, all us 30-40 somethings moon-walked onto the dance floor, randomly shouting "OW". Ah beer you make us silly. Happy days.

The next day I was very very rough indeed but spent it sunbathing and eating which helped a great deal. During the week we did several bouts of Karaoke. Our favourite I think being "Gypsys Tramps and Theives" by Cher. At one particular evening in Santa Eulalia I met another nice guy who ran the karaoke. I think I wowed him with my rendition of "With or without you" by U2 where upon I spent alot of the track doing floor dancing.

My mate's and I were chatting about when we went to Aiya Napa one year and my pal Louisa met this bloke and had a full on holiday romance but he was from up North. She reminded me that when we got back from this holiday, one night when I was down the pub I rang her mobile and left her a voicemail which consisted of me singing along to The Divine Comedy's "National Express" classic and then I hung up. Indicating I suppose, that she'd be spending much time on board these coaches if she wanted to maintain the relationship. ARF! How rude of me, oh well, I was drunk is all I can say...

On returning from Ibiza I was happily met with no water in my flat or anyone else's in the whole apartment block. When I called the woman who deals with these situations, she said they were sending out bottled water 1 litre per household. I had visions of them air dropping these to us and I tried to make it clear that I'd done a massive wee wee in my toilet and this of course could not be flushed and 1 litre of water wouldn't cut it........... but to no avail. In the end I had to escape to my mum and dad's to have a nice cup of tea until the whole thing blew over.

Anyway - this is not all that's been happening but I have to go and get ready, for tonight it's Catface Comedy which has SOLD OUT and I have much to prepare.

I hope this blog finds you well and I'll try to write again tomorrow or Friday.

Till then.

I must become a lion hearted girl.

2009-06-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for over a week, sorry about that but its been a week of weird-ness and I've actually had to do stuff like ya know, pack up my desk and do dubs and all that crap. Anyway, I'm here now aren't I?

Hmmm, just trying to think back to what I've been doing.... Ah yes, right so last Tuesday I met up with an old friend Gina from my TV Travel Shop days. We met in Moorgate, Banker central and we weren't disappointed. Well, we were. This bloke came over to us and was talking UTTER shit but his friend, his mate, erm, fuck what was his name again? Bloody hell I've got to start writing this more. Anyway his mate asked me out and took my number. He also told me he had a Porsche which I thought rather vulgar but at least he could drive. Anyway Mr Porsche didn't call me or text to follow up on the date. Shocking. Apparently this is a THING men do. They just wanna tot up the "digits" and then get some kind of MENTAL ego boost when a lady hands over her number. Whatever. He was Fugly anyway.

Wednesday I went to my friend and photographer Martin Hobby's studio to do a photo shoot. It was horrendous trying to look good. I had the worst hangover and teenage acne. Martin being my friend was pretty upfront with me, saying at times "Did you know you have a squint?" Erm.... ok.

We tried to do some "fun and playful" shots consisting of a cane and bowler hat and Martin wanted me to stick my fingers out towards him in a wizardy way. (his words, not mine) and every now and then whilst snapping away, he'd bark "More Wizard! More Wizard!" where upon I'd wiggle my fingers in what I hoped was a wizardy way. He's got this really nice kitten who's tiny and we tried a couple of cat in the hat shots but the kitten wasn't up for it. In the end we got some decent ones and Martin worked his magic. Gotta love that airbrush.

Which brings us up to Friday which was of course my leaving party. Oh what fun that was. Jeeeez I positively excelled myself on the Stella/Sambuca drinking. I tried not to cry but when I got my present which was ACE and did my speech, Niagara falls. I also leaped on a colleague of mine for some serious pashing (as the Ozzys say). Just sent him an apology email. Happy days.

It's my FINAL day at MTV tomorrow and I'll really, really miss my friends here they're wicked. Like I said in my speech friday, I've met some of the most interesting people I have ever met in my life. When I started at MTV I was engaged to be married, I had that life, the one I often moan I don't have now. But it consisted of working to live, going to work, coming home, getting up, going to work and so on. But since then and during the last few years, I've been in my own documentary on BBC1 and BBC3 which in turn got me into stand-up comedy which I did because I wanted to do radio, which I now do on Sunday's. I also run my comedy night Catface Comedy since 2006, its just madness, I'd never have envisaged this.... It's weird and I do feel that the people I've met at MTV (past and present) have had something to do with it. Nurture not nature is the key here.

Thank you so much, my lovely lovely friends. I'm so lucky to have met you, many of which I feel I'll know for life and the memories I have from here will stay with me forever. I'd also like to thank God... I kind of would, actually.

Anyway, Saturday I woke up on my sofa fully clothed and literally feeling like SHIT. I was properly ill - it was bad news. I had a BBQ to go to in the day and Lee was picking me up 2pm. He came to get me and I actually couldn't stand. When we got to the BBQ I hoovered up the buffet table with my mouth and felt marginally better.

Sunday I didn't do my radio show and in the afternoon went out in Greenwich with Katy. We've decided to get ourselves a local there where everybody knows our name.

This week I have one more day left at work and then Wednesday I'm meeting with a sound engineer to get my new Show Audio Reel up and running. It's gonna be ACE. Thursday I'm going to watch a band in Camden, and then Saturday or as I like to call it, CATurday, I'm off to Ibeefa. I cannot fucking wait. I bloody need this break and I need some sun and I need some time with my dearest friends.

Until next time.

There was a boy who lived inside his head...he couldn't face the world, so he turned his back instead.

2009-06-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

YAY. I've just downloaded some great music for my radio show on Sunday morning. Golden Silvers, Little Boots, The Klaxons and LOTS MORE. If you get a chance log onto the show from 10am Sunday morning. www.sw1radio.co.uk it's gonna be a cracker.

This week's been busy busy busy. I've managed to tidy my desk with the help of my lovely team. They convinced me to chuck out the dried up banana so that's a good thing. I still managed to snaffle away some useless stuff, like a big foam pointy glove usually for people in the audience of Gladiators. Its great. I love pointing in it. Tuesday I met up with my friend Dave in Greenwich. He used to be my supervisor when I "worked" at TV Travel Shop. Had a bit of an overload on old TVTS friends lately, what's going on? Anyway - I met Dave and he came up with a fantastic plan. He casually dropped into conversation that he's considering buying a pub. He wants it to be a "venue pub" for music and comedy and all that but doesn't have experience in events. Well Dave! I know a girl who does! That's right ME. So this would be a great venture for both of us, alcohol AND music AND comedy. My favourite things.

So the next day I had to go to that agency. It was based in Ealing Common in a residential area, in a house. Anyway, I found the "red door" and knocked. It didn't actually have any agency sign outside or anything. I was meeting a lady called Simone. A man answered the door and ushered me in. He told me to wait in the living room and handed me a diversity form to fill in. I suddenly had a really bad thought that I might get murdered and that this so called ethnic diversity form was a ruse, as was the "Simone" pseudonym. I tried to work out how I'd get out so I hurriedly used my blackberry and emailed a couple of people my location and told them that if I wasn't out in an hour to call the police. I looked around for an exit and grabbed my keys ready to do some serious stabbing.

Suddenly Simone came and got me and led me to an office which had a pooter and phone and office supplies so all my murdering thoughts left me. It was a good meeting and she really helped me out. I'm crap at this kind of interview though, if there's silence I always have to fill it. That goes for relationships too. And when I fill the silence I always say something knobbish. Like with Simone. When we were discussing the places I would work (TV channels) she said "I get the impression that you wouldn't want to work at the BBC because its quite corporate etc." And I said "Yeah, I do really hate red tape and also, ya know, anal" (DOH) and she just looked at me so I had to fill the gap "Well, I don't actually hate anal....er ha ha ha ha....well, I do... it all depends....on er.... hahahah...er...." and then trailed off. It was like a bad dream.

So, still no leads jobwise. However, I went to see a tarot reader the other day and he told me some GREAT stuff. He said I would be with child within six months to a year and it would be a boy. And the child wouldn't have a father. (I bloody knew it....I am MARY MOTHER OF GOD) He also said that I have to start putting into practice the whole giving out what I want to get back. This is the Laws of Attraction thing and although I know the theory of this, it is a case of FEELING it as opposed to thinking it. He said I need to read the book "Excuse me, your life is waiting for you." I think I will. So it was ok really. The child bit isn't going to happen. End of.

Tonight I'm going to my team's leaving drinks in Camden :-( BOO and the day draws closer. Apparently there might be a lad there that I might like! I plan to act like a massive knob and say really stupid things. Fingers crossed eh? I'll update you monday to let you know if all goes to plan. *sigh*

And then, Lauren's coming over tomorrow and we're going to go through the new dance for Catface Comedy (15th JULY! The Betsey Trotwood, starring Barry Castagnola, Paul Foot, Josie Long and Michael Legge). Then on Sunday after the radio show I'm off to Covent Garden and we're rehearsing the dance in Pineapple Studios. I'm very intimidated. I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail and wear a cap like all those other dancey types. Also hope to see Evie and Matt for a quick coffee Sunday and a catch up. YAY! 15 days until Ibiza! YEAH! Blue Lagoons and Mr Cairo's karaoke club here I come.

Have a great weekend - till next time.

(don't forget to listen to me' show on Sunday 10-12pm)

Come on in. I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in. I've got to tell you in my loudest tones, that I started looking for a warning sign.

2009-06-15T05:08:00.000-07:00

So I find myself at a crossroad. Which path to choose? The one where I hope everything works out? Or the one where I have to actually do stuff. I'd like it to be a little from column A and a little from column B please. I woke up this morning at 2:33am and sat around for about an hour and a half trying desperately not to worry about how much sleep I wasn't going to get or about the upcoming redundancy. There just are NO jobs. I'll take anything really. Bar work or ya know, bar work. Or doing what I do now, or bar work. The thing is, its hard to do a job search when one's not available for work until mid August owing to expeditions around Spain and lying in bed all day and.... Yeah. I should really pull my finger out of my arse. Why can't it all just go away and sort itself out? Like I have friends where it just kinda, works out. Can you go on the dole if you have a mortgage?

Check out my desk. I have to clear this mother in two weeks. (You might be able to see this blog on the computer screen - on closer inspection you cannot) Even I know that its a fucking state.

I need to get rid of all my crapola but I love it so. For example I have a banana on my desk that's shrunk and feels plastic and is lovely, but I have no use for it do I. Moan moan moan. I'm sorry - s'hard to be positive at the moment.

I'll tell you about my latest week instead - there might be something in there that won't depress you.
Hmmmm. Ah right. Yes, on thursday I went out with my mates James, Adrian and Paul to the pub with the best bar snacks IN THE WORLD. They have Scampi Fries, Cheesy Moments AND Pork Scratchings. I had an absolute feast. My mate Paul took a photo of me and I looked just like Lorraine out of The Apprentice. Really depressing. DOH.

Sorry I did it again. Actually everyone looked a bit weird in the photos. Here's one of me and James and he looks like he has a clear plastic bag over his face, so no-one's perfect.

Jason Byrne was in the pub (I'd never met him before) but he knew a couple of people I was with as they were Paramount Comedy people. He came over to us whilst I was mid-sentence about kids. And he goes "You've got kids?!" and I was like "No.... of course not." And he carried on talking for a bit and then when he walked off (and I don't know why I did this) I went "I haven't got kiiiids" like it was a sentence in the wind. (Kind of like on that Mighty Boosh when Howard says "My only friend is the wind" and then the wind goes "I haaatte yoooou." best line ever)

Anyway - Jason Byrne heard my wind sentence and he goes "yeah? well I have." And I was like, "Gooooood" still in wind mode. What a knob I am. Anyway when he went to go I tried to act all normal but I was pissed so it didn't work.

The next day it was friday and I was losing the will to live at my desk all day. Met my mate Rachel for a couple of beers in Camden and then went home. I felt quite empowered so decided to update my status on facebook as "Leanne Diggins is a bloody catch!" and this promoted two men on my facebook friends to "Drink and e-mail" me. So that was nice.

Saturday I went to Orpster to see my Nephew Alex. He seemed to be quite scared of me for the first fifteen minutes or so but soon he handed me a red brick so I knew all was forgiven. My mate Lee came and picked me up and we went to a beer garden in Green St Green - was pretty cool but I saw a load of old school friends who were all heavily pregnant and it made me feel totally UNpregnant. Then Lee dropped me home and my mate Melanie called me from the Isle of Wight fest to play "White Lies" down the phone to me which cheered me up alot. Then in the evening my neighbour Katy came over for some wine, she brought champagne and we had a good laugh.

Sunday was radio day as ever and this show I managed without getting a migraine. Also passed a big pile of VOM on the way to the station so that was excellent.

This week is a busy one for me, I'm out pretty much every night. Going to see Caroline Mabey's preview tonight. Feels like forever ago that we did Sandy Hole in Edinburgh. Then tomorrow I'm meeting up with my mate Dave in Greenwich and Wednesday I have to go to an AGENCY. I don't think it can be up to much cause they sent me an email asking if I was "OK with dogs" (they have one that randomly scampers about.) "Well sure, I love dogs but....." sigh.

Anyway - till next time.

So give me the song and I'll sing it like I mean it.....Give me the words and I'll say them like I mean it.

2009-06-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

I feel alright now. Oh Time, you are my bestest friend in the whole world.

Thursday as you were probably aware from my blog, I felt a bit crappy. I went out in the evening to my mate's birthday drinks in town. I was planning on not drinking but somehow I forgot this immediately and ordered a pint of Kronenberg. I got my drink and walked over to the gang, having not said all my 'hello's'. As I stepped across to them, my pointy shoes got caught on this chair and I tripped over. Two thirds of my full pint went right down my mate Andrea's back and my other shoe flew off. I laughed and laughed and laughed. My stomach actually hurt. When I'd recovered my composure I looked up to see all these randoms staring at me, this made me laugh more. I think I was slightly hysterical but boy did I need that. Poor Andrea. hahahaha. The night was a little bit weird cause where I was quite emotional I was going from laughing to miserable mode throughout it. Poor people who asked how I was..... my responses were well dark. "Me? How am I? You want to know how I AM???! Well I'm fucked. How are you?" I think I was being a bit scary. Oh well, for one night only I'm entitled. Only one thing for it. SAMBUCAS. And finally, when that didn't work it was time to take my leave. .

Happy days. The next day I was hungover like a bitch and feeling sad again. Newsflash, alcohol makes you feel worse the next day. Friday night I stayed in minus alcohol and it made me feel better, also managed to clean my flat. Although, I smashed a really nice pint glass accidentally and it went into millions of pieces which made me weep. I probably wasn't weeping over that though. My Dyson HATED it.

Saturday I went to Orpington to meet my mate Louisa for some fry up action. It was really nice wandering around the old place, not been back for a while and there were less freaks out than usual. However, after walking through the dilapidated precinct and then into Peacocks to check out my old Saturday job area from when I was 14, I saw this woman who used to work there when I did and I felt instantly depressed. She didn't recognise me cos in those days I had an unsightly corkscrew perm.

After this, I couldn't bear to get on the bus home so my Dad came and got me - I'd had enough. We hung out for a while listening to Cat Stevens and chatting about my most recent week of hassle. I pointed out to my dad that I kinda feel that one of my downfalls is I'm always trying to act a certain way in front of lads and although I agree there is always room for compromise, to change for someone is just plain stupid. So from on, I'm going to be myself. (Starting at the checkout in Morrisons later that day and chatting up 18 year old "David". He made me actually go RED. And he was 18. Hey man, still got it!)

Saturday night I met Hevver Bevver and co and we went for a couple of beers in New Cross. We then went onto see a band which were really rather good. I was pretty pissed though and when they'd finished I decided to call it a night. The next day I went to do my radio show and I was about half hour in, when suddenly my right eye went blind. Which means for me, a migraine is on its way and soon my speech will fuck up. I had to abandon the show with haste and get a cab home before I started talking utter gibberish. It's really scary cause you think you're having a stroke. Makes me scared to speak in case I say the wrong words. I did find myself saying the word "Futter." alot. Stupid Migraine. It meant I had to miss a BBQ at my mate's house :-(. Once the zig saggy lines go and the numb arms and weird speech things go, then I'm left with the feeling of being punched in the head which I still have. Really annoying but thankfully I only get them once a year on average. Prob caused by the stresses of last week.

This week I have written lists and plans and am going to execute them. I've already done three things on my list including my new and revised CV. There's something satisfying about putting a line through stuff.

I will definitely be back on the radio show on sunday and I have some ACE music for this sunday so please try to listen in if you can at www.sw1radio.co.uk. from 10 am.

Also if you haven't already, Catface Comedy on the 15th July starring Barry Castagnola, Paul Foot, Michael Legge and Josie Long is on SALE NOW. Go to this group on Facebook to find out how to pre book your ticks and save yourself some cash.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=44117679473&ref=ts

Until next time...

I don't want to dissect everything today, I don't mean to pick you apart you see..... but I can't help it.

2009-06-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

The weeks are flying by and its stressing me out. I now only have 4 weeks in my job at MTV - redundancy SUCKS.

So, now I'm FORCED to do some actual work (look for a job). I went on a course last week which was for all redundant rejects who find themselves in "job search" world. It was quite useful and nice to know that my CV is utter crap. The woman who took the course was very annoying. You know those women who just eminate BITCH from every pore. Well she was one of those. I just kept thinking.."we so couldn't be friends". I'm sure she would be most upset to learn that.

But yeah, the course obviously made the whole being out of work thing a reality which of course isn't a very secure or jolly thought. But, if I'm honest I'm actually excited about being unemployed. I've not been unemployed since I was 14 years old and got my first saturday job at "Curtess Shoes" in the corner of Peacocks in Orpington. I've always been on a payroll. And now, to not have a regular income is going to feel weird. Oh well, its not like I'm the only person to lose their job eh and like I say, the idea of getting up when I want like so many of my fellow loser friends feels pretty good.

Friday night I went out in Soho as the Head of Post Production (another redundancy victim) was having his leaving drinks. It was well cool. I did NETWORKING. Proper real networking. Suddenly the worry of not getting a job evaporated. Thanks Stella! (artois). The boy met me and also came to the event. He seemed to get on well with my colleagues which is always important, especially when your leaving your job in 4 weeks anyway, so....

I had a pretty vicious hangover on saturday and was due to go to my friend Sam's house later on in the afternoon. I got there at around 4pm and my head was still banging. The only way through this I felt was more alcohol. She has two children that although are actually two of the nicest kids I know, their leaping on me, pushing a scooter into my knee and the 2 year old accidently punching me in the face, meant I really needed to be drunk. So I became this way and happily the afternoon was a success.

I got home at about 9 o clock and spent about an hour and half on the phone to my friend trying to work out how we could get her a boyfriend and what avenues we haven't already exhausted. Turned out we're really scraping the barrel now but are going down the "friend of a friend" route. The guy I'm kind of seeing doesn't really have any single friends (SELFISH) so we have to try something else. Any ideas? Comment if you know of any avenues to try (Not internet, we've done that).

Sunday I spent the afternoon reading through old diaries and looking at old photos. Its come to my attention that I peaked at the age of 28 and am now on a downward spiral. It would help some if I could shift this fat, but unfortunately I'm really greedy. God the poor people on the beach in Ibiza are going to literally VOM when they see me in my thread bare bikini. And I go topless. HAHAAH! Have that holiday makers! Me fatting about on the beach. ENJOY! I might even play volley ball just to make matters worse. (Yeah right, as if I plan to MOVE.)

So, this week I am staying in cause I have NO MONEY. How exciting my life is. Don't you just wish you were me? No? Well... thats fine.

Till next time.

Please, don't let this turn into something it's not.

2009-05-27T06:47:00.000-07:00

Wow these bank holiday weekends get better and better don't they. Do they? Yes, they do. Anyway. Last Friday before the bank holiday weekend, lovely Harry Hill came into my work to discuss Fair trade stuff. He loves it, specially nuts. Anyway MTV stock loads of fair trade products in our vending machines (although, dunno why cause the vending machines here steal money ALL the time). Anyway, so an email went out on Wednesday saying "Harry Hill coming to MTV" and then in the contents of the mail it mentioned Harry again but wrote "Harry Hall" so a collective groan went out around MTV cause we thought they'd typo'd the "Hill" bit in the title. But Lo, what is this? Sure enough, the actual Harry Hill was coming into MTV. A buzz ran out through the building (between me and my friend Mandy). Harry Hill was coming into OUR work, sod popstars, bring on the Harry.

We devised a plan which would mean us getting to the front of the atrium to watch the speech, this cunning plan entailed us getting down to the atrium a full 7 minutes before everyone else. I know. Clever eh. Soon there was Harry's bald head gleaming away. I had to turn away for I was all red and sweaty. Then this lady said (i think Harry's PR person) please feel free to talk to Harry, he's open to any of your questions etc. You don't need to tell me twice woman. I went over with a gaggle of others and we all spoke at him at length about our love for TV Burp. I decided to mention his stand-up to move away from this topic and to make me seem more interesting and potential girlfriendy. It worked, for we discussed (like old friends HA!) an AWFUL club in London that has the crappest MC (if you could call him that) who's a weirdo that does phoning you up at night and inviting you round to drink wine at his house. YICK. And THEN I had my picture taken with lovely Harry and I'm grinning like a loony but I don't care.

Then after his speech which included ("there's only one way to find out - FIGHT")I spoke with him again. I told him I ran a night in East London called "Catface Com" "CATFACE COMEDY?" Harry Hill interrupted? That's right readers, he said CATFACE COMEDY and he said he knew of it. And I said "Are you just saying that you know if it?" And he was like "No seriously I've heard of that a couple of times.." I was so happy. So happy infact that my hard work of seeming cool all went down hill from there. So I wrapped up the conversation and as I walked away, said quietly "I love you." Of which he heard. Ah, always end a conversation like a GIGANTIC KNOB. That's my motto. Imagine if I'd met Dawn French, that would have been miles worse. He's lucky he just got a hushed "I love you."

He is great.

Saturday I met up with the boy which was pretty cool but we did lots of bickering which I felt strange seeing as we're supposed to be at the "getting to know each other" stage according to my manual.

Sunday was the best day of the whole weekend. Katy and I went out in Greenwich Park for some picnic action. The picnic consisted of Gin and tonic, vodka and cranberry, scones and chipsticks. NIIICE. When we got to the park we were supposed to be meeting two sets of my pals but decided to first sit down and have a chat just the two of us. Suddenly, out of nowhere a squirrel came over. Usually I like them, their tails are most agreeable. But no, this one was GIVING IT. I'm not joking. This isn't supposed to be amusing, the squirrel was properly squaring up to me and Katie. I actually ran off and was like "look, what do you want?" it was well weird. Even passers by were commenting on how scary he was. In the end we had to move.

Later on I met with my mate Martin and his friends. We went to the pub after and had a great time. Then Katie and I headed back as it was getting dark and we went to the bar on the complex where we live and there was live music consisting of Pink Floyd covers. We stayed to watch and it was a lovely end to a lovely day.

This week sees me watching the Apprentice TONIGHT. YAY! And then seeing Hevver Bevver tomorrow night for some catching up action.

Until next time.

Goodness knows I saw it coming, or at least I'll claim I did....

2009-05-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just got a new work blackberry and its ACE. Not sure why it's ace, but its all new and got the plastic on it and everything (which I've just RIPPED off.)

I so need to detox. This last week has been horrendous drink wise. Luckily I've run out of money so have to stay in from now on. I don't suppose I will, but gonna try.

Tuesday evening I went out with the boy and had a good time. I know I shouldn't talk about him on here but he doesn't read this so I think its ok. Its not like I'm saying anything serious, just a' blogging is all! Yeah so anyway, we had fun and then came back to my house for some of my home cooking. I used to think I was a really good cook and as those avid blog readers will verify, I even won our own version of Come Dine With Me. Now though, now that I'm trying to impress a lad, I've only cooked a Roast Dinner and Spaghetti Bolognaise. Hardly innovative or difficult to cook.... I think I'm going to have to revisit Delia and get some top tips 'cause this is bordering on embarrassing.

Last night I met up with some comedy pals, Catie Wilkins, Christina Martin and Jane Bostock and we haven't hooked up for a while. I was feeling extra tired and hungover, also my liver was actually hurting so I didn't think I'd be out for more than one drink. However we had so much fun that I ended up staying out for the duration. Its so nice to know some cool stand-up comedy ladies 'specially ones as down to earth and normal as them.

I missed The Apprentice obviously, but one of my friends on Facebook had helpfully REVEALED who had been fired on their status update. BAH! I had to say something about that cause as soon as you know who's fired, you also know which team has lost and so on. Annoying! Anyway - still had a watch of it today on BBC i player. It was ok and Alan chose the right candidate to fire. As usual....

Ah another bank holiday looms and I'm happy about that. Friday night I think I'll have a couple of drinks in town and then Saturday meet up with the boy. I might have a break from the radio show this Sunday, but will be back the following week if that's the case. And then for the rest of the weekend I plan to just lol about, I might even kick start my detox. But I might not. I really want to give up smoking again because I'm fully off the wagon and I'm ashamed. I read on someone elses blog that the other day they went for a 2 mile run. A run you say... hmmmm could I do that? Where would I run to if so? Last time I tried to run from my house I was wheezing and doubled over after just 50 yards. But you know, as my friend Rachel helpfully pointed out, I only have a few years where I'll be able to regenerate looks-wise. Once I hit 35 I can no longer do this. So, the question is, should I regenerate? I think probably, yes.

I go to Ibiza in 6 weeks and my diet has totally, totally failed. It seems I can't concentrate on lots of things at once. Like for example, this week I've been mostly focusing on drinking and being a big knob head. There's simply no room during this exercise to care about my looks and diet etc. But maybe, just maybe, I should focus on a regeneration objective. And as I type this, its becoming more and more of a good plan. YES. Yes that's it. I'm going to regenerate.....so stay back.

In other news, this week there was a rumour going around that Patrick Swayze had died. I was actually properly gutted. Then it all turned out to be bollocks so felt better. (but then felt a bit crap again cause he's gonna die anyway isn't he)

Reminded me of the time there was a rumour flying around that Zak from Saved by the Bell (what a LOAD OF SHIT THAT PROGRAMME WAS) had died in a car crash and it all turned out to be crap. And isnt there a rumour that Kenan or Kel (loves orange soda) is dead? Or did I dream that? I know when I've been over-doing it cause I find it really difficult to differentiate between what I've dreamt and what's reality. Perhaps I should google that one incase I'm starting a rumour without realising it. See how easy it is though!

Have a fantastic bank holiday weekend.

BYE.

You see their arms entwined....so clear and cruel in your jealous mind.

2009-05-18T04:00:00.000-07:00

Oh my god I need a holiday, I'm so tired. That's not a very upbeat way to start a blog but s'how I'm feeling.

Nevertheless I've had a pretty interesting week. Catface Comedy was as usual a bloody great night and I don't care if that makes me seem conceited. It is a bloody great night and that's that. The next one in July (missing out June as that's redundant month) features Paul Foot, Josie Long and Barry Castagnola. Yeah man.

But back to last week's one. I had the worst tummy ache in the world and my door person was sick so I knew it was gonna be a bit stressful. Luckily though my friend Louise stepped up to the mark and did the door with her boyf Jack which was great. And the erotic dancers stepped up by seating people which again was so cool. I was stressing a bit because that guy I've been dating came along and that always adds pressure. What happens if he thinks I'm a dick? Also I have a bit of a "persona" on stage which is a bit man eatery, and although I warned him of this, I know it must have seemed a little bit strange. Oh well. He seemed to enjoy which was cool.

Very lovely to see Jason Kavan and Jess Fostekew performing cause I'd never seen them before - I was highly impressed! We stayed until the pub closed as usual with a load of audience. These two guys that had seen the show advertised on Chortle stayed with us too and were really nice.. They were very complimentary saying that they'd have paid twice the entrance fee for the night, which is what I love to hear. I think its well important that audience get their money's worth. (Unlike other stand-up nights in London which do not offer value for money and I quite frankly think is a massive liberty)

Anyway enough blowing smoke up my ass.

The weekend was cool, I was doing an improv course which I have to say I was dreading. Didn't help that I was hungover and feeling a bit sorry for myself for drinking and dialling that guy. KNOB. I was sat in a cafe in Old Street at 10:15 waiting for Matthew and Caroline and considering doing a runner when Matthew came in. Luckily he too was planning an escape but we decided against it, met Caroline and went to the course.

It was pretty cool actually - I remembered most of the exercises and games we were playing and I could see a slight improvement in my impro skills but again, its not really my cup of tea and not something I would wish to pursue. We had such a good laugh though, I'm looking forward to some decent cartoons from Caroline and Matthew because written words (ie: my blog) will not do it justice.

In other news my friends and I have an ongoing conversation about people using the wrong words for stuff. This stems from Pammie in Gavin and Stacey. So for example, she'll say something like "No way, Blase'" and on Jeremy Kyle the other day I heard a classic.

Toothless, scabby woman to man shouts: "Well you're a fucking c*nt!"
Equally scabby man shouts back "Yeah? Well the feelings neutral!"

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

RE: The man front, it all seems to be going ok although had a bit of a wobble the other day cause this guy asked me out and I said "NO". But then I thought, hang on a minute. I'm saying no cause of this guy I'm seeing, but what happens if this guy I'm seeing would have said yes to that? I started to have mini jealous thoughts. I mean, I don't want to have "The Conversation" with him. ie: are you my boyfriend? cause its way too early for that. But are we dating other people? I didn't know whether it was just me that was being exclusive. God this dating thing is so RULEY! Anyway, in the end I could stands it no more and told it to him straight. Its all sorted now and we are still doing dating but in an exclusive way. WOW. Aren't I growed up. Yes so much so, that I'm airing my dirty laundry on a blog. Haha.

This week is SOOO busy. Today I'm doing a little audition to do some Voiceover work for Nickelodeon. Luckily I smoked a million fags this weekend so my voice sounds all gravelly. I'm sure thats what they're looking for.... er.....

Aaaaaannnyyyway...I better go now. Oh yeah, I'll be on SW1 radio tonight 7pm-9pm so tune in by logging onto www.sw1radio.co.uk from 7pm!

Bye.

So I drank one, it became four....and when I fell on the floor I drank more.

2009-05-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

Bah my tummy hurts and I've got Catface tonight. Must...suck it up... I...can....do...this.

Ah that's better. No, it's not.

Anyway - yes, whats the latest? Well, I've had a very nice week. I went out on that date on thursday and we had a cool time. Although as we walked to the bar we went quite fast and when we got there, my face kept spewing out moisture known to some as sweat. Was embarrassing. I was like "Erm shall we go in the garden?" He totally noticed too cos it was the beady kind. Oh well, it soon dried up. I decided to drink Stella even though I was advised against it by many. My thoughts on this was, well, this is me. Well, I'm not ACTUAL Stella but I do like it. And anyway who cares? Yeah so we had fun and he asked me out again for the following Sunday. Madness.

Saturday I stayed in for most of the day and in the evening Louisa came over for some catching up action. We decided to go out in Greenwich and then I thought, I know, why don't I text the man who I'm seeing tomorrow anyway?? Yeah good idea. Luckily he was receptive to my drinking and dialling and we went to meet him and his friends at a private party. Where upon I decided "I know, why don't I be the biggest knob that ever lived?" Phew. I'm so glad I follow through on my decisions.

Yes, I did robotics, yes I lay on the floor and wouldn't get up and lots lots more! The next day when I dragged myself in to the radio station I was convinced I'd never see him again. So before I set up cooking the sumptuous roast I had planned when I got home, I called him to get this confirmed.

But lo, what is this? He STILL wants to come over? Really? Yes, yes people its true. He did. I know. Something very strange is going on but I ain't gonna question it. So another nice arvo ensued. Watched AN AWFUL DVD though called "The Strangers" Absolute rubbish totally do not bother. Terrible terrible. God this Lovefilm thing is a big fat LIE. Of this batch from Lovefilm I also watched Amelie (again) even though as my brother in law quite rightly points out, the DVD cover is exceptionally irritating.

I'm having a spotify A-ha moment right now. So, so good. You should all totally love them. Listen to The Weight of the Wind from the Scoundrel Days album. So dramatic.

Right so from now until the weekend I have several good things on. Tonight is of course the most important, Catface Comedy at The Betsey Trotwood pub from 8pm. YAY.

This weekend I'm on an improvisation course. I dunno why, I SUCK at improv. Going with Caroline Clifford and Evie's beau Matthew, or as they call him Foxy. (Which I quite frankly refuse to do. Not even as an improvisation.)

I just cringe all the way through improv usually, whats all this "Freeze" bollocks. I hate it when I'm forced to intercept a scene and I've no idea what to do. I always end up saying "What are you doing?" A SIN! A SIN in improv!

Anyway the person who runs this course is very very good and it is a good class cos I've done it before so I reck it will be fun at the very least.

And that's it. I better go because my tummy is telling me so.

Until next time.

Before it all ends, before we run out of time.....stay close to me.

2009-05-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

WOW what a difference in bank holiday weekends. Three weeks ago I had a bit of a shit one, I have since christened it my Wank Holiday weekend. But this one, this one, was really rather good.

Last Thursday I met up with my pal Leon and we went for beers in Camden. On the way into the pub my mobile started to ring and it was my mate James. As I was with Leon, I cut the call off. Turns out however, he was calling me from inside the pub and had seen me do it. Always awkward. I did the same once when a stand-up friend of mine, Roisin was phoning me and I was in a beer garden and she was outside looking through the gate and I cut the call off twice (Just because we were doing some photos) and she saw all! Luckily she thought it quite amusing. So back to Thursday, James, Leon and I all got very drunk although the boys were far worse than me. I got a kebab on the way home and the meat tasted like bark from a tree. The last text I sent to Leon said , "Shit man, the cab driver's playing Bergerac!" to which he responded "Tune!" Ah, a sign of a good night.

Friday I had a couple of beers in Camden and got home at a reasonable hour, I'm getting better no? The conversation came up again about girls drinking pints and the lads opinion's were mixed. Do you know what though? I really, really don't care anymore what a man might or might not think of a pint drinking girl. Its like, SO WHAT. Don't talk to me then, it matters not to me.

Saturday arvo I was waiting for Ma and Pa to come over whilst watching TV. The show was Britain's Got Talent but the ITV2 one, hosted by Steven "always on the outside lookin in" Mulhern. Anyway, I did a double take when watching cause there before me, trying out for the show was a stand-up comic called Joel Elnaugh. Now, this guy is a quirky fellow and not every one's cup of tea but I happen to like his stuff and his style. He's a bit of a mystery to be honest. Anyway, he went on the show and Simon Cowell & co. were HORRID to him and the audience were being mental animals and shrieking "Off off off!" whilst laughing and going mad. It. WAS. SICKENING. I thought they were absolute pigs to him. And what is it with their mob mentality? It reminded me of Elizabethan Theatre with the Paupers in the Pit being all drunk and unruly whilst simultaneously "bear baiting". Fucking awful and made me feel a little bit sick. Freaks.

Anyway - Saturday I stayed in as usual and Sunday morning headed off early to the studio to the radio show. It was a great one actually, that is, I enjoyed it. Sunday afternoon I was umming and erring about going to a BBQ with my mate Sam and her fiance. Glen. Anyway - I decided to go and got very very drunk indeed which meant I couldn't go on to the party afterwards in Clapham. I had such a lovely time and a guy I've known for a long time asked me out (guy from last saturday at her house for lunch), and so I have a date on thursday! So, we shall see how it goes...

Tomorrow I'm going to Margate with my Pa. It would have been my Grandad's birthday tomorrow (had he not have died) and so we're going to one of the places he liked best, to have shell fish and stare at the big wheel at Bem Bom Brothers (or is it Dreamland again) wistfully. I never got to go in there when I was a young pup, and the one time I did when I was older, I was bitterly disappointed. Stupid wheel, looking all inviting...

And finally, next week it is of course Catface Comedy (13th May) to be precise and tickets seriously are selling quickly so I would recommend you reserve in advance if you are coming.
You can do this by emailing da_catface@hotmail.com

I hope your weekend's were as cool as mine, until next time.

Your shake is like a fish, you pat me on the head.... You took me out to wine, dine, 69 me, but didn't hear a damn word I said.

2009-04-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

Economy driving is my game at the moment. Whenever I'm watching that Money Saving Expert on GMTV I always think gosh, that looks like a drag. But now I'm thinking, hmmmm I really should invest some time in this situation and already I've saved myself £80! Thanks Money Saving Expert and my now not so lazy ass! My sister was saying I should go Pay as you go on my mobile, but I can't bear the thought of having to say to someone "Can you call me back because I haven't got any credit". Also I've had the same number now for years and I'm kinda attached to it. Silly eh?

OMG Spotify RULES! I've revisited Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill" today. Great great album. Reminds me of the good old days when I ran for Head Girl at school age 17. My friend Siobhan and I ran a tight campaign (she was my deputy). We erected huge banners around the school in the dead of night and wore sunglasses, black roll neck jumpers and black trousers so as to blend in with the darkness. The day we LOST the campaign coming SECOND, we walked out of school at 11am and headed to her house where we drank port and lemonade and listened to Jagged Little Pill. Then we decided to go out on the lash in Bromley. Happy days. I still think that whole thing was a fix, cos I was well popular with the students but the teachers didn't take me seriously. I have no idea why.
Although, saying that I did end up jacking my A-Levels in about three months later and going to Orpington College to do them instead. IN YOUR FACE, SCHOOL! I passed with flying colours! ALL THREE. Yeah man, POKE IT!

I had a nice weekend. I ended up doing my three centre with GUSTO. Finishing up in Clapham at a pub where I'd filmed a big section of the documentary I was in in 2005 on BBC3. ("How to get Lucky with Leanne") SO, it kind of depressed me to be back there again. I decided to combat this depression by getting in every single photo that my mate was taking for Ollie's 30th Birthday. Yeah. Good one. At one point I made ALL of the lads pick me up. In my head I looked really gorgeous in this photo but in the cold light of Facebook, I looked like Shamu. It had to go.

Saturday I had a hangover AND the fear which was a bit crap. Luckily, the night wasn't as bad as I'd imagined so all was good. I was due to go to my mate Sam's house to meet her fiance' and see the kids. They'd invited their friend over as well to make up the numbers which was nice of them. I knew their mate anyway having worked with him 12 years ago at TV Travel Shop. AS it was such a lovely day we ended up sitting out in the back garden and drinking beer and then had a lovely lunch. I actually quite liked the friend, he's very funny which I happen to find agreeable. I dunno, it was refreshing you know to be in a laid back, comfortable and enjoyable situation. Note to self: I must hang around with these non-pretentious types more often.

Sunday I didn't do the radio show cause I didn't feel well but perked up later on in the arvo. I decided to trek up to Blackheath to see the donkeys. They were as sad as ever but I noticed they had some water which was nice. My friend came to meet me and we went for a drink. Unfortunately the night before she'd been in quite a rough pub in Bromley and had been attacked by this FREAK of a girl. It was a case of mistaken identity it turned out, but tell that to my mate who had half of her hair ripped out. Disgusting scum. We had a nice time despite this unhappy news and I headed back at about 8:30pm. The sun was just setting across the heath and it looked beautiful.

Just had a quick revisit to the theme tune from "Cities of Gold" on youtube with my friend Joel. Bless him he was like "Yeah the bird, the gold bird! The gold bird that flies. It flies. See? Its flying." hahahaha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbVNZ-cghz0

Until next time.

Sometimes you can't make it.......best you can do is to fake it.

2009-04-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

I really hope this nice weather isn't our quota for the year. Its lush isn't it. Makes everyone in a better mood and that's a fact. I'm noticing a shift in commuter behaviour for the better as well. Today on the Northern Line I was lost in thought, when suddenly the driver braked really sharply and everyone clung onto the bar. I found myself bracing for impact but it all came to nothing and we began to move again. For a brief moment I wondered if the driver had braked because of an animal on the track. What would it be though? A huge turtle that's been roaming underground since being flushed down the lav in the late eighties for not being Donatello perhaps?.... Anyway - So I looked around at my fellow passengers and we all kind of looked at each other in an understanding fashion, like we were all saying "Phew, that was scary eh?" and I thought, ah that's nice. Some normality. Usually when I look to my commuter buddies for reassurance they look at me like I'm mad.......saying with their eyes "what severe braking? I didn't notice anything.... " And then I feel like a knob. Anyway its the Sun that's done this, I'm telling you.

The Apprentice just gets better and better doesn't it. I LOVE Geordie Phillip. He's so angry. I dislike intensely that bitch Ben. What is THAT. He's a mad man. Sir Alan's gonna see him off I'm sure.

Today at work we've got a concert in the main atrium with free beer, wine and snacks! Yeah man I love that shit.

I was thinking about Fraser Island this week because there was a horrible crash there last weekend. I knew something like that would happen, cos it really is a white knuckle ride going up and down those beaches in the 4wheel Drive things. I remember not only being scared of the Dingo's but also the general creepy crawlies, snakes etc. The guide's were so flippant about it all. We'd be walking through a rain forest and they'd be like "Try not to get Bit". Erm, by what exactly? " ya know, snakes, spiders, that kinda thing.." What the EFF?
See this clip for confirmation of my point:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNEeq5qGh8I

I was paranoid throughout the whole trip and at times there were some pretty hairy situations. Like on one day, our guides were making us some lunch and they were like "Go for a walk around the lake and when you come back lunch will be ready" So myself, Katie, Lauren, Dean, Mike and this other guy went off for the walk. I've never heard so much swearing and shrieking in my life (mainly from me)walking around that lake. It wasn't just walking round a lake, it was walking round a lake, through a forest. With spider webs and lizards and snakes. We walked at record speed, it was actually quite traumatic. I remember going through another forest on the island, which was about a 3 mile trek (without our guide, again)and stretched right across the path, was a MAMMOTH spider web complete with fucked up looking spider. There was no way round it.

Suddenly, in the distance there were a group of tourists coming the other way. Our group were just stood staring at the web in a scared fashion. The tourists, coming the other way also stopped and stared at the huge spider. "Well, what the fuck are we going to do?" Someone in the other party said. "Go under it!" someone else said. "I don't think so, it might be the leaping kind..." I helpfully pointed out. Two women crawled under it from our party, but there was no way we would follow. In the end someone got a really long Branch and broke the spider web so the spider swung off to one side of the path. You've never seen so many backpackers running as fast to get past the evil swinging spider.

We weren't allowed to go anywhere on our own on the island because of Dingo's, the minimum party of people was two at a time. If you saw a Dingo you had to stand back to back with whoever you were with and stare it out. Waving of the arms was not permitted. If you were attacked you had to "fight aggressively". What the Eff? Having a fight with a dog? Come on then er.... Rover. Good old Fraser Island. Happy days.

I've just found out about Spotify, its ace. YEAH! Songs come to my computer for free. I'm currently re-discovering Erasure. Oh L'Amour!

Camden Town is a joke today cos of the Camden Crawl. On our forecourt at MTV they've erected this huge screen thing, and there's loads of security and random EMO's milling around. What does it all mean?

Tonight I'm doing a three-centre. First we have the concert thingy at work, then I'm meeting Karen at London Bridge, then onto Clapham for some 30th birthday action. I can't have a late one though cause I have to be up and at my friend's house for 12pm. Sunday its radio show again listen in if you get the chance. www.sw1radio.co.uk from 10am - 12pm.

Here are some pictures of Fraser Island. Demonstrated are the vast white sands, the fresh water lagoons (containing crocodiles I later found out), me throwing a boomerang and the thick forests containing the deadly animals. I'm the one with the pink rucksack.

Moving, just keep moving......well I don't know why to stay, no ties to bind me, no reason to remain.

2009-04-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

What a lovely day! And it only means one thing....I have to get my pastey old legs out soon. Which means I'll have to shave. Only joking, or am I? Maybe. Anyway, happy days are here again with the Vit D.

I had a lovely weekend in the end. I went to see my friends in Orpington to show them the video I shot at their wedding. I had a bit of a palava with this. Basically I didn't get it put onto DVD straight away and a month or so ago, I was viewing the wedding off my camcorder, and where I'd had a couple of wines I accidentally pressed record over the footage. It happened upon a (some might say) crucial moment. The vows. Never mind, I brought the mini dv into work on saturday and luckily good old VT Dubbing managed to stitch the tape together seamlessly.

So all you see is me going to sit down after doing my reading and then the next immediate shot is the marrying lady woman person shouting "The Bride and Groom!" and we all cheer. They didn't notice, because the whole vid is far from professional anyway. I only did it so they'd remember each other anyway. It was pretty cool because where my mates were busy getting married, they missed a load of "behind the scenes" stuff which made them laugh alot.

After the viewing we were sat around chatting and my friends were asking about my plans for the year and I said that when I get back from Oz I want to get a job where I can earn buckets of cash. In the old days money really wasn't so much of a driver for me, but as time goes on, I realise that I really need to provide for myself and make sure I'm comfortable. I was telling them both that I enjoy being independent and feel especially grown up. At this stage, my mum and dad pulled up outside and were like "Come on Leanne you have to come with us now." "But I want to stay." I exclaimed. "No, sorry, you need to come back for your tea." I looked well independent and grown up. "Sorry I have to go home now...." I muttered, scuffing my foot in the carpet.

Sunday afternoon after the radio show, I was sat around thinking, I could do with some DVD action and lo and behold there, in my peripheral vision was the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice starring Colin Firth. Why, I hadn't seen that for near on 8 months. YEAH! So I watched a load of that, 5 hours worth and then it was time for "Nuts in May" which was on BBC4. WOW perfect viewing for a Sunday I'm sure you will agree.

This week has been mostly great with all sorts of amazing things happening like, the sky being pink at night, which doesn't only delight shepherds, but me as well. Also, tickets are flying out the door for Catface Comedy on the 13th May which pleases me greatly.

This blog is BORINGO. SOZ!!

I'll still be doing it the way I do it.... and yet, you try to make me forget who I really am.

2009-04-18T05:14:00.000-07:00

Well a crap start to the week and yet a lovely end to it. How we fall, but how we rise again will never cease to amaze me.

Basically it comes down to the fact that I'm a sensitive soul and am growing increasingly tired of people not realising this. This week there were two or three people who have disappointed me with their actions and I let it get to me more than it needed to. Then (of course) I spoke with my pals and they put me straight. If we were on the bridge in "Stand By Me" I'd totally wait for you.

I've thought further now about my plans for the redundancy period. On the 4th July I go to Ibiza (Cala Llonga) as is tradition for a week. Then I come back, and do a STAR STUDDED Catface Comedy on the 15th July. This night is going to sell out in about two seconds because of the acts I'm booking. They will be announced after the next Catface Comedy which is 13th May. Can't wait. Anyway - I come back, do that Catface and then head off the next day to Spain for the Benacassim Festival! I'm so excited. YEAH MAN! The Killers AND Kings of Leon will be there YAY! I'm taking my mouldy tent and we're going to camp. Its me, Lou, her boyf and his mate. I am SOOOOO excited. Then I come back from there and arse about till the end of July. Head BACK to Spain at the beginning of August to stay at my mum and dad's apartment, then.......... unfortunately I'll have to get a job. TEMPING. The thought of temping turns my stomach. Office work. Oh God.

Also having to go to an UGH..........Agency fills me with dread. See, I work in telly so I don't do all that Powerpoint shit. What shall I say when they ask me what I can do on Microsoft office? "ERM.... Yes, well I'm proficient in 'Paint Spa'. I can spray paint my own name...." Ah well Temping will be for just TWO months cause then its off to AUSTRALIA for three months! From October to the beginning of January. OMG, this year is going to be fucking amazing. I knew I'd come up with a plan eventually. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I can't wait to get back to Oz and see my mates, and Steve (Irwin) in spirit. I hope they've simmered down on the "Bindi" merchandise cause that was out of control.

Today I'm in work doing some dubbing and then I'm off to the 'Ton (Orpington to you and me) to see some friends. I've requested I go to my mum and dad's for my tea because they always have nice food.

Don't forget to listen to my radio show tomorrow morning on SW1 radio. Log on from 10am www.sw1radio.co.uk for some ace chat and ace music!

Here are some snaps of Catface Comedy. Have a lovely weekend.

The writing's on the wall, it won't go away, it's an omen....you just run on automation.

2009-04-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

Um... so.... a weekend of weirdness. I was actually looking forward to the four day break but after a while I got very, very bored. Friday day-time I met my ma and pa in Borough Market for a mosy around. It was packed but there was so much food it was ace. We went for some yummy lunch and had a really good laugh. My mum's arm is improving (fyi she had a really nasty fall in December and has been off work ever since)which is good news. On friday night I was looking forward to the Red Dwarf marathon on Dave. Hmmmm, I didn't really rate it much, the episode seemed a bit slow. Also the way in which it was shot was too new looking. Still, I did like it a bit. After this they put on Quarantine which is one of my all time favourite episodes (Mr Flibble) and also the one with the "Dove Programme" which I canna remember the title of but a cracker all the same.

Saturday I just lazed about all day long. Like, all day long and then saturday arvo I watched Shirley Valentine. What a great film that is in so many ways. Then it was time for Doctor Who. Absolutely disappointed with this episode and also the backing music. It was like Superman or something. Ah well. Early night anyway so just watched Red Dwarf (again) and then bed. (The second episode seemed marginally better than the first)

Sunday morning was the Radio show which was pretty cool. I played my current favourite song by a band called White Lies. "Farewell to the Fairground". You need to listen to it, its very cool. I was feeling a little bit down after the show but then got a lovely email from an old friend of mine who'd listened to the show and had enjoyed it. So nice to have that little boost of confidence when I really could have done with it.

Sunday afternoon I met up with Evie and co for her boyfriend Matt's birthday. A messy night ensued. *sigh*

Monday I felt really crap and my fantastic mates rallied round. Thank you to all of you for your calls, emails & texts and of course the in-person company. My friend Louisa and I went for some lunch in Greenwich and then walked up through Greenwich park to Blackheath. There's a circus in town (you know how I feel about them) and also a fairground. I saw some donkeys and I went to stroke them and they were so sad. Like properly almost crying. I nearly started crying at this, I tried to make eye contact with one in particular whilst stroking his ears and he looked dead behind the eyes. I wanted to punch their owners faces in. But I didn't and instead we headed to O' Neils and had a couple of glasses of wine and some great chat with Lou. She was on top form and making me really really laugh, she's very cool. Then Stef joined us and we had a really really nice evening. We've decided to write a book, I think its going to be a best seller.

Needless to say from the above, you can probably tell that I'm not feeling the best I can at the moment. Apparently though, things are going to change. Jonathan Cainer, friend to the stars said so, see?

Libra, Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Hear that sound in the distance? That's the cavalry, riding to the rescue. They may be only just in time. You may have only one wheel left on your wagon, arrows piercing your armour, and no resources left to draw on... but they'll soon be here at last and they'll bring with them all they need to make everything OK again. Sorry to sound so melodramatic and sorry too, to suggest that you need 'rescuing'. But you need to know that there's time to think before you make your next move. And it's best if you do that! Now is the right time for you to take an in-depth, up close and personal look at your life.

I hope so Cainer, I hope so.

We'll head south, just hold my hand now. I feel like I'm casting off my clothes and I'm running through the snow towards the sunset....

2009-04-09T04:26:00.001-07:00

YEAH!!! Well another cracker of a night at Catface Comedy. I love the Betsey Trotwood the owners/managers/staff are all so cool to work with. All of the acts did exceptionally well last night and a couple I hadn't seen were there so I was very pleased that they were all so well received. Thanks to all of them and of course to the erotic dancers and Lou. You lot rock. I was going to take a month out and do the next show in June but someone called the Betsey to book ten tickets for the May show and I just can't turn that away. So, the next show is on the 13th May and I really think you should ALL come. All of you. Just come. You can book tickets by checking out this group here on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=44117679473&ref=ts Join up and be in the COOOOL gang.

Right so, time to talk about Twitter. Now, I have no problem with people wanting to join (I'm not one of them) BUT, what I do object to is people that marry Twitter up with Facebook so I have to read 50 billion status updates from the same person. Its like, I don't WANT to read that, and if I did I would be "following" you on Twitter. Just like people can CHOOSE to read this blog.... I mean, I don't print this out and go up to randoms, shoving it under their noses shouting READ THIS! READ THIS! Do I.
Although I enjoy updating my status on Facebook with some stuff that's true and some that's false, I understand that a once a day update (MAX twice) is sufficient. I might consider another cull if this Twitter stuff continues.

I'm so tired today and very much looking forward to this four day break. I plan to watch lots of telly, Red Dwarf mainly and Doctor Who. Tomorrow I'm seeing Ma and Pa and we're going to Borough Market. I intend to look all sad and lonely so they buy me stuff. Also this weekend NEEDS to be a detox for me 'cause I've been eating crap all week. In fact, I'm just about to have a KFC. That's bad isn't it. But sooo good. That's it though. As of tomorrow no more crap. I'm even going to go for a run over Greenwich Park, cause I mean such business.

I'm really looking forward to watching The Apprentice on BBCiplayer. What a great invention that machine is.

And finally don't forget to tune into my radio show this Sunday at 10am. www.sw1radio.co.uk is the website to go to and click listen now. I promise I'll be more perky than I feel right now. I expect you'll all be stuffing your faces with Easter Eggs so what goes better with chocolate on a Sunday? Why, a dose of Leanne Diggins to make your day even more agreeable, that's what I always say.

Enjoy the weekend and I'll write at you soon.

Now your grip's too strong, can't catch love with a net or a gun.

2009-04-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

OMG how good is The Apprentice. Very good, that's how. I LOVE it. This week I'll have to BBCi player it cause I have Catface Comedy on wednesday. But that's ok! That's more than ok if last month's is anything to go on. I was a bit worried about audience figures but they've come piling in at the last minute so all good.

Right. Now this weekend was pretty cool. Friday night I did a four centre night out. Starting out in the pub in camden and then heading to my mate Leo's leaving drinks in town. THEN onto Emily's 30th birthday drinks. (by now I was battered) And then onto meeting my mate Caroline after her gig for some further drinks. I've come to the conclusion that I can't say no. At one point Friday I thought, ya know, it's probably better I go home. But instead went to McDonalds and got an immediate 2nd wind enabling me to actually make sense when I spoke. Paid for it BIGTIME saturday morning. BAD BAD hangover. My only comfort (and how sad is this) was that people's updates on Facebook were like "Chris - bring water, ill." etc etc So its not JUST me. That's the trouble with hangovers/drinking they make you paranoid android.

Saturday I managed to get up around 12pm and then did chores. Exciting. Then got dressed and ready for some filming action over at Greenwich with my pal Katy. We started off so sprightly and then after a while started to accidentally depress each other. Stuff like "I know this sounds awful but I really want a man with money and I want him to BE a man ya know?." Etc. "look at all those happy people. Selfish bastards" etc. And then we went to the pub but couldn't even afford alcohol so settled for lime and soda. Man wise it was slim pickings. As I waited in the Gypsy Moth for our drinks for a grand total of 15 minutes there were two men in front of me having a conversation on whether they'd tell the other one's wife about their cheating. The answer of course was "no.". And THEN, THEN, it emerged that their wives were waiting seated completely unaware of all this a few yards away from them. What fine upstanding men! Fucking hell. Depressing. We left soon after this.

Had a nice night in though troughing on food and not drinking. Really needed a night off so I could speak properly on the radio show the next day. It was pretty cool. I had lots of listeners who seemed to appreciate the music which was ace. The weather Sunday morning was amazing - instantly magics one into happiness. Good old Vitamin D. After the show I went down to revisit one of my favourite statues in London. Its of a lion catching a gazelle right near Victoria station, its very cool. I showed it to my mate Tom when he visited from Manchester a few years ago. Obviously, I thought of him as I checked it out and then he appeared in my dream last night. It was mental. Won't bore you with the details, can barely remember it myself to be fair. Anyway, so I did that then headed back to the old homestead, it clouded over so somehow I spent the entire afternoon chatting to mates on text, email and phone and listening back to the radio show. Why did I tell people about a limerick I sent to my old teacher when I was 15.

My mouth needs to be more obedient.

And finally, as mentioned before it is indeed Catface Comedy this wednesday from 8pm at the Betsey Trotwood. Its going to be a great night so come down if you're about.

http://www.timeout.com/london/comedy/event/137670/catface-comedy.html

Till next time.

Everybody's watching but nobody cares....Oh wait no, nobody's watching but everybody cares. Oh whatever, talk to you later...

2009-03-31T03:51:00.000-07:00

I have butterflies in my tummy and I can't get rid. I think its because I'm entering this competition and I really wanna win. I have to think of what I'm going to do for it and its making me NERVOUS but excited too. YAY. Not gonna say what it is yet cause I'm one of those weirdo superstitious types. Or am I? Yes, yes I am. I still find it uncomfortable to walk over three drains. What a freak. The other day I saw one magpie and I was in a bad mood and said under my breath "Fuck off Mr Magpie I don't give a SHIT about your family." Then I thought, that's torn it, bad luck coming my way now. So do you know? I actually apologised to a BIRD. What the EFF? Yep, I'm cool. Its official.

So I decided to get involved with GMAIL. All my interweb life I've been a hotmail girl and I'm starting to notice how many people are going over to GMAIL. And the other day I used Gmail Chat when I was at the radio station. My name was Arnold. How odd. Anyway so I thought well I know about 10 people who are on the G Chat but only 5 on MSN. So I signed up for an account but I can't get the chat thing to work. It might be because I have no one to speak to on my list. It says I can invite people to chat but when I try it doesn't work. I tried to get Caroline M involved but she never got the invite. Or maybe she doesn't wanna chat with me?! Nah course she does. Ah well. Stoopid G Mail. How interesting.

I went to the gym yesterday as promised. It wasn't as traumatic as I'd envisaged. My arms ACHE today though, but I'm going back this arvo and then RUNNING in Regents park tomorrow. I know. I've changed.

Oh Em Gee, I've just downloaded Metallica's Unforgiven. I caught a snippet of it the other day as I was walking through Camden and I thought, ah GREAT DAYS in English class back in the day. I used to also listen to Rage Against the Machine's classic, "Killing in the name of." I was a naughty 16 year old in class and I distinctly remember listening to this song on my personal stereo in Mr Coales's english lesson and mouthing the words "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me." right to him. He was saying "Leanne! Stop that!" And I was like "What? Its not me, its the words to the song. Its not me, its the RAGE." I got kicked out of his class for 2 lessons. I had to go into group 7. (I was in group 1 so that was quite a knock.) They were all reading Beowulf I seem to recall...

Its Catface Comedy next Wednesday (8th). I think you should come. I've gotta rehearse the dance thursday night and its going to be HOT. As in sweaty. YEAH that's how I likes it.

And on Sunday of course its SW1 radio. I've just downloaded some great great songs so you know what to do. Sunday 10-12pm www.sw1radio.co.uk thats right. You better bring it.

Until next time.

Do the things that you always wanted to. Without me there to hold you back...don't think, just do.

2009-03-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

Monday already. This last week's flown by. I've been on the naughty step for most of it. I put myself there, but you know when you just think, Jesus, again? So I'll explain what I did, this can be kinda like confession. Forgive me blogspot for I have sinned. Again. Ah its not really that bad, just went out last wednesday and got STUPID drunk and did STUPID stuff. It was one of those, "suddenly it was the next day" type situations and my friend annoyingly could remember everything. Don't you just hate that? You think you're as pissed as everyone else and then you have THAT conversation with someone and they're all like "And do you remember when you were lying on the floor?" "And do you remember doing 500 sambucas?" "And do you remember storming out of the pub after having a go at an innocent individual?" BLAH BLAH BLAH. No, I fucking don't remember. Sorry. Apologies Apologies Apologies. Evil, cheap wine. Can I come off the naughty step now, please?

Thursday evening I met up with Hev Bev which was great because she's a cool cat. She posted a comment on my facebook wall saying "Are you hungover?" Thursday daytime so I responded by saying "not really but regretful, now say something on my wall to make me look good." So she wrote "Hey Leanne, was really great to be be working on that new show of yours. Can't wait to see you tonight. Love Hev xx" Thus making me look great. Then she posted on my wall "PS: Have you seen my new website www.makingyoulookgood.com" And I laughed, alot. Because I know a few people that seem to conduct their "friendships" in the public eye. As in, on their facebook walls.

A few messages back and forth is cool, but like constantly? I get stuff coming up on my "feed" showing proper consistent communication through use of facebook wall from people and its weird. What are you saying "Look Everyone! We're friends! YEAH! See? LOOK! Its proven I write on their wall LOOK and they reply, SEE??? and we do it ALL the time!". When actually what your saying is, "This person won't give me their phone number." And if they have, you don't feel comfortable enough to use it. Thus you are not friends. Case closed.

Friday I had the day off and went into Greenwich to buy a couple of books from Waterstones. I read the first one that night and the next morning. It was coool. "A kind of intimacy" by Jenn Ashworth. This was one dark book but really really good. I'd recommend whole heartily. Saturday night my friend Karen came over and we went to Bar de Musee in Greenwich. It was a real laugh. But then this man came over and started chatting us up and I was sending him especially negative vibes to make him go slur over someone else. Suddenly he said something to my friend Karen, and she started saying "She does not! Fuck off!" and I was like "What did he just say?" and she said "You don't wanna know" and I was like "WHAT!" And she said "He said you look like Ashleyne out of Big Brother..." FFS! BLEE she looks like this.

INSULT.

So that was nice.

Sunday I had the radio show and of course having only had 5 hours sleep was a bit annoying, spesh with the clocks going forward. Still, had a good time but was SOOOO tired. Sunday Afternoon I was taken out for a lovely lunch by my friend Lee. It was very nice and he said my eye colour is orange and that I have nice hands.

I am still massively tired today and I need sleep. I'm going to the gym today, back on track with that and going to have a VERY easy week. Need some respite I think. I trust your weekends were all jolly.

BYE.

Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that? Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back?

2009-03-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

A weekend of ups and downs. Friday night I went to a party in Camden for a good friend who's leaving after 15 years at the company. It reminded me that in just 3 months I'll be doing the "walk of pain" away from the job I've had for nearly nine years. Virtually all of my twenties.

I woke up on thursday morning at around 4:30am, I'd had a bad dream about my last day at work and for the first time, I actually cried. (its not the first time I've EVER cried you understand, just the first time since knowing I'm finally leaving MTV - I cried.). I'm starting to get worried about what I should do and what indeed are my options. I'm kinda doing "an ostrich" at the moment because it seems too hard to face the reality. You see, all of the things I want to do clash. The sensible plan is to get a job straight away, and the not so sensible plan (but God, the one I want most) to go back to Oz for a bit, all clash like a big clashy thing. BAH. When I've made my decision I'll drive for it, but my gosh, which avenue to go down?

Anyway back to friday night. We had so much fun, I was actually pretty nervous because this is the beginning of the end at MTV. All of the old skool massive are on their way out to make way for the fresh faced youth all clambering for a place at MTV. If only I were more of a hermit, I'd never have struck up the valuable friendships I've made in this job ;-). At one point I lived with a lady (Patsy) for 18 months. So we worked together, lived together and played together. We never got bored of each other's company, these were proper good times. Like, you know those Summer evenings where you look out across the sky there's a beautiful pink hue hanging in the air and you're with good company (maybe there's a beer in your hand, maybe not) and you just think, you know what? Life's pretty good, and I'm really, really lucky. That's how it feels when I look back at those days. Ah well. Life goes on. We're all in this crazy boat together even though, there are some we'd rather not sail with.

Anyway - onto Saturday. I was supposed to be going to see Ma and Pa for some lunch action. When I got to Lewisham the train was out and it was a rail replacement bus sitch. GOD. Anyway - I got on the bus and was being magnified through the window by the beating hot sun. An hour later the bus wasn't even nearly in Grove Park. (this is like 7 mins down the road from Lewisham usually). There were children on board the bus and at first, the fart noises they were making at each other were pretty amusing. After around 29 minutes of this though I wanted to smash the window - with their heads. Ok I didn't, but I was getting pretty frustrated. Also, there was a man behind me muttering hateful stuff. Like really dark shit and it was really agitating me. I was thinking, what happens if he's a murderer and he gets so angry with this bumper to bumper action that he stabs someone. Like me. Anyway, in the end I had to get off and head back to Greenwich. Depressing. I went for a wander around looking for earphones (I'm still wearing the sad head phones at present, right now infact) and could I find any? Of course not. Good old Greenwich. I gave up and gazed over the Thames trying to look a bit thoughtful and clever. But then I realised I just looked depressed so headed back to the old homestead.

I was all set for a depressing night in when luckily good old Katy on the 5th floor texted me to see if I wanted to come up for a glass of wine. Of course I did! So up I padded, in my slippers. Totally turned a thoroughly uneventful day into a much better one. You see? You never know what ya gonna get.(did I really just quote Forest Gump? Yes it seems. Apologies.)

Sunday of course it was radio day. I really really enjoyed this. I'm so glad I have this to do on sunday mornings. Sunday arvo my Ma and Pa came over for some lunch (Lasgagne, Salad and for afters, Apple Crumble and custard) and they could tell I was feeling mizog from the saturday traffic debacle, so they brought me a food parcel like in the good old days. Nice one Ma and Pa. We had a right laugh, really really good fun. I love it when we spend time together and its like that. They also brought me a tiger finger puppet I'd left round their house. I expect they thought I could use it.

In the evening my friend Brooke came over for a cuppa and it was fun. I also found this the perfect opportunity to get my tiger finger puppet out and make him speak to it. I'm SO cool.

Right onto other news. THE APPRENTICE IS BACK TOMORROW. I'm going out but I'll be BBC iplayering it on thursday. I can't wait! Its always good times when Sir Alan and co are back on our screens. You know it means summer baby, I love it. LOVE IT.

Tonight I'm seeing Ms Mabey for a couple of beers, tomorrow karaoke and then thursday some Hevver Bevver action. Yeah!

OK better go, till next time.

What a place to seal your fate.....a deserted car park, not even a date.

2009-03-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hey there! Well, what a beautiful few days of sunshine. I've been going on long walks at lunch to the likes of Primrose Hill and London Zoo. Obviously not actually IN the zoo but outside lookin' in.
These are the animals I've seen. Llamas, Camels, these big dog things with massive ears, this horse like thing that has a Bear's head and zebra legs (weird eh?) its well strange and its name began with the letter "o" oh, and some birds. The Llamas and Camels live together, I 'spect this is because they both do regular spitting. Think that's a bit harsh if that's the case.

When looking at the Llama enclosure I had a flash-back to when I was little at London zoo and I remembered there used to be elephants in the enclosure where the Llamas now reside. So sure was I, that I could remember my dad picking me up to look over the wall so I could see the elephants. But there were only Llamas there now! Why would I have this flashback if Llamas lived there? Did I dream it? A boring dream if so eh? Then,THEN! The next day I went up to the top of Primrose hill and there was a map and key informing us members of the GP what all of the old buildings are on the London sky line. So, like, oh look, there's Canary Wharf, oh and there's Centre Point etc. And there in bold print was a sign pointing to the "ELEPHANTS ENCLOSURE" being where the Llamas now live! I find it strange when I know stuff that I think I've forgotten. I can barely remember going to the Zoo, my mum and dad soon stopped taking me because I always ended up in tears. (I can't stand the dull look in the big cats eyes as they pace up and down, almost in a trance.)

I used to be a bit of a 'mare with the old animal stuff. Like once when I was about 9 my mum took me to Gerry Cottles Big Top Circus and there were Zebras there. I saw the ringmaster (maybe even Gerry himself!) cracking his whip to make them run around. Just then, I saw him whip one of the Zebras and I was in complete bits. I cried so much, that afterwards my mum marched me off to see the Ring Master himself to "explain" why he whipped a Zebra. (She didn't like me to be sad you see.) And this ring master (maybe even Gerry himself!) said that the crack of the whip would only sound if contact with the Zebra HADN'T been made. In short he denied the whipping incident. Still I felt saddened by the whole thing.

Woh, massive tangent there. Sorry.

Anyway, here's the point. There isn't one. And there never is.

What else? Oh yeah so Tuesday it was St Patrick's day and a few of us went down to "Pat's Pub" in Camden. It was cool but got pretty drunk as usual. I decided to update my facebook status on the way home. And this is it in copy and paste form:

"LEANNE DIGGINS is on the train from charing cross but sgiukd being less boring instead. I'm not even irish people. Not even irish."

I think that equates to a great night out eh.

Last night had a very different mood to it. Its been a year since my friend Collin died at the ridiculous age of only 37 and we had a remembrance drink at the Hawley arms in Camden. His wife Kelly was there and I spent some time with her to find out how this last year has been for her. Obviously its been horrendous and I can but only imagine the way she is feeling. Here's a link to this time last year and a photo of my friend.

http://leannediggins.blogspot.com/2008/03/shes-like-girl-with-smile-in-hospital.html

Right, what else... I have a pretty busy next few days. Tomorrow night I'm off out in Camden for a big party, Saturday I'm at Ma and Pa's for some lunch action, and Saturday night possibly another party. Then of course its the Radio Show Sunday morning so can't go mad the night before. (You oughta listen to the show though at 10am Sunday morning)
Next week I'm seeing Caroline M after way TOO LONG and also there's Round 2 of Karaoke action down at the K-Box in Leicester Square on Wednesday. Should be fun if last time's anything to go on. (Can't find the blog from that session but I can assure you it was utter madness.)

And finally a man next to me on the train today was eating an apple in the most annoyingly lip smacking way, that I FELT SICK. Its a deal breaker for me it really is. You MUST eat with your mouth closed, its basic man. BASIC. On top of this loud lip smacking, I was looking at my Blackberry when suddenly a lovely shower of juice from his Granny Smith mixed with his spittle went all over the screen of my phone. What do you say to that? It was an accident right? So I went " Ew Gross" just like a teenager. Great days on South Eastern trains.

Anyway - better go. Bye

So, throw those curtains wide. One day like this a year would see me right....

2009-03-16T08:43:00.001-07:00

Finally, FINALLY some decent weather. I appreciate blogging about weather might seem a little dull but that's just tough because I love it!

Before I do though I'll tell you a little bit about the weekend. Friday night I took my team to the pub. Aren't I nice! Yes I am. Then we all left at a reasonable hour and I went home and watched Comic Relief on TV. I dunno. There's something depressing about that show.

During Friday night I was "washing up" and I accidentally flung red wine down my matte white kitchen wall. This did it for me. I'd been putting off a trip to Wickes for long enough. Loads of stuff has been going wrong in my flat that requires Wickes action to right it and the wine incident was the last straw. I hate this store though. HAAATTTE it. Stinks of BOY. The whole thing intimidates me because as independent as I am, DIY is something that I can't do, it always goes wrong and I normally make the situation worse. Still, I had to go.

I called up a couple of girlfriends and asked them their advice on what to buy. I knew I needed some paint for my kitchen wall. Karen helpfully advised me on this, she said I needed one with a silk finish. Great! On my list it goes. S-I-L-K F-I-N-I-S-H. Now what else? Ah! Halogen bulbs for the kitchen. I managed to stand on a chair and get one of them down, to show the man in Wickes. Next, varnish for my coffee table cause its look all patchy. No-one had a clue about that so I'd have to wing it.

Next, my full length mirror in my bedroom. Last week I'd taken it off the wall to practice my Catface Dancing in front of (I know). And when I went to reMOUNT it, the left hand screw pushed right back in the wall. And now there was a mini hole. So Louisa said I needed this thing called "No more nails filler" or something. So I put that on the list. FFS. The whole thing SUCKED. Anyway, eventually got to Wickes and NO ONE helped me! NO-ONE. There were TOO many paints and also I wasn't sure of the type of white (I Know!). White is white right? Wrong. WTF. How anal can you get. Anyway - after a traumatic HOUR trying to choose everything I stomped off home.

First thing was, the varnish thing did NOTHING. Just stank. And then I moved on to painting and this silk finish thing looks shit and the white is too dark. So now my kitchen is patch city. The main thing is, the red wine splatter has gone. And then with my mirror I just stuck some plastic in the hole cause I couldn't get the "No more nails filler" gun to work (even though on the bottle it said you don't need an applicator) So now my mirror is completely crooked. Infact the only thing that worked was the replacement of the halogen bulbs. Bloody DIY.

Anyway - after this I was chatting to my mate Rachel on facebook and we decided on an impromptu meal out in town. We went for a LOVELY Japanese meal and I got home at a reasonable hour ready for the radio show sunday morning.

Now onto the WEATHER. Well. What can I say? There's alot to be said for Vitamin D isn't there! I found myself grinning like a loony at perfect strangers and saying "Morning!" to randoms. It was ace. On the way back from the show I walked over Waterloo Bridge and it was lovely.

I then thought, I bet Karen's still in bed! I'm gonna ring her to tell her how she's missing out on the nicest day in a long time. She appreciated my call and we agreed on a picnic in the park. My ex-boyfriend bought me this picnic hamper/rucksack thing after me going on about how much I wanted one a couple of years back. He and I only ever used it once. We had a half-hearted game of Frisbee in the park and then an argument. (Those were the days when we were just starting to dislike each other.) So, it was nice to get some use out of it finally. Its got a salt and pepper pot and everything. And on the side is the area for the wine! So I filled those. Also I got a new picnic blanket (the old one had piss all over it, don't ask). We had LOADS of fun and it was so busy in Greenwich but kinda like I was on holiday!

Anyway, these boys kept throwing their Aeroby near us, I suspected this was on purpose and told them so. "Nice one lads, if you wanna say Hi, you don't have to pretend to throw a Frisbee at us."

And now it's nice again! YAY! Please stay weather, you make me happy.

Until next time.

Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel...

2009-03-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah! YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!! Catface Comedy last night was wicked!(even if I do say so myself). It seems that someone liked me yesterday because there were like NO hitches. Nothing went wrong, all acts were great, all dancing was great, all audience (SOLD OUT BTW) were great. I'm properly happy. The night was also featured in the London Lite as the pick of the day. That never happens either.

The audience seemed to be having a mental time and they ALL got up at the end for the crescendo dance. Also, I actually enjoyed myself too cause although its normally great fun at Catface, I'm usually rushing around or stressing and all that jazz. But not this one, I just laughed. Alot. Happy days. I'm not sure how I can top that night for the next one (April 8th) but I'll fucking try. Huge thank you goes out to all of the acts from last night, and also thanks to those acts who stuck around for Catface madness at the end. And massive thanks to Louisa, Lauren and Robbie, the Catface Comedy TEAM. WOOOOOH! High five homeys.

Oh yeah and you know what? An actual punter asked me out at the end! What's going on? I'm not sure, but it's jolly nice. WOOH.

I only made it into work today at 12:45pm but that's just what happens after a night of Catface. Today there were sniffer dogs at Camden Town tube and I wanted to pat one but the dogs didn't wanna sniff me. Then I remembered that I needed to get the London Lite to see what the pick of the day had said in it. So I went up to one of the TFL men at the station and asked if they had a copy of yesterday's paper knocking about. So the TFL man leads me through to this secret room where theres recycled paper bins. And lined up along near the bins are policemen searching about four druggies. I stepped past them gingerly in case I was accidentally pronged by a stray needle. You know what those stray needles are like. BOINK! Doh now I have hepatitis.

So tonight I am just chilling with my homeys (fish) and then tomorrow its pay day. Thank fuck for that. I sense a Tesco's delivery coming on - life doesn't get much better than this folks.

Oh yeah - back on the radio this Sunday at 10am! You MUST listen. www.sw1radio.co.uk and click listen now.

BYE.

Stop, stop talking 'bout who's to blame, when all that counts is how to change.

2009-03-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

SO! I watched two films this weekend. The first was utter pony. "PS: I Love You" Which I had read in book form and thought, I bet the films alot shitter, and do you know? I was right. How unusual that a film would be worse than the book.... Here are my comments, Gerry (man who dies) although was ridiculously good looking had the stoopidest irish accent I have ever heard. He actually sounded like a proper leprechaun. Like someone doing the shittest impression ever of an irishman. Would not recommend.

The 2nd film I watched was called "The Secret" and it was recommended to me by all my non-achieving friends. So its like "Do you wish you could have everything you want?" And I'm like "Er no.... I mean, YES! YES I do." So I watch the film and its pretty good actually but quite long and very very dramatic. And for a whole hour after, I was having like, all these positive thoughts. That's good isn't it...

I had a really nice weekend. Friday night the plan was to go for a couple of drinks with one of my team but after a couple of wines she invited me round to her mate Nick's house cause her and her boyf were going. SO I was like, well its in Lewisham, so why not right? Round we went and we played Sonic the Hedgehog on the megadrive (SEGA!) and danced around and took LOADS of photos. How much fun can four people have! LOADS. Just add a megadrive, a camera and a window that wants climbing out of intermittently.

Saturday evening I went to Louisa's 30th birthday party in Clerkenwell. Twas good fun and we did lots of dancing, got home at a respectable 2am. Not too bad for a Saturday night.

Sunday I went for a walk into Greenwich. The cutty sark's supposed to be back up and er...sitting. And it wasn't. I walked up through the naval college and to the park where a huge storm proceeded to emerge. I DLR'd it home and sat watching it for a bit. Was Monsoony.

This week it is of course Catface Comedy (Wednesday night) at the Betsey Trotwood in Farringdon Road. Starts at 8pm come one, come all.

Bye.

All the clever things I should say to you, they get stuck somewhere, stuck somewhere....

2009-03-05T07:41:00.001-08:00

Wow Friday already YAY. I'm loving the smell of spring today.

Lauren and I met last night to run through the dance for Catface Comedy on Wednesday next week. It's in the form of R&B and its HARD. I keep getting really knackered when doing it but I practiced it last night and I reck I'm getting there with it. Should be pretty funny I hope. Just in case you wondered, Catface Comedy is on next Wednesday and its almost sold out so if ya coming you need to get involved with some facebook action and join this group. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?sid=10b6d895036e31ab40e2178520b68455&gid=44117679473

Anyway, what else... There's this guy who works in Camden Town and every time I walk past he always says Hello and totally embarrasses me cause he's pretty letchy and when I go to walk off he's still shouting down the street at me. Today I walked past and he was like "Hey where you beeeen?" and I was like "Erm... no where." So he goes "I've not seen you for ages" And I'm like "Seriously I've been here, anyway gotta go" So he goes "What time are you finishing work?" so I'm thinking I don't want to tell him incase he leaps on me as I walk past. So I quickly thought up a cunning plan (lie) and said "5:00PM, I'll walk past then." And he's like, "No you won't, you'll come in and talk to me, you're beautiful.". Well, that's an offer I can't refuse eh. I just kinda ran off. What a weirdo. Needless to say I'll be walking a different route back to the tube tonight.

Had another issue like this at London Bridge Station. So I'm just waiting for the train and this guy comes up to me and goes "Me and my friend were just having a bet about where you're from. And I think you're Australian." And I was like all flustered and go "Um nope I'm English" and he's like "For real? But English girls aren't usually pretty." And so my inner monologue was like, fuck off, they bloody are. But then I thought, hey maybe he's trying to compliment me! So I get all embarrassed and start saying, well this bag says the word "Sydney" on it so maybe that's why, or maybe its cause I'm wearing sunglassess... (I carried a watermelon) stutter, stutter stutter etc. So I go "Erm thanks" and then luckily my train pulled in and I leapt on. I know the above are kinda complimentary but it makes me feel all flustered and uncooooool.

Met up with that guy Brooke a couple of times this week as well. Note to self though: He doesn't need to know my views on Seal bashing in Canada.

This weekend looks fun. I'm going for a quick drink after work tonight with my team and then off home. (That's the plan anyway) Then tomorrow is pretty free, but I'm gonna walk up to the observatory as usual for some view of London action. Then Saturday night I have my good friend Louisa's 30th Birthday party - coooool. Sunday is going to be ace cause I don't have to get up for the radio show (not that I mind usually but its nice to have a lie in eh?) Hurrah. Will be back on the show next Sunday so never fear.

And finally, watch this. S'funny.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4f551b0252/will-arnett-human-giant-sex-tape-from-human-giant-and-will-arnett

And this:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1173bdf436/bang-blow-and-stroke-w-will-arnett-from-will-arnett

Have a great weekend y'all.

I know you won't believe it's true, but I went with her 'cause she looks like you. (My God)

2009-03-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

Woh a busy week which saw me out every single night last week - my first night indoors was Saturday just gone and I was shattered.

So, last week, yes. I did the Davina DVD at my friend Louisa's on Tuesday and it bloody hurt. No wonder she looks so great! For two days it felt like my thighs were literally seized up for good - so tight were they I could barely move. I must say that the Davina DVD is much better than Natalie Cassidy's "Then And Now" excercise vid. Which should be named of course "Then and Now and Then again". Made me cringe so have sent it back to LoveFilm. Once again Love Film, I do not love.

Wednesday I met up with the legendary Hevver Bevver in Greenwich for a couple of beers. I love meeting up with her cause it totally rights my head. I was gettin' a little cufuddled last week about certain issues and doing lots of questioning myself, but since meeting up with Heather, I'm clear again. The same goes the other way, if she has an issue we can talk and talk but keep it simple so that hopefully she sees the light.
She stayed the night and what I love about seeing her is we wake up the next day and the first thing she says is:
"And you know, I just need to examine all the of the options with teaching... ya know?". As if we'd never even slept - continuing right where we left off.

Friday was spent out in Camden Town of course. (Of course!) A couple of the guy's from our team were leaving so it was a bit of a mini Reunion with loads of old faces out. It was nice, cause a guy who I had a mini-fling with last year was there and I was able to chat to him for a bit. Its sometimes a lil' awkward (for me anyway!)when I see him but this was cool and all normal, which was ace - line drawn under and on we go! S'how I likes it.
Also, I hung out with my buddy Simon who always makes me feel lovely. (Specially when we're doing sambuca shots.)

INfact! I can't believe what a great night it was, normally I end up making a dick of myself at these things. I can't for the life of me remember doing that on this occasion. Granted I told a couple of people about a waxing experience I'd had that day (in detail) but that's ok! I even got the last train home. Happy days.

When I got home I decided to call my mate in Australia to tell her how much I missed her, was 12noon there and I thought that highly amusing. Why, I do not know.

By Saturday my flat was looking extra tip-age and I had to be up early, for Lauren and Lou were coming over for a slap up luncheon. That was a CHORE (not them coming over but the clearing up of all the crap). Lauren got over at 11:30am to start the cooking (she has to learn... She can't cook so I've told her that now she's got a beau, she should be able to cook for him.) Louisa turned up about 12:30pm with some white wine and soda water. WELL, it would be rude not to sample the wine I felt, so proceeded to share a couple of bottles of wine with Louisa (Lauren went off to her trapeze lessons(!)) until around 4:30pm. At about this time I got a call from my friend in Australia telling me how much they missed me, all drunk. Ah loving the drinking and dialling this weekend, its been frequent.

Stayed in Saturday and did my nails. How girlie. Then Sunday was up bright and early for some SW1 radio action. It was OK, but I wasn't massively happy with it and the links. I've noticed that my concentration isn't so good so really have to er....concentrate on that. After this Lou and I went our separate ways and I came back to my flat and did some chores and cooked myself a Roast Chicken dinner YUM. A nice weekend all in all.

BYE.

And you said something, you said something stupid like, love steals us from loneliness....

2009-02-23T04:20:00.000-08:00

Well that was a good weekend! YAY.

Friday afternoon I had a dinner booked with my girlfriends at a restaurant near me. Louisa said that she went there when she "flat-sat" for me when I was in Australia. Apparently you need an introduction to the owner before you can book a table and when you're in there they LOCK the door! I love stuff like that. It was GREAT and the food was amazing as was the company. Claire had a great story about the worst date she's ever been on. HAHA. I'd love to write a book on these disaster dates I hear about, I could add a few of my own. Anyway I made friends with the owner and he gave me his card, so I am now IN! Yeah!

Saturday morning I woke up with a headache cause I've been off the booze lately so it seems to effect me alot more now when I drink. Still, I'd planned to go for a walk with my neighbour/friend Katy and walk we would do. What a beautiful day it was Saturday! We went up to the Observatory in Greenwich and I saw a doggie on a skateboard. How cool is that! Katy mentioned to me about one of her mates who is going through a really tough time at the moment having just been finished with by her man. We talked at length about this, because this person is really really low at the moment. All of her plans are out the window and she feels like she has to start again and that's a really scary prospect. I remember it well. But Katy and I were saying, if only we could pass on to her how WE feel at the moment. Its honestly, honestly ok to be alone you know and even though she can't imagine it now, there's a way out back to feeling good. Aw heart-break sucks massively eh.

Later on Saturday afternoon I met Evie, her boyf (Matt) and their pal Brooke. I felt a bit nervous cause it was a bit of a set-up really but we got on well and he's all Canadian and funny. We had loads of fun, but I was supposed to leave at a reasonable hour but the wine made me stay. Stoopid wine. But also THANKS wine. YAY. Anyway, I ended up getting home at silly-oclock and nearly had one of my SPECIAL hangovers the next day. I dragged myself to the radio station (thats dedication for you eh?) and cobbled together a reasonable show. I did mess up a few links though, next saturday there will be no drinking so next Sunday sees me speaking sentences that actually make sense.

Sunday arvo was sofa time. Me and my sofa are in love.

BYE.

I still need you but, I don't want you now.

2009-02-19T04:58:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention Valentines day this weekend just gone, in my last blog. Last year I was all lonesome so was like, Valentine's Day this, Valentine's Day that... This year was not the same. Sure in the back of my mind I secretly hoped for a bunch of flowers or a shredder ( I really need one). But then I thought, well no-one knows my address so how can they surprise me with a bunch of flowers? (or a shredder)

Also, ALSO, as I went about my business on Saturday I noticed lots of red faced males walking around carrying bulbous balloons saying "I LOVE YOU!" on them. Also some men had one lone red rose (tight arses) they seemed to have red faces too (good). And I just thought, this is so contrived. I know I'm not the first person to say that but this year it seemed even more so than usual. I used to do a bit in my stand-up about Valentine's day. It referred to going out for the Valentine's day SET menu. Sat uncomfortably close to other couples who are pretty much being told to love each other. And they probably should have an obligatory fuck when they get home as well. (the joke was, when I go home I can choose to have a wank. OH HAR HAR HAR, HEE HEE HEE. oh....that's not funny.)

So when I've been in that position in restaurants with past beau's I couldn't help but look around at the couples squashed in near me and think God, this is so embarrassing.

The next day (sunday) on my way to the radio station I saw a massive bunch of flowers poking out the top of a tip. What a waste. Luckily a nearby tramp came and got them out when I went past, hopefully to give them a good home. What? Oh.

I've just been tagged in a load of wedding photos from January and I look like a right heffer in them, its really motivated me to get down the gym today. What a chore though.

I watched the Brits last night ALL THE WAY THROUGH. I never do that but I'm doing a big staying in thing recently to try to save money (save money = I'm SKINT). I thought James Corden and the other one were most un-agreeable. Spesh the other one. Whats his name? Gavin. Gavin out of Gavin and Stacey. Anyway this Gavin made me cringe lots. It was so weird and they're jokes were embarrassing. And why did Gavin get to present it anyway? All he knows how to do is read scripts - thats not the same as writing them. What about nice Ruth? (lady who writes Gavin and Stacey with James). Anyway - I liked Girls Aloud's performance and Kings of Leon and also Take That's although their miming was silly. Also, I fancy Brandon Flowers now.

So anyway, that's that. I should go to the gym now. COME ON LEANNE. Must...move...from .....my....desk.

BAH.

There is a green hill faraway, I'm going back there one fine day.

2009-02-17T06:57:00.000-08:00

So I've downloaded Samantha Fox's classic "Touch Me". I'll play it sunday at SW1 for you so never fear. Its GREAT. The other day my friend MADE me join a dating site cause she wasc joining. When I went to fill in the info on me, it said, what was my favourite music and I just couldn't think of what to write. If I put at the moment its Samantha Fox's classic "touch me" - I don't think I'll get much interest. But do I really want them? I'm a bit over the internet dating thing - I'm sucha trend setter arent I! There was you single types laughing at me for signing up for three months, back in 2005 and now look, you're all at it. But yeah, its such a chore. I can't help but write on my profile (bit about me section) what I DON'T want in a guy.... I've met a few now and am sure of THAT, at the very least. Also, I'm quite liking the whole hanging out just me and my fish and my mates and going for long walks and doing exploring and stuff.

Saturday I was supposed to do a run in Battersea park but (and I do have an excuse)after leaving camden Friday night my mate Mark accidentally kept my purse with him. So I was in a cab and got a phone call to say I didn't have my purse when I was at New Cross (nearly home). So I called the controller of the cab company to tell them I had no money and the nasty man said they'd take me to the POLICE STATION. Horrid! Luckily the cab man was nice and said he'd come and get it off me on Monday. Consequently the next morning I went back to Camden to get my purse from Mark. SO I couldn't do the run without money - what happens if I wanted a burger on the way round....

Saturday afternoon myself and Lauren went to visit my pal Sophie who has a tiny baby. He was very sweet but did do sicking quite a bit. I'm not really immune to that like most Lady's, so munching on my Millie's Cookie was quite hard as well as seeing SICK in the background. Sophie is a great great mummy and she's so happy which is ace.

Sunday I did the radio show at SW1 radio and then went to Time 106.8 to do my afternoon slot. Since doing this, I have decided to quit at Time 106.8. I've thought long and hard about it, but basically I found it incredibly boring and robotic and also "Tease me", by "Chaka Demas and Pliers" quite frankly gives me a watery mouth (like Sophie's baby). I know that it could be an opportunity for me, but the station said they had no budget to pay me which I felt was insulting so have since called them up and told them that I will not be back.

I'm getting very excited about Catface Comedy on the 11th March - we've sold 28 tickets so far and there's still 3 weeks to go. I think its because there are going to be erotic dancers there. Erotica Rules!

BYE.

You've been looking for someone you believe in....to love you, until your eyes run dry.

2009-02-09T04:13:00.000-08:00

A very productive week if I do say so!

Last week was spent having many a night in so I was able to actually eat what I'd bought from Tesco online stead of chucking it away at the end of the week.

Saturday I woke up early and went for a long walk around Greenwich Park and to the Observatory. It was meant to be half jogged in preparation for my 5km run in Battersea Park on Saturday. Unfortunately when I started jogging on leaving my block, I had to stop because I hurt and was wheezing in an unattractive fashion. I decided on a nice stroll instead. I saw people doing Military training in the park and I thought, I'd quite like to do that. So I watched them for a bit from the sidelines and then felt like a weirdo and shuffled off. I've looked it up on the Internet since though and I think I might join in with it! My fitness levels are just stupid, I dunno how I'm gonna get through next Saturday morning.

After this I went to see my Nan in the Home. She was much the same - but does seem pretty calm. There's a lady in the home called Barbara who seems totally totally normal (the home is for people with Alzheimer's and senile dementia) and this Babara can have a completely normal conversation with you and you start to think - how comes she's in here? Then we'll have a conversation like this:
Barbara - "I'm going to Shooters Hill later"
Me - "Are you? I live near there."
Barbara - "Oh really? I OWN Shooters Hill..."
Then it begins to come clear as to why she's in there. She also thinks she owns the home as well and says she will sue anyone who touches anything. I saw her smack another lady for touching the TV. We had to intercept this of course and break it up. Its a shame because most of the other patients there either don't speak at all, or just shout occasionally or like my nan, can no longer reall remember english and just speaks German. This woman seems so together just very very confused. Ah well, was very nice to see Nannie Diggins again.

Saturday evening I went to the Cinema with Karen to see "He's just not THAT into you". Well. What can I say? Not much. Yes I can - it made women out to be desperate losers. Also didn't tell me anything I didn't already know about certain men. In conclusion, a light and fluffy film but would recommend as DVD viewage only.

Sunday I did SW1 radio which was a really enjoyable show. The talking point was centred around discoveries on Facebook. This was on the back of the story out this week in the papers about a woman who discovered that her husband was divorcing her because he set his status to SINGLE on facebook. What a cock.

The emails came in thick and fast with people disclosing negative discoveries about Facebook. My personal most recent negative discovery was this.....I liked a guy on Facebook who I thought was eligible for some loving, but after examining his status updates in detail, discovered that he had met someone and was now jolly happy which of course meant he's now off limits! That wasn't very nice to learn I can tell you! Still -thats better than someone else who emailed in to say that her boyfriend had dumped her and not given her a reason. Then three months later she checked his facebook page (come on, we've all been there)and on his wall he was getting congrats messages about him and his partner expecting a BABY! Bloody hell! Ah so THAT was the reason he dumped her. Good old facebook - one day your friend, the next your enemy.

And finally, its Valentine's Day on saturday and I'm actually quite looking forward to it. Saturday morning I have a run to do and then in the arvo am going to see my friend Sophie and her babba. I don't feel the urge to go out and rampage around London in the hope of bagging the leftover men, (like I have on so many other Valentine Days). Infact the one good thing about the film "He's just not that into you" was that I feel great about being a single gal about town. That's not to say that Valentine Cards would not be welcome, because of course, they would. So get sending.

I'm searching for the rights, that I've got in my mind.

2009-02-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah so I was thinking....I was thinking about you know that thing where one day you're on top of the world and then the next, you can feel so low, so very low. But when you're feeling low you don't believe that it will ever pass but it always does. Always, always. Like on Saturday I felt quite gloomy for no real reason. I went to see my sister and my neff, Alex. I really really tried to get him to Miow - he's not talking yet but making sounds as if he wished he could. I was absolutely sure I would make him do it, but after Miowing loudly in his face for about 7 minutes he just looked at me like I was a mental case. He really is the sweetest thing though - he's toddling about and he even had a little dance with me. Cheered me up it did. But what really cheered me up was dinner with my sister. We went out for a Chinese dinner and although we both felt a bit gloomy at first, we soon discussed something so very funny (I can't put it on here, as I know there are spies) that my entire face and head felt bruised with laughter. I needed that I did.

Anyway I've gone off track, all I'm saying is because I feel OK at the moment I've been reflecting on when I feel SO SO happy and also when I feel SO SO shit. And the thing is, it wears me out a bit. If I could just remember this feeling I have now, this feeling of being OK, then no matter if I'm happy or sad it will always pass and turn into something else....and then will probably come back again, because life's a bit like that. Ya know, relentless.
Erm...I had a point when I started writing this.

After the meal I went into Town to meet Hevver Bevver for drinks in Tottenham Court Road. I wasn't really looking forward to it if I'm honest as I didn't think I'd know anyone. BUT turns out I did know people and one of them was a BOY. I waved at him from across the bar and he waved back. The thing is I couldn't remember his name but then I did, it was JOHN! So I went over (after a couple of wines) to him and his fair lady and was like "John this, John that.." Until it turned out that his name wasn't John at all, it was Rob and the reason I thought he was called John was cause he had a mate called John who for some reason had stuck in my mind.

The lady with him wasn't his fair lady either. It also materialised that I'd been set up with this guy Rob once before but had completely forgotten about it and when I'd recognised him 'cross the bar, I'd actually just remembered him from the "setting-up" incident. How I laughed. Its all such a blur to me though... I must admit, it was at a time when I'd just met my then boyfriend and had been seeing him for about 2-3 weeks but had started to go off him. HAHA. Should have gone with my instincts. ARF! Anyhoo we had a fun night whilst Rob helpfully pieced together my memory. Happy days.

Sunday was radio day, went ok. Tried to inject some personality into my afternoon show but ended up conveying this by chucking in a few silly voices. Oh well. I did get some texts into the studio and also, one of my mates said he listened on his wireless and said I sounded HOT. YAY. I've a meeting with the manager tomorrow so will get some more feedback then I spose. I didn't do SW1 radio sunday morning but I'm definitely back in this Sunday so get ready to listen! www.sw1radio.co.uk and click listen now from 10am - 12pm.

And finally as all know WE HAS SNOW! Yesterday I had to get a cab into work (on account obviously) but left fairly early so managed to make a snow man. Luckily my neighbour Katy was in so I called her as I got back to the complex and she was like YAYAYAYAY! SNOW MAN!! Before that incident I'd been tramping about in the snow outside my flat examining my foot prints (doing big strides & little strides etc) when I suddenly looked up to see a hunky man laughing at me and shaking his head. I did a massive cherry and gambled off towards my flat. Silly snow, made me look a nob.

Here is our snowman.
Exhibit A.

Don't waste your words, I don't need anything from you. I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do.

2009-01-29T03:21:00.000-08:00

So! Good news, looks like I will be doing the show on Time 106.8FM every sunday 2pm -6pm. I still want to do SW1 radio as well so looks like Sunday will be a full day of Radio. (Bar this one cause I'm just gonna do Time and Lou's covering at SW1) YAY! Very pleased indeed. :-)

Going back to the saga of the headphones. General consensus has been that they're really sad - so now I'm confined to only using them at my desk where no-one can really see me. I modelled them for my friend in this bar in covent garden the other day and she actually grimaced and looked ashamed of being near me. She told me I had to dispose of them immediately and although I agreed, I still have them, infact I'm wearing them now. Take that!

I'm listening to "suddenly I'm in too deep" by Belinda Carlisle. I only remembered about this song the other day cause it was on Time Radio and it brought all the memories flooding back to a summer holiday I had in 1996 in Austria. My mate Sam and I went to a very small village called Mellau (avec parents).

Anyway - at the age I was, about 16, we didn't really wanna go cause we were too cool for school. Actually we were 17. That's pretty old to still be going on holiday with one's parents no? Yeah. Oh well. This is tiny Mellau:
Exhibit a

Anyway - we had our own room and ensuite and all that. The thing was though, we were going by COACH. All the way there. I made a video of the whole escapade. The first scene sees me talking to the camera saying "Tomorrow we're going on holday with MY PARENTS, and I've just been CHUCKED by Mark. Happy holidays!" Yes people, even in those days I had no luck with the lads. ARF! Anyway - back to my tale. All the way to Mellau Sam and I moaned continuously. After 48 hours (!) we arrived in Mellau and as we exited the coach all we kept seeing were BOYS. "BOYS BOYS BOYS I'm looking for a good time!" (My inner-monologue sang happily)

Needless to say our luck changed pretty soon. There seemed to be more lads than lasses and we had smooches with different lads every night! Then on the last night we went to this weekly disco and I was dancing around teaching the Austrians the "running man" and suddenly I saw that there were the four lads that I'd snogged on each separate night. I tried to get away but they all knew each other and consequently realised I'd played them (*finger snap*)like a good un. And as I panicked and tried to get outta there "Suddenly I'm in too deep" came on by Belinda Carlisle. And I thought "Right on Belinda I sure am over my head quite right too. Dunno why I told you that story. Oh well. Hey though! I did film a cat chucking up on that holiday video though so...

Anyway I'll leave you with this - made me laugh.
Exhibit B

And how I long for that sharp wind to take my breath away..

2009-01-27T06:55:00.000-08:00

Oooh I feel all jolly today. Is it the weather? Or is it because I'm genuinely jolly? I hope...both. So lots has happened this week - starting at the beginning of the weekend. I got a phone call friday evening from a guy at Time 106.8FM, asking if I wanted to come in and do a try out at the station Sunday afternoon 2pm-6pm. I agreed immediately and then realised I wasn't sure of how their playout desk worked. So saturday, I headed to the studio for some training ready for the following day. Saturday night I had some friends round for a nice dinner and an impromptu rehearsal for Catface Comedy (on the 11th March) and good times.

I woke up Sunday at 6am pretty much bricking it about the show at Time FM and happily, it was pissing it down outside. I'd cleverly left my umbrella at work so had a quick shower and headed out the door about 8am to get to SW1 radio for my 10 o clock show. I met Louisa and was in a huge rage. She didn't feel too great either cause her flatmate had been doing painting and decorating and Louisa thought she'd been poisoned. We ruffled our feathers however and set about performing a top class show which in my oppinion it was. As the show drew to a close I started to feel sick about doing the show at TimeFM. I decided to just head on over and all the way I felt like I had on the first ten gigs I ever did in Stand-up comedy. Like I properly felt scared and sick and poo pooey. Yuck. Anyway I got there, did the show and it was cool (again in my opinion). I find out Wednesday whether I've secured a regular slot there. I HOPE SO.

What else? Oh yeah, I've decided to start playing the clarinet again. In my youth I got to Grade 5 and have been thinking recently I wouldn't mind a revisit. I bought a reed from a music shop in Camden and dug out my old faithful friend (clarinet). It felt really light in my hand, in the olden days it seemed heavy and awkward. I haven't actually played it for 16 years so I knew it might feel slightly different. I tried to do some simple scales but when I concentrated on it I kept missing notes. It was better to simply tootle away and then the notes and key changes seemed to just happen. It was a weird feeling but I reckon I'd like to get a bit more involved with this.

The strange thing is, I was having a conversation with a work colleague about an hour ago about The Dandy, Beezer and the Beano and we found ourselves being able to name almost all of the Bash Street Kids. It was like we'd opened a pocket of memory that I thought was lost forever. I likened this out-loud to her about the whole clarinet forgetting thing and it turns out she's revisiting Clarinet world as well! I didn't even know she could play! How weird! Maybe we should form a band. Anyway she's gonna bring me some music in so I can see if it all comes back to me. I can read music still cause I used to have to do that when I was a Wedding Singer and since then I'll have a tinkle on the piano now and then - all's good with the old sight reading so I hope it all comes back asap. Look at me with all my extra curricular activities!

So my plans for the week look like this, tomorrow I'm seeing my mate Brian who I've not caught up with for about 10 months! He's from California and loves Romy and Michelle as much as me. Thursday seeing Lou, and then Friday I'm heading to Karen's for some TAPAS. Every month we've planned to cook for each other but having the theme of the food coming from a different country. Next month I'm doing Chinese food from Scratch! I know, is there no end to my talents? I'm even knitting a scarf for Christ sakes! I know.

I gave an old lady 10 pence today so she could go to the toilet at Charing Cross loo's. She only had 20pence (30p to take a piss! DISGUSTING) so I made the money up to 30p. She stood there all struggling for 10p and was passed by about 6 different women all going to do a piss just because they all had 30p. Honestly people, how can you live with yourselves you vile creatures. I hate that there are so few normals around.

Like on friday, I was on the Northern line and the doors opened at Angel and I looked to my right and there was a scuffle going on between two men (this was about 10am). I was trying to work out what it was when all of a sudden I noticed that the man facing the doors was pulling back a guy trying to leave the train. Then I worked it out. The guy trying to leave the train had the man's laptop! THIEVING BASTARD!

The guy on the train grabbed it off him and shouted YOU ASSHOLE! And then shoved the guy who'd try to nick it off the train with gusto. The door shut and all was silent for like a split second. So I said to the guy "Did he just try to nick that?" And the guy was like "Yeah what a bastard!" and I glanced around me and EVERYONE Had their noses in their papers. Nothing to do with me! I will show NO concern as I am a robot and made entirely of metal. So I said to the guy "Are you ok? Well done for noticing him doing it, he'll think twice in future hopefully." The guy said "Oh thanks yeah I'm fine, bit shaken up". Still their noses were in their papers or were looking everywhere but the said incident.

So I exclaimed to the robot commuters as we pulled away "Right all you lot look out the window to get a look at him as we go past." And they just sat there. So I said "UM can you PLEASE have a look out the window and get a look at his face?" (It would shit the thief up if nothing else and I wanted to try to show the man that we supported him.) Anyway they begrudgingly glanced up and the THIEFY MAN HAD A COAT OVER HIS HEAD!! GOD!!! I hate people like that.

At the moment I'm listening to "Ain't no mountain high enough" by Marvin Gaye and friend and it makes me feel so happy! Get listening - s'lovely. I should be feeling sad cause I only lost a lb this week at WW, but onwards and upwards thats what I say!

Have a good week, and remember, don't turn the other cheek in life it makes one seem a proper wanker.

Bye.

I don't wanna know your secrets. They lie heavy on my head.

2009-01-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

What's cooler? Having ear plug type ear phones or ones that go over your head in a monkey style fasion? I know in the olden days sony walkmans had head-phones and then this became uncool - so one would wear plug stylie ear-phones. The thing is I've just bought some head-phones that look like these ones above. I'm wondering whether I'll look a nob cause they're not the massive DJ one's which do mean "You're cool". They're just basic smallish head phones. What do you reckon?

Sometimes I just can't tell what's cool and whats not. Like once I had this pair of GREAT sunglasses and everyone I met were like "Er.... nice shades". And I still to this day don't know what was so wrong with them. I was only about 16 but it haunts me to this day. Perhaps I just couldn't carry off the cool in that instance. How unusual for me.

I went to see Slumdog Millionaire on Saturday and instead of going alone my neighbour came with me. I was pretty glad, cause when I originally went to buy my solitary ticket I looked at the plan of the cinema and there were just blocks of two's, fours and sixes taken up. GOD. Doesn't anyone go to the pictures on their own anymore? Felt like a right loner trying to work out who to slot myself in between. How about that foursome? Or that jolly sixsome? NO THANKS. Anyway luckily she came with me but when we got to the till they only had seats in the FRONT ROW. BLeugh makes me feel sick. AND! AND! In front of us in the queue was a cool man ON HIS OWN. I was like "ok Katy you can fuck off now" Ah only joking. Anyway, back to the front row. After a while we got used to it and started to enjoy the film. I would COMPLETELY recommend this to anyone to go see.

After that I came home and watched my latest LOVE FILM DVD "Notes on a scandal" and I found myself slightly fancying the hunky boy in it. IS that bad? Sorry but I couldn't help it,it was the accent! I found myself saying aloud on more than one occassion "Well, you can't really blame her." Hmmmm. Ah well. Its a bit like me fancy that Ray boy on Dancing on Ice. He looks well young but when I saw him skating to "Mmmm Bop" last sunday it totally did it for me.

Sunday was radio show day and thanks once again to all who listened - I really really love doing it. This sunday its more of the same 10am-12pm on www.sw1radio.co.uk get involved thank-you please.

This week I've lots planned. Tonight me and my mate are heading off to Farringdon to look at a couple of venues - and also to re-examine the venue for Catface Comedy at the Betsey Trotwood. I need to see if I can do something extra magical for the 11th March. We'll probabaly go for a couple of wines after that. Then tomorrow I'm meeting my mate Karen for a diet coke (although I haven't had caffine for a year now - immpressive eh? I'll have a lime and soda instead) Then thursday, dinner at my friend's house in Primrose Hill. I'm hoping to pass members of the "Primrose SET" on the way there. What a bunch of nobs Kate Moss & co are. They have friendships that are literally WATCHED by the UK - which is so damn freaky. Whats the matter with them - they're too old to be doing this every night (even I can't get mashed every night) They're like embarrassing family members...Oh look here comes drunkard Auntie Kate..... don't wind her up cause she's got a temper when she's been on the sauce. UGH.

Anyway - that's enough from me. Mick Hucknall's on Alan Titchmarsh show right now - his face is like an old lady's face.

BYE.

The world was moving, she was right there with it and she was.

2009-01-15T04:37:00.000-08:00

Mmmm downloading....music.... I love it so. After messing about on Itunes for long enough they've kindly selected a list for me to choose from. It's called "just for you". For me? Really? And some of them are totally great, but some are just silly. Like they selected a Blacklace one for me, just cause I downloaded "Superman" for my Dance Off freestyle at my birthday. Got some classics I thought I'd lost like "Neverending Story" by Limahl. Great track, gonna play it Sunday on my radio show (listen! www.sw1radio.co.uk 10am-12pm-ish)

Who loves the new Virgin Adverts? Me! I do. Yay! Good old Virgins.

I've created a GROUP on Facebook. My first ever one. It's called Catface Comedy and I would love you all to join. Please join! There are photo's and information and photo's and a video of me fatting about so get involved. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=537700085&ref=profile#/group.php?gid=44117679473&r

So far I have 99 people in it and I'd like the list to get up to over 200 at least so if you read this blog (in secret) but would like to support me, please join the group. Funks.

I met my good pal Heather (Hevver Bevver) and we were meant to go to Pizza Express but Heather wanted to meet in our usual pub in Greenwich - so instead we did just that. 5 pints later there was no sign of a Pizza or an Express. There was however a very agreeable kebab shop. The thing is, I joined Weight Watchers on Tuesday and I'm determined to shift this flab. But just look what I did last night! What a nob. Why didn't you have more willpower Leanne? I don't know Leanne. I mean, perhaps we worked off some of the kebab when we came back to my house and did disco dancing but to be honest we were only doing side-steppy moves cause we were chatting and putting the world to rights.

Heather and I like to make up slogans for T-Shirts. Our latest one would be "Sooty say, it's ok." And then on the back would be the teddy puppet sooty shrugging and saying "hey, it's ok."
What a twat Charles is. I wanted to like the Royal's I really did but time and time again they're doing and saying the most wanky things. I just can't like them. Dicks.

My knee hurts today for NO reason. Stupid knee. Talking of stupid knee's the DLR (Dockland's Light Railway) is actually making me want to blow up into a huge volcanic lava of rage. It's a train line that's essentially governed by a computer which keeps breaking. Fucks sake. The other day it terminated 3 train loads of people off at Mudchute! Mudchute! I ask you, the most baron, stuck in the middle of nowhere station that ever lived! Me and some old ladies did big, big moans together.

I called the London transport police because the platform was dangerously over crowded. THEN! THEN! When a train finally did turn up (45mins later) everyone went and bundled onto it, and I couldn't get on! I was in the first train load of people to be turfed off so had been waiting there the longest :-( So I went up to the train door and was like "Oy I was the first one turfed off and I can't even get on now!" (Guilty looks from all) I then said "Look you can move down can't you, Come on people GET INVOLVED!" And they all started laughing? and moved down. WOW! THen I was teetering right by the door and I said "If I go down this gap someone's getting done for murder." Again more laughter! How strange londoners are. Sometimes they almost seem human.

This week I'm feeling more jolly than last so that's good news. Catface Comedy has been booked proper now for the 11th March. The acts are Chris Martin, Andrew J Lederer, David Trent, Lee Brace and Luke McQueen. YAY. You should really put this date in your diary now. That's my advice anyway. Also please don't forget to listen into my radio show this sunday 10am - 12pm on www.sw1radio.co.uk makes all the difference when I know people are listening. Fanks.

Right bye.

Smile, like you mean it.

2009-01-12T08:55:00.000-08:00

A weekend which had ups and downs. Here are some of the ups. I ate lots of pringles, drank some red wine, did a good radio show and did some semi-writing with Caroline M. We MIGHT be going to Edinburgh this year! I hope so - but we have to make sure we can write another great show. I reckon we'll manage it. Saturday, I made an attempt to watch Saw IV but for some reason it was too disgusting even for me. I think it probably didn't help that I was ramming pringles in my mouth during the bloody bits. I switched off after twenty minutes. Thanks Lovefilm, but me no LOVE. Now get sending with some other depravity thankyou please!

So I've been watching the fantastic comedy "Pulling" on BBC3. God it's great and so true. This book "Hug" features in the first series (2nd episode) and the madness is, that book made ME cry too!. It belongs to my nephew Alex and one day I read it to him (he didn't care he can't speak and stuff) and Niagara Falls came from my eyes! The same thing happened to my sister and I called her immediately to inform her that it featured on "Pulling" also as a tear jerker. I bloody knew we weren't mental.

I'd watched a couple of "Pulling"s when it was on first time round a year or so ago, but no where near enough for I was always out boozing. Irony. Or is it? Whatever.

Oh yeah I do have some news. I'm starting good old Catface Comedy up again on the 11th March at the Betsey Trotwood (upstairs) I can't wait. It's going to be so dirty. Not really. Funny. God I'm BORED.

My new years resolutions have ALL failed. There was I, stuffing red wine down my gob most of last week coupled with the day afters's compulsory KFC. Never again am I getting involved with resolutions. They're hateful. I would like to re-name them Lifestyle Changes, though I suspect someone out there has already done this. Well so what.

And finally I'm sorry but I'm getting really fucking sick of men. Sorry if you are one. Sorry for YOU that is. No not really, not all of them but a couple of the ones I've come into contact with (not like THAT) over the last few months. Well not ALL of the ones I've been dealing with, some of which my friends have had to deal with also. I just keep thinking *sigh* when is one going to surprise me and actually be decent and normal. When I used to get called by pals with the latest outrageous story regarding a man I used to gasp and be like "What the?"
But now it's like..."Did he? How unusual...really? A MAN did that? YAWN"

What a shame eh? I know you all aren't dicks. I think I just need to go to the gym to get some of those happy endorphins. And to lose flab.

And that's all we have time for today, BYE.

I fashioned you from jewels and stone.

2009-01-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

So we're well into 2009 now and thank god the "how was your xmas and new year?" enquiries that people don't really mean or care for the answer (lets be honest), have started to cease so thank fuck. My plan of no drinking seems to have worked except at a wedding on sunday it didn't work at all and I drank lots of red wine, and mulled wine. Mulled wine is soooo lovely. I like Gluhwein which is Austrian I think and yum. Matter of fact I might check for some of that online. Anyway, back to my tales of woe, I mean back to the wedding. It was GREAT. My good friend's Sam and James were getting married after a MERE 15 years together. I did a reading and so did Leon. Went ok 'cept I got a bit choked and did lots of clearing of my throat but in the end it all came good.

After the ceremony there were whoredevours, and I ate loads! Then we drank mulled wine, and went to get some dinner. SO much fun it was. I love the gang, even though they're ALL married and most are now with child. It feels weird hanging out with them sometimes cause in the old days I had a boyf and we used to all go out as a big group. That's not to say I feel like I don't fit in, I've known them for so bloody long I can't NOT fit, having known most since I was 8! Just I sometimes wonder what they think of crazy old Leanne. Prolly that she's crazy and old and now appears to be referring to herself in the third person. Crazy bitch.

Anyway then it was time for the disco. We were all boogying down to Barry White and I looked around at the lads, Danny Pegg, Matt Till, & Andy Peckover and I noticed that they all appeared to be doing severe Dad Dancing. Then I glanced down at myself and yes, I was indeed doing Mum Dancing. How did that happen? When did it happen? We used to look so cool, so hip, so with it. And now look, flapping our arms about, attempting the Robot intermittently and occassionally attempting to spin each other under arm with little success in a rock and roll stylie. Happy days.

As usual towards the end of the night things got messy and I found myself running around the car park in the snow with Leon and Lee. YAY. The next day I was still drunk at breakfast and had a really loud talking voice, trying to seem sober but failing miserably to everyone who went to bed at the reasonable time of midnight. OH well. Great days and congratulations to Sammy and James.

Now, the rest of the week looks like this:

NOTHING ON AT ALL.

And that's how I likes it.

I hope it's gonna make you notice someone like me.

2009-01-02T04:09:00.000-08:00

Well that went bloody quick didn't it. GOOD. At first this whole festive period seems like fun (say around the 7th December) but then after a while it all becomes a little painful and I can't wait for it to be over. And now it is! YAY.

New Years Eve was ok - I went to my friend Louisa's house for a party, I even brought my disco lights with me. I decided to drink white wine because that makes me the most mental and unapproachable person that ever lived. Well done me. In every picture I seem to have a look that very clearly states "Fuck off away from me". I must have just been feeling all like .....vulnerable...... which with it being New Year and all.... I 'spect that made me a little erm....guarded.

We went for a New Year kebab at about 1am (me and karen) and came across many many argues going on in Beckenham. There were two girls doing argues IN the kebab shop and then outside, there was a man and a lady doing argues. My friend wanted to make sure the girl was ok. She seemed alright to me, she kept shrieking at the boy "I got a punch in the face for YOU!" But the boy seemed uninterested. We asked the girl if she was ok and she was quite dismissive of our kebab stinking helping hand/s. Apparently when I discovered what the boy had done to the girl, my sympathetic words of wisdom to her were "Get some back-bone and get a cab home." And then flounced off clutching my Doner. I knew the evening was over when I fell off the kitchen counter and cut my knee. Great days.

So now onto my new years resolutions. I have many and I suppose to most will seem boring. I obviously will be Detoxing drastically which means no drinking for the WHOLE of January. I really am determined to give my liver a rest, poor little liver. Also the eating thing has gotten out of control so that must change. I really really wanna keep up the no drinking thing although I have a wedding to go to on sunday so it's going to be tough. MUST.... RESTRAIN... THOUGH. What else? Not much - celebrity BB starts tonight and I shall be watching. I hear that Ulrika Johnson's going in? WHHYY!!! Must just be a rumour - she needs neither career boostage or killage.

So I'm doing a reading at this wedding on Sunday, a passage from the Velveteen Rabbit. S'lovely it is and when I first read it I was blubbing like a right div. I'm now (after hundreds o times of reading it through completely) totally immune to it and its powers.

I hope everyone enjoyed their new year's and if you didn't, remember its JUST ANOTHER DAY.

The feeling has gone only you and I, it means nothing to me.

2008-12-26T02:54:00.000-08:00

Hmmm so Boxing day it is. I have to say a little bit disappointed with this year's festivities. I know its no-one's fault that my mum was in Hospital (she came out yesterday arvo) but it meant Christmas was a most unchristmassy christmas.. I did make christmas dinner and we read the cracker's shit jokes. Unfortunately my dad's one had a note in it saying that he wasn't my real father and him and my mum had a row. (It's all sorted now.)

Telly on Christmas day was pretty good, though I found the Royle Family a bit strange - seems to be on the unrealistic side this year - like the Turkey saga. Still funny but not quite the same vibe. Also this is the first one where they seem to have moved from the usual living room setting which was weird. Blackadder Rides Again was very good. Interestingly enough me and my dad had previously been watching THe Blackadder Christmas Carol and were discussing the amount of public appearances Rowan Atkinson doesn't do...So it was quite lovely to see him speaking on the Documentary at 10:30pm. I bloody missed Doctor Who didn't I. S'cause I decided to watch A Boy Called Alex on channel 4 and I lost track of time. Presumably it'll be repeated, I mean I watched last year's Christmas Special on the flight to Australia so got there eventually. Didn't really rate it to be fair, Kylie looked haggard.

Going back a bit, Christmas Eve was as messy as predicted. My dad had to come and get me at 10:30pm and I knew he'd be in a stress so I bought him meat and chips from the kebab shop - didn't seem to make much of a difference. I always feel especially juvenile around my parents. I'm 30 now, yet things seem to be the same. When do you reckon they'll take me seriously? Prolly when I stop being picked up from the pub on Christmas Eve, sat on the pavement, battered, with a doner kebab as a peace offering. I'd have been grateful if it were the other way round.

I'm off to my friend Karen's house today for some jolly times. I need to go via my flat as A, my fish will be STARVING and B, I left my mobile phone there Christmas Eve morning. Imagine the amount of texts and calls I'll have missed! Millions I expect. Specially from boys, loads from spunky lads! Never fear boys I shall retrieve my moby in less than four short hours. Lucky you.

I've got my radio show on Sunday morning 10am -12pm so would love for you to have a little listen in. www.sw1radio.co.uk and click listen now. I hope everyone else had a nice day, it sure seemed that way on smug old Facebook status updates. Great days.

In a better time, you could be my friend.

2008-12-24T03:26:00.000-08:00

So its Christmas Eve and I don't feel in the slightest bit Christmassy. Could it be because I'm in work and no one else is? Well, there are some people in but most have finished now. All the home county types have gone back to mummy and daddy leaving a lone few here in Londinium. I spose one of the reasons I'm feeling a little gloomy is because my mum's in Hospital having just had a major op on her arm (which it turned out was broken in three places) and she might be in over Christmas day. So although I knew I'd be making Christmas Dinner for my mum and dad, now it looks like its just me and my dad and obviously a good couple of visits to the hospital and my Nannie. Oh well. I'm sure all will be well in the end.

One thing that is rather jolly is the new Muppet Film that's on telly right now - its "Its a wonderful Life" and Kermit has wished he'd never been born to the detriment of all his muppety pals. It's good it is. I wonder how they keep Kermit's voice the same? What a great film!

Friday night we had some Christmas Drinks over at the newly refurbished (after the fire) Hawley Arms, HOME OF THE EMO. I really do not like this pub anymore, (sorry Doug) but its just way too pretentious.

Back to the Christmas drinks. I have this really innovative new thing. Its Deely Boppers with MISTLETOE ATTACHED. This forces men to kiss me. They basically HAVE to. Why didn't I think of this sooner? What a great night that was.

ERGH! BLEEE! What is this crap on telly now? Could it be High School Musical? There are loads of teenagers doing SINGING. GROSSSSS!!! Reminds me of this really weird thing I used to watch as a kid called "Swans Crossing" weird. OH YUCK MAKE IT STOP.

Right here are my plans over christmas. Early doors here today at MTV around 2pm so we're all heading over to Pat's pub in Mornington Crescent for some festive cheer. I really really need to pace myself cause after Camden, I've drinks in my old local in Orpington with the gang and every year for the past four, I've been battered by 8pm and my dad's had to come and get me. I hope to last until at least 10pm tonight.

I'm actually looking forward to January quite a bit for this year's been a bit shit if I'm honest, well, the period from around September 07 - July 08 was crap and without being dramatic was pretty much the worst time I've ever experienced. Now though its onwards and upwards because I really feel excitement at the prospect of 2009.

In June I'm being made redundant from MTV and having been here for 8 years am kind of ok about it. I really really want to go back to Australia and this would be the perfect opportunity. On top of these life changing plans, I also have new year resolutions like, take my make up off properly every night, accept that most people in life are a little bit strange and I can't change them or figure 'em out. I also need to DETOX so badly and again I'm genuinely looking forward to that too, there's still hope for me yet people!

Have a good Christmas everyone. :-)

I'm in over my head you got under my skin, I've got no strength at all....

2008-12-17T02:13:00.000-08:00

Yeah so crazy days and not long till christmas. (I hate people who say Crimbo) The week consisted of lots of stuff, like for example Friday my bedroom door jammed shut and I found myself in just my dressing gown not able to get dressed from 8 am to 2pm. Happy days. Didn't end up going to work and my dad had to come round and bash it in. BAH.

Saturday I went to South London Radio to check out their wears and it was pretty cool, they also transmit Time FM and I should be covering a few shows on both channels over the christmas period. Both are FM channels that play out to the south east but I'm still going to be doing SW1 radio so never fear. That night I went up town to meet my pal's Evie and Caroline and also Evie's jamborie (other street performers) for some wines. I did lots of wine drinking, too much to leave at a suitable time infact! I met a nice guy but I think he may have been put off by my drunkness (?) or he may just be a mentalist. Who knows! (I suspect a little from column A and a a little from column B) The next day after three hours of sleep I had to get up to do the radio show. I know I crossed the mark on this particular show, not swearing and stuff but just being a a little bit rude about some celebs but we did get more callers and emails than usual so I take that as a good sign.

Sunday arvo I prepared a sumptuous buffet for some girlfriends of which they hardly ate any - All claiming to have had big dinners before they came out. Whatever! We had a lovely chat and a few glasses of wine. The only strange bit was when I mentioned to my friend Katy (who lives on the 5th floor of my building) about a girl called Nicola who lives on my floor. I was telling Katy that we should get her involved with our jolly japes a bit more as I think she's a little unhappy here and would appreciate some neighbourly gestures. Katy agreed that we'd do this, but the next day an email went round saying that Nicola had died on friday. I couldn't believe this news, completely gobsmacked was I and incredibly upset. I also learnt that day, that my mum has had a nasty fall down a whole flight of stairs and had badly broken her arm (bit between elbow and shoulder) and put her back out and has multple bruises including a black eye. Could have been much worse so I must be glad for that but you know when you just think, now how about a bit of good news?

One thing I'm looking forward to is heading out to Covent Garden tonight for me and my homey's Christmas meal. We go out every year or at least get together and swap presents. I hope they like mine, I'm crapola at Christmas shopping. WhenI ventured out monday morning to Greenwich for some shopping, I knew it'd be awful as soon as I stepped out of my block of flats cause there was a man pissing up against our post boxes. I didn't see him at first as I was looking up at my window to admire my fairy lights on the tree. I backed right into him and he goes "sorry miss" but was bending over and making straining noises as I suppose he tried to clench his (mid-flow) piss in. It was down hill from there on. Like I was walking along the street and caught a glimpse of my haggard face in the barber shop window and exclaimed "God!" as I was so outraged at my weathered look. A lady infront of me turned around all indignant as if I'd meant to say "god" to her. So I said "Oh I wasn't saying God at you I was saying it cause I glimpsed my weathered face in the mirror". She didn't even react or give me a sisterly high five. MOOOOODY. Anyhow I managed to do most of my shopping & finishing the rest online today.

Anyway - I'm looking after my mum today so gonna go downstairs to sit with her now. Byeee.

I know they're watching.....they're watching.

2008-12-10T03:43:00.001-08:00

Really, does the "Here comes the girls" song HAVE to be played so constantly? It's on WHENEVER there's even a single female on telly. The female will walk into shot and it's "Here comes the girls (girls) girls (girls girls!)".... GOD. There are other songs you know, to accompany women. Why can't they revert back to the usual "Sisters are doing it for themselves" (Please don't.)

Anyway, I'm feeling exceptionally jolly this week. I've just downloaded some christmas classics to play on my radio show on Sunday (you better listen!) and I'm finding that listening to them on my IPOD whilst battling through the hurly burly of London is making me more forgiving. Like for example, say I get barged whilst boarding the cattle infested tube, usually I would be all angry and want to smash their faces in. But with "Stop the cavalry" playing in my ear somehow, all I can do is smile. You try it! Also another goody is "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses.

My sister and I were reminiscing the other day about a particularly good christmas about 4.5 years ago when Ma, Pa, me and her had lots of laughter through out the day. Like when my mum served up the veg and a parsnip was standing upright and I hilariously commented that it looked like an exceptionally small dick. How we laughed. Then we did squirting squirty cream directly into our mouths and have photographic evidence to prove this. Happy days.

I had a dream last night that I was in love and loved by a friend of mine called James. When I awoke I sent him a text saying I'd dreamt of him. He wanted to know what it was about ( suspect in case it was a rudey one) and imagine his surprise when I told him that we had loved each other dearly, I also declared that I still did love him but that it would probably wear off by around 4pm. (It has actually nearly worn off now - oh well)

On the train today and yesterday I noticed an excessive amount of men picking their noses. Infact there was this handsome man who sat next to me and I kept sneaking him admiring glances until he started to do some serious gouging up his nose. It so didn't go with the song I was listening to at the time on my IPOD (Tiny Dancer - Elton John).

Facebook's confusing me. I keep getting updates on there like "Steve Cox just answered the question "Do you think Leanne Diggins does a mean booty shake?" What the fuck? Why has this question even arisen? (The answer is of course YES) If you know what this all means please comment.

I'm meeting my good pal Evie tonight for a Christmas drink, although I'm trying to lose weight (stupid time to do this I know) as I'm going to a wedding on 4th January. I've been asked to do a Reading at the wedding so I need to look great. I bought a dress from Monsoon yesterday (and "Shrug" BLEEEE I HATE THAT WORD!!) and its a bit snug (the dress) but there was no way I was opting for the size above - just couldn't do it. I thought it was loverly to be asked to do the Reading though, hope I'm not all blubbing.

Anyway - last thing, listen into my radio show this sunday 10am - 12pm on SW1 Radio. www.sw1radio.co.uk and click listen now, or tune in on 87.7 FM if you are in the surrounding areas of SW1. K BYE!

And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live...

2008-12-04T04:15:00.000-08:00

Well I'm pleased to say my diary's filling up nicely with many occasions to smash my liver further. Happy days.

I've embarked on a last ditch attempt to get fit and have decided to go back to the gym. I've arranged for some excellent music to pump from my IPOD to keep me going. Like....."So what!" by Pink. YEAH! That oughta do it.

YUCK! Just seen Enya on telly - she looks proper old but at least I could make out some actual words in her latest song. I was thinking to myself this morning whilst tucking into a sumptuous breakfast, did Slade write their christmas hit? Cause if they didn't then they probably hate christmas eh? Imagine that! Gutted. Oh I have many thoughts, all of them incredibly interesting.

I keep getting texts from Australia people telling me they're about to drink Sambuca's! :-( BOOOO I wanna be back there. When I wake up in my bed at the moment I keep losing my bearings. Yesterday I actually thought I must have pulled and was in a strange boy's bedroom. (then I realised it didn't smell of "boy" so that soon brought me crashing back down to earth). Sigh. One thing that's good is, at least I have Christmas to look forward to. God I love Christmas day its just a massive eat fest at my house (Ma and Pa's house) and this year, as ever there'll be no strange boyfriends hanging around. We prefer it with no outsiders.

And, it also means the traditional watching of the best Christmas film EVER. "Scrooged" starring Bill Murray. I remember last year, my ex-boyfriend was particularly difficult over the obligatory watch of this film, forcing me to watch the highly BORING original version of it first. What a weirdo. This year my sister's coming up from Bournemouth as she is equally a huge fan. Can't wait! I'll also be watching it with my friend Lauren as she's never seen it. Sheltered or what!

I've done some more culling on Facebook, I simply couldn't bear the outrageous spelling mistakes on people's status updates. More to follow I expect.

SO! SW1 radio is going FM this sunday! (87.7fm) My show is on 10am to 12pm so you simply MUST listen in. If you're out of the FM Radius which most will be, please log into http://www.sw1radio.co.uk/ at 10am this sunday and prepared to be dazzled as I entertain you with some excellent music and hilarious banter!

Anyway - I've got a bagel to eat.

I got a brand new attitude and I'm gonna wear it tonight...

2008-12-02T03:41:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I only managed three blogs whilst on nearly a month's hols in Australia. People up to now have irritated me with there cooing of Oz. But they were so very right.

I got up to Sydney and Byron Bay last blog and also a bit about Steve's zoo. God Byron Bay is beautiful. But it all is. The people, the weather, the lads, the kids even! They don't do that thing they do here, you know....that thing......... stabbing.

After Byron Bay we continued our travels up to Brisbane where we were picked up my old pal Alex who emigrated a couple of years ago and got wed to his lady Jo. He picked us up and we decided to for a couple of beers (Tooeys New) and then went off to his house. Yes house. A three bedroom one, one that looks like this (actually this very one)

So yeah we went there and had a loverly barbque. I did the cooking and it were' ace. My favourite bottles of wine were available in litre screw top bottles ( I only realised this once the wine had been consumed "hey, how comes I'm so drunk?") Happy days. He has a great life set up there with a nice big house, garden, dog, cat the full shabang. The next day I had another one of my "special" hangovers so didn't rise until 1pm.

The following tuesday (day after Steve's zoo visit) we went on a 3 dy trip to Frazer Island. This place was amazing, with a 75 mile beach. We were with a tour guide called Rob who drove us about in a 4 wheel drive which was mental. I've never been thrown around so much in my life, t literally felt like our spines were disintegrating whenever we went over a bump. We drove directly on the beach sometimes splashing in the sea as well. Beautiful, amazing, marvellous etc. We'd previously met up with my good friend Katie and she came along with us. On the trip we teamed up with nice girl called Hannah too and a couple of northern lads called Dean and Mike. They were all a right good craic. Rob, our tour guide, totally wanted to bone Hannah as soon as he saw her. I made it known that I knew of his intentions.

Up to now we hadn't seen any dingo's although all over the island there were warning signs of what to do and what not to do if you saw one. You weren't meant to go anywhere alone in case a load of them jumped you. I was pretty scared so went everywhere in pairs or groups. We finally saw one and it was soooooooo cute for it had a babba and it was washing her. Scary my arse.

At Frazer, you're not allowed to splash about in the sea coz of sharks which are rife apparently, so instead we went in the FRESH WATER LAKES that were dotted about the island. It was like something out of dirty dancing 'cept no one would pick me up. Night time consisted of going to a bar riddled with Crickets and putting Rick Astley on the juke box. Just so happened that both Dean and Mike were massive fans. They love the cheese (being cheesy is easy as they said)but after my presuming they were thus "together" realised this was just me wrongly stereotyping. I particularly loved the fact they thought I looked a bit like Kimberley out of Girls Aloud. Then it was time to call up Samantha Buca, and this we did with gusto. Then we thought why not go on the beach and look at the stars? So we did this as well. God this place is a different world - I really canna recommend it enough.

The next day in the lake we played rolling down the vertical sandy drop straight into the water and I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Frazer Island rules.

The saturday after Frazer was spent going to Alex and Jo's again and having a disco. I INSISTED on letting his doggie sleep on my bed and eventually passed out fully clothed. The next day they took us to see the glass top mountains and some beaches on the sunshine coast, sooo lovely. I am fully aware that this blog is a bit gushy but I don't care. I'm all gushed up (yick). I'm back to work tomorrow and I really do not wanna be back in the real world again. I've learnt silly things about myself, and also crucial stuff too. I feel relaxed and happy and am now focusing on my next trip back to Oz.

Roll on christmas.....

Dancing....with tears in my eyes.

2008-11-24T04:00:00.000-08:00

SOOOO! I know I haven't written, but why would I? I'm in Australia of course and am busy being happy.
Here's a brief update on the latest goings on for those who are interested. Last I wrote I was travelling to Sydney to do some Opera house looking and habour bridge gazing. We stayed at a hostel called "Wake up" and how um....kookie it was. Downstairs from the Wake Up place was a pumping disco called "side bar" and in it was a bar and a DJ and LOTS of students doing the good thing. So we joined in by power of sambucas and beer. Then I met a boy who wasn't 17! That is, I met a boy who was drunk and 28 (i think)! And he liked me at the time! YAY. So happy days dancing and staggering and laughing we had until 7am. The night consisted of us going to a casino at about 4am and then somehow I got us chucked out but I'm still yet to know why. I think it was because we was drinking not gambling. But who knows? Not me. Then we went down to a harbour (think it was Darling) and were rolling around on the floor (clothed) whilst commuters pretty much stepped over us. Oh Irish man, we'll always have Darling Harbour. See you on Facebook. Happy days!

Anyway, then the next day (and only full day in Sydney) I couldn't move at all. So I had Macdonalds and went back to bed. Then it was the next day and that day I COULD move so I tramped the streets for a bit and met my friend Abby for some lunch! She tried to convince me to move to Sydney and she almost did you know.

Next stop, Byron Bay and this place I fell in love with. Completely and utterly. I will have to write about this later on though cause its tooo long.

Today though, I went to Steve Irwin's zoo. Now for those who know me, they'll realise that I was devastated on hearing his passing. Today was a little tough if I'm honest, as soon as I walked through the gates, tears were in my eyes, yet I was happy to be stepping where he stepped. I know this might sound stupid to some, but to me it does not. At this Zoo I saw Agro the croc and I cuddled a Kangaroo, not sure if he liked it.

Tomorrow we're off to Fraser Island for a couple o nights. This island is riddled with Dingo's and apparently if you are attacked by one you're to fight aggressively. And not run away. Shit.

Will write proper soon.

I said to the man are you trying to tempt me?

2008-11-17T01:50:00.000-08:00

Oh my GOD, I actually love it here. I'm trying to work out how I can live here for about a year or maybe six months. Lauren helpfully pointed out, I have no ties back home...(she means I haven't got a boyfriend). I tactfully mentioned I have a mortgage, a job and family and friends (in no particular order).... So how can I do it? I need to get a trade so I can bring something to the table of Oz.

Anyway, as you can prolly tell I really am loving it here. Today we flew into Sydney and have just had a marvellous dinner down at the harbour overlooking the bridge and the Opera house.
The thing about Australia is everyones so laid back and friendly and the things I've been getting my knickers in a twist back home seem so insignificant now. It's like Who Cares? Stuff thats kept me tossing and turning all night worrying my arse off has just become so minor now. It really is a wonderful feeling, I feel free.

Have I mentioned the men here that are hunks of spunks? They are blooming gorgeous and I canna work out if its just cause they've got tans and are all muscly and tall or whether they're..... Fuck man they're gorgeous.

The other night me and a girl I met out here called Leanne (good name) went out dancing in Adlelaide to a place called The Elephant or something.

Anyway, there was a live band there called "Pash" (HAHAHAHA) and they played all the classics, like "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers. But as the night went on, much like in the UK the crowd became more raucous. And with more beer came more beer being spilt over Leanne (2) and me laughing lots. Also someone kept doing the most evil farts ever. Every now and then either Leanne or me would have this look on our faces of disgust as the stench wafted up our noses until it came to a point where she did the "stink face" again and I'd just swallowed a swig of Gin and Tonic and her face made me crack up laughing, and I accidently sprayed Leanne with spit and gin in her face. How we (I) laughed. After this place became just ridiculous we moved onto an irish pub on East Terrace where there was another, cooler band. They were doing a cover by the Killers when all of a sudden an old man from the audience went up on the stage with them and started to tootle along on his descant recorder. We thought he was part of the band until a burly bouncer went up and dragged him off the stage exclaiming "if you get up on stage again, your out". What the fuck? Ah poor man, he just wanted to join in. We laughed at that too though.

Oh its simply grand here. I heard someone shout "rack off" the other day and he meant it. Life doesn't get much better than this folks, it really doesn't.

Beautiful girl, stay with me.

2008-11-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

So here I am, on the other side of the world having an excellent time. I have loads to report back on but only have limited internet time so will give you a brief run down for now and write proper tomorrow.

Kangaroos are soft and furry, I should know, I touched one. That's right.
Wallabees look like tiny scamping joeys.
The Australian folk are very friendly and welcoming.
All the men are hunks of spunk. Which sounds disgusting but is actually amazing.
When I had a steak the menu described the preparation as "once the cow's horns are chopped off and its arse is wiped, its ready to serve" and it didn't even put me off.
Wine tasting tours mean drinking alot and making friends with all on tour.
The men out here are hunks of spunks.
The Great Ocean Road is loooong but the waves are massive and I did splashing without a care in the world for sharks.
There are too many flies.
The australian verion of "This Morning" is better than our version. Seriously.
Singapore is HOT.
All the hostels smell the same.
My feet are raw from burnage.
I had reflexology and it hurt.
Koalas are well moody.

More detail tomorrow. BYE! You're all asleep now and I'm typing! hahah! I'm typing and you're all asleep. If you're in England, you're all asleep.

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper......... baby take my hand.

2008-11-03T04:49:00.000-08:00

I'm going to Australia on Friday! That's FOUR days away. FOUR! I know. I'm very excited but also a little scared, but also a little excited, and also a little scared. I'm not going to be contactable AT ALL. No mobile, no crapberry no nuffink. YAY.
I'm getting a bit concerned about the length of the flight in case I develop deep vein thrombosis. I have my sexy stockings that should compress those deep veins away and I plan to do lots of padding up and down the plane though and also consumption of water, not wine, water.

In other news it was of course Halloween this weekend and I went to two parties. I don't know why, but dressing up in scary costumes makes me feel a bit sick. Thus I decided to go as an EMO to friday's party (Newt from Hollyoaks) and I put on a hat on Saturday night for the party in my local bar. I think that's plenty sufficient.

Halloween's a chance for people to dress up in Scream masks and look like mentalists. Don't like it. Anyway I met this guy from the complex I live on and was telling him that my building isn't allowed to use the onsite gym. He was UTTERLY appalled and kept coming up to me and my friend to express his disgust. In the end we started to get a bit like "yeah, can you go away now please?" and so he gets the hint and goes to walk away and says "Ok but I'll just say one more thing girls, you need to get down that gym".
Thanks.
So then we did grooving about on the dance floor and these three lads came over and were like "Don't worry, we're GAY!" (Really? I'd never have guessed except that your friend's wearing a gold studded T-shirt spelling the words "Drama Queen.")

God, is this all there is? There must be more to life.

I keep dreaming about this man and its making me obsessional. I actually want to marry him and firmly believe I must be in love. If not, why do I have to keep dreaming of him? They aren't rude dreams, just ones where we love each other. Just like the dreams where you are best friends with a celebrity like Dawn French or something. Now my love dreams have made me realise that I must love him.

Either that or I need a holiday. To Australia. I wish I were Gabrielle from the 90's cause then all would be well.

Bloody cold weather. My nose keeps doing that thing where it runs and by the time I've realised it, I've had three conversations with people completely not knowing I have candlestick nose(s). And they totally do know, and are probably cringing and thinking "just fucking wipe it".

Just did another voiceover at work for MTV2. I like doing voiceovers. I did the voice of Jack out the Whitestripes with his sister-wife Meg. I'm so versatile.

Nothing more to report. Nothing.

K Bye.